Unintended Consequences
by ocd-ang
Summary: B/J, B/E You can't erase mistakes. You can't wish they didn't happen--They did. You have to accept that you made them, and deal with the consequences of making them.
1. Chapter 1 Separation

Hello all! I have been crafting this story since the beginning of the year and have most outlined, if not completed. Updates will be regular and story will be completed. I won't leave you hanging.

Thank you to Project Team Beta, poo235 and suzyq for all your assistance with keeping me in line :)

Twilight or its characters don't belong to me, I just get to play with them. (oooh, did that sound as dirty to you, as it did to me?)

**_

* * *

_**

**_Bella Swan_**

"Jacob, we'll see each other most weekends." I watched him furrow his brow as he contemplated the separation. "I'll come home as much as I can. Charlie offered to pick me up and bring me home for the holidays. Besides, as quickly as you run…."

"Bella, I feel like I'm being left behind, like some child." There was a hint of anger in his eyes.

How could I make him understand? Being apart would be difficult for both of us, but I needed to find my independence. Going to college is a natural progression for most people after high school. I had hoped that he would adjust to the idea as fall approached, but he hadn't.

"But you're not. Jake listen, we talked about this—"

He didn't even let me finish before he broke in. "Yeah, I know we talked about it, but I guess I was hoping that you would change your mind. The community college isn't so bad here…" He fumbled with the remote control as he spoke quietly.

"Jake, I need to make the best choices for me. I have a scholarship. I can't throw that away. Charlie was so proud of me when I got the letter."

Why did he have to make this so difficult? Didn't he realize that this was hard for me as well? Jacob had provided me with a sense of security and comfort since…I couldn't even bring myself to utter _his_ name. Since _he_ left and took my heart with him, Jacob was the only thing that held me together.

I didn't want to leave things this way with Jacob. I was leaving in the morning for my freshman year of college at the University of Washington-Seattle and Jake was starting his junior year in high school at La Push. We each had our own lives to lead, regardless of our relationship.

"Jake, please don't make my last night here into a fight. I want to enjoy the time that we do have," I pleaded with him, giving him my best puppy dog eyes and pushed my bottom lip out into a pout.

I moved from my position next to him on the sofa and straddled myself on his lap. He still didn't look at me. He was too damn cute when he pouted and I couldn't help myself. I leaned up to his mouth and placed a soft kiss on his lips. I could feel a slight upturn on his lips. So, he was going to play hard to get. I smiled mischievously and set my sights on his earlobe. I could always count on a reaction here. I teased his lobe gently with my tongue and tenderly took it between my teeth, biting down with gentle pressure until I heard a soft moan from him. Ah, sweet victory…

"Bella…" He sighed. "You don't play fair."

He wrapped his arms around me and touched his warm, soft lips to mine. The intensity of the embrace grew as Jacob's hands moved down my back slowly. I slid my hands under his shirt, exploring the muscles of his sculpted chest and washboard abs.

Jake and I could be so much freer with physical affection than my previous relationship had allowed and I would miss these intimate moments with him the most. As August approached, the boundaries drawn by me had been diminishing. Jacob and his persistent teenage hormones made the past month almost unbearable.

Glancing at the clock, I realized that Charlie would be home soon. I knew that we should stop, but couldn't pull myself away from him.

Jacob's hands slipped under my shirt and caressed my back in a circular motion. I started to feel him fumble with my bra strap. "You are pushing it tonight aren't you?" I asked in playful tone.

"I can't help myself Bella. You… are…so…sexy," he whispered in my ear, a weakness of mine, which he exploited every chance he got. I swear my body went up in flames every time.

He stopped suddenly, lifted me off his lap and sat me on the sofa next to him. Before I could ask him what he was doing, I heard Charlie's car door outside.

"Damn," I cursed under my breath.

I knew that my face was flushed and my hair rumpled. I tried to smooth my shirt out as best as I could and Jake was doing the same. It was so embarrassing to have my Dad realize what he interrupted. He was a teenager at one time and he knew what we had been up to. This wasn't the first time that he had interrupted us making out. Jacob liked to refer to it as his ongoing quest to steal third base. I smiled as I remembered all the times that he uttered that phrase.

"Hi kids," Charlie spoke as he came through the door and hung up his belt. He eyed the two of us and smirked, "Get your packing all done?" He knew very well that we hadn't been upstairs packing.

I replied, trying to hide the awkwardness, "Hi Dad, I still have some packing to do, but there are a couple of boxes that are ready to go upstairs though." I felt my face flush at the uncomfortable situation, but Jacob didn't seemed bothered at all.

"I can help you bring the heavy stuff down Charlie," Jacob offered.

"Thanks Jake, that'd be great. I'm not getting any younger," Charlie mused as he faked walking with a cane into the kitchen. "What's for dinner Bells?"

Oh, crap. I hadn't even thought about it. Jake had been so moody this afternoon. "Well, there's always fish." I grumbled sarcastically. I wouldn't miss that at all. Charlie and Billy always caught so many fish that we could eat it every night for a year and not run out.

***

The trip to Seattle was long and so many emotions were going through my mind. I was excited, nervous, but also sad. Charlie had rented a van to move my things to my dorm. Jacob and I sat in the first row of seats while Charlie drove. Jacob kept his arm around me the entire three-hour plus trip. We tried to talk about anything besides the impending goodbyes we would have to say.

"So Bells, when is your roommate coming into town?" Charlie asked.

"Mandy is supposed to already be there." My roommate was coming from Spokane and her parents brought her to campus yesterday. "I can't wait to meet her."

Jacob laughed, "You've talked so much to her in the past two weeks. I don't think you'll have anything left to talk about."

I punched him in the arm playfully, "Jake, we're both excited. We had to coordinate who was bringing what."

We pulled off the interstate and slowly made our way to my dorm. As we approached Mercer Hall, butterflies began swimming around in my stomach. The dark brick building loomed large.

As if the university had a sense of humor, they assigned me to a room on the fourth floor. Flights of stairs and I weren't a good pair. This could prove to be an interesting year. Of course, Charlie and Jacob made sure I knew where the closest emergency room was, just in case.

Jacob drew me closer as we pulled up to the front of the building. He knew as well as I did what was coming. As Charlie put the van in park, Jacob leaned over and gave me a soft kiss. His eyes seemed to hold such sadness.

"Well, here we are Bells," Charlie said as he turned off the engine. "Guess we need to start lifting, Jake."

"That's what I'm here for," Jacob laughed. "I'm just the muscles."

I leaned over to his ear and whispered, "Yes and what muscles they are."

"You are so bad," he groaned under his breath at me.

I leaned over to him and planted a big kiss on his mouth.

"Okay break it up," Charlie mumbled. "Let's get going, plenty of time for that later."

I gathered up some small boxes that I was "allowed" to carry and began the walk to the front door of Mercer Hall. Charlie and Jacob made a point to tell me that I wasn't going to be doing any heavy lifting.

"It's hard enough for you to walk upstairs without carrying anything heavy Bells." Jacob chuckled at my expense.

"Ha-ha. You are sooooo funny Jake," I smarted off to him.

We lugged our first load up the stairs and at the end of the long hallway was my room. "Home sweet home," I mumbled under my breath.

As soon as I entered the room, I recognized Mandy's face from her MySpace page. "Mandy!" I shuffled in to the room and we both met in the middle and hugged.

"I'm so glad to finally meet you Bella," Mandy said with delight in her voice. Mandy was average height and had chin length blonde hair cut into a bob. She was pretty, but not stuck on herself either.

Mandy eyed Jacob and then looked back at me. I realized I was being rude.

"Mandy, this is my boyfriend Jacob and my dad, Charlie." I could see that she was sizing Jacob up right away. His tight-fitting t-shirt showed off his physique and I couldn't help but be a little full of myself.

She managed a small wave toward Charlie, "Hi! Don't worry about a thing. We'll take care of each other."

She seemed to know what Charlie needed to hear—reassurance. Jacob, on the other hand, was preoccupied with the male voices he heard roaming the floor. I had already tried to appease him by telling him that he was the guy for me, but he seemed unconvinced. Jacob continued to look around at the other perceived threats that were moving through the halls. When any of the other guys would look into the room and see Jacob's towering presence, they seemed to shudder and move quickly past the door. The first couple of times that Jacob came to pick me up from school, everyone seemed to react in a similar fashion. I realized then, that they were intimidated and seemingly frightened of him. It seemed ridiculous to me.

"Bells, we're going to bring some more stuff up. You need to figure out where you want us to put it all," Charlie said as he and Jacob headed back down to the van.

Mandy watched them leave and then grinned at me. "W-o-w. How old did you say he was?"

"He's seventeen, but the height is deceiving." Jacob hadn't looked his age since before the change his body went through earlier this year.

"Very. He's way hotter than you let on. Does he have any brothers?"

"Sorry, only two older sisters." Mandy was reacting much in the same way that Jessica and Angela always did. Jake was very handsome and muscular. The deep contrast from the dark russet-colored skin and black hair made him look more like twenty-five. "He's pretty upset about my being this far away. I'm not looking forward to saying goodbye." I looked over at her sadly.

While the guys were making the multiple trips necessary to move my things into my room, I took in my new surroundings. The room was painted a cream color with an end wall with exposed brick and two long windows. The brick wall was where our desks were and the two narrow beds (you could barely call them twin-size) were along the length of the walls on either side. Both beds were raised up to allow for more storage. Mandy's mini fridge was under her bed. The lack of storage made me glad that I didn't have a large wardrobe.

Mandy introduced me to several of the other girls on our floor. All seemed to be very nice except for one girl named Taylor. She reminded me of Lauren from Forks High. I definitely was not part of her social circle.

We were still outside our door when Jacob came around the corner from the stairwell with another load of boxes. Taylor's mouth seemed to drop open as she laid her eyes on my Jacob. I couldn't help but feel smug.

"Who is _he_?" she whispered to Mandy.

Mandy seemed to enjoy being the one to break the news to Taylor, "Oh, that's Bella's boyfriend Jacob." Taylor's face was suddenly green with envy.

I knew that she couldn't believe that I could possibly go with Jacob. I couldn't help myself as I rubbed it in a bit. As soon as Jacob put the boxes down, I walked over to him and gave him a big kiss on his lips. He wasn't exactly expecting it, but went with the flow. As soon as I broke the kiss, I looked to see Taylor turning to go back across the hall to her room. Mandy just smiled at me.

"What did I do to deserve that?" Jacob asked with a goofy grin on his face. "Let me know, so that I can make sure to do it again."

"Do I need a reason?"

"Nope," he answered while giving me a bear hug.

"Where's Charlie?"

"He's bringing up the last suitcase," Jacob said with a sad note in his voice. It was almost 6p.m., and I knew that Charlie and Jacob needed to get back on the road soon. This was the moment that I had been dreading most of the summer.

Our attention was drawn toward the door as Charlie entered again. "Last one Bells. I didn't know you had this much stuff." Charlie put the suitcase on the empty bed and turned to me. "Well, I guess this is it," he said as he came over to give me a big hug. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. Billy and Jacob won't let me starve."

"That's good to know." I hesitated a bit, but I said, "Dad, thank you so much for everything."

I had gotten to know Charlie so much in the past year and a half. I was so glad that I made the decision to come to Forks. I would've never known how great he was, if I hadn't made the choice. "Love you Dad," I said as my eyes threatened to tear up.

I was still in Charlie's arms as he said, "Love you Bells. I'm going to miss you." He kissed the top of my head and started to leave the room, but he stopped and turned to look at Jacob, "I'm going to go down to the van. Take as long as you need." He patted Jacob on the shoulder and was gone.

I scooted myself up onto the mattress of my bed and looked over at Jacob. He looked over toward me, took a big deep breath, and exhaled slowly.

"Bella, I'm going to go out to the lounge to watch TV and hang out." Mandy left the room and I was glad for the privacy.

I didn't even answer her; I just looked into Jacob's eyes as he came across the room to me. He pulled himself up onto the bed and put his arms around my waist. His lips found mine as my arms wound around his neck. There was more than passion in his kiss tonight. I could also sense desperation. He seemed so afraid that I would find someone else more interesting than him, someone older. He was my best friend and I couldn't see that happening. I tried to reassure him, but the difference in our ages seemed to bother him for the first time.

Tears slowly began to run down my cheeks. "Jake, I'm going to miss you."

"I know Bells. It's going to be so boring without you. I'll be back this weekend to see you and you can call me anytime you want. Promise you will?" he asked me.

I nodded my head as I spoke. "Of course. My classes don't start until Tuesday, so I've got a day to settle in. It's only…a…few…days…right?" I kissed him in between each word.

"Yep," he answered and gave me another long deep kiss. Jacob's tongue flicked at mine with such enthusiasm, he had to know that he was driving me crazy.

"Mmmmm, Jake. If you keep doing that I'm not going to be able to let you leave," I moaned quietly.

His lips moved from my mouth seemingly on a journey. He moved gradually, inch by inch, placing warm wet kisses on my cheek. He continued to move slowly toward my ear and the whispered breathlessly, "That's the whole point."

***

I decided that it would be best if I didn't accompany Jacob back down to the van. Something about seeing him drive away would be too difficult for me. We said our final goodbyes and he was gone. Suddenly, I was all alone and beginning to doubt the decision that I had made. I underestimated how painful it would be to let him go, knowing it would be several days before I would set eyes on him again.

Looking for a distraction, I began to put away my clothes. Mandy came back into our room after several minutes passed.

"Jacob and your Dad left?"

I nodded my head as I wiped tears from my face.

"Mandy, did you feel really sad when your parents left yesterday?"

"Yeah, I was one of the first ones here on the floor. I felt so alone. But now you're here." She sounded excited at the last part, at my being here. "How did Jacob handle saying goodbye?" she asked hesitantly.

"I think it was hard for both of us. We've been basically inseparable since early spring."

"Let's get you unpacked and then let's go do something fun. We need to take your mind off everything. Deal?" Mandy was going to make sure that I didn't get too depressed, I could tell, which was exactly what I needed.

"Sure. I'm almost done here. The rest I can do in the morning. Let's go."

We left the dorm and met up with some new friends that Mandy had made earlier this weekend. We hung out and talked for several hours. It made me feel more at ease to have new friends already.

***

Monday went by without much fanfare. By Tuesday, I had settled in and was ready to start classes. My classes weren't anything that I couldn't handle and the week went by quickly. I had been so busy with homework and new student activities that it made the separation a little easier to deal with. I had talked to Jacob briefly on the phone a couple of times through the week and he was coming up after school on Friday.

On Friday, my last class seemed to take so long. Finally, we were dismissed and I couldn't get back to Mercer Hall quick enough. The walk across campus almost became a run. I sprinted up the stairs as fast as my two left feet would allow. Running down the hallway, I stopped at my door and opened it to find Jacob sitting on my bed waiting for me.

"How did you get in here?" I asked as I hurried over to greet him. Jacob lifted me up on the bed beside him and gave me a long overdue hug and kiss.

"Mandy let me in. She had another class to go to, but told me I could wait here." He was smiling so wide, I thought it must hurt his cheeks. "Man, I've missed you."

"Oh Jake, I've been so busy this week," I mumbled as I leaned against him. "It's so good to see you. How was your week?"

"Boring. School doesn't start for another week. Embry and I have three classes together though." Jacob gently pressed one of my hands between his as he talked.

"Wow, remind me to warn those teachers," I snickered. Jacob's mouth curved up into a mischievous smile.

"Do you want me to show you around? They've got a great flat panel TV in the lounge and they usually have sports on."

"Sure," he said as he hopped off the bed. Jacob turned to me and helped me down.

I headed out the door, taking Jacob by the hand as we walked down the hallway. Other students were giving us a wide berth as we walked by. They seemed to be unsettled by all six foot seven of Jacob. Jacob appeared to be uneasy as well. We sat down on one of the sofas in the lounge.

I leaned over to Jacob and asked him quietly, "Jake, what's wrong? You aren't acting like yourself."

He frowned as he looked around the room, "I just don't feel like I belong here. This isn't exactly my cup of tea you know." He watched as a couple of students were gathered around a table having a heated discussion about one of their professors. "I feel like everyone knows that I don't belong here."

"How could they possibly know Jake? You look like you're older than most of them."

He didn't look convinced, but he let the subject drop and seemed to try to relax a bit. I snuggled up beside him and rested my head on his chest while we watched ESPN with the other students who were in the lounge.

I wasn't sure why he would be so uncomfortable here. As far as any other student knew, he was in college as well. He certainly could pass for it. His reaction shouldn't bother me as much as it did. I was insecure enough for both of us. I needed him to be my strong and confident Jacob right now.

After Jacob saw all the scores he had been waiting for, we headed out to get something for dinner. We grabbed a bite to eat at a local deli and proceeded back to the dorm. I took Jacob on a small tour of the campus as we returned from the deli. It felt so nice to have someone to walk with. My schedule was so different from Mandy's that the majority of the time I walked by myself.

"Bella, please tell me that you don't walk around after dark alone like this."

"I try not to. If the girls go out to eat, we all walk together or Tiffany has her car here and we make her drive." My social life was pretty limited, just like it had been in Forks. I spent most of my time hanging out with new friends in one of our dorm rooms or studying.

"Tiffany, which one is that? Have I met her yet?" Jacob inquired casually.

"No, she's friends with Mandy. We'll probably run into her this weekend though."

"Don't worry Jake, I'm very careful. Charlie gave me strict instructions several times before I left Forks. And he also gave me this…" I smiled as I waved a new bottle of pepper spray in the air.

"Good girl." That seemed to mollify him.

* * *

Please review! Also, I am posting this on if you prefer that format. Thanks!!!


	2. Chapter 2 Restraint

**I've been working on this story since January. A large portion is complete as is most of the outline. I will not leave you hanging, as that it one of my biggest pet peeves.**

**Updates will be regular and _I appreciate any reviews!_ Thanks to poo235 and suzyq from Project Team Beta for all of the help in making this possible!!! Enjoy!**

* * *

_**Bella Swan**_

When we got back to Mercer Hall, Mandy and a few of my new friends were hanging out together.

"Hi guys," I said as we entered my dorm room.

"Hey Bella, hey Jacob," Mandy said, her eyes not breaking away from whatever was on the laptop had her entranced. She was sitting on her bed, leaning against the wall, with Tiffany and Hannah perched on either side of her.

"What are you guys up to now?" I asked, intrigued by the level of concentration they were displaying.

"Shhh!" They all hissed at the same time. "We're watching One Tree Hill."

Tiffany looked up long enough to realize that I wasn't alone. "You must be the Jacob I've heard about." Her words broke Hannah's gaze at the screen long enough to smile at both of us.

"Hi," Jacob said as he smiled back toward her.

"Jacob, this is Tiffany." I motioned towards the blond girl to the right of Mandy. "And this is Hannah." I gestured at the petite girl sitting at Mandy's other side.

"Hey Mandy, pause it for a sec. Bella, you'll never guess who asked me out today in Chemistry." Hannah could hardly contain her excitement and didn't wait for my answer. "Aaron!" she squealed.

"See, I told you he liked you. I'm assuming you said yes."

"Of course," she beamed. "He's going to pick me up in about a half an hour."

"She left out the part about her dragging Mandy and me along to meet two of his friends," Tiffany said, always wanting to be part of the conversation.

"Well, good luck tonight. Hopefully you'll have fun," I said as I looked over at Mandy. I knew that she liked one of Aaron's friends, Blake, and I was curious if he was one of the aforementioned friends. "So who are the other two? Anyone we know?"

"Yes, Blake and some guy named Chad." Mandy looked over at me with a slight smile on her face as she said his name. We had talked before about Blake, and I knew how excited she must be.

The girls left after watching the remainder of the episode, leaving Jacob and me in the room for some much needed alone time. Jacob put his hands on my waist and lifted me up on the edge of the bed, standing to face me. I was a little nervous being alone with him. We had been at my house or Jacob's plenty of times by ourselves, but there was always the chance that Billy or Charlie would come home unannounced. Charlie enjoyed reminding us of that fact on a regular basis. The girls would be gone until late, and there would be no interruptions from overprotective fathers.

Jacob leaned against my knees gently, his hands sliding down from my waist to rest on the mattress at either side of my thighs. I focused on his eyes, scrutinizing the intensity held there. He lowered his head, placing his soft lips onto mine and my heart began to beat at a flurried pace. His fingers brushed my cheek lightly before sliding to the back of my head, winding through my hair. His mouth pressed against mine fiercely, entwining our tongues in a dynamic symphony.

When I had no air left in my lungs, I pulled back to catch my breath. I could feel his hand stroking my back slowly as he watched me intently.

Something was different tonight.

Jacob was different.

I was different.

I raised myself up, grasping his neck and pulled him toward my mouth. No longer satisfied with a passive role, my lips forced his open and I became the pursuer. Our self-imposed limitations seemed to fade as our hands grasped at each other. We'd never been apart for more than a day or so until last week. That separation, along with this newfound freedom, seemed to be fueling these powerful desires.

"I want to touch you, all of you," Jacob moaned as he frantically removed my cotton shirt. He placed gentle kisses in a trail down my neck and shoulders while his warm hands pressed against the outside of my bra, cupping my breasts. I gasped into his mouth as I felt his thumbs brush my nipples, making them harden instantly. My knees slowly relaxed and moved outward, allowing his body to move closer. He stood between my parted thighs, leaning directly against my body as it began to pulse.

My hands moved to the hem of his shirt and pulled it slowly up his chest. Jacob moved his mouth from me long enough to remove the shirt and toss it on the floor beside us. He looked back at me with a huge grin on his face. I'd never let things progress this far before. This was the part where I normally had to put my foot down, not for lack of Jacob's trying.

Jacob stood very still, watching my hands run across his chiseled chest. I heard him inhale sharply as my palms grazed over his nipples teasingly. His mouth was ravaging mine in the blink of an eye, and his tongue was urgently pressing on mine. I felt a burning need surging inside me, tempting me to let my guard down. Jacob's hand slid to my waist, running his fingers just inside the waistband of my jeans.

I forced myself to be the voice of reason. One of us had to put the brakes on before things went too far, and I knew that it wouldn't be the horny teenage boy next to me.

I pulled my lips from his, speaking in a soft whisper, "Jake, we've already talked about this. I'm not ready yet." I could feel Jacob tensing as he directed his kisses toward my neck.

"Come on Bella, the coach is signaling me to steal third base," he laughed at his own joke, his warm breath tickling my neck. Clearly, he wasn't deterred in any way by my words, as his hands continued wandering.

"Let me guess, the coach resides in your pants," I quipped to him, swatting his hands away from the zipper of my jeans.

The atmosphere turned serious abruptly when an intense gaze replaced his smile. He held my face in both hands as he spoke, "Bella, I love you and I think you feel the same, even though you haven't admitted it to yourself."

I remembered the first time he uttered those words. We were wrestling playfully on the living room floor—as if I even had a chance against him. He stopped tickling me and blurted out, "I love you Bella" I was completely shocked by his admission and unsure of what to say to him. Judging by the look on Jacob's face, he surprised himself too.

"Just listen, Bells," he said as he placed his hand on my forearm. "I know you don't feel the same way right now." I started to object to his comment, but he placed a finger on my lips and continued, "And I'm okay with that. Just give me the chance to make you happy."

"You do make me happy, Jacob."

He smirked at me. "You know what I mean." He raised his hand and brushed my cheek with the back of his hand. "I can be patient and let you heal, whatever it is you need to do to move on. You deserve to let yourself love again Bella."

My thoughts returned to the present. I cared for him a great deal, and there was no reason to deny that. My inability to return the sentiment caused tension each time the subject was broached. I just wasn't ready to say those three big words. I wasn't sure if I could allow myself to be so vulnerable again.

The fact that I didn't feel ready for sex wasn't the only reason for my restraint. I wasn't immune to the physical sensations that my body experienced when I was with Jacob. I ached for him, but I wanted to make sure the timing was right before giving myself, in that way, to anyone.

My body, however, was rebelling against me. The warmth rising from between my legs was trying to undermine my resolve and Jacob wasn't abandoning his plans either. He continued to kiss my neck tenderly as he caressed my back and shoulders.

I couldn't help but take notice of the irony of this situation. With Edward, I was always the one pushing the envelope, the pursuer. I was so ready to give my heart and soul, my entire being to him, and he always dug in his heels. If he had truly loved me as he claimed, he wouldn't have opposed taking our physical relationship further. It was a natural progression for two people in love. I was confident in his ability to maintain control, but he wouldn't even try. He feared even the possibility of losing that control. Maybe that's why I was resisting going any further with Jacob. Perhaps some small part of me wasn't able to trust that Jacob actually loved me. Edward had told me that he loved me too.

"Jake," I said quietly, as I moved back away from his embrace. "We really need to stop."

"Bella, we're alone. This is perfect timing."

He wasn't giving up and his teenage hormones were taking over. His hands were moving from my lower back around to my stomach, tugging again at the waistband of my jeans with determination.

"Jacob, this isn't exactly how I pictured my first time. Cramped dorm room, bed so small one of us can barely fit on it…" I hoped this line of reasoning would prove to be useful. Maybe I could appeal to his practical side.

"Ah-ha, so you have thought about it. I knew it." He smirked as if he had found the answer to some long unsolved mystery.

"Oh please Jake, give it a rest," I chuckled as I punched him playfully in the arm. "I'm not a nun!"

Jacob let out a big sigh. I hoped that he finally realized there was no way to change my mind and would give up. He pulled himself up to sit on the bed next to me and I leaned against him as we talked about what had been happening back home. The pack, Charlie and Forks, everything seemed so far away. While I enjoyed this new academic life, I missed the familiarity of Forks.

"Bells, I've gotta go phase and check in. I'll be right back." Sam still had the pack running patrols to make sure that the reservation remained safe. The one thing Sam had asked of Jacob when he would visit me was to stay in contact on a regular basis.

"Jake, just be careful that no one sees you please?" I wasn't ready to explain this part of my life to anyone. Nor did I want to set off panic on campus if someone caught a glimpse of Jacob in his wolf form. He gave me a quick peck on the cheek and was gone.

I leaned back against the wall, struggling to keep my eyes open as I drifted off to sleep.

"Bella," Jacob startled me as he opened the door quickly. It had only been a few minutes since he'd left. "I've got to go. Sam said that they picked up an unfamiliar scent. He's ordering me back."

"Please be careful," I said, moving across the room to say goodbye.

"I will. Sorry I have to go so soon." He looked at me apologetically.

"Jacob, this is your job. I understand." He kissed me swiftly and hurried out the door.

I sat back down at my desk and decided to read a little Jane Austen. After reading several chapters, I glanced at the clock. It was 11:21 p.m., and I hoped the girls were having fun tonight. I'd never been on a normal date night with other kids my age. So much about my life since I moved to Forks was not the norm for most teenage girls. Fell in love with a vampire, got attacked by a different vampire, subsequently saved by a vampire, and now dating a werewolf. It was impossible to make this stuff up.

I picked up the book again and before long, I heard a key in the lock on the door. I turned to see Mandy coming through the door. She looked like a cat that had just swallowed a canary.

"Well, looks like everything went okay," I said, grinning.

"Blake is wonderful," Mandy declared with a huge smile across her face, and plopped herself on her bed with a big sigh. "Where's Jacob?"

"He had to go back home. Some sort of family thing. Tell me all about tonight," I said as I sat down next to her on the bed. She proceeded to tell me about where they ate dinner and the coffee shop they visited afterward for dessert. Blake had made a point to sit next to her at both places.

"Oh Bella, he's so wonderful. Our hands touched once by accident when we were both reaching for the potato skins and it was like someone shocked me," she spoke with a soft dreamy voice. "Have you ever felt anything like that before? It was amazing."

That's exactly how I remembered my first touch of Edward's cold hard skin in Biology. It seemed so long ago, but I could remember that feeling all too clearly—it was electric.

"Earth to Bella…"

"Sorry." My face warmed up as I began blushing.

Mandy looked at my face carefully. "You have felt that way before! Look at how red you are!"

It was not something I was prepared to discuss, but Mandy wasn't going to let it pass. "Is it Jacob?" she giggled.

"I don't really want to talk about it," I said quietly.

"Ah-ha. It's not Jacob. Spill everything." She waited impatiently, not taking the hint.

"It was…uh…just a guy that I dated before Jacob." I hoped that my nonchalance would lead her to believe it was nothing.

"Ooooh, there's a story there, I can tell. Come on, I told you about Blake."

I hesitated for a moment, weighing my options. I hadn't really ever spoken to anyone about Edward since he left and maybe that was the key to getting over him. It was exhausting to keep these feelings bottled up. She's not going to give up either. I sighed deeply as I began to open up to her.

"His name was Edward. I met him at my high school when we were juniors."

"And…" She anxiously waited for more details.

"There's not much to tell. He's not around anymore. But there was some sort of a magnetic pull that drew me toward him. That's the best way that I can describe it." My mind flashed to the prom, the first day we shared in the meadow and playing baseball with his family.

"You've got that look on your face again. I think there's more to this story than what you're letting on."

Man, she was good. Why was this still so hard for me to talk about? He was gone. I needed to accept that. When I looked back at Mandy, her face was filled with concern.

"I haven't really talked about him to anyone."

"Bella, you know that you can talk to me. I can tell that you are hurting. What happened?"

I paused, unsure of what to say. It's not as if I could tell her that the love of my life was a vampire, whose brother almost killed me at my eighteenth birthday party last year. Then he decided to leave because he didn't love me anymore.

"Well, he was my everything. I loved him so much and trusted him unquestionably. But he betrayed that trust and my love. He said he didn't want me." It was the first time that I was actually able to say those words aloud, and surprisingly there were no tears.

"You seem so happy with Jacob though, don't you love him?"

"I care about Jacob, a lot. But after Edward left I don't know if I can go through that again."

"What's it like dating someone who's so much younger than you?"

"Jacob is different than the other boys his age." If she only knew how true that statement was. "He's grown up quickly."

We both continued to talk about Blake and Jacob into the early morning hours. Mandy seemed to be satisfied with the details about Edward because she didn't bring it up again, thankfully.

***

Several weeks went by and the routine was usually the same. Jacob would come to the campus most weekends and stay in our dorm room. Luckily, the resident advisor hadn't caught on yet. Visitors were only allowed so many overnight visits per year, and Jacob was fast approaching that limit. We would squeeze into my bed, Jacob holding me tightly.

He seemed to relax more with each visit, not being so concerned about fitting in. We even went out with Aaron and Hannah, Tiffany and Chad, and Blake and Mandy. The guys accepted him without any issue, and that's all it took. He realized that they weren't any different from other kids in Forks. He was back to being a source of strength and confidence for me. He was my Jacob again.

Of course, I couldn't go too long without injuring myself in some way. I had managed to trip down the stairs, just as I was afraid I would. I had hit my head on one of the steps and had to have stitches. My hair hid the stitches pretty well, but of course word got around the dorm and I had to deal with the inevitable klutz jokes. Jacob had been worried, but I convinced him that he didn't need to make a special trip to see me. This was hardly my first experience in the emergency room.

Charlie had arranged for me to come home for my birthday. He drove down to the campus to pick me up on a cool September evening.

"Hey Bells, it's good to see you," Charlie said as he gave me a quick hug. "You look tired."

"Yeah, lots of homework to keep up with."

I wasn't about to tell him that I was having problems sleeping at night. Ever since I talked with Mandy about Edward, I started having dreams about him. It was the same dream that repeatedly haunted me. I was lost in the forest and couldn't find my way out. I could hear his voice calling out to me and I tried to follow where it was coming from but could never find him.

I managed to fall asleep shortly after we started the drive back to Forks. Charlie woke me up as we pulled into the driveway. I could see Jacob's Rabbit in front of the house. As I got out of the squad car, Jacob came out the front door. He bounded down the front steps and gave me a big bear hug.

"Hi, how are you?" I didn't wait for the answer. I lifted myself up to meet his lips.

"Better now." I looked up to see a familiar goofy grin on his face.

We all walked up to the house and greeted Billy who was inside in the living room watching a baseball game. The familiar feel and smell of the house comforted me. It seemed like so much time had passed since I had been here.

We all made small talk until it was time for Jacob and Billy to go home. Jacob kissed me gently and then helped Billy into the car. I watched from the window until the taillights of his car were gone.

I turned to Charlie who had switched the TV to another baseball game. "Hey Dad, I'm going to bed. I'll see you in the morning."

Without looking away from the TV, Charlie said, "Night Bells. Get some rest. You look beat."

I headed upstairs into the bathroom to wash my face and change my clothes. I put on my comfy sweats and t-shirt and headed back to my room. Tomorrow, Jacob was taking me somewhere for my birthday. He was being so secretive about it and I hoped he hadn't gone to a lot of trouble. I hate being fussed over, something he was already aware of.

My birthday wasn't the only day that was on my mind—September 15th. Had it really been a year since I last looked at his beautiful face, smelled his intoxicating scent and felt his cool lips on mine? Why am I still thinking about him? It was infuriating to me. Why can't I just let him go? Even if he was still in Forks, he made it perfectly clear that he didn't feel the same way about me.

The same dream haunted me that night. I was back in the forest.

"Edward!" I yelled frantically searching in all directions. "Edward!!!"

"It will be as if I'd never existed…" his velvet voice echoed through the ferns and the green, squishy, moss covered trees.

He was nowhere to be found. I was all alone.

***

I woke the following morning to see a warm yellow light outside my window. Mother Nature had given me a birthday present as well. I craved the warmth of the sun since I had left Phoenix.

I showered and dressed myself quickly. Charlie was downstairs reading the paper. "Happy Birthday!" He beamed as he saw me heading toward the kitchen. There was a brightly wrapped box on the kitchen table, where he sat drinking a cup of coffee.

"Dad, you weren't supposed to buy me anything."

"This is something that you need. Open it." His mouth turned up to a smile.

I reluctantly opened the gift to reveal a brand new laptop. "Dad, you shouldn't have done this."

"Oh, let your dad spoil you a little. You need it for school. Besides, that old desktop has got to be so slow."

My frown turned into a smile. I desperately needed a new computer, and this was perfect. Charlie was so good to me. "Thank you Dad."

"You mom is sending you a new printer too. It should be waiting for you when you get back to school."

I unpacked the laptop, and plugged it in to charge the battery.

"Big plans today?"

"Jacob's taking me somewhere, but I have no idea what he's got planned. He's supposed to be here around noon," I said as I frowned. Charlie knew I didn't want anyone to fuss over me.

"Be nice. He just wants to make your birthday special," Charlie scolded me.

"I'm trying. You know I don't like surprises," I said as I looked over at the laptop as an example. I ate a bowl of cereal while Charlie continued to read the paper. After I rinsed out my bowl, I started my laundry. Monday was my normal day to do my laundry back at the dorm, but I brought it home with me to save money. This mundane task seemed to preoccupy me, and it was noon before I knew it.

"Hey Jake!" I heard Charlie greet him with excitement. He was in on the plan, of course. "Bells, Jake's here!" He yelled from the sofa.

"Yeah Dad, I heard," I replied as I came around the corner into the living room. My feet suddenly came to a stop. Jacob had a small bouquet of fresh cut flowers in his hand. "Jake, you didn't have to do that," I gently scolded him as I crossed the rest of the room to where he was standing. I couldn't help but smile at him. I'd never been given flowers before. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say or do with them. "You're so sweet," I told him as I wound my arms around his waist. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. How's your birthday been so far?"

"Great, come out to the kitchen and see what my dad got me." I motioned for him to follow me. I opened up a cabinet and took out an old crystal vase from a shelf up high.

"Sweet, now we can get rid of that paperweight you call a computer in your dorm room," he snickered as I put the flowers into the vase and filled it with fresh water.

"Very funny," I said with a laugh in my voice.

"Are you all ready to go?"

"I guess, you didn't give me any idea what to dress for. Is this okay?" I looked down at my outfit of a t-shirt, jeans and tennis shoes.

"You look great, as always." He was biased, of course. "Let's get going." He held his hand out towards the door, politely allowing me to walk first out the door.

"You kids have a good time," Charlie shouted as we headed out the door.


	3. Chapter 3 Expectations

**Thank you for reading and reviewing! I'm glad that others are enjoying my story. Let's go ahead and see what Jake has in store for Bella.**

**As always, thank you to Project Team Beta, poo235 and suzyq.**

**A special thanks to MLD for ideas, support and laughing at my twisted sense of humor. ;)**

**Do I Own Twilight? Me? Nope, that's all Stephenie's gig.**

* * *

Upon leaving my house, Jacob started driving toward La Push. I still wasn't sure what he had up his sleeve and he refused to shed any light on the subject either. Even though I hated a fuss being made over me, I decided to take a deep breath and relax. He wasn't going to tell me anything, a fact that he was obviously enjoying. I watched out the window as we wound along the familiar road. Jacob put his hand on my knee, and I traced tiny circles on top of his hand with mine.

It wasn't until we got closer that I realized we were driving toward First Beach. Some of our best memories together were of this beach. After I moved back to Forks, this was where I saw Jacob for the first time since we were kids. That Saturday on the shore seemed like such a long time ago, and so much had happened in both of our lives since then. He parked the car and we both got out. Jacob headed to the hatch and pulled out a picnic basket, setting it down long enough to pick up a blanket as well.

"Here, Jake, let me help you." I offered to carry something. While this seemed very thoughtful, I couldn't help but wonder what he had in store for me. His mood was different today—more mature, and it made me nervous.

"I got it. This is for you to enjoy."

He carried the basket and tucked the blanket under the same arm, leaving his free hand to help me along. We walked silently to a bare spot on the beach, where the sand was somewhat dry, and Jacob spread the blanket out. He offered his hand to help me sit down on the blanket next to him. I sat back and watched Jacob because he seemed like he was on edge. I hadn't seen him this serious before and tried to figure out what exactly was going on. We made trivial observations about how the water looked with the sun out today and how high the waves were.

"This is really nice, Jake. I was so afraid that you were planning some over the top party or something. I'm relieved." I sighed as I spoke.

"Come on Bella, I know you better than that. Give me some credit." He flashed his bright white smile at me. "I do value my life."

"What's in the basket? Or is that still top secret?" I leaned my head around him trying to get a peek.

"Are you hungry?"

"Starved. I only had a bowl of cereal this morning, and it didn't go very far."

Jacob turned and started taking items out of the basket, setting them down on the blanket in front of us. "I've got some strawberries and havarti cheese for starters. Sound good?"

"Mmmm. Sounds wonderful."

As I was answering him, Jacob lifted one of the ripe berries and carefully held it out for me to take a bite. "You're spoiling me," I said as I batted my eyes in a lame attempt at flirting with him.

"Of course I'm spoiling you—it's your day today."

As soon as I finished the first bite of strawberry, Jacob held it out for me to take another bite. It was so ripe, juice started to run from my lips as I took a bite. The sugary liquid continued to run down toward my chin. Before I could ask for a napkin, Jacob bent over and kissed my lips and chin carefully, his mouth absorbing any remaining juice. "You taste so sweet." He looked at me with such seriousness as he brought his lips to mine. The kiss was tender at first, but became more intense with each flick of his tongue.

"Are you trying to seduce me again?" I asked him mischievously, breaking the kiss as I caught my breath.

"Is it working?" he laughed.

"Maybe," I answered, as I leaned over for another kiss, this one deeper still. His hands wound around my waist, pulling me closer to him.

Jacob broke the kiss and looked a little flustered as he leaned back to the basket. I watched him curiously, as he pulled out a tiny woven drawstring bag.

"Happy Birthday, Bella," he said as he put the bag in my hand.

"Jacob, you didn't have to buy me anything."

"I didn't. I made it. Here, let me open it for you." He opened the drawstring, pulling out a delicate woven bracelet.

"You made this, Jake? It's gorgeous," I said as I held out my wrist for him to put it on me.

"It's a Quileute tradition," he mumbled nervously as he finished hooking the clasp. "It's kind of like a promise ring." He paused as if waiting for a reaction from me. The last words that he said began to sink in, and my mind began to go into overdrive.

A promise ring? What was I supposed to say? More importantly, what did _he_ expect me to say?

"Thanks Jake. It's really…nice," I answered carefully, not wanting to look into his eyes. I cared deeply for Jake, but I wasn't expecting this and I didn't want to hurt his feelings either. I looked at the bracelet now fastened on my arm and realized why he had been acting so funny earlier. He was nervous about giving this present to me.

Jacob appeared to be so completely and utterly in love; it was somewhat terrifying to think about. Everything with Edward had come so naturally, as if I had no choice but to love him—I just did. Isn't that what true love was supposed to be like? I couldn't help but think that if Edward had pledged himself to me, my reaction would've been totally opposite. Ugh, it wasn't fair of me to compare the two of them. It was a moot point anyway; only one of them wanted me.

What I shared with Jacob was very different, I knew and understood that. Even so, I shouldn't have to analyze my feelings over and over, like I had to talk myself into something. It just didn't sound like a normal thing to do. Of course, what did I know? Normal boyfriends hadn't been a specialty of mine so far. I really needed to talk to Mandy when I got back to the dorm tomorrow. Hopefully, she would straighten me out. Seriously, I was screwed up.

Thoughts continued to race through my mind as I glanced over at Jacob. His smile was starting to fall. I leaned over to him and gave him a kiss. His smile lit up his face again, and it showed me how happy he was. I couldn't let myself spoil this moment for him. Regardless of my own feelings, I owed him too much to hurt him. I never would've been able to pull myself out of the darkness without Jacob—he saved me.

The uncomfortable tension in the air dissolved away as we both relaxed. We made short work of the remaining contents of Jacob's picnic basket and then both groaned about how stuffed we were. We sprawled out, lying on our backs, as we soaked up this rare display of sunlight that blessed us today. I turned on my side and lifted my head to rest on his chest.

The afternoon was spent talking, laughing and walking along the shoreline. We watched as the sun slowly slipped below the horizon, signaling that it was time to leave. It made me curious that Jacob hadn't tried anything at the beach in his quest to steal "third base" or the more coveted "home run". Usually I had to remind him that we weren't the only people at the beach and swat his hands away. He seemed more grown up today.

After packing up, we began the drive back to Forks. The car ride was uneventful and when we got back to my house, we sat down to watch a double header with Charlie.

"So, what did you do for your birthday with Jacob, Bells?" Charlie asked. I was sure that Billy had already told him what Jacob's plans were. They were two of the biggest gossips around. I rolled my eyes at him and shook my head in disbelief that he was acting like he didn't already know.

"Yes, we went down to First Beach and had a picnic. Jacob made this bracelet for me, too," I said, holding my arm up to show him.

"That's great, Jake. Did Billy teach you how to weave like that?"

"Yeah, it took me a while to get the braiding tight enough. It's a lot harder than it looks." Jacob turned and smiled at me, squeezing my hand. "But she's worth it. What are the plans for tomorrow, Charlie?"

"I'm planning on leaving around 2 p.m. to take her back."

"I'll take her to and from school next time, if you want. We can take turns so that it doesn't cost you so much."

"Thanks Jake, that's mighty nice of you to offer." Charlie looked over appreciatively at Jacob. I curled up next to Jacob, and he put his arm around me as we watched the game. He was nice and toasty warm and I used the chance to unwind from the day at the beach. The temperature had dropped quite a bit since the sun went down, and my lack of sleep was catching up with me. I fought back a yawn as the Mariners scored another run.

***

The scene playing before my eyes was the same. The eerily silent forest surrounded me while I frantically searched for Edward. I caught fleeting glimpses of bronze hair but I wasn't able to reach him. A large clap of thunder startled me from my dream and I rolled over in my bed, my eyes drawn toward the light filtering in through the window—it was morning. Still dazed from being woken so suddenly from my dream, I sat up in bed struggling to collect my thoughts. For the life of me, I couldn't remember coming up here last night. The clock on my nightstand read 9:34 a.m.

I threw the covers back and noticed that I was still wearing the t-shirt and jeans from yesterday. I forced myself out of bed, going straight to the bathroom for a shower. The pressure of the warm spray perked me up, allowing me the chance to think about the prior day's events. Mostly, I was thinking about the bracelet that now resided on my wrist. I got the urge to run away, anything so that I wouldn't have to deal with the strings that were attached to this gift.

I was actually looking forward to going back to school this afternoon. It would give me time to adjust to this new expectation Jacob had for us. The normal progression after a—ugh, I couldn't even say the word without freaking out—promise ring is an—I swallowed hard—engagement ring. A wave of nausea came over me. After watching Renee's history, I had no desire to settle down and get married like so many other girls. I didn't see myself living in the suburbs, popping out a few kids, and going to PTO meetings.

I noticed my fingers had begun to shrivel up like prunes and the water was turning cooler. I was surprised that Charlie hadn't yelled at me yet for wasting hot water. I stepped out of the shower and dried off. I headed back to my room to get dressed, running a comb through my hair along the way. I began to pack my overnight bag, trying to find something to do with the nervous energy that had been building up as I watched the clock.

I heard the door downstairs close. Shortly after, I turned around to see Jacob standing in the doorway of my room. "Good morning, gorgeous."

"Good morning to you too," I told him softly. "How did I get up here last night? Did you carry me?"

"Well, it sure wasn't Charlie." He laughed at the thought and came over to sit on the bed next to me. I watched him walk across the room and noticed that he carried himself differently—more confident, more mature.

I leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you for not waking me up."

"You looked so peaceful," he said, his arms encircling me. My head rested against him and I felt a tinge of guilt for flipping out over a bracelet. I attempted to convince myself that it was only a piece of jewelry, and I was reading too much into the gesture. The problem wasn't actually the gift, but the significance behind it. "Is everything okay, Bella?"

"Yeah, why?" I answered, trying to act normally. I didn't want him to know the internal struggles that were plaguing me. He had put so much thought and effort into our day, my day, yesterday that I didn't want to tarnish the memory for him.

"You just seem…different today."

***

It had always been easy to be with Jacob. He was very relaxing and conversation usually flowed freely, but that was not the case this Sunday morning in September. Our usual banter was replaced by awkward pauses and nervous glances. I reminded myself that I only needed to get through a few more hours until I could have some time to think and sort these feelings out.

We passed the remaining time watching football and talking, carefully avoiding any topic regarding the picnic from the day before. Charlie seemed oblivious to any tension between Jacob and me. Maybe this uneasiness between us was all in my head. As two o'clock approached, we gathered the last few things I needed to take with me. Charlie and Jacob led the way out to the cruiser when it was time to leave for Seattle. When I was sure that I had everything, Jacob closed the trunk. The three of us stood awkwardly beside the car.

Charlie "conveniently" forgot something inside, leaving us to say goodbye without an audience. He always made it clear that he was thrilled I was with Jacob. Still, no dad wants to see his little girl make-out with her boyfriend and these well-timed disappearances he fabricated seemed to prove that. Little did he know, he was in no danger of witnessing anything of the sort today. Had he been paying attention to the tension between Jacob and me, he would know that. I was relieved that he didn't though; otherwise the ride back to school would've been nothing more than him preaching to me about how great Jake was for me. I just wanted to be left alone with my own thoughts.

After Charlie went back inside the house, I looked uneasily toward this kind, caring person that stood before me. I couldn't describe what I saw in his eyes, they conveyed love, anger, and fear. He broke this strange moment between us by holding out his hand to me, pulling me toward him. I leaned against this person that I didn't deserve, letting my head rest against his chest, my arms circling around his waist. I felt him kiss the top of my head and his arms squeezed me closer. I looked up as he bent down and kissed me softly. I broke the kiss and we held each other tightly, as if silently apologizing to each other for the day.

Charlie cleared his throat, announcing his presence, startling us both. We broke our embrace as I heard the car start. Jacob leaned down one last time to say goodbye, kissing my forehead and then closed the car door behind me. Charlie pulled out of the driveway and I watched as Jacob slowly faded into the distance. I leaned my head back on the seat, closed my eyes, and hoped to avoid any uncomfortable conversations with Charlie.

***

Later that afternoon when I returned to our dorm room, Mandy was listening to her iPod as she sat on her bed. "Hey stranger, how was the visit?"

"Okay, my Dad got me a laptop." I walked over to my desk and set the box down that it was packed in.

"Wow, I bet you were surprised. Did you and Jacob do anything special?"

I walked over to her and showed her the bracelet on my wrist. "He made this for me _and_ he took me to the beach for a picnic lunch."

"How come I never find the guys that do romantic things like that? I'm lucky if I get a birthday card." She laughed as she examined my gift. "He made a bracelet for you? That must've taken a really long time."

"I kind of wanted to talk to you about the bracelet..." I started, not sure where to even begin. "See, it's a tradition that his tribe has. It's sort of like a promise ring." I cringed at saying it out loud.

"Oh boy, and now you're freaking out, aren't you?" She clearly had gotten to know me already.

"Well, you could say that. I had no idea that he was giving this to me. I mean, what does he expect from me now?" I said in a panicked voice.

"Why are you so upset? You think he's going to ask you to marry him next? He's only seventeen."

My logical side knew that Mandy was making sense, but I couldn't help but have a small breakdown. Marriage didn't exactly work out so well for Renee and Charlie. Besides, was this the 1950's? People our age didn't get married, or even engaged for that matter. And what would I say to Jacob if he did ask? I couldn't bear to hurt his feelings.

"I know I'm probably reading too much into this, but the timing just isn't the best. I keep having these dreams about…Edward." I slowly admitted to her, looking to see what her reaction would be.

"You haven't seen him for a long time, why are you thinking about him now?" she asked with a puzzled look on her face.

"That's just it. I don't know. Tomorrow will be exactly one year since he left Forks. Maybe that's what's triggering all these memories."

I could feel the tears coming and I tried to choke them back. Mandy came over to me and put her arms around me. I thought that I had finished shedding tears for Edward. I was mistaken.

"Bella, you may never know exactly what he was thinking—why he really left. You need to accept that and go on with your life. Edward isn't here…but Jacob _is _and he loves you. You can see it on his face every time he looks at you." She handed me a Kleenex to wipe my eyes. "Don't read too much into the bracelet. It doesn't mean that you have to decide today to spend the rest of your life with him." She gave me a gentle squeeze.

"Thanks Mandy."

***

September 15th came and went without any fanfare. Was I really expecting him to magically appear? Why did the date hold such significance to me? And why did the same dream about searching for Edward in the forest continue to wreak havoc on my sleep?

Time moved by quickly the next few weeks, as homework, exams, and classes took up a large part of our lives. Jacob came to campus regularly, sometimes driving and other times running. He drove his car this weekend and everyone was excited to see him, as always. Blake, Aaron and Chad had become good friends with Jacob. School was going well for him at La Push, too. We didn't talk about the bracelet, as if Jacob sensed that was the explanation for my strange mood the day after he gave it to me. We continued with our lives, just as we had prior to my birthday.

Physically, I allowed things to progress farther between us. We pushed ourselves to the edge each time we were alone together, and tonight was no different. Mandy was out with Blake and we were alone in my room. This was what usually got us into trouble.

We were half-clothed and pressed close together under the covers on my bed. Jacob's hands wandered over my body, leaving a fiery trail all over my skin. He had just removed my bra when we heard the door opening. We looked at each other in shock, panicked and pulled the covers over us with such force that the sheet came un-tucked. We both focused on the shadow storming through the door. Light filled the room, blinding us both temporarily.

"Ohhh, I'm so sorry guys, I didn't even think." She turned to leave the room, but not before I could see the tears running down her face.

"Wait, Mandy, come back. What's wrong?" I shifted under the covers to sit up and wait for her answer.

"Blake said that he doesn't want to see me anymore." She managed to say in between sobs. "He's been seeing some other girl too and decided he only wants to date her."

"Mandy, I'm so sorry. What an assbag. Give us a couple of minutes and then we can talk."

Jacob and I got dressed while Mandy was in the restroom down the hall. The look that we shared as we pulled our clothing on told me that we weren't finished. We would remember where we left off. I was counting on it and so was Jacob.

Mandy seemed to have pulled herself together in the bathroom. The black streaks of mascara were gone and her tears had slowed almost to a stop. We had a pizza delivered, which Jake ate most of, and we started to watch a movie on Mandy's laptop. We snuggled on my bed, while Mandy propped herself up with a pile of pillows on her own bed. I had to keep nonchalantly swatting at Jacob's hands as he tried to grope me while the movie played. He seemed bent on torturing me, whispering in my ear and softly kissing my neck.

Mandy was in better spirits for the rest of the night, finally falling asleep a little over halfway through the movie, about one a.m.

That was all it took. As soon as we both realized she was asleep, our hands were on each other. Jacob had been teasing me most of the night and I couldn't take it anymore. My mouth found his and I wound my fingers into his hair, trying to pull him closer to me. Jacob's hand was pushing its way up underneath my shirt, lifting my bra off my breasts. He gently caressed my breast and moaned under his breath. "Shhh…" I playfully scolded him. "You're going to wake her up."

Jacob moved his attention over to my other breast and groaned in my ear with a hushed voice. "This one was getting jealous."

He grinned at me and gave me an enthusiastic kiss. His hands felt so soft and warm, it was driving me absolutely crazy. I leaned up to take my shirt off and Jacob took the hint, deciding to do away with his as well. He leaned over me again and gave me another mind-blowing kiss, the sensation rippling through me all the way down to my toes. I felt my bare breasts brush up against his chest. The amazing sensation of touching someone's bare skin with mine was more than I could've ever imagined.

His mouth left my lips, blazing a painfully slow trail down my neck and chest with his tongue. Inch by inch, the warmth that his mouth left on my skin, chilled when exposed to the air, causing me to shiver and my nipples harden. His mouth found my breast, and flicked the nipple with his tongue. I had never felt such an intense pleasure before like that. We were both breathing heavily now and I let out a low groan.

"You just told me that _I _was going to wake her up. What about you?" Jacob brought his face back to mine, a smug smile on his face.

"I can't help it, Jake, do you have any idea what are you doing to me?" I whispered as I placed kisses on his ear.

"Yeah, I do. The same thing you're doing to me."

We continued to explore and experience each other until reality rained on my parade. I had to gain control of myself and these emotions. Come on, Bella, you're smarter than this, I told myself. Number one, you have no protection. Number two, your roommate is like five feet away. Number three, the last time you even thought about the possibility of doing this—the guy left. And number four (geez how long is this list) –you don't really want your first time to be in your dorm room, do you? I grumbled under my breath, "No I don't." I hadn't realized that I spoke the last part aloud until Jacob stopped. With confusion and desperation in his voice, he said, "no you don't what?"

I took a huge breath and let it out, trying to relax myself. I was feeling so conflicted. I wanted him so badly that I could feel the dull ache between my legs getting more pronounced. But the voice of reason was telling me that I needed to stop. "Jake, we can't do this. Not yet."

"Are you serious?" he hissed and then paused for an answer. When I just looked at him, he threw his head back on the pillow. "This is just great. You can't keep doing this to me."

"Jacob, we've talked about this over and over. Besides, we don't have any protection either."

"That's not…exactly true," he muttered, as he pulled a condom out of his jeans pocket. Crap, I should've done some fact checking before pleading my case. "So if that's your concern, we are covered." He leaned over with a sexy grin on his face to kiss me. "Literally."

"I don't want to do "it" in the same room with my roommate. How embarrassing Jake."

"So, we'll find somewhere else to go," His voice trailed off as he attempted to weaken my resolve by covering my lips with his.

Jacob's mouth was so warm on mine, causing me to momentarily reconsider my point of view. This was the definition of agony, I decided. How much could one person be tortured? I pulled my lips from his. "Jake." I looked into his eyes as I spoke. "That isn't the only reason." I cringed as I waited for his response.

Jacob shifted and slid out from under the covers, bending over to pick up his shirt without saying a word. I placed my hand on his arm and tried to plead to him, "Jake, come back in here. You don't have to get dressed."

He slipped his shoes on in silence and headed for the door.

"Yes, I do." He groaned quietly. "You can't keep doing this to me Bella. It's not fair."

"I'm sorry Jacob, but this is a big deal to me. I only get one first time."

He looked at me in disbelief. "We both know that's not the reason."

I wrinkled my forehead in confusion. "Jake, I don't know what you are talking about."

He leaned over me, his hand on my cheek. "Bella, he's gone. How long is it going to take for you to accept that?"

I sat stunned, unable to form an answer. "I…I know that." Why would he think that this has anything to do with Edward?

"Be honest with yourself. I've been patient, waiting for you to truly move on."

Frustration and irritation was beginning to seep into my words. "I _have_ moved on. I'm with you, aren't I?"

"Some parts of you are, not all of your heart is though. This relationship is too crowded. I can't compete with a memory that you're unwilling to give up."

Before I could say anything more, he was gone and out the door. I flew off the bed, sheet in hand to cover my body and threw the door open to run after him, but he was nowhere to be found.

Great. He had done so much for me, and I was starting to drive Jacob away too. What was I doing? Was he right that I hadn't let go of Edward Cullen? He wasn't coming back, I knew this. I slid down to the floor and sobbed quietly.

* * *

**Anxious to hear your thoughts on the story. Hope you enjoyed and will stick around for the next chapter. Please read, review and recommend to others who may enjoy too.**

**I'm also posting this on if you prefer that format. FYI**


	4. Chapter 4 Dreams, Debauchery and Danger

**A/N: Thanks to suzyq, poo235 and Project Team Beta. Your advice has been invaluable to me.**

**Twilight and the characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

**Reviews are appreciated!**

* * *

I found myself unable to fall asleep, so I lay in bed staring up at the ceiling as tears continued to flow from my eyes, dampening my hair and pillow. The last conversation I shared with Jacob playing in a never-ending loop in my head. An overwhelming feeling of dread cast a shadow through my mind when I understood that tonight was a defining moment in our relationship.

Before tonight, Jacob and I had never spoken one word about Edward. There was never a need to and I wasn't sure what, if anything, I had done to change that. Maybe he was lashing out at me because I didn't give in to his teenage hormonal demands and he was trying to cover up the immature reason why he was so angry. Was that the only rationale he could use to explain why I wouldn't sleep with him? One thing I was sure of was that I had to convince him of my devotion to him. I couldn't bear for him not to be a part of my life.

The steady stream of tears subsided at some point during the night and I lay motionless as the hours passed. I watched the sky grow lighter and realized that I wasn't any closer to figuring out what was at the heart of our fight. I hoped that Mandy would wake up soon so that I could ask for her advice. Patiently waiting, I mulled over theories in my mind until she stirred. After another ten minutes or so, she sat up in bed, her arms stretched out toward the ceiling.

She looked over toward me, still lying under my blanket. "Where's Jacob?"

That was all it took for the waterworks to start again. I rolled over facing the wall and pulled my knees up to my chest. I felt the mattress depress next to me, a hand rubbed my back soothingly. Pulling my hair back from my face, she asked the question again with concern in her voice, "Bella, where is Jacob?"

"He left around one this morning," I sobbed.

"What happened? You guys were fine when we were watching the movie. I thought I was going to have to tell you to get a room." She snickered, attempting to lighten the mood.

"He left. I think I pissed him off because I wouldn't have sex with him."

"Ah. That's why he left. Boys will be boys." She shook her head as she spoke, still rubbing my back. "Don't let him pressure you into it Bella."

"But, I can't keep torturing myself or him."

"You'll know when it's the right time." She paused for a moment and then slowly asked another question. "Is that the only thing that's bothering you? Something just doesn't seem right with you this morning and this isn't the first time you've told him no. It doesn't make sense that it would set him off enough to take off in the middle of the night. What gives?"

I remained silent, ringing my hands together, unsure how to broach the subject.

"Bella, you can talk to me. I want to help. Besides, it'll help take my mind off the mess that my life is right now."

I took a deep breath and rolled slowly to face her. "He thinks that I'm still holding onto Edward."

The directness of her answer stunned me. "Are you?"

"No…at least I don't think I am."

"Are you still having dreams about him?" she asked cautiously. I wished that I hadn't told her about that. Now she's going to think Jacob was right.

"Yes." I looked down at the blanket on the bed, unwilling to look at her. I shouldn't feel ashamed of my dreams. They weren't real, only thoughts from our subconscious mind. If there were any truth to our dreams, I would be sailing on The Love Boat with Captain Stubing, Doc, Gopher, Isaac and Julie right now. Renee had been obsessed with that show and forced me to watch reruns with her. It scarred me for life—the recurring nighttime hallucinations I'd had for years were proof of that.

"Do you think that's what's holding you back?"

"They're just dreams."

"Bella, they're a reflection of our subconscious mind. I'm just saying that maybe Jacob is onto something here."

I was a little annoyed that she was taking his side, but what if she was right. What if there was some significance to the dream?

"I know that I sound like a broken record, but Edward's not here—Jacob is and it's clear that he loves you so much, Bella. I would give anything to have someone look at me that way."

"I know. If he knew I was having dreams about Edward, it would crush him."

"Are you going to risk losing what you have with Jacob?" She squeezed my arm gently to reassure me. "Move on. You haven't heard from him in over a year. It's time."

In theory that sounded simple. But how was I supposed to purge myself of the person who still loomed larger than life as I slept? More importantly, how would I prove to Jacob that I had closed that chapter on my life for good? Certainly, this wouldn't be as simple as talking and trying to reason with him. Honestly, I didn't think there was anything that could be said to convince him. Renee had always told me that actions spoke louder than words. That's how I could make this all go away. I just needed to show him the level of my devotion.

I turned over to face my roommate again. "Mandy, how did you know when you were ready for your first time?" I felt the blood rush to my cheeks, instantly regretted asking. I groaned as I pulled the pillow over my face to hide my embarrassment.

"Hey, you can't just hide after you ask a question like that!" She laughed as she tugged the pillow away from my face. "Besides, sex isn't going to solve anything, Bella, and you shouldn't have sex to prove anything to Jacob. You need to wait until the time feels right."

"But how do you know when it feels right? Maybe I am ready."

"You weren't prepared eight hours ago. Why all of the sudden do you think you are now?" I loved Mandy, always the voice of reason and not afraid to say anything.

I held my face in my hands. My brain felt like Jell-O and confusion was clouding my judgment. "I can't lose him, Mandy."

"Call him," she said reassuringly. "Talk this out."

***

After prolonging the inevitable conversation for an hour or so, I picked up the phone and called Jacob. There was no answer and I left a message on his voice mail. "Jake, we need to talk." I paused, my voice shaking slightly. "Please call me." The home number didn't do me any better either. Billy picked up the phone on the third ring. "Hey Billy," I said cautiously. "Is Jacob there?"

"Um, yeah Bella, he's…out." Billy answered strangely and I figured he was lying. Great, so now Billy was covering for Jacob.

"Can you have him call me?"

"Sure, Bella."

"Thanks, Billy, it's important." I hung up the phone and threw it on my bed in frustration.

"His Dad's running interference for him, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess I'll just have to wait him out." I could be patient, right? He would get over it and call me back. Only, I was having problems convincing even myself of that.

Mandy abruptly shot up out of her chair and announced, "I can't handle this anymore. We're going out tonight." I began to object but she wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise. "I insist. Blake and Jacob don't know what they're missing," she said confidently.

"Mandy, you know I'm not into parties so much," I protested, hoping that she would decide to go without me.

"I'm not taking no for an answer. We both need a break and a chance to relax. We'll leave about nine-ish tonight—no backing out." She threw her bathrobe on and headed out into the hallway with her shower tote in her hand.

Tonight had awkward written all over it.

***

The rest of the day was uneventful. Each time I tried to call Jacob on his cell phone, there was no answer. It wouldn't do me any good to call the house either—Billy would just cover for him again. Mandy and I got ready to go out and were out the door promptly at nine, even with my multiple attempts to cause delays. After we began walking, Mandy broke the news to me that we were going to one of the frat houses across campus. Mandy had gotten an invite from some guy in her Calculus class. His name was Trey and she admitted that she thought he had been hitting on her, even when she was dating Blake. The thought of that made me consider something.

"Mandy," I asked as we walked across campus, "aren't you afraid that Blake might be here?"

"You know, I really hope he is. I want him to see what he's missing out on." She giggled wickedly. "I know that you're worried that you haven't heard back from Jacob, but please don't let it ruin tonight. Let's have some fun!"

Fun. Right. What had I done? Jacob must've been feeling so rejected right now. He thought that I was still in love with another man and to top that off, I told him that I didn't want to have sex with him. How much did I expect him to tolerate? If he wasn't going to _give_ me the opportunity to talk, then I would have to force him to listen. A plan formed in my guilt-ridden mind. I would call Charlie in the morning and have him come get me. He would do just about anything to keep me together with his best friend's son. If Jacob wouldn't call me back, I would just go to him.

Relaxation flowed though me almost instantly after plotting for tomorrow. Tonight for Mandy's sake, as well as my own, I was going to make an effort to have a good time.

When we arrived at the frat house, there was already a large crowd. Mandy found some friends and we made our way through the house circulating the crowd. I'd never seen so much beer in my life and people were running around in various stages of undress. This scene quickly reinforced why I did not go to these parties—I saw no point in them. Thankfully, Mandy found the guy that invited her and introduced us.

"Bella, this is Trey. Trey, my roommate Bella."

"Hi." We both said simultaneously and then laughed.

"Thanks for inviting us. This is quite the gathering," I said, looking around at the debauchery surrounding us.

Trey laughed. "Yeah, and it's still early. Do you guys want anything to drink?"

"I'm okay," I answered before Mandy could say yes for me. Sobriety, in the midst of the chaos surrounding me, seemed like a good idea.

"Sure, I do. Surprise me." She smiled at Trey.

"I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere," he winked at her before turning to leave the room.

"He's so cute, Mandy." I leaned over to her and yelled above the music.

"I know." She grinned.

For the next hour or so, I sat back while Trey and Mandy made goo-goo eyes at each other and I checked my cell phone repeatedly. Jacob still hadn't called me back yet and it was depressing to be here with these two. There were limits to my sanity. "Hey guys, I'm going back to the room." I started to get up and walk out of the room.

"Bella, you shouldn't walk back by yourself." Mandy rushed to follow me out of the room.

"You're having a good time. He's great. Go back and enjoy yourself. I'll be fine. Charlie always makes sure I have pepper spray." I smiled as I held up the can and waved it at her. "I'm so tired from not sleeping last night. If I don't go now, you're going to have to carry me back."

I gave her a quick hug. "Now go back and keep Trey company before someone else does."

Mandy finally gave in and walked back over to Trey. I tried to remember what room we had left our coats in and after wandering around searching, I was pretty sure that would need a dose of penicillin after witnessing some of the scenes that were taking place around me. Thankfully, I found my coat, dodging drunks along the way, and sought the quiet of the night. At least it wasn't raining or snowing outside, which was a rare occurrence for Seattle.

I regretted allowing Mandy to talk me into going here tonight. As soon as she told me where we were going, I should've backed out. Of course, not wanting to spoil her night, I went along with her plan against my better judgment. It wasn't that I was a complete prude—I just didn't see the appeal in having sex with someone while a group of onlookers cheered. I couldn't imagine what would possess someone to do that. It was embarrassing enough to think about one person seeing me naked, let alone a whole group of people.

The clear view of the sky was extraordinary on this cool evening. The stars and moon were shining brightly, helping to light the way back to the dorm. I couldn't remember the last time I had seen the stars so clearly because of almost constant overcast skies. I walked across the courtyard glancing up at those rare stars, when something moved in front of me and caught my eye.

"Hello Bella." The velvet voice that I hadn't heard for so long was speaking to me. No—it couldn't be. I looked up and my eyes met the golden eyes that had a starring role in my dreams.

***

_**Edward Cullen**_

The simple melody flowed from my fingers onto the glossy black and white keys, conveying my guilt and my undying love to someone who was unable to hear. My mind and heart were unwilling to move beyond the decisions I had made in the past, and the subsequent actions that resulted haunted every thought that ran through me. This uncomplicated and delicate piece of music had not been blessed with a name but did have an inspiration—Isabella Swan.

I poured all of my self-loathing, fear and shame into this composition, as well as my devotion, affection and love. I played it frequently and the other students had long since tired of being forced to listen to it repeatedly, but it was of no consequence to me. I was approaching the second movement when my phone vibrated, interrupting the cascade of notes filling the air. I stared at the number displayed—it was Alice. What was so important it couldn't wait twenty minutes until I was home? She had taken up the annoying habit of keeping tabs on me. She claimed that it was out of concern for me, but I wasn't convinced.

I put the phone up to my ear and before a word left my mouth, Alice spoke. "Edward, we need to talk." Instantaneously the images were flooding my mind. This form of communication was more informative, enlightening and swift than words would ever be for me.

I was entirely unprepared for what she was showing me. A home, Bella's home, a place that I never thought I would lay my eyes on again. A familiar face flashed in the upstairs bedroom—Charlie Swan, Bella's father. The next image was of Charlie as well, but something was terribly wrong. He was lying on the bed, battered and bruised as another figure came into sight with flowing, fiery red hair. I gasped at the vision. "Victoria," I growled as her name left my lips. She was keeping watch on the door, and it became clear that she was waiting there for something…or someone.

The setting shifted to the living room on the lower level. Suddenly, the front door opened slowly and I froze when the face of the person entering the house became clear—Bella. I watched in horror as I observed her climbing the stairs toward the bedroom with Charlie and Victoria. Was she aware of the peril she was approaching? Had Victoria deceived her or threaten to harm her father if she didn't go there?

I jumped up from the piano bench and hurried out of the room so that I could talk freely out in the foyer. "How long, Alice?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe a few days."

_I'm sorry, Edward. I wasn't looking for her. It just popped into my head. Please don't be upset with me. _Her mind was racing and the words were frantically filling my head.

"I'm not upset, Alice. You were right to tell me. I would never wish any harm to come to either her or Charlie. Besides, I'm the reason that Bella was ever in Victoria's presence to begin with." This was another instance of her being in danger because of knowing me and precisely why I had left her a little over a year ago. She would have always been at risk if she remained a part of our lives.

_Edward, you need to move past that. How long are you going to punish yourself?_

"As long as it takes. I'm going to Forks." Racing out into the parking lot, I got into my car and headed south to a place I hadn't been for over a year. What would I say to her when I got there? How would I tell her that once again she was in harms way? In order to keep a low profile, I left the car at our home where no one would see it. The forest flashed around me as I ran toward the home from Alice's vision.

I carefully waited, hidden in the foliage, beside her home. Charlie's cruiser was out front and I could hear the television on inside, everything appeared as it should be. There was no trail of Bella's scent anywhere. I carefully leapt up to her window and entered her bedroom. Judging by the lack of scent, she had not been here for some time. Had she gone back to Phoenix to be with Renee? Gone off to college? I ran back to the forest and pulled the phone out of my pocket.

"Alice, she hasn't been at the house. Can you see where she is?" I asked impatiently.

"I'm sorry Edward, that's all I'm getting."

I scanned the images from earlier again in my mind, hoping to find any hint that might shed light on her location. When I revisited her entering through the front door, I saw what I had been searching for. She was wearing a sweatshirt that read Washington Huskies.

"Alice, her sweatshirt. Where is the closest campus?"

"Seattle, I think. Edward you're taking quite a leap of faith aren't you?"

"Yes, but it's all I have to go on right now. I'm going to the campus and stop her from coming back to Forks."

"What are we going to do about Victoria?"

"I'm not certain as of yet."

***

As I drove toward Seattle, questions and concerns swirled around in my head. How would I be able handle being near her after such a long separation? Would her blood still hold the same power over me? What had she been doing since that day? Had she moved on with her life as I had hoped? I assumed that she was a student and that pleased me. She deserved so much more in life, more than what I could have offered her. If I could see that she had truly moved on and was happy, I would force myself, once again, to leave the only person I have ever truly loved.

My very purpose in driving to this campus was the reason why I had to disappear. I would never be good for her and would endanger her simply because of what I was. I would have given anything to be human again, to be with her. However, that was not an option.

Arriving at the campus, I parked the car in a central location. I carefully weighed my options for searching the campus quickly without detection. Being dark outside, the risk was minimal for a search on foot. I ran quickly in a set pattern, trying to pick up her scent. After approximately a third of the way finished, the sweet scent of freesia halted my search. The trail was several hours old, but still strong enough to follow to a residence hall. Was this possibly her dorm? Another student was exiting the building, allowing me to glide silently in just before the door closed again. Tracking the same trace of her scent, I located her room, but there was no answer at her door.

Systematically, I continued to search where I had left off. The scent stopped me once again in a courtyard, but it was stronger, fresher. The burn in my throat intensified, telling me that she was close, very close and it brought me to a standstill. I scrutinized my immediate surroundings, looking for the source of the fragrance. At that exact moment, I saw her walking_ alone_ in this very courtyard about one hundred yards from me. What would possess her to walk unaccompanied late at night?

Any idea that I would be able to leave her again was obliterated the instant I saw her face. Even if I destroyed Victoria and no other threat loomed, I knew that I would not be able to exist without her anymore. I stepped directly into her path and attempted to prepare myself to speak to her after so many months had passed.

"Hello Bella."


	5. Chapter 5 Hot 'N' Cold

**A/N: Sorry about the delay. The site has been having issues with uploading new chapters for the past few days.**

**Please read and review!**

**

* * *

**

**_Bella Swan_**

"Edward?" This had to be another dream because I had long since given up waiting for his return. I closed my eyes tightly, but when I reopened them he was still there, looking at me strangely. My head felt a little weird, like the courtyard was spinning, faster and faster.

"Bella, what are you doing? Are you okay?" he asked, concern in his voice, as he took a step toward me with his hand outstretched.

"Don't touch me," I snapped at him. As the words came out of my mouth, Edward stopped in his tracks, and the hand that he had extended dropped back to his side. I was shocked by the sudden anger flowing through me.

Edward's face revealed no reaction to either the words or the tone that I used. He looked around the courtyard and spoke again, "Bella, it's not safe here. We need to get you back inside."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "Edward, you can't just show up like this. What gives you the right…"

He interrupted me before I could finish, "Bella, Victoria is coming back." I stood frozen in place. Edward took advantage of my stunned reaction and started to lead me back to my dorm, carefully monitoring the surroundings as we walked. I felt a hand on my lower back urging me to walk even faster.

"How do you know she's coming back? Is she coming after me? Why? Why now after all this time?" The questions came so rapidly, they all ran together as they left my mouth.

"Alice. And yes it does appear that she is coming back for you," he answered simply, his pace picking up even though I was already struggling to keep up with him. "I don't know the answers to the other questions, not yet."

"Slow down, Edward. I can't walk as fast as you can, remember?" I caustically reminded him. As the shock of hearing about Victoria's return wore off, my anger returned. I stopped in my tracks and refused to move forward. "Besides, why do you care if she's back? Wouldn't she be doing you a favor?"

"Can we discuss this inside, _please_?" He slowly spun around to face me, his eyes focused on mine intently, and I felt my determination begin to falter. I shook my head slightly as if I was shaking cobwebs out of my head. I knew what he was doing and I refused to let him dazzle me into submission.

The level of resentment and irritation toward him was so high that I felt it coursing through me. My focus had been working through the hurt and loneliness I was left with after he vanished from my life. This anger that had seemingly been buried deep inside of me was a surprise. It all came flooding to the surface at once and I felt like I had no choice but to release it.

"No, we can't discuss this inside. We'll talk here," I said as I pointed at the ground emphatically. "Did you honestly think that I would be thrilled to see you? That I would throw my arms around you and pick up where we left off?"

I could see the change in his eyes as my emotions took over. He became agitated and I could see the impatience and fury gradually building. "Damn it Bella, There isn't time for this nonsense. I don't know if Victoria has traced you here too." He scooped me up and swiftly carried me to Mercer Hall. We were at the front door before I even had a chance to object.

"How did you know where I live?" He looked at me unbelieving. Right, I had forgotten how resourceful he could be. He set me down and I used my key card to unlock the door. It had been so long since I had been in his arms but it was oddly comforting to have been that close. I walked up the stairs, hoping that my two left feet would cooperate. I knew he was following me, even though I couldn't hear his footfalls, I _felt_ him. As we ascended the stairs together, I became aware of the fact that we were being watched. The other students were used to seeing me with Jacob and I was sure that it surprised them to see me with another guy. The two men couldn't have looked more different, it was no wonder so many people noticed.

***

**_Edward_****_ Cullen_******

Standing in the courtyard facing Bella was a surreal experience. How many times had I envisioned this in my head? Being able to see her, even just one last time, was something I had craved. I gazed into those beautiful chocolate brown eyes and for the first time in over a year, I felt complete again. The discomfort I experienced as I inhaled her essence was not unwelcome—it proved to me that she was truly here with me and I wasn't hallucinating.

I heard her say my name and it was the most beautiful thing to me. I wanted so badly to reach over and take her in my arms, but I knew that wasn't likely to happen. My behavior the last time I saw her wasn't something I was proud of. She looked strangely at me, as if she was in shock or in danger of passing out. I reached out to steady her and the look in her eyes changed. A different emotion had risen to the surface—anger.

Her words stung me and reinforced that this encounter wasn't going to be without conflict. I let my outstretched hand drop to my side. I deserved every bit of hostility for my actions and I had to endure it. She wouldn't even permit me to touch her though. Had she finally seen me for the monster I truly was?

I attempted to catch any trace of Victoria's scent, hoping she hadn't figured out that Bella wasn't in Forks. I hadn't found any sign of her earlier in the areas of the campus I surveyed, but I had only searched a little more than a third of the campus so far. I needed to get her to a safe place, reluctant to take any chance of having a confrontation with Victoria in this setting. Far too many people could've become witnesses, and just as easily victims.

Bella continued to ignore my attempts to get back to the dorm. She was completely oblivious to anything I had said, and I decided a more direct approach would be required. She instantly froze in place when I mentioned Victoria's name. I was relieved that my words had finally broken through to her and watched as she stood completely still like a statue, her lips parted slightly. I saw this as my opportunity and put my hand on her lower back, encouraging her to begin walking again toward a more secluded location.

Her questions flew at me in rapid succession and I didn't know how much information to reveal to her at this point. Knowing Bella as I did, as soon as I told her that Alice's vision included Charlie, she would race back to Forks. Exactly the last place I wanted her to be right now. I decided that the old adage 'less is more' applied and hoped that my answers would satisfy her curiosity.

I picked up my pace, hoping to avoid any more questions, but her stubborn side reared its head. She chastised me for the swiftness of my movements and I felt the anger emanating from her. Why was she stopping? Didn't she understand that I was attempting to protect her?

My internal questions were answered when she suggested that I didn't care if she was hurt. She even went so far as to insinuate that Victoria would've been doing me a favor by harming her. The dreadful things she was saying were appalling and the sheer force of her words crushed me. Did she truly believe I would've wished harm upon her? I turned her into a harsh, cynical person. I really was a monster. But, right now, it didn't matter how much I hated or despised myself. I couldn't allow my repugnant and loathsome patterns to take over my person again. I had spent too many days, weeks and months in that destructive mindset and I knew that I needed to remain focused on the reason I was in this situation—Victoria.

I became increasingly frustrated with Bella as she refused to cooperate. Her behavior was bordering on ridiculous and served no purpose at the present. Why was she insisting on being so difficult? I was merely trying to keep her out of harm's way. I could have taken any amount of verbal attack launched at me, but only once we were safely inside. I could see her temper rising as she spoke and I knew I had underestimated her stubbornness.

I didn't know how else to make her understand what a precarious position she was in and frustration was taking hold of me with anger not too far behind. I was quite sure that she would be livid for what I was about to do, but she didn't leave me much choice. I quickly picked her up off the ground and into my arms. She was going to come with me—willingly or unwillingly. Her intoxicating essence filled my lungs, nostrils and my mind. The blaze in my throat continued to grow more intense, but still manageable. I sprinted toward her dorm and upon entering her room I was assaulted by a revolting scent I hadn't been subjected to since leaving Forks. I identified the offending stench instantly.

***

**_Bella Swan _**

As soon as we were in my room, I turned toward him and with an annoyed voice I asked, "Edward, you said Victoria was coming. So, where is she now?" He had a scowl on his face as he looked around the room. His breathing was deeper and his nostrils began to flare.

We both stood at opposite sides of the room. Was I awake? Was I sure of it? Couldn't this be a dream that he was actually standing in my dorm room? I felt my stomach flutter as I thought of the many, many times I had wanted this to happen. But I couldn't allow these feelings to seep back into my head—it was too painful. I had to get a hold of myself. He left you. Never forget that. He made the choice.

"I believe that she will be in Forks at some point in the near future. Alice saw her at your house," he said with the same glare on his face. It was nice to know that he was happy to see me. Any fantasies that I'd once had about his return were crushed as I realized I was nothing more than a burden to him.

"Charlie," I gasped as I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket. I dialed quickly and waited for him to answer.

"Bella, Alice is already on her way there. She is probably there now."

I closed my phone, my call going unanswered at the house. Before I was able to start my much-deserved panic attack, I watched Edward pull a small silver cell phone out of his pocket and dial. He spoke so swiftly, I wasn't able to catch any part of the conversation.

"She has arrived in Forks and Charlie is unharmed. He left about a half hour ago and Alice followed as far as La Push."

I exhaled deeply. I knew he would be safe there. "How much time do we have?"

"A few days, maybe. Alice is unsure."

The fear was beginning to catch up with me. I started to tremble and knew the cause wasn't entirely about Victoria's impending return. The apprehension and terror permeating my being was of the unknown. I looked into Edward's eyes and wondered what would I say to him and what would he say to me. If it was so easy for him to leave me before, why did it matter to him if she came back? My body felt strange, like I couldn't hold myself up any longer and I leaned against my bed.

"Bella, are you feeling alright?" I felt his hand on my back gently. "You don't look very well."

My head started spinning again as it did in the courtyard and my ears were ringing. The sounds of the dorm around us were muffled, like I was underwater and then everything went dark. When my eyes did finally open again, I was starting at the ceiling. I looked around at my surroundings, trying to regain my bearing. How did I get in my bed? I started to sit up when I heard his voice.

"Bella, take it slowly." He was by my side in an instant, supporting my arms with his to help me sit up. His voice was calm this time, gentle even.

"I'm still angry with you." The words came out without a thought, but I didn't want to take them back. I needed him to know what I was feeling. I did my best to try to shove his hands away as I spoke. Nothing like fighting a lost cause, I couldn't budge his marble hands away from me.

"Yes, I know." There was something different in his voice. He wasn't as confident and strong as he had always seemed before. "You have every right to be." He stepped back to the other side of the room, leaning against Mandy's bed.

"Where's my phone?" I asked as I looked around the room. He placed it in my hand before I could get up. I began to dial the phone when Edward objected.

"Charlie is safe already and Alice will continue to watch over him," he said confused.

"I'm not calling Charlie," I answered gruffly through my teeth as I waited for the other end to pick up, _if_ he would pick up. Relief washed over me when I finally heard his voice.

"Bella, please stop calling. I'm not ready to—"

I stopped him midsentence, my voice shaking. "Jacob, I need your help. I need the pack to watch over Charlie for the next few days."

Edward's face tightened and his brow furrowed as he realized to whom I was speaking. I glared at him and then turned so my back was facing him as I spoke to Jacob, my boyfriend. He had always been there for me when I needed him most. He didn't leave me standing alone in a forest crying my eyes out. The rest, Jacob and I could work out. I was sure of it.

"Bella, what's wrong? Is Charlie okay? Are you okay?" Jacob asked anxiously, the annoyance in his voice had disappeared.

"Victoria's coming back," I answered him swiftly. I was trying to hide the panic in my voice, but it didn't fool Jacob.

"Where are you? Did you see her?"

"No, Jake, relax. I'm fine. I think we've got a couple of days to prepare."

Jacob paused for a moment and then spoke carefully, calmly, "You said _coming_ back, not came back."

"Yes," I managed to squeak out, afraid of where this conversation was going.

"If you haven't seen her then how…" He paused again and as I turned back around, I saw that Edward had left. Figures. He just reinforced why I couldn't let myself be that vulnerable again, not with him.

I tried to speak, to break the silence, but didn't get very far. "Jacob—"

"They're back, aren't they?" he asked and I couldn't help noticing his voice sounded much different—it was colder, distant. "Where are you now?"

"I'm in my room. I'm fine. But you've got to talk to Sam. Please don't let anything happen to Charlie," I pleaded with him.

He sighed. "You know that I would never, ever let any…_thing_ harm him or you." He spoke with hatred. "Stay put, I'm on my way. I'll tell Sam about it on the way. Now last night makes perfect sense, why you didn't want to be with me."

Before I could object, he ended the call. Great, not only did I have a sadistic vampire hell-bent on destroying me, but now my werewolf boyfriend was mad because my vampire ex showed up. Perfect. Just another day in the life of Isabella Swan.

***

Relief came over me as Jacob came through the door. I was ready for things to go back to the way they were twenty-four hours ago but the look on Jacob's face, filled with such disgust and hatred, told me that they weren't going to.

"I knew it," he mumbled to himself, but loud enough that I could hear. "He was here in your room, wasn't he?" How could he possibly know that?

"Yes, but—"

He cut me off before I could finish. "Filthy, stinking bloodsucker," he snarled with repulsion on his face as he breathed.

"Jacob," I got up from my desk and looked directly at his eyes. "I didn't know he was coming here." I waited, refusing to let him break the gaze. I needed him to understand that I was telling him the truth. "The fact that he was here tonight doesn't change anything between us."

"You're right, it doesn't. It's still a threesome." He glared at me.

"Jacob, that's not fair."

"The hell it's not!"

Stillness fell over the room as we remained at separate ends, both watching each other in silence. I found myself more afraid of losing Jacob than I was of Victoria finding me. I wished I had a magic wand to wave and make everything go back to the way it was. I didn't know how to solve this problem with our relationship, but I was determined to try.

My voice broke through the quiet between us, "Jacob, what do you want me to say?"

He shook his head. "I don't know."

Releasing a long sigh, I began to talk, not having any sort of plan or agenda, just letting the words fall from my lips. "There will always be a place in my heart for Edward Cullen and I won't apologize for that." He started to interrupt but I held up my hand, signaling for him to hear me out. "He made his choice, Jacob, and I've made mine—you. Once he realizes that I'm okay, I'm sure he'll leave again. He feels responsible for Victoria targeting me, that's all. He doesn't want to be with me. He made that perfectly clear already. You don't have anything to be worried about."

He didn't say anything, but had an intense look on his face as he mulled over what I had said. I waited patiently for his response, knowing this was difficult for him. Edward had always been a touchy subject with Jacob and I avoided any discussion that would involve any member of the Cullen family. His insecurity about Edward was a deviation from his usual confidence and strength and I felt guilty knowing that I was at the nucleus of this change.

If my words weren't enough to keep him from leaving me, how would I survive without him? My life had been put back together, with Jacob playing a huge part, and now Edward was going to rip it apart—again.

The fear of Jacob's reaction had started to take a toll on me. I continued to look at him, searching for any indication of what he was thinking. My hands began to shake as I imagined a life where Jacob didn't play an integral part.

He was first to make a move. I watched him walk toward me, not completely sure that I was prepared for what he might say. As he got closer to me, his hand slowly raised and outstretched to me. I timidly placed my hand in his as he guided me to stand up, still keeping a distance between us. He brought his hand to my chin, lifting it gently. "You know that I will always keep you safe, don't you?" I was encouraged by the tone of his voice and the anger and hostility I had feared, never emerged from him.

"Of course I do," I answered looking into his eyes as relief began to wash over me. I felt tears beginning to well up when he pulled me closer to him. I held my breath, anxiously anticipating his affections, as he leaned down and kissed my forehead. Abruptly, he backed away from me with a disgusted look on his face again.

"Ugh! He's all over you!" His voice overflowed with disdain and he looked down at the floor. I could hear his breathing more rapid and his hands were clenched at his sides.

I hesitated to ask the question. "You can…smell him on _me_?" I didn't need to hear the answer—the scowl on his face told me everything I needed to know. "Jacob, nothing happened," I explained adamantly, feeling like I was back on the defensive. I moved closer, my hand extended, hoping to bridge the chasm between us, but he shuffled to the side avoiding my touch.

"Where is he?" he questioned angrily, looking around the room.

"I don't know. I was talking to you on the phone earlier and when I turned around he was gone." Jacob eyed me suspiciously. He still doubted me. When had I ever given him reason to mistrust me? "I'm serious, Jacob," I added, feeling the volume of my voice get louder in direct proportion with my growing irritation with the situation.

"So what, he just drops by to tell you Victoria is coming back and then he vanishes?" His voice dripped with sarcasm. "I'm going back outside to check to make sure she hasn't been on campus. Stay put and lock the door behind me."

After I closed the door, I made a point to turn the lock. I wasn't confident that it would do anything to stop Victoria, but at least it was a start. I walked back to the desk and stared out the window into the darkness wondering if she was out there. I really hoped that Jacob would be in a calmer mood when he came back. This roller coaster of emotions I was on was exhausting. Lost in my own thoughts, I didn't hear anyone enter the room.

"You promised me you wouldn't do anything reckless." His voice startled me.

I spun around and saw him standing in my doorway, shocked because I was positive that I locked the door. My memories hadn't done him justice. His angular jaw, the depth of his eyes, and the tousled hair… ugh, he was still too perfect. Reality hit me in the face as I recalled the speed with which he left me standing alone in the forest. I needed to wake up, he only came back to warn you about Victoria and then he'd go back to his life—the one without you in it, by his volition.

"Going to college is reckless? Yeah, those exams and labs can be life threatening. Gee, I wish you had warned me." I feigned a look of horror on my face. He wasn't amused.

"Bella, I am referring to the wolf. Why are you associating with werewolves? Do you have any idea how volatile and dangerous they can be, especially a young one such as Jacob?" The expression on his face exhibited such ire and ferocity. It bothered me. An image of Emily's face flashed in my mind. The three red, raised scars on the side of her face jumped out at me. Sam may have lost control around Emily, but that wouldn't happen with Jacob. He knew how to control himself.

"What's your problem, Edward? Jacob isn't going to hurt me. Why do you hate them so much anyway? What have they ever done to justify your prejudices?"

"Bella, they are natural enemies to my kind."

I refused to let him talk about the pack with disrespect and hatred. They had shown me so much kindness and I almost thought of them as family. "What gives you the right to tell me who I can be friends with?"

He looked directly into my eyes. "Just know that I will be watching you, protecting you."

"Last time I checked that was my job," Jacob growled as he entered the room and placed himself in between Edward and myself. He towered over Edward at six foot seven, but Edward wasn't backing down as he glowered at Jacob.

"I don't need your help, Edward. Jacob can keep me safe," I gritted my teeth as I answered, wanting to lash out at him with abandon. Why did he care anyway? He didn't want me.

"She's right, you know." Jacob grinned widely at Edward.

"Jacob, while I do appreciate all you have done for Bella, I will not leave her unguarded until Victoria has been dealt with," he said as he took a step closer to Jacob. They were standing practically toe-to-toe now, low growls escaping from both of them.

I had to intervene before things escalated any further. If they trashed the room, how would I explain to either Mandy or the RA? I stepped out from behind Jacob and squeezed in between both of them. Standing amid the two of them, a hand on each chest, I attempted to push them back from each other. It was astonishing how different they felt—Jacob was exceedingly warm, while Edward was ice cold. Softness that could only have been human stood in stark contrast to rigid marble. They were complete opposites—human and immortal.

"Both of you stop, now!"

As soon as the words left my mouth, the door opened in perfect timing. "Hey Bella, I'm surprised you're still awake." Mandy stopped in her tracks as she took in the sight of the heavenly creatures about to come to blows in our room. I had no idea how I was going to explain any of this to her. "Jacob." She nodded to him briefly. "Good to see you came to your senses about last night."

"Uh, thanks Mandy," Jacob answered her, somewhat confused. I glanced at Edward's face and watched him cringe. His hands compressed into tight fists on either side of him. Great, I was sure that Mandy and Jacob had just given him the scoop on last night's fight, my refusal to sleep with Jacob, and who knew what else. Mandy wasn't aware of Edward's special talent, so I couldn't fault her for sharing any details. Jacob, on the other hand, was well informed of this ability and was no doubt intentionally sharing images and thoughts with Edward.

Mandy turned towards the newcomer in the room. "Who are you and what did I just walk into?" she asked with obvious uncertainty.

"Mandy, this is Edward Cullen. We went to school together in Forks." I looked at her as I pleaded with my eyes, hoping that she wouldn't show any reaction toward the name. Dear God, please don't let her expression give away anything to Jacob. If he knew I had been talking about Edward with her, it was a good bet that his reaction wouldn't have been good.

"Nice to meet you, Edward." She looked at me with confusion as she spoke. I exhaled a sigh of relief that she had taken the hint.

"The guys were having a bit of a disagreement, but we're over that…_aren't we_?" I asked, looking angrily at both of them.

Neither one answered, but Mandy seemed to sense the heightened level of tension in the air. I couldn't imagine that it would ever be a good situation when a current boyfriend was in the same room as an ex-boyfriend, especially when they were sworn enemies.

"Okay, well, I'm going down to the bathroom to get ready for bed," Mandy informed us as she gathered her pajamas and face cream. As soon as she was out the door, I turned to scold them both.

"Are you two serious? Is it too much to ask for you both to act like adults? Mandy is going to be coming back shortly and you both have to go." I pointed toward the door with one hand and placed the other on my hip.

"Bells, why can't I stay all night like I _usually_ do?" Jacob said, his eyes gradually drifting toward the other man in the room, the person he saw as his rival. He was taunting Edward, purposely adding insult to injury. Edward stiffened in response to this mental pissing match, reacting to whatever visual Jacob just provided.

"I want you both out. I can't handle this right now. Victoria's not coming here, Alice saw her in Forks at Charlie's house. I don't need you here, either of you."

They could both tell by my voice that the topic wasn't open for discussion. Edward and Jacob looked at each other as if they were having a silent discussion. Then I saw a slight nod of Edward's head.

"No fighting either—I mean it. Now go." I shooed them out with my hands.

They both, slowly and hesitantly, headed for the door. Their faces both looked menacing, and the old adage "if looks could kill" popped into my head. Was it too much to ask for them to just get along? I had no patience for this childish behavior. As they passed over the threshold of the door, Mandy was on her way back in.

"Night guys," she called after them. I watched as she closed the door and turned the lock. "Spill it." She twirled around and leaned on the door with a devious grin.

I had no idea where to start to explain this uncomfortable situation. "Well, Edward surprised me and then Jacob came here at the same time. It wasn't a pretty picture."

"Are you kidding? Looked like a damn pretty picture to me. Where do you find these guys? They're both hot!"

I couldn't help but smile at her successful attempt to distract me from my annoyance.

***

**_Jacob_****_ Black_******

_"You want to continue this conversation outside?"_ The leech nodded his head in agreement. I couldn't wait to get him outside. Bella had told us not to fight, but that went against our very own nature. Mandy said goodnight to us as we left the room, and we walked out of the dorm silently. The night was quiet and there weren't any other students around. Good. I turned to look directly at him.

"What the hell are you doing back here? Haven't you done enough to her?" I snarled through my teeth at him.

"I came to ensure her safety." Why did he always have to be so freaking polite? It made me hate him even more. He smirked at me.

"Yeah, well she's fine. She doesn't need you, parasite." I gloated to him. "She's got me. And stay out of my head."

"How exactly would you have protected her against a threat you knew nothing about?"

"We would've been able to catch her scent when she got close."

"It appeared that way in Alice's vision. Victoria torturing Charlie, whilst Bella comes home, completely unaware she is walking into a trap. Victoria is very cunning. You cannot underestimate what she is capable of."

Was it possible for him to speak without being so condescending? I noticed a slight upturn of his mouth, sending me over the edge.

"You left her. Do you have any idea what you did to her? Do you even care?" My mind flashed back to that night when she was found in the woods. He flinched at those memories. "She was in pieces—broken. Who do you think picked up those pieces?" I said angrily. "You don't like those images do you? Well, that's too bad, you need to take a look at your handy work. This is what you left behind."

"You can argue with me all you like, Jacob Black, but I am not leaving her. I will keep watch over her until this danger passes," he spoke to me with a cool confidence and then he turned, walking into the shadows without a sound.

Perfect. Things had been fine with Bella and then he had to show up. Well, at least before last night, things had been going well. I couldn't lose her, especially not to him. Why did I always let him get to me? Damn, that was annoying.

I leaned up against the cool brick of Mercer Hall, trying to sort through all the thoughts running through my head. I did believe Bella when she said that she hadn't known he was coming, but it didn't help my suspicions about her though. I was still convinced that she was hanging onto some shred of hope of him coming back. It was bad enough when I was only competing with his memory, now he had materialized. I dropped my head into my hands and wondered what his return would mean for Bella and me. I wasn't delusional. I knew I never would've had a chance with her while he was around.

I phased back to relay the conversation to Sam. The pack would want to know what had taken place, and more importantly, who had shown up here.

_Looks like Bella's safe at the school. The psychic leech only sees Victoria at the Swan house._

_Jacob, you need to come back here and help us start looking for her. Did they say when they think she'll be here?_

_He told Bella that it will be in the next few days. Sam, I won't leave her with that bloodsucker around._

_You can and you will, Jacob. Your responsibility is here on the reservation. We need to keep everyone safe._

I had no choice but to listen to Sam, he was the Alpha of the pack. I didn't think there was any reason not to trust Bella, but I definitely had reason not to trust Edward Cullen.

* * *

End Notes: Please review for a teaser of the next chapter. :)


	6. Chapter 6 Unanswered

**A/N: Thank you to those who are joining me on this little journey. **

**Thank you to those who reviewed. I've enjoyed writing this story and it's great to see that others are enjoying as well. **

**Lots of new developments in this chapter. Post a review and let me know your thoughts, theories, fave parts, etc. It's always fun to read them.**

**Thanks to all the usual suspects....Project Team Beta, poo235, suzyq, and MLD. I bow to your greatness......  
**

**Yeah, I do wish I owned Edward, but I don't....damn it.**

This was turning into another night where sleep would elude me, probably related to the fact I was fairly certain Edward wasn't far away—he had a history of lurking. His return was bringing unpleasant memories to the surface and my head swirled with confusion. He had told me that he didn't belong in my world and that he was tired of acting human. So, what was he doing here then? My heart begin to flutter as my thoughts turned to Edward and I wondered how, after so long, he still had this hold on me? He shouldn't be able to affect me like this, not anymore, and I felt myself wishing he would go back to whatever rock he crawled out from under. Life was easier then, not perfect, but certainly easier.

***

I went through the motions and busied myself most of the day on Sunday, not trying to focus on what had occurred last night. Mandy and I both had homework to do and followed our normal routine of spending Sunday morning getting as much done as possible so that we could enjoy the rest of the day. I finished writing an essay for my literature class and started working on Calculus to help take my mind off the drama that had developed in my life. Later in the afternoon, Mandy went shopping with Tiffany. They attempted to drag me along, but a busy shopping mall was the true definition of torture to me.

The velvet voice interrupted my thoughts as I was sifting through my email. "Exam coming up?" I turned suddenly toward the open door to see him standing there casually.

"Do you always have to sneak up on people?" I asked him with an acidic tone.

"The door was ajar," he said gently. "I just wanted to make sure that you were okay."

"Why are you doing this, Edward? Why are you hanging around?"

"I'm the one who put you in danger with Victoria. This wouldn't be necessary if you had never been involved with me. I feel…somewhat responsible."

Looking at him carefully, I tried to read his face. Was that the only reason why he was here? Because of a sense of obligation? I shouldn't have felt disappointed, but I did. My heart sank as I examined his indifferent expression.

"Jacob will take care of it. You don't need to hover over me." His face tightened up and the fiery look from last night was back.

"The wolves haven't found anything yet. What makes you so sure they will?"

"They took care of Laurent."

He was visibly disturbed at the mention of the dark-haired vampire's name. "Laurent? Bella, when…"

"Spring break isn't a good time for me evidently," I quipped. "He came to Forks as a favor to Victoria." His mind processed that information quickly and the fire in his eyes turned to fury. He didn't know that Laurent had come back for me.

"And the wolves destroyed him?" he said, attempting to keep his voice even and stay calm.

I saw my chance to hurt him, as if that would lessen the pain I felt, and I took it. "How does it feel to know that the very people you look at with such hatred have been keeping me safe since you fell off the face of the earth?" I looked him directly in the eyes, posing the question with bitterness and noticed he drew back slightly.

He didn't break the stare while I awaited his response. As always with her impeccable timing, Taylor came out of her room from across the hall, stopping in her tracks when she saw Edward leaning against the doorframe.

"Hi Bella," she said with a sickening sweetness to her voice. "Who's your friend?" Edward and I had our eyes focused on each other intently, neither of us willing to break away first.

"Taylor, this is Edward. Edward, Taylor." I sped through the introduction, hoping to get rid of her quickly. He was on the defensive and I didn't want to lose the upper hand, something I never had before.

"Wow, we're going to have to get a revolving door installed in your room." She caught me off guard with her snide comment, causing me to break my stare in time to see her wink at him, which bothered me more than it should have.

I mocked her with a fake, over the top smile. "You're so funny, Taylor. Don't you have somewhere to be, someone to do?"

She trained her eyes seductively on Edward. "See _you_ later."

I watched for a reaction from him, but he didn't acknowledge her at all. How did she always seem to know exactly how to get to me? Anyway, I had no claim to Edward, but couldn't seem to help myself.

"She seems…pleasant," he said with a smirk.

"Oh, she's a real peach." Laughing lightly as I spoke to him. It felt good to share this light-hearted moment with him. My earlier question about the wolves went unanswered as the annoyance and resentful feelings toward him seemed to melt away. This was the first opportunity for the two of us to have a real conversation, so I decided to capitalize on it. "Would you answer some questions for me?"

"I'll do my best," he answered, as he entered the room and closed the door. He walked over to Mandy's bed, leaning his back against it. Several options went through my mind, but the basics would do for now.

"Where have you been?"

"Vancouver, Canada, most recently."

"Is the whole family there?" He was being polite in agreeing to answer my questions, so I continued on trying to see how much he would share with me.

"Yes, Carlisle is working for the local hospital there and we're enrolled at the University of British Columbia." Figures, he simply picked up and settled in at a new place as if nothing happened. What kind of person was capable of simply shutting off any feelings or emotions?

"College, not high school?" This surprised me. Edward had once told me that the younger they pretended to be, the longer they could stay in one place.

"Yes. Although it wasn't my decision, the others couldn't bring themselves to start over this time. I'm studying at the school of music there." His answers had become more relaxed, but it was clear on his face that he was holding something back. Even though this conversation reminded me of how much I had missed talking with him, I couldn't bring myself to forgive him for hurting me so badly. The irritation I felt toward him was seeping back.

"And how are your distractions coming along?" I snapped at him—then, noticing the wounded look on his face, I knew that I had hit home. He dropped his head toward the floor and raked his hand through his tousled, bronze hair.

Edward lifted his head, focusing his eyes directly at mine. "Bella, no amount of distraction will ever make up for the pain that I have caused you." He looked intensely at me while he spoke and the hurt and remorse in his eyes was evident. The urge to go over and comfort him was compelling, and it troubled me that he seemed so uneasy and tortured. I felt as though there were two sides of me at odds with each other over my feelings toward him—it was very confusing. He walked out of the room without saying another word and I honestly had no idea what to say to him.

So many conflicting feelings were running through me, it was probably for the best that he left anyway. One minute I felt calm and almost happy being with him, and the other I was just plain spiteful and rude. If I accused him of having a split personality, then I would have to point the finger at myself as well lately.

Feeling confused and suddenly very lonely, I longed for Jacob and the comfort he always provided for me. I missed him. I wanted him to put his warm arms around me and tell me everything was going to work out fine. But that wasn't going to happen. Sam gave orders for Jacob to stay in La Push and Jacob had no choice but to obey. I picked up my phone and dialed his number, relieved when he answered on the second ring.

"Bells, are you okay?" he asked apprehensively.

"Yes, I'm fine. I just miss you." I sighed, pushing back the tears that were fighting for their release.

"I miss you too." He hesitated with a long pause. "Has _he_ been around any more today?"

"Jacob, please."

"Well, that answers my question." The line disconnected. Did he seriously just hang up on me?

I dialed the number again furiously, his voice mail message picked up after several rings. "Jacob, what are you, twelve?" I yelled into the phone. "In case you need a reminder—I'm your girlfriend—not his. Get over it." I snapped the phone shut quickly and threw it on my bed. I didn't know how much longer I would be able to endure this tug of war between them.

***

Jacob never returned my call, and as I prepared to leave my dorm for my first class on Monday morning, I wondered how long he could keep up this silent treatment. An image of Victoria flashed through my mind and I wondered where she was. Had she found her way here? I thought about the walk to my class and began to get nervous. Knowing Victoria, a courtyard full of students wouldn't stop her from getting what she wanted. Recalling the advice Charlie had given me over the past few years about staying alert to my surroundings, I planned to get to my class as quickly as I could.

Backpack in hand, I walked out the door, locking it behind me. Turning to head down the hallway, I jumped when I saw Edward leaning against the opposite wall. My hand flew to my mouth, muffling the accompanying shriek as I glared at him.

He looked at me apologetically. "I didn't mean to startle you. Sorry."

Unrealistically hoping to lose him, I hurried down the corridor and descended the stairs, pleading with my two left feet to work as a team, just this once. The cooperation my appendages displayed was surprising and there wasn't any of the usual tripping, stumbling, or slipping. There wasn't a need to turn around to know he was following me and I exited the building in silence.

I arrived at my destination and entered the building, my tag-a-long in tow. I stepped through the door to the auditorium, expecting him to wait outside for me. I should have learned by now to expect the unexpected with Edward. He followed me all the way to my normal seat in the back. I sat my backpack down on the table and watched in horror as he pulled out a chair and sat down.

"What are you doing?" I hissed under my breath.

"What do you mean?" he asked innocently.

"Why can't you wait outside for me?" I attempted to keep my voice down as the other students, in particular the female ones, began noticing the new face in the room.

"I can't evaluate the academic integrity of this institute of higher learning from out there."

"Evaluate it for what?" I asked him sarcastically.

Edward smiled at me. "Actually, I was thinking of transferring here."

"Very funny," I smirked at him. "You don't have to babysit me."

"Yes, you have made your opinion clear regarding that." His deep golden eyes focused intensely on me and my pulse quickened in response.

Well aware that he could hear the increase in my heart rate, my embarrassment grew exponentially. As confirmation of my complete humiliation, a telltale blush spread across my cheeks. "Victoria can't outrun them forever," I reasoned in an attempt to divert attention from myself. "You don't need to uproot your life for something so temporary."

"Regardless, I've come to think fondly of the campus. Have a seat." He scooted the chair out for me and, once I sat down, pushed it back toward the table.

If someone had asked what material was covered that day, I would be at a loss to find an answer because my mind was concentrating on the person sitting next to me. When class was dismissed, Edward followed in the same direction I was headed. "Edward, really this isn't necessary."

"I told you that I would be watching over you." His voice clearly indicated that there was no use in arguing with him.

We walked in silence across the campus to my last class of the day. Edward had offered to carry my backpack for me. I tried to resist, but his movements were so swift that the pack was slung over his shoulder in an instant. Once again, he sat in the class as a visitor and I was as unfocused in this class as the previous one.

I arrived at Mercer Hall with Edward in tow behind me, still refusing to let me carry my own backpack. As we walked through the common areas of the dorm, the other students watched curiously. In an attempt to ease the awkwardness, I waved casually at several people as we passed by. There would be questions later, ones that I wasn't quite sure how to answer myself.

Edward followed me inside my room when I opened the door. Mandy looked up and was visibly surprised to see who was with me. "Hey Bella." She looked over at him with a puzzled look on her face. "Edward."

I thanked him for walking me home, which of course he said was no trouble as he headed out the door.

Mandy watched him leave and after the door closed, she pounced on me. "What the hell is going on with you?" Concern began to emerge on her face.

"What do you mean?"

"Edward and Jacob, obviously."

"Oh, that. Edward's just being overprotective—basically being himself," I rolled my eyes as I continued on, trying to downplay everything, "and Jacob, he's pissed that Edward is here." I put my head in my hands as I spoke, rubbing my eyes. My life was sounding more and more like a bad soap opera.

"Have you talked to Jacob?"

"No, he won't pick up and he hasn't called me back."

"Do you blame him?" She asked with irritation in her voice. "Listen, I know that Edward was an important part of your life, but are you really going to give him another chance?"

"It's not like that. That's not why he came back." I tried to convince her as well as myself.

"What did he have to say about why he left?"

"He's trying to make amends in his own way, at least I think so."

"Does Jacob have a reason to be pissed?" Mandy looked me straight in the eye and waited for an answer.

"No. There's nothing going on. Edward doesn't feel that way about me, remember?" My heart sank when the words were uttered because they reinforced what I already knew.

"Bella, are you blind? Have you seen the way that he looks at you?"

II stumbled on the words. "No, it's really not that way. Edward just has a way with his eyes." My mind flashed back to how deep and soulful his eyes had always been. "Besides, I'm with Jacob. At least, I think I am."

Mandy sighed and flopped onto her bed. "What are you going to do? It's gotta be tough on him to know that Edward's been hanging around."

"If he's not going to return my calls, I'm going to have to go to him. Charlie can pick me up on Friday and I'll sit in front of his house until he talks to me."

***

The next day I was prepared when I exited my room so he couldn't startle me again. Sure enough, he was leaning in the same place as yesterday with a playful grin on his face. He moved closer to me and picked up my backpack, slinging it over his shoulder effortlessly. I noticed that he was carrying another backpack besides mine, probably in an attempt to blend in better. We exchanged pleasantries and made small talk along the way, forcing me to admit that it was nice to have someone to converse with. The trip seemed much shorter when my mind was on other things.

We walked into the classroom and the same scene played out in front of me. The other students looked him over and, of course, the other girls had their eyes on him. As I looked around for a place to sit, a hand rested on the small of my back. Edward motioned to a few empty seats on the far side of the room, guiding me toward them, leaving his hand on my back. My stomach did a flip-flop when he touched me, making coherent thoughts harder to form. We both sat down and continued talking as we waited for class to begin. I tried to forget about the minor physical contact that had occurred a few moments ago. My overactive imagination took over though. Images flashed through my mind. The images were of us together, enjoying life as a couple, and I forced myself to come back to reality.

"How many classes will they let you visit?" I managed to croak out, attempting to act nonchalant, like it didn't matter to me. Whether or not I succeeded remained to be seen.

"My transfer was completed. You are looking at the newest Husky." He flashed that perfect crooked smile as he referred to the school mascot.

"Edward, you can't give up everything to be here." I was immediately concerned that he had left his music program; it was something that he clearly loved. Victoria would be caught eventually. How long was he planning on this taking?

He shrugged his shoulders. "I missed Washington."

Thus began our newly created daily routine, which consisted mostly of Edward hovering over me. Coincidently, every class that I was taking, Edward had now been added to. Amazing. Those poor ladies in the Admissions office probably didn't even know what hit them when he arranged his schedule. I knew all too well the power of his eyes, his delicious scent, and his perfect crooked smile.

The rest of the week was spent in much the same way. Edward escorted me to and from our classes and, in some ways, it felt as if this was how things were supposed to have been. We kept our conversation primarily to school and other subjects that I considered "safe". My initial level of anger was impossible to maintain for a protracted period of time. It was too emotionally draining and as I spent more time with him, I noticed how his demeanor had changed. Gone was the smug, overly confident personality. He had become somehow more subdued.

Several times I contemplated whether I was prepared for what would happen after Victoria was found. Edward would leave me again and I didn't know how I was going to react to it and if I could handle that again. I thought I might be content to continue on as we had this week. We didn't need to have a romantic relationship; this was enough.

On Friday, as we were well into a now familiar routine en route to our first class of the day, Edward broke from our normal small talk. "Bella, you can't have Charlie come and get you tonight."

He caught me off guard when I realized he knew what I had been planning. "Eavesdrop much?" It had always been difficult to keep anything from him. He wasn't able to listen to my thoughts. Ever persistent, he made it regular practice to listen to those around me—intentionally or sometimes unintentionally. The list of possible culprits was narrowed down to just one: my roommate.

"Mandy is the one who was thinking about it when I came by this morning," he responded defensively, like he was afraid that I would be angry with him and at the same time, confirming whom he had gotten the information from.

"What difference does it make if I go back to Forks for the weekend?"

"Victoria is still out there looking for you." His face looked concerned.

"Edward, you aren't going to be able to stop me from going. I have something I need to take care of." I didn't have to admit to him why I was going. Of course, it wouldn't surprise me if he already knew about that too. He wasn't going to stop me from talking to Jacob. I was desperate at this point. I hadn't talked to him since Sunday and he was still refusing to return any of my calls. What changed for him? Why was he shutting me out like this?

He took a long look at my determined face. "At least let me take you there." His voice was low as he offered. Why the difference in his voice? Maybe he didn't want to go back to Forks, or was it that he had to go with me?

"Do I have a choice?"

He raised one eyebrow at me. "Not at all. Do you really think that I would sit by while you put yourself in so much danger?"

"Fine, I'll call Charlie and tell him that he doesn't need to drive here this afternoon. I'm not sure what I'm going to say, but I'll think of…something. We can leave after our last class." Jacob was going to love this. But, maybe if he knew my motives, he would understand. Maybe.

After class, I packed a small overnight bag, which Edward promptly picked up to carry as I followed him out of the building. We walked toward a familiar car parked nearby—his silver Volvo. This was becoming freakishly familiar. He opened the passenger side car door, holding it open, and offered a cool hand to assist me, just as he had always done in the past. After Edward got in the car, he turned the engine over and we sped away. His driving hadn't changed at all, but in spite of it, I felt comfortable and safe sitting next to him. It was still a bit unnerving to be alone with him. We had spent a lot of time talking in the past week, but other people were always close by. I leaned my head back and rested my eyes, hoping to avoid any conversation.

We were in Forks quicker than I thought possible, but given whom my chauffer was, it wasn't unfathomable. The vague excuse I gave Charlie earlier today was that a friend offered to bring me home, saving him a trip and money on gas. He seemed disappointed, but agreed. Of course, he also mentioned that he was looking forward to meeting this friend. I really hoped that when we arrived in town, he would be gone so we could avoid the very introduction he was anticipating.

We pulled up at my house and Charlie's cruiser was sitting in the drive. Damn it, I cursed at myself internally, he was home. Charlie hadn't been clued in that Edward had come back into my life and I imagined he wouldn't see that as good news. After the Cullens had left, Charlie's anger over his daughter's 'condition', as he called it, was directed at one person—the same person who sat next to me now with a look of determination and resolve on his face. Inhaling deeply, I muttered to myself, "Well, here goes nothing," as I got out of the car. Edward stood closely by, holding the car door open for me and offering his hand once again.

"Thank you," I said, my voice shaking nervously, as his assistance was accepted.

"Bella, relax. It will be fine," he said, his voice soothing and soft.

We walked up the porch and the front door opened slowly. Charlie came out the door, shotgun in hand. "What the hell are _you_ doing with my daughter?" he yelled as he pointed the weapon directly at Edward. Some days I really hated being the police chief's daughter; it tended to bring things to a completely new and humiliating level.

"Dad, it's okay." I tried to stop him before he could say anything else, or God forbid tried to shoot him. A bullet would be no match for Edward's diamond hard body, but it would be comical though to see Charlie's reaction, though…

"No, it's not okay, Bella. This is who your 'friend' is?" Charlie scowled at him.

"Charlie, I know that you have every reason to be upset with me. Please, know how very sorry I am for hurting Bella," Edward apologized with sincerity, but I wasn't sure that Charlie was going to accept it. He was livid.

Charlie turned back to me. "Is this why you told me not to come get you? I really don't mind the trip. I would've gladly picked you up. You didn't need to ask _him_."

"Dad, it was a last minute decision."

"He's not welcome here."

"You can't tell me who I can and can't be friends with!" I screamed at him.

"The hell I can't!" Charlie shouted at me. I had never seen him so angry before, but instead of intimidating me as he probably hoped, it only made me angrier.

"Dad—" I began before Edward put his hand on my arm, stopping me.

"Bella, it's alright. I'll go. Besides, I need to have a word with Alice," he answered softly. He set my bag down on the sidewalk and turned back to the Volvo.

"Damn right, you'll go." I heard Charlie mumble and Edward showed no reaction, even though I knew he heard him.

"Leave him alone," I grumbled while I bent down to pick up my bag and walked toward the house. That went well.

Ignoring Charlie, I went up to my room and flung myself across the bed. He had pushed me over the edge and when my temper threatened to erupt further, Edward stepped in. I fumed upstairs for a time, replaying the confrontation in my mind, before deciding that I needed to try to find Jacob. That was the whole reason behind this trip in the first place. Charlie was sitting in front of the TV, drinking a beer when I came down the stairs. He had been completely blindsided by seeing Edward here, but even after Edward apologized, his level of hostility never wavered.

I walked over to the door and grabbed the keys to my truck off the hook. "I'm going to La Push. Don't wait up." With as much resentment and anger as I could muster, I slammed the door behind me.

The familiar scent of the interior of my truck surrounded me as I sat behind the wheel. The engine turned over on the first try and I headed out on the well-traveled route. With as many trips that had been made to and from La Push, I was pretty sure the truck could make the drive by itself. As I approached the sign indicating I was entering the reservation, I saw something in the road up ahead in my headlights. It wasn't until I got closer that I realized what, or more appropriately, whom it was. The truck slowed as I applied the brakes to a stop, and I rolled down the window to talk to him.

* * *

**A/N: Ok, so lots of new developments in this chapter. Some have said that Edward is being very arrogant and smug. Yes, he is, but also sometimes humbled by Bella. Remember, his main goal at this point was to, in his mind, clean up the mess he's made. He's not thinking long term and is simply trying to remain somewhat detached. This threat to Bella reinforces to him, why he shouldn't be around her. **

**Yes, Jake is acting like he's 12, but this is new territory for him. As he said in an earlier chapter, he admitted to himself that he knew that he couldn't compete with Edward. Lots of resentment toward the Great Sparkly One. **

**I would love to get a thread started on Twilighted to discuss these things, does anyone know how authors go about starting one? It seems somewhat cocky to start one for myself. **

**Please review! I really enjoy hearing your thoughts, fave parts, theories and even rants, if you feel the need. **

**Thanks for reading!  
**


	7. Chapter 7 Sleeping Arrangements

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed. Also many thanks to Project Team Beta, poo235, suzyq and MLD for the guidance and support. **

**Again, I don't own anything other than the random thoughts running through my head.  
**

* * *

_As I approached the sign indicating I was entering the reservation, I saw something in the road up ahead in my headlights. It wasn't until I got closer that I realized what, or more appropriately, whom it was. The truck slowed as I applied the brakes to a stop, and I rolled down the window to talk to him. _

***

An apology was in order after the scene earlier this evening. "Hey Edward, I'm sorry that Charlie was so rough on you." There were subtle changes that I observed in his posture and demeanor during the exchange with Charlie. Certainly, Edward would deny that Charlie's words had any impact on him, but that clearly wasn't the truth.

Charlie, being the overprotective father of a teenage daughter, was angry with Edward for hurting me. Even though I understood Charlie's ire, the gun was a bit much. When Edward had materialized suddenly at school, I was furious too. But at least I hadn't brandished a firearm.

"Bella, it's alright," he said and then paused to look toward the woods on the right side of the road. He resumed speaking, but was noticeably distracted. "At some point, we all learn to live with our mistakes." Had he really just said "mistakes"? Did he regret leaving or that he had to come back? Did he see our entire relationship as a mistake, too? Or me? Was I a mistake?

He continued to glance around at our surroundings, and it frightened me. The darkness combined with the line of trees on each side gave the road an eerie, tunnel-like characteristic.

Multiple scenarios began to swirl around my mind. Had Victoria been spotted? Was she out there now, watching and waiting for me? Or had she hurt someone already? If anyone had been injured, or worse, because of me, I wouldn't be able to handle the guilt.

"What's wrong, Edward?" My voice was barely above a whisper.

"You shouldn't be going to the reservation. I can't follow you there to protect you."

"The whole reason why I came back home was to talk to Jacob. This is where he is, where I need to be."

"Bella, please." He tried to release the full power of his eyes on me, but determined not to be swayed, I broke from his gaze.

"Stop it, Edward. I know what you're trying to do."

"What?" he asked with infuriating innocence.

"You know what. I wouldn't need to be here in the first place if it weren't for your glorious reemergence." He wasn't fooling me with this act. My strong-willed nature took over and replaced any remaining fear that had been lingering. "Now," I said, pausing for emphasis, "I'm putting this truck in gear so that I can try to salvage what's left of my relationship with Jacob."

Staring him down, I followed though with my previous statement. He looked back at me with concern but also frustration as I drove away from him. Edward was uneasy with the decision I made, but he needed to understand that he wasn't in control of my life—I was.

Crossing over the boundary line made me feel alone, vulnerable. The shadows cast by my headlights made me realize that I had neglected to find out what Edward was watching in the trees. My foot stomped on the gas pedal, pushing the truck to go as fast as I dared. Maybe I should've waited until morning when the forest wasn't so creepy. If Edward hadn't made me so paranoid, I would've been fine. This was a drive that I'd made repeatedly and never found remotely frightening before.

The closer I got to Jacob's house, the more my nerves began to get the best of me. The anticipation of seeing him again was almost unbearable. Fighting with Jacob was not on this evening's agenda, but finding out why he had been avoiding me was. If we were able to talk, maybe he would see that there wasn't anything to be so upset about.

A faint light glowed through the kitchen window of Jacob's house as I pulled up. I knocked quietly and Billy came to the door after a short time. He didn't invite me inside and only held the door open wide enough to talk.

"Hi Billy," I said timidly.

"Jacob's not here," he replied coldly before a question was even asked.

"Do you know where he is?"

"I'm not sure. He's been out patrolling a lot lately."

"Can you please tell him that I stopped by?" It was embarrassing to have to go through Billy to talk to my boyfriend. At least I thought he was still my boyfriend.

"Sure, Bella," he said as he began to close the door. A feeling of defeat came over me as I turned to walk back to the truck. _Wow, Billy really rolled out the welcome mat for me_, I thought sarcastically as I started the drive home. Settling things with Jacob was what I wanted so badly. The hour was getting late and it was obvious that no progress was going to be made this evening. Billy and Charlie, the town's two most prolific gossips, had probably already talked before I ever arrived here. Billy had never hidden his disapproval of my involvement with Edward Cullen.

If it were even possible, the woods seemed darker, more ominous on the return trip. Edward had warned me that he couldn't protect me while I was on the reservation and Jacob hadn't been home. So, here I was, all by myself on a gloomy, deserted road late at night. This had all the makings of a cheaply made, teenage slasher film. At least I was getting ready to cross back over the line, which meant I was getting closer to home. Darkness reduced how far I could see in front of me, and a blood-curdling scream escaped my lips when a figure appeared in front of my truck.

***

_**Jacob Black **_

My feet padded carefully across the forest floor as I tracked a recent northern bound trail that led into Canada. For the past week, the pack had been fixated on hunting down Victoria before she could do any damage. When the pack was collectively in wolf form, our minds were linked together as one, leaving each member's thoughts and memories exposed. Privacy wasn't a part of the lifestyle we had been born into. At first, it was very disorienting, but over time, we had learned how to deal with it.

Images had been rolling through my mind from the others and I managed to filter out most, training my thoughts on the path I was following. But one set of images from Embry, who was outside of Charlie's house, caught my attention. A familiar gleaming, silver car pulled up in the driveway. My limbs came to a standstill while I watched Bella and Edward Cullen get out of the car. She let him drive her home? This was the last place she should be. A furious howl erupted from me before another voice interrupted.

_Jake, I'm sorry man,_ Embry offered, doing his best to console me.

_I'm on my way._ My blood started to boil when I thought about _him_ being around her so much. Why did she continue to deny that there was anything going on? How stupid did she think I was?

_Uhhh, Jake are you getting this?_ Embry barged into my head as new images filled his mind. Charlie was tearing into Cullen. And I had to admit that the shotgun was a nice touch. _This is getting good!_ Embry obviously enjoyed the scene playing out before him. _Way to go Charlie! He ran him off, Jake!_

Sam's commanding voice ended Embry's fun and any thoughts I had of returning to Forks. _That's enough Embry. Pay attention to Charlie and Bella. Jacob, we can't afford for you to be distracted right now either. Stay on that trail. It's the only one leading away from Forks. I want to know why._

_Sam, you don't know what you're asking me to do. _

_Stay on task and do your job, Jacob. He left already._

_He'll be back, Sam. I know he will. If it were Emily, would you be able to keep yourself from going to her?_

_This isn't only about your girlfriend. If Victoria gains access to the reservation or Forks, who's to stop her from killing? Do not force me to carry out something we both know is within my power as an Alpha. You are too close to the situation to see clearly._

_Sam, please…_

_Jacob,_ Sam's timbre began to bind me and take away my will. My body was compelled to move back in the direction I had previously been traveling. _Get going…now._

***

As the night wore on, my pack brothers attempted to reassure me that they were keeping an eye on Bella. Quil had followed her, keeping out of sight in the forest. Jared had taken over for him once she crossed onto Quileute land. Through their eyes, I was able to watch the various scenes play out. Bella had attempted to go to La Push to find me and then the bloodsucker tried to stop her. Jared was prepared to get involved if needed, but Bella had stood her ground. She would never cease to amaze me.

Sam knew I was pissed at him, but made no apologies to me. It was humiliating to think that my brothers had seen me cave into Sam's demands. Each one of them knew that we weren't able to go against the Alpha's commands while we were in wolf form. An idea began to take shape in my mind and instinct took over. Making an impulsive decision, I phased. Once I was back in human form, Sam would have no influence over me, allowing me the freedom to think without an audience. The overwhelming need to know what was happening took over. Morning was close and I figured that I could be back in Forks within a few hours if I pushed it. There would be hell to pay later, but it wasn't important to me right now.

***

_**Bella Swan**_

The shadows shifted as the distance between us narrowed and a familiar face became visible. He was going to give me a heat attack if he kept materializing like this. My tires skidded to a stop and I flew out of the cab.

"Edward!" My voice reached an octave rarely achieved by humans.

"I scared you. I'm sorry." He held his hands up defensively as I charged toward him.

"Well, that's the overstatement of the year. What the hell are you doing in the middle of the road, hailing a cab?" The mix of sarcasm and aggravation was unmistakable.

"Waiting for you." His answer was quiet, as if attempting to gauge what my response would be.

My initial anger tempered, remembering how scared I'd been just a few short minutes ago, and I was relieved not to be all alone anymore. In an attempt to relax, I took a deep breath to fill my lungs while I walked over to lean against the side of my truck. The change in my mood seemed to confuse Edward. Reading minds allowed him to interact with people in an expedient, highly developed way and permitted a certain level of comfort to him. But when faced with a situation where he couldn't use this gift, with me, for example, he was, without a doubt, bewildered and distressed.

Motioning to him, I got back into the truck. "Come on, you can ride with me."

Without a word, he situated himself in the passenger seat. It must have been torture for him not to be in control behind the wheel while the truck plodded along at a normal human speed. Mischievously, I took pleasure in knowing I was in control for once. Very few times could I recall ever having the upper hand with Edward and it had been maddening.

"Where's your car?"

"It's parked at the old house. I thought that would be best."

"Edward, how long can this go on with Victoria?" Waiting around for her to jump out of the bushes and say 'boo' was getting old. I wanted things to go back to normal…or did I? Normal meant that Edward would be gone…again. Besides, he returned only because Alice had told him I was in danger. And I was getting too comfortable with his presence in my life, something that I was well aware that I couldn't afford to do. While the anger toward him continued to burn through me, the intensity was retreating.

"She's being extremely cunning, trying to find a weakness in the pack's defense." In all of the chaos, I forgot that I had asked Jacob to have the pack watch Charlie.

"So, the wolves _are_ around?"

"They have been since you made the request. Alice has already had an encounter with one pack member. She was close to your house checking on Charlie and the one named Paul didn't particularly care for her presence."

"Why haven't I seen any of them yet? And where's Alice? Is she safe?"

"She's fine. You don't have to worry about her, trust me. She may be small in stature, but she can definitely hold her own in a fight. As far as the wolves, they're keeping a low profile." He paused as if contemplating something.

What wasn't he telling me? And what did he mean by 'keeping a low profile'? I was certain that he probably knew where Jacob was, but I didn't know if I could trust him enough to believe what he would say. He had no incentive to help me where Jacob was concerned.

"I've been monitoring the pack pretty easily, actually. When they're in wolf form, their minds are linked and I can hear the entire pack communicating with just one member close by. It really is fascinating."

His enthusiasm over this discovery was annoying when all I really wanted was to find Jacob. Since he'd been listening to the pack's minds so freely, it was only logical he knew what was going on with Jacob. But, even if I did ask him, what incentive was there to help me where Jacob was concerned? I had never known him to be outright deceitful with me, but in the past, there were times that he selectively shared information with me. How could I trust what he would tell me to be the truth?

"I'm sure it is." Irritation was beginning to get the best of me and we were fast approaching my house. It was time to change the subject.

"Victoria has to know by now that I've been away at school and haven't even been in Forks. Do I need to warn Mandy in case she shows up there?"

"She hasn't gotten close enough to know that yet, nor will she."

Various images of Victoria raced through my head. Would she harm Mandy in an attempt to find me? How was I even supposed to warn Mandy in the first place? _She's going to think I've lost my mind_, I scoffed. Fear began to settle in again when I considered that she was in danger simply because she knew me.

"We will catch her, Bella. You have my word." He reached over and squeezed my hand reassuringly. It had been so long since I felt the electricity from his touch. My heart almost leapt out of my chest at the sensation. As quickly as he grasped my hand, he released it and the tingles where our skin had touched lingered. It remained a mystery to me how one touch from him melted away my uneasiness.

***

When the house began to come into view, a distinctive glow shone through the window from the television. Charlie was probably still up waiting for me. Ugh, I groaned as I pulled into the driveway.

Little by little, the emotional turmoil of the past day sapped my energy and exhaustion threatened to overtake me. My eyes closed involuntarily while I let out a yawn. Upon reopening them, I discovered Edward was standing at my door offering his hand out to me. Before I put my hand in his, I paused to consider whether the same feeling would manifest when we touched this time. It did. And even though I knew what to expect, the phenomenon amazed me. My feet hit the ground without any unpleasant occurrences and I let my hand fall from his. As we walked toward the porch, the best scenario I could hope for was one that included Charlie falling asleep while watching the game. A confrontation wasn't going to help the situation.

If things weren't already strange enough, I hadn't given a thought to my sleeping arrangements. The last thing I wanted was for Edward to feel obligated to stay with me, and the awkward 'where would my ex-boyfriend vampire spend the night' part of the evening commenced.

"You don't have to stay, Edward. I'll be fine."

"You know very well that I won't leave you unprotected. Would you rather I remain out here?"

"No, you don't have to do that." My response was hesitant and I couldn't believe what I was about to suggest. "Come on inside, the window should be unlocked."

***

Charlie was snoring on the sofa, allowing me to walk by unnoticed. Carefully, my two left feet ascended the stairs without incident. Pausing at the door to my room, I chastised myself for suggesting Edward stay here. What was I thinking? When I opened the door, he was standing with his back to me, looking out the window. As I crossed the threshold, he turned and moved to sit in the rocking chair situated in the corner of the room. How many times had I wished that when I woke up, he would be sitting there like nothing had happened? Those long, dark months had taken a significant toll on me and I appeared to be a glutton for punishment. Was I setting myself up to feel the same pain when he left again? Maybe. But, I couldn't think about that right now. All I knew was that I couldn't lie to myself anymore, I wanted him to be here with me, whether it was right or wrong. No matter how angry or hurt I was, the pull toward him was stronger than the pain. The next few minutes were spent trying to convince myself that maybe Edward and I could be friends. That was going to be enough, wasn't it? It had to be.

After I gathered my pajamas, I headed to the bathroom to change and wash my face. Looking in the mirror, I sighed when I conceded that I had accomplished nothing since my arrival here. Tomorrow, I would make things right with Jacob. Different plans darted around my mind while I made the short walk back to my room and got into bed. The room was dark and even though I was worn-out, sleep evaded me. Although I wasn't able to see Edward in the darkness, just being aware of his presence kept me on edge. Images from the many nights that we had shared here, wrapped in each other's arms, flooded my mind. Unable to drift off to sleep, I tossed and turned a few times struggling to get comfortable.

"Bella, you need to relax. No one is going to harm you," he spoke softly from across the room.

"It's not that."

"What is it?" I could hear the familiar creak from the old rocker as he moved.

"This brings back a lot of memories. You being here with me, I mean." The words spilled out of my mouth before I could stop them.

"Yes, for me as well."

The anger that had been a constant companion while with Edward was gradually retreating. Was it caused by being together in this familiar setting? I was trying to make peace with the past and the things that couldn't be changed.

"Edward, I really want to forgive you for leaving me that way. It's just so difficult for me to do."

The darkness only emphasized the long pause before he responded. "Bella, you must believe me when I tell you that I thought I was doing the right thing." The pain and suffering in his voice only magnified the complexity of this situation.

"And what do you think now?" I asked cautiously.

"There has been so much despair and agony since that day and I don't know if there was a better way to accomplish what I was trying to do. Please understand that I was only trying to make your life easier."

"Easier? Do you have any idea what I've been through? How would it make you feel to be told that you weren't wanted anymore?" My voice began to shake as I remembered the hopelessness that filled that bleak time in my life. Tears were threatening to form and I struggled to keep my emotions in check.

"Yes, I do have an idea. Jacob's memory is quite clear on that subject and I'm not proud of my behavior," he muttered. "Ever since I came into your life, there has been so much anguish and sorrow because of me. I wanted you to have a chance at a normal life, but it didn't work out so well."

"Edward you can't continue to blame yourself. If given the chance, I wouldn't change a thing, well…until after the birthday party." That was when his behavior had become distant, when he had probably made his decision to leave.

"Yes, and now I have to deal with the unintended consequences of my actions." His voice was rougher now and deep down I was certain he meant Jacob.

Neither one of us spoke anymore, and the silence was deafening. After what seemed like hours passed, a deep sleep overcame me. My recurring dream started playing behind my eyes, but there was a difference this time. I was in the forest calling out Edward's name and not finding him. Suddenly, I turned around and he was there, right in front of me. He reached out and touched my cheek lightly with the back of his hand. His cold skin made me shiver, but it wasn't from the temperature. Then the images were gone, the sound of someone barging into the room interrupted them. My eyes could barely focus in the morning light as I attempted to find where the crashing sound was coming from.

* * *

A/N: Each person who reviews will get a teaser for the next chapter. Please review!


	8. Chapter 8 Growls and Golden Retrievers

**A/N: Thanks as always to Project Team Beta, poo235, suszq and MLD for all the guidance and support.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all, I just get to mess with her characters.  
**

* * *

Jacob came rushing through the door and stopped in his tracks. "Why the hell are you here in her room?" Jacob's fiery temper began to emerge, a snarl emanating from his chest as he asked the question. He was visibly struggling to keep his emotions under control, something I hadn't witnessed since he first began to phase as a new wolf.

Edward was already up from the chair with a low growl escaping from him. He took another step toward Jacob, and in a low voice said, "I won't leave her without the benefit of being protected."

Thankfully, Charlie had left early this morning, either for work or for fishing. How would I have ever explained to him why two men were in my bedroom? One would be bad enough. This constant fighting and posturing between Edward and Jacob had to end.

"Will you two please _STOP_?!?!" I surprised even myself with the volume my lungs produced. Both stopped in their tracks and stared at me in disbelief. "I can't take this anymore. Can we all agree that we have a common goal here and try to keep focused on that?" I was angry and disappointed in both of them.

Their stances relaxed and my eyes shifted toward Jacob. He was staring at the floor, refusing to look at me. When I glanced over at Edward, his eyes were trained on me already. And to my surprise, there was a great deal of emotion behind them, but I wasn't certain which emotion it was. He was difficult for me to decipher most of the time because he kept himself closed off and guarded.

"You are _both_ trying to protect me, I understand that. But you have to stop putting me in the middle." I pleaded with them, "Please?"

Not waiting for any sort of acknowledgement from either of them, I turned toward Edward. "I really need to talk to Jacob." The expected resistance to my request never materialized as he astounded me yet again.

He walked towards the very same door that Jacob was standing in front of. Refusing to step aside as Edward got closer, Jacob folded his arms across his chest, trying his best to intimidate Edward.

"Jacob, let him pass." His continued adolescent behavior was grating on my nerves. Edward's condescending manner wasn't much better. The image of me outfitted in a striped shirt and whistle flitted through my mind as I prepared to referee this encounter. Edward did not back down though, waiting patiently, but never taking his eyes from Jacob's the entire time. Finally, Jacob took a step to the side, allowing Edward to leave the room, but not before a final round of growls and glares was traded. The room was silent, neither of us speaking, until the sound of the front door closing echoed through the house.

"Why is he still hanging around?" Jacob's voice was beyond irritated.

"Jake, give him a break. He's just worried about me."

"I thought you were angry with him?" he glowered.

"He feels responsible for Victoria coming back for me."

My attempt at trying to make him understand was failing miserably. The anger inside him reached a boiling point. "Can you hear yourself?" The volume of his voice rose as he grabbed both of my arms. "This is the jerk that left you without any warning!" His body began to shake and twitch to the point that he was causing my limbs to move with him.

"Jake, what's wrong?" I demanded. He was starting to frighten me as the grip he had on my arms tightened. "Ouch, Jake, let go! You're scaring me!"

Without warning, Jacob flew back towards the wall and there was a loud thud when he connected with it. I looked up to see Alice standing protectively in front of me. Jacob righted himself quickly and crouched as if ready to launch himself in our direction. Something was very wrong. A primordial being stood before me now, its tempestuous and untamed nature masking the kind, tenderhearted boy I had grown to care deeply for.

"You have to get control of yourself," Alice reasoned with a quiet, calming tone to her voice. Jacob's body was still trembling. "You need to calm down. You wouldn't be too pleased with yourself if any harm came to Bella." I tried to walk towards Jacob, but Alice held up a hand to motion for me to stay put. "That's it." She kept the tenor of her voice soothing. I noticed the quivering begin to slow and then halt. "Excellent work."

Jacob looked across the room at me with mixed emotions displayed on his face and ran out of the room. There was a long pause and neither Alice nor I spoke.

Unbeknownst to me, I had been holding my breath. A large exhalation left my lungs while I attempted to piece together what had occurred, but my inevitable over analysis of the situation took a backseat to the person who was standing in this very room with me.

"Thank you, Alice. I've missed you!" My arms wrapped around her tightly in disbelief that she was truly here and not a figment of my imagination.

"Oh Bella, really, hanging out with werewolves? You know that isn't the smartest thing to do. I thought you were a brighter girl than that," she scolded me with her high-pitched voice.

"Yeah, that's what I've been told." A previous conversation with Edward on the exact same topic replayed in my mind.

"Where's Edward? I figured he'd be wherever you were." She looked around the room, confused.

"He left when Jacob got here. I needed to talk to Jacob, but that didn't end up so well."

"Yes, it was fortunate for you that I got here when I did. You do realize that things would've turned out much differently if my brother were here instead of me, don't you?"

Her comment went without a reaction from me. I refused to believe that Jacob would've done anything to hurt me and I wanted to see him, to tell him that I wasn't angry with him. More importantly, his behavior was so far from normal that I wanted to make sure that he was okay.

"Alice, I am so glad to see you, but I need to find Jacob. He must be beside himself about what happened." As I started to pull clothes out to put on, she sighed dramatically, making her disapproval known.

"I'll go with you. I can't believe that I'm doing this, but Edward would never forgive me if I left your side."

"Thank you for not trying to stop me."

"Like I had a choice. If I don't help you, who knows what trouble you'll get into..." She paused as if an internal struggle was going on in her mind. "Okay, I just need to say this. Jacob's a young werewolf, and that makes him unpredictable." I tried to speak up but she pre-empted me. "You may think that some prejudice or long history with the Quileutes is behind our opinion and you have no desire to believe what we have told you. But it's true. He's dangerous. The scene that just played out here proves it."

"Yes, Alice. You've made your point." I grumbled at her while I finished getting dressed and brushed my teeth.

A note was left on the table in case Charlie came home and then we were out the door. The Mercedes sitting in the driveway didn't surprise me. The Cullens had an affinity for premium automobiles and Carlisle's car was exactly as I remembered it from our impromptu trip to Phoenix last year.

"Where to?"

"La Push, I guess. It's the logical place to start."

"Of course, the one place I can't go. Keeping you safe is proving to be more difficult than I remembered. Edward's not going to be happy with me. Not at all," Alice said as she backed the car out of the drive and headed toward the reservation.

The scenery passing by the window captured my attention while I attempted to form some sort of a plan. Not knowing where Jacob was made things more difficult, but I was determined to talk to him. That was the point of this whole screwed up mess. How could I make one simple trip back home so complicated?

A low groan from Alice refocused my attention. "This is just fantastic."

"What's wrong, Alice?" She pointed out the windshield at the road ahead of us. "I don't see anything."

"Wait, your eyes will be in range shortly." Whatever she was trying to show me, she obviously wasn't looking forward to seeing it herself. We were almost to the edge of La Push and I still didn't know what she was trying to tell me. What had happened? Was someone hurt?

My focus remained on the direction she had indicated, blinking my eyes every so often to focus. I didn't have to wait long and the moment was anticlimactic at best.

"A bit melodramatic, don't you think, Alice?" I asked her sarcastically as she slowed the car to a stop. The movement of my window gliding down startled me.

"Alice, please stop apologizing. You're giving me a headache." Edward rested his hands on the passenger car door, rubbing his temples as he leaned into the car through the open window. His cool breath drifted past me as he pleaded with her. His close proximity made me uncomfortable and anxious while the sweet scent rolling off him was interfering with my intent to move away. "The wolves." His words made no sense to me. "Yes, I know... I understand...Yes, she can be quite stubborn." He looked at me with a raised eyebrow as he said the last few words.

"Please stop talking about me like I'm not here."

"Sorry," Alice apologized with a slight smile. "It's like second nature to us."

"And Edward," I said while I turned back to look at him, "what exactly are you implying about me being stubborn?"

"I'm not implying anything. You _are_ stubborn. It doesn't seem to concern you how precarious this situation is with the wolf."

Remembering what the purpose of this drive was, my hand moved to the door handle.

"I can't change your mind about this, can I?" Edward asked, still leaning on the very door I needed to open.

With my eyebrow raised, I looked at him in disbelief.

"Bella, think about what just transpired. If you cross over the line, we can't help you."

"Nothing is going to happen. I'll be—"

He interrupted me, talking in a calm, restrained tone, "Please, do not tell me you will be _fine_." The agitation was clear, but I wasn't going to back down. My grip on the door handle remained tight.

"Edward, I went to the reservation last night and nothing happened."

"I'm not referring to Victoria and you know that."

"We've been over this before. The whole reason why I came here was to talk to him. Are you really going to try to stop me?"

"_Try_?" he scoffed. It really was absurd. There would be no way for me to overpower him if it came down to it.

Ignoring his last comment, I lifted the handle and waited for him to move. "Step back, Edward." The words were firm but still composed. Neither one of us wanted to back down, but eventually there would be a victor. Slowly, he pulled away from the car, shocking me that I didn't have to fight harder.

I exited the car and began walking toward the invisible line that separated the two territories.

"Bella," Edward called to me. I should've known it wouldn't have been that easy. With my back still toward him, I stopped and waited to hear what he had to say. "At least take my car." That was the last thing I expected to hear coming from him and I found myself speechless. "Please, it would make me feel more at ease to know you weren't walking so far by yourself."

The sound of a car door opening behind me made me turn around. Edward was holding the driver side door of his Volvo open, waiting for me. Hesitating only for half a second, I walked over to get into the car. He helped me adjust the seat and controls. As he shut the door, he paused. "He's on the beach."

The need to find Jacob overpowered my curiosity about how Edward knew Jacob was at First Beach. Carefully, I pulled the car forward onto the road and watched the figures in the rear view mirror grow smaller.

***

The familiar trail of multi-colored pebbles led me along the beach toward the lone figure sitting on a weathered piece of driftwood. He was holding his head in his hands, and even though I was sure he could hear my approach, he didn't move an inch.

I came up behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Jake, are you okay?"

He didn't look up when he spoke. "You're asking _me _if I'm okay? Do you have any idea what would've happened if I didn't gain control?"

"You would never hurt me."

"Maybe not consciously, but if I had phased in your room….let's just say it wouldn't have been good." His voice sounded so sad. While I kept my hand on his shoulder, I walked around and kneeled in front of him, hoping that I could get him to look at me. Gently, I reached up, pulling his hands from his face and holding them in mine. The warmth of his hands was in direct contrast to the cool winds whipping across the beach.

The two of us sat quietly as I tried to give him time to work through his feelings. Jacob didn't deserve the pain I was putting him through. Being back here at the beach reminded me of the bracelet on my wrist, his pledge to me. I placed my hand gently under his chin and lifted his head up, forcing him to look at me. His eyes were overflowing with sadness and I leaned up to kiss him lightly. He didn't kiss me back and I pulled back unsure of what to do.

"Please talk to me," I pleaded with him as I held his hand.

Not a word was spoken. Silence. The only sounds that could be heard were the crashing of the waves or a random bird flying overhead as I waited patiently for him. After some time passed, he spoke very softly.

"Bella, that scared me. I could've hurt you."

"Jacob, you stopped yourself, you got control. You didn't mean it."

"You've seen Emily. Do you think that Sam meant to hurt her?"

I remembered when Jacob told me the story of how she had gotten those scars. Sam still felt so guilty. He had loved Emily deeply, but it didn't matter to the wolf inside him at that critical moment. Until this morning, Jacob had never frightened me. However, I couldn't help but wonder what would've happened if Alice hadn't come by the house. It was my fault that Jacob was put in that position anyway. A life filled with drama seemed to be the price of being with me.

Before I had the chance to say anything more to him, Jacob stood, pulling me up with him and turned towards the forest. My eyes followed the same line of sight and I could make out a figure moving toward us at a high rate of speed.

My eyes shifted from the figure at the edge of the forest and back to Jacob, and I tried to figure out what was happening. His head leaned down slightly towards me. "It's Embry."

When I found out who it was, I was somewhat relieved. What had Embry all worked up? My body tensed as we waited together and Jacob squeezed my hand.

"Jake, Paul picked up a new trail and it's not one that we've run into before," he relayed quickly. "Sam and Paul are trying to set a trap and they sent me to come get you."

"I'll take you to Sam's house. Emily will be there, you'll be safe." Jacob attempted to alleviate my fears, but it wasn't working.

Embry and Jacob both turned toward the tree line, but I didn't notice anything unusual. It really sucked not to be able to see and hear as well as they could. Several moments later, I saw Quil coming up the beach toward where we stood.

"Geez, guys. Is there anyone still out there tracking, or are you all out having a day at the beach?" Jacob asked sarcastically.

Quil held up his hands defensively. "Hey, don't shoot the messenger."

"Messenger?"

"Yeah, your new leech friend—Cullen." Quil grinned at Jacob. _Oh Quil_, I thought to myself, _not a good time to joke like that_. The look on Jacob's face must've relayed that as well. "Joking!" he defended himself.

"Spit it out, Quil," Embry demanded.

"Bad timing, sorry. He wants me to have both you and Embry meet him at the line."

"We've got more important things to deal with right now. He'll have to wait."

"He told me specifically to tell you it was 'extremely urgent'." Quil made air quotes with his fingers animatedly.

Jacob angrily glanced at Embry, whose only response was to shrug his shoulders, and then back to me. He shook his head. "I can't believe that I'm saying this, but let's go talk to the bloodsucker."

The others piled into Edward's car with me, griping the entire time about the smell. I couldn't leave the car at the beach and Jacob wasn't willing to let me go off on my own. It seemed like a good idea at the time when I made the suggestion. Glancing around the interior of the car, I made mental pictures of the occupants, Quileute wolves sitting in one of the Cullen's cars. I took the images and filed them under 'things I never thought I would ever see' in my mind.

"Damn, roll down the windows," Embry muttered while I rolled my eyes and ignored him. Air blew through the car as both he and Quil opened their windows. As the car traveled down the road, I looked in the rear view mirror to see what they were up to, my curiosity getting the best of me. When I wasn't able to see clearly, which made me nervous; I quickly glanced back and almost lost it when I realized what they were doing. Both had their heads out the windows like golden retrievers and I half expected them to have their tongues hanging out too. Really? These were the characters that were going to protect me? Jake turned when he heard me laughing and shook his head at them, amusement briefly replacing anger.

When we arrived at the line, Edward and Alice were waiting by the Mercedes. When I stole a glance at Jacob, his jaw was clenched so tight the muscles were twitching. _This should be interesting_, I mused as we got out of the car. Jacob wrapped his arm around my waist as we walked toward Alice and Edward. When we got closer, I noticed the disgusted look on Edward's face. Did the passengers I allowed in his precious car upset him? I never would understand the whole "natural enemies" thing.

Jacob spoke first. "Well, I'm here. What's so important?"

"Her name is Irina. The new trail the pack has detected."

"Of course you'd know her," Jacob commented sarcastically.

"Edward, how long have you known about this?" I asked him suspiciously.

He looked back at me as if deciding what he should say, and that gave me the answer before he even spoke. "Alice picked up on Irina's scent earlier."

Not believing what I was hearing, I looked at him angrily, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to worry you."

Confused by our conversation, Embry began asking questions. "Why is she here? Who is she?"

I answered in a soft voice before Edward could. "She was Laurent's friend." The memories from that day in the meadow came back to me. Laurent had gone to Denali after James had become obsessed with killing me. He lived with Tanya's family for a time before he had come back looking for me as a favor to Victoria. I was ready for it to be over. She had been after me for so long and I was tired of wondering when she would next appear.

"The bloodsucker we killed in the meadow?" Jacob asked in disbelief.

"Yes." Edward answered simply.

"Great, so now it's like a tag team event?"

"Evidently, Victoria has enlisted her help in getting to Bella. She hasn't been successful alone." Edward ignored Jacob's comment.

"Jake, we need to get back to Sam and Paul. We need to help them, especially since this Irina probably isn't alone." Embry said.

"Bella, I'm going to take you back to Emily. You'll be safe there." Before I could object, he spoke again. "Don't argue either. You're out numbered."

Jacob caught me off guard, scooping me up and headed into the forest. "We're going to end this fight tonight—that way things can get back to normal around here." One last glance was all I could manage before the others were out of sight. Edward and Alice were talking to Embry and Quil, neither one bothering to look back at me. Their minds were almost certainly focused on the imminent fight.

We ended up at Sam and Emily's house within a few moments. "Emily?!" He yelled as we came through the door.

Emily rushed into the kitchen, "Jacob, what's wrong? Is she hurt?"

"I'm fine, Emily."

"I need you to keep her here. I'm on my way to help the others." Jacob told her quickly. He paused to kiss me and then he was gone.

* * *

A/N: Please review. Maybe let me know a fave part, line, etc. Hope you enjoyed! Thanks!!!!


	9. Chapter 9 The Waiting Game

**A/N: Glad to know that you are enjoying this story. I have reading the reviews and finding out what parts you liked. It makes all the hard work worthwhile. **

**Once again a big Thank You to Project Team Beta, poo235, suzyq, annaxer and MLD. Couldn't do this without each of you. xxooxxooxx**

**Alas, I don't own Twilight, Edward, Bella, Jacob, Charlie...ah hell, you get the picture. **

**

* * *

  
**

_We ended up at Sam and Emily's house within a few moments. "Emily?!" He yelled as we came through the door._

_Emily rushed into the kitchen, "Jacob, what's wrong? Is she hurt?"_

"_I'm fine, Emily."_

"_I need you to keep her here. I'm on my way to help the others." Jacob told her quickly. He paused to kiss me and then he was gone. _

******

Jacob's quick departure left Emily and me standing in the kitchen, staring at one another. "You'd think that I would be used to that by now." Emily smiled as she looked at the door that he'd just disappeared though. "Go on into the living room and make yourself comfortable."

With a sigh, I sank into the sofa allowing my brain to process everything. The fight was on and others were putting my safety above their own. What if someone got hurt because they were protecting me? I didn't know if I could live with myself; the guilt was overwhelming. I wasn't worth all this trouble.

"Don't worry, Bella, he'll be fine." Emily was doing her best to ease my concerns.

"I'm not just worried about Jacob. The pack is fighting because of me."

"This is their job, Bella. They are the protectors. It wouldn't matter why the vampire came here, they would still be doing the same thing."

"Vampire-s." I corrected her.

"There are more of them now?"

"Yeah, I just found out tonight there's another one after me."

"We still outnumber them. This isn't the first vampire that the boys have destroyed."

She'd probably been through this waiting game plenty of times, but she didn't seem to be very worried about Sam. Maybe it was a front to keep me calm as we waited for any news.

We made small talk about school and told funny stories about the boys. Emily even told me about how she met Sam for the first time and it was strange to hear it from her point of view. Jacob didn't hide his aversion to anything related to imprinting, so he painted the story in the negative, unable to see any positive outcome. Hearing Emily talk about the instant connection she felt with Sam was amazing. The adoration and love shone brightly across her face, almost as if she were reliving it simply by talking about it.

After what happened this morning with Jacob, I was more curious than ever about what had happened when she got hurt. But how was I supposed to broach that subject without being rude?

"Can I ask you a question? You don't have to talk about it, if you don't want to."

"You're wondering about my face, aren't you?"

"Well, yeah. Am I that obvious?" I asked sheepishly.

"No, I've wondered how long it would be before you asked. I'm not embarrassed about my scars, Bella."

"Was it hard to forgive him?"

"There wasn't anything to forgive." She said with sincerity.

"But weren't you afraid of him, I mean…afterward?"

"No, I was never afraid of Sam. What happened—happened. I can't change it."

"Do you ever wish that he wouldn't have imprinted on you?"

"No, and I can't imagine I ever will. This connection we share transcends everything. Jacob is really pessimistic about the idea of imprinting, but the partnership and link that Sam and I share now is indescribable."

"But the pain that it caused, how did you deal with that?"

"You mean Leah?" I nodded my head. "I would be lying if I said it gets easier. Each time I see her, I know that I should feel incredibly guilty. But I don't and that makes me feel heartless and self-centered. I don't envy her in the least for what she has gone through, what she's still going through. Her behavior doesn't make it easy to feel sympathetic toward her though. One look at Sam and the guilt disappears; it's like there was never any choice for us other than to be together."

To be completely honest, Leah wasn't my favorite person to be around either. She was bitter and angry, but with good reason—in her eyes. In her opinion, Emily had taken the man she loved away, betraying her own flesh and blood in the process. Sam's actions, no matter how involuntary they were, had been construed as infidelity by Leah. Her antics were mean-spirited and immature at times, which caused a great deal of tension amongst the tight-knit La Push community.

This was the first time I had spoken with anyone at length about imprinting, other than Jacob. Any choice or dream Sam or Emily might've had for their lives had evaporated in a flash when the imprint occurred. It seemed cruel really, having your life dictated to you. The happiness that was bestowed upon them appeared to be a good trade-off.

"Emily, does this ever get any easier?"

"The waiting?" I nodded my head and she answered simply. "No." Her voice wavered a bit as the carefully constructed façade she had built threatened to crumble. She didn't want me to be anxious about Jacob and attempted to remain strong for me. In a strange way, it was comforting to know that I wasn't the only one worried. Why hadn't we heard anything yet? What did that mean?

Emily got up and walked toward the kitchen. She opened the fridge, pulling items out and setting them on the counter. Then she began making sandwiches—lots and lots of sandwiches. When she noticed I was watching her, a quiet laugh broke the silence in the room.

"Yes, I know it looks like I'm feeding a small army. But I'm sure they've worked up an appetite and besides, it keeps me busy."

The lighter moment we shared together making sandwiches was a welcome diversion for us. Pulling another knife out of the drawer, I helped her create an edible sculpture that would no doubt be gone in a flash.

"Help yourself to a sandwich, Bella. You haven't eaten all day, you must be starved."

"Thanks, but I'm not really hungry."

She looked at me in concern, but continued with the task at hand, putting plastic wrap on the tower of sandwiches and placing them in the fridge. I made my way back to the living room and paced by the front window, noticing that darkness was falling rapidly. What was happening? Had they found Victoria and trapped her? Did someone get hurt…or worse?

When the back door opened quickly, it startled me. Sam, Embry and Paul walked through the door. Alarm immediately swept through me and the expression on my face must have given me away.

"Bella, Jacob is fine." Sam tried to calm me as he walked towards Emily, relief clearly appearing on her face.

"Where is he?" I asked, confused as to why he wouldn't come home with the others.

He hugged Emily as he answered me. "He went back to his house to get his car. He can't take you back home on foot. Charlie asks too many questions."

Embry stopped at the kitchen sink and washed what appeared to be blood from his forearm. Emily stepped to his side and, in a caring and motherly manner, finished cleansing his wounds.

"Paul, do you need cleaned up?" She hollered toward the living room.

"Nah, I'm good."

"You better not get blood on my furniture, young man."

"On my way."

"That's what I thought." Emily 1. Paul 0.

Paul slinked out to the kitchen where Emily stood waiting for him with a washcloth in hand. He lifted his shirt, revealing what I guessed was left of a large gash on his chest. With the wolves' ability to heal rapidly, his wound had already sealed, leaving only the remnants from the injury.

"And everyone is okay?" I said, looking each of them over for any signs of injuries. There didn't appear to be anything life threatening with these three, but I was concerned about Alice. Okay, to be honest, I was worried about Edward too, even if I really didn't want to admit it.

Paul and Embry, who now were both acceptably clean, had begun to raid the fridge when Paul stuck his head out from behind the door long enough to answer me. "We're all fine."

The sound of a car pulling up outside shifted my attention. Hurriedly, I made my way to the back door, only to have Jacob open it as I reached for the doorknob. I found myself in his arms, and with that embrace, the memory of this morning's events grew faint. He bent down and brought his lips to mine while we both held onto the other tightly. The kiss was tender, but passionate, deepening with each passing second. The fact that we weren't alone didn't matter until Embry and Paul started making kissing noises. Jacob laughed at them, his lips still touching mine, and broke the kiss.

"Very funny. At least I have someone to do that with. You two only have each other," he teased, causing them to come across the kitchen toward him.

"Don't get started, boys!" Emily shouted at them from the living room. "I still haven't fixed the chair you guys broke the last time!"

Paul and Embry laughed and settled back into their late night feast. "Come on Bells, let's get you home." Jacob took my hand in his and led me out the door.

***

Once we were in the car, I turned towards Jacob. "What happened out there?"

"Nothing special, Bella. You don't have to worry anymore. I made sure you're safe again." A warm hand swept my hair back behind my ear. He wanted to reassure me of his ability to protect me, and while that was sweet, the patronizing attitude wasn't.

"Don't think I deserve to know the details?"

He exhaled and then reluctantly began to speak. "Sam and I realized that the Cullens were following the same trail we were. It was Victoria. They managed to isolate her from the other one and we made sure that she didn't escape."

"So she's really…gone." My voice was small and quiet, as if convincing myself.

"Yes," he said as he placed a kiss on my forehead. "Like I said, you're safe."

"And Irina?"

"The guys were tracking her. She put up a fight, but we had her outnumbered. That fight was pretty much over by the time we were though with Victoria. Nothing for us to do but sit back and wait. Even the Cullens were there to watch."

"They're both gone."

"Yeah. So you can relax now."

Edward and Alice had watched them kill Irina; she had been like a cousin to them. I wondered how they were coping. Would either of them resent me since I made it necessary? More importantly, had Alice or Edward been harmed?

"No one was injured at all?" I asked hesitantly, hoping that he wouldn't see through me.

He, of course, wasn't fooled. Sighing deeply, he answered my question, gritting his teeth as he spoke. "The Cullens are both fine."

We sat in silence for the rest of the short trip to Charlie's house. Anticipation over seeing first-hand that Alice and Edward were both fine was replaced with disappointment when we pulled around the last corner. Neither the shiny, silver Volvo nor the sleek, black Mercedes were there. I hadn't wanted my fears to turn into reality. Had he vanished after he deemed the world safe for me again? The very fact I was considering that outcome spoke volumes.

But why would he have gone through the trouble to register for school if he was going to leave again? Though, after all these years, it was probably a simple process for the Cullens. Either way, I had come to understand that it didn't matter if he chose to stay or go, nor would it ever matter what words he said to me now or in the future. His promises and assurances were hollow. The nagging doubt I'd been feeling wasn't going to leave my mind and I'd never stop waiting for him to leave me again.

We pulled into the driveway beside Charlie's cruiser, and as I started to get out of the car, I noticed that Jacob wasn't moving.

"Aren't you coming in with me?"

"If you want me to." He stared out his window, not turning to look at me as he spoke. When Jacob had come through the door at Emily's earlier tonight, I was so happy to see him. It reminded me of how we used to be, before Edward complicated things. Now, there was a sense of discomfort between us again and I wished that it would fade away. We didn't speak about what we both, no doubt, were thinking—what would happen now that the danger was gone. Would things go back to the way they were?

"Of course I do. I want to spend some time with you before I have to go back to school tomorrow."

_**Edward Cullen **_

"Hello, Alice."

_There you are. Figures, I would find you here._

"I don't know if I can leave her again."

_Victoria and Irina are both gone. Technically, you don't have a reason to hang around her anymore. Now what are you going to do?_

"She _seems_ to be happy with…him." I couldn't bring myself to utter his name. "Alice, you must be able to sense something about her, anything at all." I knew that I was grasping, desperate for any guidance.

_Edward, I can't see anything clear. As long as she's intertwined her fate with his, I'm blind. Over the past few weeks, there have been glimpses, but her future keeps fluctuating. I won't be sure of anything until she is. That's probably the only reason why I was able to see that vision of her in the first place. _

"She's having doubts about her future with the wolf?" A glimmer of hope resonated in my voice. If Bella was uncertain about things, maybe that was a sign that I should stay.

_Maybe. I don't know for sure. I'm sorry._

The conversation coming from the house indicated they were watching a baseball game on the television. How completely normal that was, so different from what I could ever provide for her. My resolve vacillated with each passing moment. I dropped my head down and ran my hand through my hair.

"No. I can't do that to her. The risk would be too great for her to become involved with our family again."

Alice's interrupted my thoughts, as well as those emanating from the house. _Edward, you can't continue to do this. You need to make a choice, either way. _She pleaded with her eyes to me. _Just make one._

I groaned in frustration and then Alice began to run through a series of images from the past year in her mind. The agony and despair that had permeated me for many, many months flowed through my mind, reminding me of what my life had been until recently. The degree of misery I'd experienced could never be adequately conveyed to anyone else. Alice's mind then conjured imagery of the happiest times of my existence. Every single image included Bella.

"I don't think I can't go on existing this way." I mulled over the choice to be in her life again, knowing that it might be too late already.

_If you could call it existing…._

"Alice," I admonished.

_Sorry. I couldn't help myself. You know very well what I was referring to. You completely shut yourself off from us. And you know what condition you were in when…_

"Of course I do."

_I'm afraid, Edward. You won't survive if you have to go through that again._

"There were moments when Bella and I were alone that make me believe there's hope. Last night, when I was in her room, it felt like nothing had changed between us. And when we were on our way back from La Push, I touched her hand and the intense spark of energy between us was still present. Bella's pulse quickened and the look on her face made me believe that she took notice of it as well."

_Edward, whatever decision you make, you know that we'll support you. Now, I'm going home. Jasper's waiting for me. _She embraced me hastily and then was gone.

I tried, hadn't I? Remaining closed off and distant wouldn't allow me to open myself up to this wretchedness again. That was the plan. Why couldn't I follow through with it and just leave? I sat outside this house, reduced to skulking around, simply to be close to her.

The internal pictures that Alice shared with me earlier came back into focus. My most precious memories of Bella triggered a joy and happiness inside me that hadn't been felt for a very long time.

A single, determined thought changed the course of my existence: _I can't live without her, not anymore_.

_**Bella Swan**_

Coming through the door, I noticed Charlie's face perk up considerably when he saw who was with me. "Hey, Jake!" His jubilance was in complete contrast to last evening's confrontation. I was confident that when the opportunity presented itself, he would let me know his thoughts on the subject of Edward.

"Hey Charlie, who's winning?" Jacob motioned to the game on the screen.

"Mariners are up three and it's the bottom of the 7th. Have a seat, you two." Charlie moved over to the recliner, allowing us to sit together on the sofa. Baseball wouldn't be my first choice to watch, but they both enjoyed it. Jacob and I sat together, but he kept a noticeable distance from me. After the events of the evening, I wanted a hug. I'd even settle for holding hands, anything to let me know that he hadn't given up on me.

Throughout the game, Jacob and Charlie talked amongst themselves about players, stats, and standings, while I stared at the screen debating what could be done to get back on track with Jacob. Before I lost my nerve, I went with the blatantly obvious and straightforward. Scooting across the sofa until I was right next to him, I grabbed his arm and draped it across my shoulder. When the end of the 8th inning was upon us, we had both relaxed into one another. My head was leaning on his shoulder, while he had slid his arm around my waist.

I was reminded of how easy it was to be with Jacob, except for when he was being an obnoxious teenager. Unfortunately, he had been slipping more frequently into that behavior lately.

But, in his defense, there weren't any cryptic discussions between us and I most definitely didn't constantly wonder if he would disappear. I wrapped my free arm around his torso and squeezed him tightly. He looked down at me in response and I smiled up at him, bringing a slight grin to his face.

After the game was over, Charlie excused himself for the evening, leaving Jacob and me alone. Jacob leaned down, kissed me on my forehead and then on my lips. He pulled back and told me quietly, "It feels so good be here with you. I've missed you."

I snuggled closer to him and moved my head to rest on his chest. The warmth was soothing to me as I held him tightly, fighting the urge to swing my leg over his to get as close as possible. He rested his chin on the top of my head and we sat silently for a bit.

His voice broke the silence. "I'm sorry for how I have been acting."

"I sort of understand…well, I mean I don't understand completely." Lifting my head from his chest, I looked up at him, placing my hands on either side of his face. "Have I ever given you a reason to doubt me?" Looking directly into his eyes, I refused to glance away. Yes, I did recognize why he would feel threatened with Edward's presence, but I had never done anything to betray my relationship with Jacob.

As if he was searching his thoughts, he mumbled, "You haven't…but others have." He got up from the couch and went to the window, looking out into the darkness.

"Jacob, how can someone else's actions make you lose trust and faith in me?" Never before had I known him to be so insecure and unsure of himself. The notion that I was causing this apprehension was aggravating me.

"Bella, I know how much you loved him. Don't forget what I had to go through—the fear, worry and anger I felt while I watched you suffer," he said sadly, taking a seat once again next to me.

"Jake." I turned his face with my hand so that I could look into his eyes. I needed to make sure that he was listening to me. Echoing the very words that Mandy had told me weeks ago, I attempted to make him understand what I was feeling. "But he's not here with me. You are." He started to look away, but I stopped him with my hand, forcing him to keep looking at me. I moved my hands so that they were around his waist again and he situated his around me. "He isn't here holding me in his arms."

He seemed to be contemplating what I had said and I made a decision, I couldn't or wouldn't hurt Jacob. There were strong emotions between us and I cared for him deeply. Even though I wasn't sure I could utter the three little words he longed to hear, I'd devote myself to making this relationship work. I owed that to Jacob after all he has done for me. He was dependable, protective, caring and downright irresistible.

My eyes were still holding his and I moved my hand from around his waist to touch the side of his face once again. Bending his head down to me, he touched his lips to mine lightly at first. The passion and fervor was reignited between us, almost as if this was our first kiss. Our breathing was becoming rapid and ragged, and I felt like I couldn't catch my breath. My fingers wound through his hair and pulled him closer to me, if that were even possible.

Jacob shifted himself slightly so that he was hovering over me, freeing me so that I could move. As if my body was communicating with his, I knew what he wanted me to do. Slowly, I slid toward the end of the sofa, not wanting to break from Jacob's mouth. He willingly followed me as I moved and we both repositioned ourselves so that we were now lying down. Jacob used his forearm to prop himself up so that he wouldn't crush me.

All of the reservations that I had in the past about going further with Jacob were beginning to fade away. My hand started fumbling to find the bottom of Jacob's shirt and, little by little, slid up his smooth chest. When I tried to raise the shirt up to take it off, he gently stopped my hand. His lips paused on mine and then he shifted his body to sit up.

"It's getting late. I'd better head back home," he said with a cold, detached voice.

I tried to pull him back down, unsuccessfully of course. "You don't have to go yet." Our roles had been reversed. Now, I was the pursuer.

He kissed the top of my head and got up from the sofa. "I'll take you back to school tomorrow. What time do you want to be on the road?" he asked while starting to put his shoes on. I didn't understand what had happened. He seemed to be enjoying himself as much as I was.

"Did I…do something wrong?" I said barely above a whisper, ignoring his question.

"No, I'm just tired. It's been a long day."

Already sitting up, I knew that I should walk him out, but I was unable to make myself move any farther. Something was very wrong.

His hand wrapped around the doorknob and turned. "I'll talk to you tomorrow about what time we need to leave by. Night, Bells."

I barely had time to say, "Night," back to him before he was gone. When I replayed the scene in my head, it still didn't make sense at all. He wanted to go further physically, which I was finally ready for, and now his response was to leave? Maybe he was afraid that Charlie would wake up. I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. Charlie was going fishing in the morning and we would be the only ones in the house. He wouldn't have an excuse tomorrow.

I wandered up to my bedroom slowly, still contemplating the night's events. After following my normal bedtime routine, I pulled back the covers on my bed and flopped down. The rocking chair in the corner of my room caught my eye and it reminded me of who had been sitting there twenty-four hours ago. I rolled over on my side so that my back was turned toward the rocking chair but also Edward.

* * *

A/N: Please, Please, Please review. Makes me smile and let's me know you're out there. Otherwise, I feel like I'm on a big stage and can only hear the sound of crickets....I hate crickets.


	10. Chapter 10 Charlie the Cheerleader

**Thank you to all who sent reviews. It's nice to know that you are enjoying this story!**

**I'm nervous about posting this chapter. Please let me know what you think. This is my first attempt at creative writing and I appreciate the positive feedback from everyone!**

**Thanks to poo235, suzyq, MLD, Annaxer, and Project Team Beta. You guys are the best.**

**I don't own Twilight, but I do own all of the dirty, pervy thoughts running around my mind.**

* * *

_His hand wrapped around the doorknob and turned. "I'll talk to you tomorrow about what time we need to leave by. Night, Bells."I barely had time to say, "Night," back to him before he was gone. When I replayed the scene in my head, it still didn't make sense at all. He wanted to go further physically, which I was finally ready for, and now his response was to leave? Maybe he was afraid that Charlie would wake up. I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. Charlie was going fishing in the morning and we would be the only ones in the house. He wouldn't have an excuse tomorrow. _

_I wandered up to my bedroom slowly, still contemplating the night's events. After following my normal bedtime routine, I pulled back the covers on my bed and flopped down. The rocking chair in the corner of my room caught my eye and it reminded me of who had been sitting there twenty-four hours ago. I rolled over on my side so that my back was turned toward the rocking chair but also Edward._

***

Honestly, there weren't expectations for a restful night of sleep, and I was pleasantly surprised and thankful when I woke up to find it was morning.

The sound of the television downstairs caught me off guard. I was sure that I had turned it off last night, and Charlie would've turned it off before he left if that had not been the case. When I made my way down to bottom of the stairs, I turned to see Charlie sitting at the kitchen table reading the newspaper.

"Morning, Bells." He lifted his eyes from his paper as he greeted me.

Confused by his unexpected presence, I wasn't sure how to react. "I thought you were going fishing today." He'd get suspicious if I asked too many questions or seemed disappointed and that was the last thing I needed. Plans had been made for a certain sexy lupine from La Push, plans that didn't include parental supervision. I wasn't sure where this newfound confidence was emanating from. I'd never been this forward before in my life, but I felt…settled, like I could finally move on.

"Nah, I wanted to spend some time with you this morning. You're going back to school and I didn't get a chance to see you much yesterday." He was looking at me, trying to gauge my response.

This was odd even for Charlie. Maybe he knew something was up. If everything went as planned, hopefully something would be "up" later. _Great, I've turned into Taylor, the skank from across the hall._

"Oh, okay." I said slowly, going about my normal routine of fixing a bowl of cereal. As soon as I sat down across from him at the table, his true motivation was revealed.

"I want to talk to you about Friday." He pushed the paper to the side. _Oh boy, here we go. _

"What about Friday?" He was so predictable.

"Well, when you showed up here with…Edward, I was…surprised." The words stumbled out of his mouth. It was evident that he was still angry with Edward. The sound of his teeth grinding as he uttered his name was my first clue.

"Surprised wasn't the word that I would've used Dad." I glanced over at him with a frown on my face.

"You've got me there. Okay, I was mad." At least he was being honest with me. Not knowing where this conversation was headed, I decided to let him off the hook. Besides, I had _plans_.

"Dad, Edward's not here anymore. He left. So you don't have to make your feelings known. Trust me—I got the message loud and clear."

"You've got a pretty good thing going with Jacob and I would hate to see you ruin it. That boy loves you an awful lot." Jacob had quite the cheering squad in Charlie; all he needed was the pom-poms.

"I know he does, Dad. Edward was here just for a visit." Charlie watched me, analyzing my face to see if I was being truthful. Being the daughter of a cop sucked so much of the time.

"Why was he here to begin with? And why did you ask him to come pick you up from school?" Chief Swan was on the case now, searching for answers he would never get. He couldn't have them. The supernatural wasn't something Charlie would accept readily, even if I could share things with him.

"He was already at the campus, visiting the school, and he offered to drive me back. That's all." I didn't let my eyes break from his stare. He continued to look at me for any sign of deception. _Don't let him wear you down_, I told myself.

His eyes shifted back to his newspaper and he picked up reading where he had left off. Evidently, my skills at deception were improving.

After finishing breakfast, I headed upstairs to take a shower. Normally, Jacob called me in the morning to make plans for the day. He had to be exhausted from the showdown with Victoria last night. Knowing that he needed to rest, I attempted to be patient for him to call. The warm water relaxed my tense muscles as I contemplated things with Jacob.

Charlie seemed intent on spending time with me today. What was I going to do? We didn't get many chances for privacy since I lived in the dorm, and I had no plans on wasting this one.

It had to be killing Charlie not to be out fishing so persuading him to go wasn't going to be a problem. The real reason he hadn't gone was probably the conversation we just had. Plus, as usual, if he knew I was with Jacob, he wouldn't care what I was doing.

The first hints of nervousness began to appear. The anxiety wasn't about whether I'd made the right decision, but apprehension about the mechanics of everything. I had no idea what exactly I was supposed to do with him, or more directly, to him.

Sex-Ed class hadn't been a wealth of information. The teacher was also the tennis coach, whose own sexuality was a topic of much debate. The curriculum consisted of a few awkward movies and an unfortunate demonstration of how to put on a condom involving an innocent bunch of bananas.

After my fingers began to shrivel up, I finished in the shower and attempted to push the thoughts out of my head, not wanting to dwell on what may or may not happen. My hair was still partially damp after I ran the hair dryer as long as I could stand. When I began going downstairs after getting dressed, I could hear Charlie talking to someone.

"That's fine, Jake. I'll tell her," Charlie promised before he hung up the phone and then looked up to notice me. "Hey, that was Jake. He said he's coming by around noon."

"Okay." I tried to sound nonchalant while my stomach was doing flips. "So what are your plans today?"

"I told you earlier. I wanted to spend some time with you."

"Dad, you don't have to stay here. Go fishing, just like you had planned. I'll be home for Thanksgiving break in a few weeks."

"You're sure?"

"Yes. I promise." I shooed my hand at him.

He gave me a big hug. "It was good to see you. Remember what I said about Jake." He grabbed his jacket and practically skipped out the door like a little girl. It didn't take much to make him happy and I loved that about Charlie.

Looking at the clock, I noticed it was only a little after ten o'clock. Less than two hours before Jacob arrived. Miscellaneous tasks meant to distract me barely took an hour to complete. The only other thing I could think of was to pack my bag and set it by the door.

In an attempt to calm my nerves, I turned on the television, only to notice there wasn't anything on that could hold my attention. After I essentially watched every minute pass by, like clockwork, there was a knock on the door at noon. I jumped up from the sofa and opened the door. There was a strange look on his face, as if he was looking for something. This was not how I envisioned this going at all.

"Hey, Bella." He walked into the house slowly, still carefully monitoring the surroundings. _What in the world is he doing?_

"Charlie's not here if that's who you are looking for." I offered cautiously.

"No, that's not who I'm interested in." He frowned at me in an accusatory way.

"Well then, what exactly is the matter? Why are you looking at me that way?" I was a bit perturbed at him. What had I done to him?

"Cullen's been here. Did you really think you could hide it from me?" I could tell that he was trying to remain calm as he spoke, but the words, and the implications behind them, hit me with such force.

Where had this come from? "I don't know what you are talking about, Jacob."

"When I left last night the stench was strong outside. He was here. Don't try to deny it." His voice was filled with disgust and it was suddenly clear why he left so abruptly last night. Now, I was pissed. He was accusing me of something I wasn't guilty of.

"Jacob," I said forcefully, "I didn't see him. If he was here, I didn't know about it."

He continued to stare at me with the same distrust and confusion. Hadn't we just talked about this last night? Was he ever going to be able to get past this? Jacob sat down at the kitchen table and crossed his arms over his chest, infuriated. Was this the future of our relationship? If he couldn't trust me, how could he claim to love me?

Finally, he broke the silence. "I just don't know what to think anymore. I don't trust him."

Quietly, I moved to stand next to the chair where he was sitting. My hand lifted his chin so that his eyes were on mine as I spoke, enunciating each word carefully. "So trust me."

Jacob hesitated for what seemed like hours and then patted his knee gently, motioning that he wanted me to sit down. Still unsure of his mood, I turned and sat sideways on his lap, resting my head on his shoulder. He held me close as I nuzzled my face into the side of his neck, placing light kisses in the sensitive area below his ear.

"You know that I love you, right?" His words broke the silence between us and caused me to sit up. He hadn't told me that in awhile. A smile formed on my lips and I nodded my head. "Where's Charlie?" Jacob asked in a hushed, breathy tone.

"He went fishing. We're here all alone," I answered him with the best come-hither voice I could manage. If this was what needed to be done to prove my devotion to him, then so be it.

He appeared to be processing the information and I hoped that he would respond favorably. When I felt as if I couldn't wait one second longer, he turned his head and reached for my lips. Having anticipated that his seventeen-year-old hormones would be an asset, I wasn't disappointed. The kiss began tentatively, softly, but turned enthusiastic quickly. This response was what I had been hoping for from him. Our lips parted and his tongue searched for mine. The thrill that I felt as he kissed me was indescribable.

Without breaking the kiss, I shifted my body so that I straddled him and it was evident that he was taking pleasure in this as well. It gave my confidence a boost to have physical proof that I was doing this right. I was so afraid that I would embarrass myself. Sitting on his lap and kissing him was one of my favorite things to do. It was a weakness of mine and he knew it. My arms wrapped around his neck and the kiss deepened as he slid his hands up and down my back slowly.

Jacob's hands then moved further and started massaging my hips. The excitement was building within me. Frequent twitches from the mass in Jacob's pants confirmed that he was hot and bothered too. With his hands still on my hips, he began to press my body toward him in a slow rubbing motion. My body was craving the pressure he was creating and I moved my hips against his. Our lips were still connected and I could hear, as well as feel, a low groan leaving his mouth.

When the seam of my jeans came into contact with the bulge in his, I released my own groan. He scooted down slightly in the chair, making the movements easier and more pleasurable. It wasn't long before we were moving together, finding our rhythm. The mechanics of what I was experiencing I understood, but I was still surprised when I felt _him_. More surprising to me was how good _he_ felt.

We were both breathing heavily and I needed to catch my breath. My lips broke from Jacob's and began to travel toward his ear again, teasing the lobe with my tongue. "You are driving me crazy," he moaned.

I panicked a little at his words. Was I really ready to do this? Jacob obviously was. My plan was a success in getting rid of the awkwardness between us. Still, I was nervous because I had no idea what to do even though my body seemed to know. If I didn't go through with this now, I wasn't sure when I would. "Do you want to go upstairs?" I whispered in his ear and waited anxiously for his response. What if he shut me down like he did last night?

"You're sure that Charlie isn't going to be coming home?" Jacob asked breathlessly. His hand found its way under my shirt, sliding lightly over the top of my bra and he exhaled deeply.

"He thinks we're leaving for Seattle, remember?" Before my brain had time to process the movement, we were upstairs at the foot of my bed.

Jacob was holding me in his arms and watching my face as if he expected me to put a stop to everything. There were too many times to count that I had done exactly that and I couldn't blame him for being leery. Smiling up at him, I put my hand on his cheek. He put his hand on top of mine and pressed it to his face tighter. Jacob lifted me without effort and carefully set me down towards the center of the bed. He swallowed hard as he looked at me sitting on the bed. It was comforting to know that I wasn't the only one who was nervous.

He followed me onto the bed and our hands wound around each other, resuming where we had left off downstairs. It wasn't long before we were both carried away by the moment. Jacob shifted us both slightly so that we were both propped up on an elbow with our feet stretched out. I felt a slow push from him wanting me to lie back and I gladly complied with his request. Once I was lying down, I felt his hand touch my stomach under my shirt and I shuddered from the warmth on my bare skin.

As I sat up suddenly, Jacob's reaction was immediate, the irritation clear in his voice. "Bella, please don't tell me that you've changed your mind."

A grin appeared on my face. I knew that would be his first reaction and I couldn't help but tease him. "No, I just wanted you to take your shirt off for me."

He smiled back at me, realizing that I was being mischievous and said only one word as he acted on my request. "Paybacks."

Even though I'd seen Jacob many times without a shirt, it never failed to amaze me. Once he had removed it, I felt compelled to reach out and touch the rippled muscles on his chest and stomach. He leaned over to me and placed a soft kiss on my neck. "Your turn." He breathed in my ear. In the blink of an eye, I found myself without a shirt too. How did he do that? It was like I was making out with Houdini. _Now you see the clothing, now you don't_.

He was laughing, obviously proud of his little trick and leaned in to give me another mind-blowing kiss. Any rational thoughts that I might've been holding onto vanished. A gentle tug at my bra strap made my stomach do flip-flops. Because he seemed to be struggling, I reached back to help him with the clasp and my bra fell into my lap. A sharp inhalation came from Jacob while he picked it up in his hand and tossed it off the bed as he laid us both gently back on the bed together. Lying side by side, our hands explored each other's exposed skin while our mouths continued tasting one another.

Jacob's hand brushed along my stomach and moved slowly up until it was covering my breast. The warmth felt amazing. A jolt of pleasure ran through me as he rubbed across my nipple. He moved his lips from mine and slowly wandered down to take my breast in his mouth. The pressure was building again between my legs as it had done downstairs earlier, and I moved my hands from around his waist down to his hips, pressing myself to him. Ironically, instead of easing the urgency, the pressure only made it grow more intense.

Jacob's hands moved to my hips as well, grinding slowly against me. A low moan escaped my mouth and he stopped to look over at me. The expression on his face was not one that I had seen before. It was intense, and instead of feeling embarrassment, there was only passion for him. I needed him. He continued to look into my eyes as his hand moved around to the front of my jeans, unfastening them without breaking his gaze. As he leaned over to kiss me, his hand slid under the denim.

I found myself unconsciously relaxing back on the bed, making access easier for his hand. When I felt his hand slip underneath the cotton waistband of my panties, I almost came undone. No guy had ever touched me here before and I wasn't sure what to expect. He moved his fingers between my folds and began to rub slowly. Nothing could've prepared me for the sensation of his hands on me. Groans were now coming from Jacob, and I felt myself wanting more. As if he read my mind, he pushed one of his fingers into me, moving it slowly in and out.

_Shit_. I hadn't thought this plan out completely. We needed protection of some sort and I hoped he was prepared. "Jacob, _please _tell me that you have a condom in your pocket today," I said with a ragged breath, remembering the night in the dorm that he brought one.

He stopped, raised his head to look at me, and I knew the answer. This could not be happening. He paused, but then continued as if I hadn't interrupted him at all.

"We'll be fine, Bella. It's only once," he mumbled as he leaned down to take my other breast in his mouth, his tongue teasing the nipple. _Where did he learn to do that?_ Leaning my head back on the pillow, I enjoyed the experience of both his mouth and his hand pleasuring me. I moved my hand to rest on the back of his head, my fingers running through his hair and almost let my guard down. Almost.

"Stop. We can't do this. Not unless we have protection." I said, trying to convince him and myself along the way.

"Bella, please," he pleaded with me.

Before I could answer him, his eyes lit up. "I'll be right back." He was gone out of my bedroom. After only a fraction of a second passed, he was back with a huge grin on his face. "I knew this would come in handy. I threw it in the glove box that night."

"Convenient."

He grinned from ear to ear. "Yeah, turns out it was."

After I motioned for him to come back on the bed, Jacob crawled on all fours toward me with a sly, cunning look on his face. As he approached, it was almost as if he was hunting me, as if I was the prey. _Damn, that's sexy_. As he got closer, I stretched back out on the bed and he found my mouth, kissing me deeply.

Wanting to feel his touch again, I took his hand and guided it back down underneath my panties. He began to explore my body again with his fingers, and our kiss became more frantic again. When he took his hand from me, I felt a loss. Before I could protest, his hands were attempting to pull my jeans and panties off at the same time. After a brief struggle, the last items of clothing I had been wearing were now somewhere on my floor.

In an effort to unbutton his own jeans, Jacob was getting frustrated and his hands were shaking. I helped him remove them, leaving only a pair of snug-fitting, black boxer briefs. _Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Who knew boxer briefs could be this hot?_ There was a definite shape straining against the fabric and I looked away immediately, embarrassed and pretty sure I was blushing.

My eyes focused on Jacob's face, but I could see out of my peripheral vision what he was doing. Leaning back on the bed, he scooted the boxers down past his ankles and tossed them on the floor.

This was really happening. I wasn't dreaming. _Deep breaths, Bella. _

He took the shiny foil wrapper from my nightstand and opened it. Knowing I should've paid more attention in Sex-Ed, I hoped that Jacob knew how to put one on. He had turned away from me briefly and I stared up at the ceiling, listening to the sound of the latex being unrolled. Was I sure that I was ready for this? _Stop questioning yourself. You can't change your mind now._ I needed to act before I lost my nerve. What was taking him so long?

"Jacob," I softly murmured, running my hand across his back impatiently. Slowly, he turned to lay on top of me, moving my legs apart with his knee. The expression in his eyes was a combination of love, lust and fear. He moved closer _down there_ and I squirmed a bit with apprehension. My arms were wrapped around him, stroking his back, to reassure him of any doubts he may have been having while I waited. Our eyes never left each other. His hips grew closer and I felt him touching me the first time. His eyes closed as he started to enter me. Nothing could've prepared me for the discomfort I was going through. I attempted to hide any reaction, unsuccessfully.

"Bella, I'm sorry. Do you want to stop?" he asked hesitantly, probably afraid to hear my answer. Every girl was aware that the first time was going to be painful. It was part of the experience and there wasn't any way to avoid it.

I didn't answer him with words, but with actions. My hands moved down to his hips and urged him to sink further inside me. He groaned at the movement and continued to thrust slowly in and out, each time going a little further, until he couldn't delve any deeper. The pain lessened as time passed, but the pressure and discomfort were still present. Jacob leaned his forehead against mine while his breathing became more shallow and uneven. His hips began moving faster and faster until he moaned loudly several times, collapsing on me. He lay on top of me for a short time and then kissed my cheek before pulling out and rolling over onto the bed next to me.

"Wow." One simple word was all that he said. He laughed quietly under his breath before getting up and going to the bathroom.

I found myself confused. While the motions felt good, it wasn't what I imagined it to be. This was supposed to be a monumental experience in a woman's life. Maybe I didn't do something right. _It could always be me; maybe there was something wrong with me_. Jacob seemed pretty happy though. The huge smile on his face when he came back into the room was proof of that. He pulled his boxer briefs back on and cuddled next to me. The only word that came to mind to describe his mood and expression was "euphoric."

"Are you okay?" he asked cautiously.

"I'm fine, Jacob. Just a little sore," I answered him with a grimace as I tried to turn on my side toward him.

He slid his arm around me, pulling me closer. "I'm sorry. Next time won't hurt as bad." Going through that again was the farthest thing from my mind at that point.

"I don't want to take you back to school. I don't think I can be that far away from you, not now."

"I'll see you at the end of the week. It's not that long," I tried to reassure him that the time would pass quickly. We had gone for longer periods than this before without seeing each other. We could manage seven days apart.

"But, I don't know if I can wait that long to be with you again." I understood what he was referring to—sex—but I couldn't share in his anticipation of a next time. He seemed oblivious to the fact that he hadn't exactly knocked my socks off. Everything up until that point had been so good; the rest was a let down and it would break his heart if he knew.

What I needed was a chance to gather my thoughts. I attempted to scoot off the bed and was met with resistance.

"Hey, where do you think you are going?" Jacob teased as he pulled me next to him. He looked ecstatic. No matter how I was feeling, seeing Jacob on cloud nine made everything worthwhile and I wouldn't ruin this for him.

"Just going to take a shower, that's all."

"Kay," he said as he kissed the tip of my nose.

After heading to the bathroom, I looked in the mirror while I waited for the water to warm up. When I had thought about my first time, I'd always imagined that I would feel different somehow afterward. Besides the pain, which I'd expected, nothing else seemed to have changed.

The water was refreshing and I spent longer than usual in the shower, taking care to wash gently around the tender area between my legs. There wasn't a large amount of blood, but enough to demonstrate the permanence of it all. This wasn't something that I could take back. I wasn't a virgin anymore. I'd had sex with Jacob Black.

After drying off, I opened the bathroom door to let the mirror clear from the steam and could hear Jacob snoring. As I walked into my room, I couldn't help but smile when I saw him, exhausted from our earlier activities.

Glancing at the clock, I was surprised that it was only around one o'clock. It seemed like so much time had passed. Carefully, I searched for my clothes, trying not to wake him. Since he was driving me back to school, I decided to let him sleep for an hour or so before we had to leave.

***

Nothing was on the television and I was bored out of my mind. After an hour or so, I heard the shower turn on upstairs. Jacob was awake. Butterflies began flitting around in my stomach because I wasn't sure how our relationship might be changed. My guard had been let down and I had allowed the longing take over. It was an uncomfortable feeling not to be in control of my emotions and I was embarrassed as well. It was such an intimate thing that we experienced and I was unsure about any expectations that Jacob may have now.

Again, I found myself wondering why I felt the same. This was supposed to have solved everything. Movies and television always seemed to glamorize sex, but I didn't feel any more grown up than I had this morning. Had I given this part of myself for nothing?

The steps coming down the stairs interrupted my thoughts and my heart quickened as he came into view. The mile-wide smile on his face appeared when he looked up to see me sitting on the sofa.

"Hi," he said, walking over to me with a huge bounce in his step, and then leaned down to kiss me.

"Feel better?"

"Yeah, in more ways than one." Jacob laughed, obviously talking about more than sleep and a tell-tale blush developed on my face. He brushed my cheek softly with his fingers with concern, "Hey, what's wrong?" I couldn't look at him and tried to hide my face. He lifted my chin with his hand so that our eyes were at the same level. "Did I hurt you?"

"No." I managed to squeak out. "It's just….kind of embarrassing." There was no way I could let him know how confused and self-conscious I was feeling.

I looked up at him to see his mouth hanging open with a confused look. "Bella, what do you have to be embarrassed about?"

"The things we did, sounds I made—"

He finished my words, "—were all perfect." His hand touched my face again and he bent down to kiss me gently on my lips. The kiss deepened and that same feeling of excitement washed over me. He had seen and heard everything and didn't feel that I had done anything to justify any embarrassment that I was feeling. Quite the opposite really, based on the kiss he was planting on me. A certain measure of relief began washing over me and Jacob broke the kiss.

"Now what were you saying?"

"Nothing at all." I smiled up at him, not wanting to hurt his feelings. I needed to try harder for Jacob's sake as well as my own.

* * *

**A/N:**

*****author hides*****

**Don't send me hate mail. Everything happens for a reason in my story. For the Team Edward fans, I know it's tough to see Bella with anyone else, but don't hate the author. This story is far from over.**

**I'm almost afraid to ask for reviews...Be nice if you want updates. lol :)**


	11. Chapter 11 Fireworks

**Thank you for the positive feedback after the last chapter. I know it's tough to see Bella with someone other than Edward, but I wanted her to have more life experiences to draw upon.**

**Be patient with Bella, she's still trying to sort things out in her mind and her heart.**

**Oh yeah, I don't own Twilight. But the things I would do if I did…………..**

*********************************************

I'd never seen a person smile so much. Jacob was clearly on cloud nine and it was a nice feeling that I had a part in causing that elation. On the drive back to school, we were always touching in one way or another and I felt a new closeness toward him. Occasionally, he would look over at me and grin. After I saw how ecstatic Jacob was, I couldn't allow myself to regret the decision I'd made.

The soreness I felt wasn't unbearable, merely uncomfortable, and it served as a reminder of what had taken place a few hours ago. This was real, I hadn't imagined it, and now I had to _own_ it because it was my choice. This relationship would work. It had to.

***

We arrived at the campus and found a parking spot close to my dorm. Jacob turned off the ignition and leaned over to kiss me. It was a very slow, long and intense kiss, and I felt it down to the tips of my toes.

"Mmmm. I've been wanting to do that since we left Forks," he said softly after he broke the kiss and leaned back in his seat.

There were so many things that I wanted to be able to say to Jacob, and instead of responding to him with words, I allowed my actions to speak for me. The interior of the small hatchback allowed me to easily reach over and grab the front of his shirt to pull him toward me. His eyes got wider, most likely surprised at my forwardness, and my favorite goofy grin returned.

Our mouths melted together once again and my hands slid up to grasp the back of his head, urging him to deepen the kiss. I felt a gentle pull at the hem of my shirt before his hand moved slowly under the fabric, and my breath hitched when he touched my skin. A soft groan emanated from him as he palmed my breast, and he kneaded it with his hand.

I was reminded me of the passion and desire we shared this afternoon. Only this time, we weren't alone in a house. We were in a public parking lot and anyone passing by would've gotten an eyeful. There wasn't anything remotely private about it.

"Do you think Mandy's home?" he asked in a low whisper.

"Jake," I reasoned with a slight chuckle, "It's already going to be late when you get home. And unless you have another secret condom stash in this car, you aren't going to get anywhere."

"Can't blame a guy for trying." He gave a sly smile. "You won't be able to use that excuse next time. This Boy Scout will be prepared from now on," he said as he held up three fingers in a traditional Boy Scout salute.

Next time. Thinking about his words, made me feel apprehensive. Without a doubt, I wanted to be happy about this progression in our relationship. I didn't know _how_ to be happy though. Self-consciousness and a lingering sense of fear were running through me.

My plan was to talk to Mandy after Jacob left, but I wasn't sure how to broach the subject, which made me nervous. It wasn't as though I could walk up to her and say, _Hey, by the way, I gave it up to Jacob and it really kinda sucked. Can you help a girl out?_

***

Hand-in-hand, Jacob and I headed up the familiar stairs to my room and I was relieved that Taylor was nowhere in sight. When I opened the door, Mandy was talking on her phone. When she looked up and saw me, she waved and her face lit up with a smile, obviously glad to see me.

"Hey Tiffany, Bella just got back. I'll talk to you later." She paused as Tiffany said goodbye and then closed her phone. "Hey guys. How was your weekend?"

Without warning, I felt my face began to blush. Nervously, I looked up at Jacob as I answered. "Um, it was…fine." My voice croaked and then I saw Mandy's eyes flash from my face to Jacob's and then back to mine.

"O—kay," she said gradually. I was certain that as soon as we were alone, she'd be digging for dirt. If Mandy felt like she was missing out on something, she could be very persistent. I might not have to broach the subject at all; she'd probably do it for me.

After taking my bag from Jacob's hand, I began to unpack. He sat on my bed while Mandy idly chatted about her night out with Tiffany the previous night. They had gone out with a group of friends to a movie and dinner.

"Hey Bella, I'm going to get going." Jacob said, his thumb pointed in the direction of the door. I was surprised that he was leaving so soon, but also somewhat relieved because I hoped that it wouldn't be as awkward after he left.

"Please drive carefully," I said as he bent down to kiss me. The contact caused the heightened emotions from earlier in the car to come flooding back, and our hands began to roam as the exchange became more heated. Jacob's arms gripped me tightly as a low groan came from him.

"Get a room!" Mandy laughed as she reminded us that we weren't alone. I gained some semblance of self-control and broke the kiss.

"Bye, Jake."

"Bye, Bells," he mumbled, briefly pulling me to him once more and then releasing me.

Jacob politely said his goodbye to Mandy and then walked out the door, leaving us alone. Though I would've never acknowledged it to him, he was right when he said that a week was a long time earlier this afternoon. An admission like that would've brought him too much amusement. I sighed, missing him already.

"Looks like you two made up." She smiled at me.

Trying to keep a straight face, I spoke. "Yeah, we were able to talk things out."

"MmmHmm. Talking. Right." She snickered. "Looks to me like there was more going on than just talking."

Was it really that obvious? Was everyone going to be able to tell? It's not like I walked around with a flashing neon sign above my head that read—_Bella had sex_—but how did she know? "I don't know what you mean."

She didn't say another word, but simply tilted her head to one side with her hands on her hips as if waiting patiently for an answer.

I paused, unsure what to say. Finally, I let out a big sigh and blurted it out.

"We did it."

Surely, there were more eloquent ways to phrase the words, but short and to the point had always worked for me. Anyway, I needed to talk to an experienced woman about the whole thing. She would've wheedled it out of me anyway.

Her face showed no hint of surprise as she grabbed my hand and pulled me down to sit next to her on the bed. "I knew it was only a matter of time. So…how was it?"

"It was fine," I said noncommittally and then paused while debating about the next question I wanted to ask. "How could you tell anyway?"

"Bella, I know you well enough to know by the way you were acting. Besides, I thought I was going to have to turn the hose on you two a little bit ago." Her brow furrowed with a confused look on her face. "Hey, wait a minute. What do you mean…it was fine?"

"I don't know. I guess I just expected there to be more."

"More?" She appeared confused and then her eyes widened. She patted my knee, as if consoling me. "Oh, I'm so sorry, Bella. I figured that wouldn't be a problem with as tall as he is."

It took me only a few moments to understand what she was referring to. I answered her as I shook my head. "No, that's not what I mean. Trust me. I don't think there's an issue with that."

Even though I didn't have any frame of reference to draw upon, I couldn't imagine trying to fit something bigger inside me and talking about my boyfriend's endowment with my roommate was definitely not something I'd ever expected to be doing.

"Thank God for that. So what are we talking about then?"

"Maybe I've just been reading too much Cosmo." I joked with her, hoping that she would drop it. Various women's magazines littered the dorm lounge and I'd seen the racy headlines on the covers. They never interested me in the least, and it was ironic that I was using one as an excuse to get out of a conversation.

Talking about this was starting to feel like a bad idea. I was embarrassing myself and not getting any useful information either. "Just forget about it. It's not important."

"Bella, if you don't talk to me about this, who else is there?" She had a point and she knew she was right. I would never talk to my mom about this and I hadn't remained in close contact with Angela or Jessica.

I inhaled deeply as I contemplated how to ask her what I wanted to know. "I thought that there would be some big production, fireworks going off…something."

She looked puzzled and my eyes dropped to the floor, wrestling with what to say next. _If you don't tell her, you aren't going to get any answers. Just spit it out. _

"Everything before—you know, actually doing it…was hot." My heart fluttered at the memory of the kitchen chair. "I guess I imagined more of how that felt. Oh, I don't know, maybe I was expecting too much."

Her eyes lit up all of the sudden. "Ah-ha. Now, I see what the problem is."

"Really? If you do, please share it with me. I'm really confused."

"He didn't wait for you, did he?"

"Wait for me for what?" _In English please_, I thought to myself.

"Bella, a lot of girls don't experience _it_ their first time."

"How do I know if _it_ happens?" This must sound so naïve of me, but I had to know. I was assuming she meant an…I didn't even want to think of the word, let alone say it.

"Trust me, you'll know." She smiled.

"What did you mean when you said 'He didn't wait for you'?" I asked her.

"How can I put this…delicately?" She grinned. I was glad that she was having fun with my inexperience at least. "Most guys will usually make sure that their partner has…to use your phrase…seen their fireworks go off first." She laughed at the last part as she used my analogy.

I sat and let this sink in. "So how do I get these…um, fireworks…to go off?"

"Okay. I have to ask that you not use the word fireworks again. You're a grown woman. Just say it. O-r-g-a-s-m." She drew the word out slowly, accentuating each syllable.

I shrugged my shoulders sheepishly. "Sorry, it's just really embarrassing to talk about."

"You don't need to be embarrassed to talk to me about it. Now, come on. Repeat after me. Penis."

"Mandy…" She raised an eyebrow and I knew that she meant business. "Okay. Fine. Penis." I was mortified.

"You need to get comfortable thinking and saying these things. Vagina. Come on work with me. They're just words."

Reluctantly, I complied as she ran through a slew of words and phrases I never imagined would ever come from my mouth. With each passing word, I relaxed more and more, thankful to her for making me comply with her crazy lesson.

"I think I already know the answer to this, but I'm going to ask anyway. Was Jacob a virgin too?"

I nodded to her.

"Sounds like a typical first time for a guy. They usually don't last very long. Give him another shot, so to speak." She giggled, enjoying her own play on words.

"Very funny. How do you know this is normal for a guy? Bedded many virgins?" I surprised myself that I wasn't embarrassed to say 'virgins'. Maybe her little exercises from earlier helped.

"Cosmo." She knew my disdain for those types of magazines. "You need to break down and start reading them. There's a lot of good stuff in there. Now, let's get back to the original problem. As far as having an orgasm during sex, don't worry about it. It'll happen. Just give it some time, when you aren't so nervous you may surprise yourself."

Mandy had managed to make me feel at ease to talk to her about such personal, intimate things. She hadn't made me feel stupid and didn't talk down to me. It was a huge relief to have someone to confide in.

I was determined to have the whole experience and I was fairly certain that Jacob wouldn't object to trying again. Remembering how happy and content he seemed to be this afternoon made me smile.

"So how does Edward fit into this picture?" The sound of his name pulled me away from my thoughts.

"What do you mean? I'm with Jacob, not Edward."

"I just thought that since he's been around so much, you might have been having doubts."

"No, I'm with Jacob."

Mandy looked back at me, as if she didn't believe me entirely. "But you were so heartbroken when he left. I figured there was a chance you'd want to pick up where you left off with Edward."

Debating what to say, I sighed deeply to give me time to think. "He did give me a ride to Forks on Friday and there were times that I really felt we were connecting again, as if we'd never been apart."

"Is that what you want? Would you be open to a relationship with him again?" Why was she was asking these questions? She had already expressed her opinion to me on the subject. She wasn't a big fan of Edward Cullen.

"There will always be a part of me that will love him. I'm not going to deny that. But II'll never be able to trust him again." It was the first time I uttered those words aloud. _I'll never be able to trust him again._

There would always be a part of me left to wonder if he would suddenly take off when things got tough. If I was going to give my heart to someone completely, I had to know that person was in it for the long haul too.

"Besides, I don't think it matters anymore. I think he went back home."

"Why do you think that? I thought he just transferred here."

"Just a hunch. If he's not in class tomorrow, then I guess I'll know for sure."

"Bella, you know that I want to see you happy, right?" I nodded my head. "Whatever this connection is between you and Edward, you've gotta let it go. He's manipulating you through his actions. It's not healthy."

***

_**Edward Cullen **_

My family gathered around me as I told them of my intentions to relocate permanently to Seattle. "I can't stay away from her any longer. I am going to do whatever it takes to persuade her to give me another chance."

"Why should she?" Rosalie said with disdain in her voice.

"Rose," Esme scolded.

"No, she's right." Shock and disbelief overcame me. I'd never agreed with Rosalie about anything.

_I'm sure that everything will work out Edward,_ Carlisle's voice was a calming presence in my mind. "What are your plans?" he asked audibly.

"I'm not sure yet. I'm fairly certain she understands what my intention was in leaving. I was doing what I thought was best at the time. She did tell me that she forgives me."

_That's wonderful Edward,_ Esme attempted to reassure me.

"There is so much pain that she has yet to deal with completely. She needs to work through that first," I said somberly, knowing that I was at the heart of her pain.

"Did you sense how she feels about you? Is there a chance that you could be in her heart again?" Jasper questioned.

"Since I'm unable to reach her mind, it's difficult for me to know anything for certain. Although, there were moments when I caught a glimpse into her eyes, and what I saw allows me to still have hope."

"Is there anything we can do to help?" Esme, as always, was willing to do anything for her family.

"I've caused this mess. I think I have to be the one to correct it. Thank you for offering though."

"What's you first move, bro?" Emmett spoke up for the first time.

"First and foremost, I believe that I need to earn her confidence back. I need to show her that she can rely on me as she once did." My eyes fell on Carlisle again. "How's the real estate market in Seattle?"

***

_**Bella Swan**_

As I walked into my first class Monday morning, I had never been so disappointed to be right in my life. The seat that Edward normally filled was vacant. After my last class of the day, I went back to the dorm and sat in the silence, thinking. He was truly gone. I realized that a part of me wasn't ready to let him go. No matter what I had attempted to convince myself of, my heart felt like it had been stomped on again.

His departure simply reinforced that I had made the right decision. Jacob, while sometimes immature, would never put me through that sort of pain. Even though he did need to get his temper under control, he would never hurt me like that.

Missing Jacob, I picked up the phone and dialed.

He answered on the second ring in a hushed voice, speaking before I could utter a word. "I'm trying to convince myself not to come see you."

"What's stopping you?" The tone of my voice was low and meant to be enticing.

"The wrath of Billy."

"Why would Billy care if you came to see me?" My relationship with Billy had always been good until this past weekend. Since Jacob and I had worked out our issues, I figured that Billy wouldn't be upset with me anymore.

"I've kinda fell behind at school over the past few weeks. The principal called my dad. I've got a lot of homework to catch up on if I want to be able to pass my classes."

"Because of the extra patrols?"

"Yeah, but don't start feeling guilty." He knew me all too well.

"How can I not feel guilty?"

"It's my job, Bella. Billy understands, he's just trying to do what's best for me."

"Do you need help with anything?"

"What I need your help with isn't exactly on our required reading list." He laughed lightly as he waited for my response. I could feel my face flush.

"When do you think you'll be pardoned by Billy?" My body was alive at the thought of being with him again.

"Not soon enough. I wish I were there now. I am going crazy thinking about yesterday. Remembering how you felt, how you moved..." There was a rough tone to his voice now. "I'm not going to survive until Friday."

I groaned softly and then I heard Billy in the background. "I gotta go. I love you," Jacob said hurriedly before hanging up the phone.

My mind wandered back to the empty seat in class today. The effect that Edward still could have on me was disturbing. Even though I had been anticipating his departure, the impact when I realized I had been right was still powerful. The finality weighed heavily on me as if I was in mourning.

The door opened and I looked up to see Mandy coming through the door with Tiffany in tow behind her.

"Hey, Bella." They both said cheerfully.

Ugh. I really didn't want to talk to anyone about this. However, Mandy would take one look at my face and be able to tell something was bothering me. She was _too _perceptive at times.

All I had to do was keep a smile on my face and I wouldn't have to talk. There was no need to bring anyone else down.

"Hi guys!" My attempt to sound upbeat apparently didn't fool anyone.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Tiffany asked in concern.

"I'm fine. Just had a tough day today," I said as calmly as possibly, still hoping to avoid the impending discussion.

"He wasn't there, was he?" Mandy of course knew me too well.

Tears began welling up in my eyes as I shook my head. Hadn't I spilled enough tears over him already?

Tiffany had a confused look on her face. "Who are we talking about? I'm lost."

Gladly, Mandy filled her in so that I wouldn't have to. "There was an old boyfriend that came back into the picture. Bella had a feeling that he was going to take off again—and evidently, she was right. " I wiped the tears from my cheeks as she explained to Tiffany.

"I know that I've been spending a lot of time with Chad, but I thought Jacob was your boyfriend. I must've missed something," Tiffany asked, trying to make sense of everything.

I answered her before Mandy could. "Jacob _is_ my boyfriend. It just brought up lots of memories when I found out that Edward was here."

We sat quietly for a few moments before Mandy decided to take matters into her own hands. "Let's get out of here. We need to lighten the mood."

"What did you have in mind?" Tiffany asked.

I had no intention of going anywhere. "Guys, I'm not really going to be good company tonight."

"That's exactly why we _are _going." Mandy insisted as she pulled me off my chair and threw my jacket at me. I was about to object, but when I looked up at her, I could tell that there would be no point.

We headed out to grab some dinner. No one mentioned another word about Edward or Jacob and I actually found myself having a good time. We were laughing over several stories that Tiffany shared with us. Chad had taken Tiffany home over the weekend to meet his family for the first time. She had embarrassed herself several times and hearing her recount the stories was hilarious.

***

The next morning I woke up late. Mandy came back from the bathroom and noticed that I hadn't gotten up yet.

"Aren't you going to class today?"

"Yes, mom," I grumbled as I rolled over in my bed.

"Well, you better hurry up."

Forcing myself to glance at the clock on my phone, I jumped out of bed when I saw the time. "Shit."

Everyone would be looking at me if I had to walk into class late and I wasn't in any mood to have that much attention focused on me. Frantically, I got ready and flew out the door, slinging my backpack over my shoulder.

Relief swept over me as I arrived at class with two minutes to spare. I'd made it. Hurriedly, I began making my way to my normal seat when I glanced up and saw a familiar set of golden eyes. My body froze mid-step.

Once I recovered from the initial shock of seeing him, I continued up to my seat. He was conveniently sitting in the next chair over. I took the backpack from my shoulder and sat down. The professor started class promptly, which didn't allow me to say anything to Edward. _What would I say anyway?_ I wanted to know where he'd been and why he left so abruptly from Forks. It wasn't my place to ask and he didn't have to answer to me.

His presence was distracting and my notes from the lecture were mediocre at best. I simply couldn't understand what he was doing here.

As the class was dismissed, I turned to him and quietly spoke. "I didn't get the chance to tell you thank you."

"What exactly are you thanking me for?" The intensity held in his eyes was astonishing, drawing me into an endless depth of emotions as he gazed at me.

"Victoria and Irina," I answered sympathetically.

His head dropped when I mentioned his old friend's name. Jacob said that he had watched the wolves destroy Irina. It was obvious that he had been affected greatly.

"You don't need to thank me. That was my responsibility to you."

The last few students were filing out into the hallway, but we both remained seated.

"I can't imagine how hard that must've been for you."

He paused as if contemplating something. "I never would've imagined that I'd be forced to engage in battle with someone that I considered to be family. There was no reasoning with Irina either. Victoria had made sure of that by filling her mind with lies."

I collected my notebook and placed it in my backpack along with the textbook. "And Alice?"

"She's back home with Jasper and the others." We both got up from our seats to start heading to our next class. He held the door open for me as we walked out into the hallway.

"So you aren't going back to Vancouver with her?" I tentatively asked, unsure of whether I wanted to know the answer.

"No. Nothing is holding me there."

"But your family's there." It didn't make sense that he would want to be apart from his family for an extended period of time.

"My family is very supportive of any decisions I make," he answered plainly.

We made small talk about trivial things until we entered the next class. This class, just as the previous one, was slipping by in a blur. I hoped that the professor wouldn't call on me because I hadn't been paying attention at all. My focus was on the strange conversation I had just shared with Edward. He seemed changed; something was different but I couldn't identify what it was.

How did I really feel about his return? I was mildly irritated with myself that I still allowed him to have power over my feelings. The experience of being continually pulled back and forth was emotionally draining. How much more was I able to endure of this yo-yo effect? Would he tire of being away from his family and move on yet again?

Completely lost in my thoughts, I didn't realize that class was over until people started getting up from their seats. I gathered my belongings and began to head for the door.

In anticipation of struggling through another awkward conversation with Edward, I prepared myself by taking a deep breath. He caught me entirely off guard when he said, "I'll see you later." Then I watched as he turned to walk the opposite direction down the hallway.

***

While I walked back to my dorm, I felt like I could finally relax. Thinking about anything other than Edward was unsuccessful. How was someone able to permeate another person's thoughts so thoroughly?

The sound of my phone ringing startled me from my fixation and made me jump. Guilt and relief both came over me when I saw the number on the display. Guilt because I knew the reason why I hadn't thought about Jacob most of the day was Edward and relief simply because Jacob had that effect on me. He made me happy.

"Hi, Jacob." I smiled, not able to help myself, as I walked along the path to the dorm.

"I miss you."

"Me too."

"I'm supposed to be doing homework, so I've only got a minute."

"Don't get in trouble because of me. I don't want you to get grounded and not be able to visit."

"I won't, Billy's in the other room. I can't concentrate because all I can think of is how much I want to feel you lying beside me."

"Hmm. That would be nice…for starters." I suggested.

He let out a cross between a groan and a laugh. "That's not helping."

"Sorry. You just need to hurry up and get caught up on your homework so that we don't have to sneak around."

"I'm working on it. I just wanted to hear your voice and as much as I don't want to, I need to go before Billy catches me. Love you, Bells. Bye."

"Bye," I told him, still grinning. _This is how a relationship is supposed to be_, I told myself. It shouldn't be doom and gloom all of the time.

*************************************

**Please let me know your thoughts……..**


	12. Chapter 12 Treasure

_**Chapter Notes: Thank you to those who reviewed. I'm not always able to respond and I do apologize. I figured that if given the choice, you'd probably rather I spend the time writing. :)**_

_**Thanks as always to poo235 and PTB.**_

_**I don't own Twilight…yada, yada, yada…**_

* * *

_**Edward Cullen **_

Yesterday, it had been obvious that Bella was surprised by my presence in class. I hadn't spoken to her since Saturday evening, which made me uncertain as to what her reaction would be when she saw me. With the exception of a few questions about the events of the weekend, our interaction was primarily focused on inconsequential matters. The fact that she inquired about whether I intended to return to Vancouver was promising. Hopefully, the knowledge that I was still planning on attending school here in Seattle would be the first step in the right direction.

My absence from classes yesterday was a necessary part of the course of action I had chosen in order to be a part of her life once again. My strategy involved making one stop prior to class this morning.

I knocked on the door lightly and waited patiently for the door to open. The person standing before me was caught off guard. "Good morning, Mandy." I managed, unsure of the response I would receive.

_What is he doing here? He knows she's not here. _It was confusion, not irritation, that rang through her thoughts.

_I could work with confusion_, I thought to myself.

"Um, Bella's not here. She's on her way to class." _Shouldn't he be on his way too?_

"Yes, I know. I wanted to leave something for her."

My fingers slipped into my pocket to retrieve the small, metal bottle cap. I remembered the day we sat together at lunch for the first time. She had been nervous and perplexed; it was amusing to me. As we talked, I had spun this very bottle cap on the table and as our time together had come to an end, I placed the cap swiftly in my pocket to keep as a token, a reminder.

The thoughts that prompted me to cling to that object were still clear, as if it happened yesterday. _I had no idea how much time I would have with her. One day, I honestly expected her to run the other way. Would she see me for what I was? This tiny piece of metal might be the only thing I would ever possess of hers._ My interaction with Bella had been something new and different, and I cherished the memories of our courtship.

Rubbing the cap with my fingers one last time, I held my hand out to Mandy and released it in her hand carefully to avoid touching her skin.

Her forehead wrinkled up in confusion when she looked at what she was now holding in her hand. _What the hell am I supposed to do with this?_ She glanced up at me, obviously questioning what it was. "A bottle cap?"

I half-smiled at her. "Yes, it was from the first time we had lunch together."

_Why is he trying so hard? She's already chosen Jacob since he can't seem to stick around for her. I wonder if I would ever have a chance with him? Stop it Mandy, you couldn't do that to Bella. _"And this is supposed to mean something to her?"

"Hopefully."

_Should I tell him he's too late? That he's wasting his time? _She frowned at me as a conversation replayed through her mind that she and Bella had shared. My legs felt as though they were going to give out as I stood there silently in complete and utter shock. The information that was flowing through her mind crushed me. I had no idea how much time passed until I heard her voice again.

"Hey, are you okay? Aren't you going to be late for class?"

Not entirely certain I could form a coherent sentence, I debated about what to say. "Just, please give it to her. Thank you." I turned and left the building, my head still spinning.

The thought of that mongrel touching her in such intimate ways incensed me. He didn't even treat her as a gentleman would, making sure that she experienced pleasure as well. If he had been standing in front of me at that moment, I would've literally ripped his head off.

Several scenarios, all of which involved going to La Push to confront him, flashed through my mind. Because I knew those actions would disappoint Carlisle, and there would be repercussions regarding the treaty. Those thoughts would have to remain a fantasy.

Stealthily, I ran to class as quickly as possible without causing a scene. The professor was beginning to close the door when I arrived. I hurriedly made my way to the open seat next to Bella and sat down. She greeted me with a partial smile on her face, which I didn't respond to, not trusting how I might react.

As the professor began his lecture, I brooded over the recent information that had been given to me. What did I expect? Isn't this what I had hoped for? The chance to have a normal life was something that I couldn't offer her, but he could. I shouldn't have begrudged her this very human experience.

Perhaps her roommate was right. Maybe I was too late.

When the professor dismissed the class, I zipped out of the room, without even said goodbye to her. The distinct possibility existed that I might not have been able to contain my anger if I looked at her. Every time the conversation replayed in my mind, I felt as though acid was burning through my cerebral cortex.

Seeking isolation, I sat in my car with my head resting on the steering wheel in despair. _What am I supposed to do now?_ _Will I ever be able to look at her without remembering? _Perhaps it was a sign that I shouldn't have returned to her. Nevertheless, when I attempted to imagine living without her, I found myself unable to do so.

The need to confide in someone was overwhelming. Carlisle or Jasper. Both were excellent at helping to sort through feelings and offer advice. Even if the only thing they were able to offer to me was a listening ear, I had to talk to someone.

I debated about calling prior to my arrival to ensure that my family would be home, but decided against it because I didn't want to have to explain anything over the phone. My decision to come to Vancouver wouldn't have been affected by an empty house anyway. When you weren't human, you were forced to develop an infinite amount of patience. If I had to wait, then so be it.

When I found myself within range, I found the house vacant of anyone's thoughts, with the exception of Esme. She was contemplating the aesthetic appeal of one of her designs. Shortly thereafter, I turned the car down the long winding lane, parking it in front of the house.

Esme was upstairs in the office that she shared with Carlisle, still vacillating on her design. She needed to have more confidence in her abilities; I had never seen anything that was short of remarkable from her designs. Not wanting to be rude, I padded up the stairs to greet her.

"Edward, I didn't expect to see you again so soon." Esme rose from her chair and moved across the room to me. "Are you okay?" _He looks awful. What could've happened to make him look like this…_

My mother wasn't the first person that had come to mind to talk to about things of such an intimate nature. However, she did always seem to know the right thing to say and I didn't want her to worry. It appeared as though my attempt to conceal my current mindset had been futile at best.

"I found something out and now I don't know how to deal with it." My voice sounded lifeless and monotone as the words flowed from my mouth. I moved across the room to sit down and let my head fall into my hands.

"Edward, please tell me." The close proximity of her voice told me that she had followed me to where I was seated.

This was so difficult to talk about, especially to my mother. It felt too personal. Esme leaned over and put her hand on my arm. "Please." Her eyes were pleading as she spoke. "I don't like to see you in pain. Is Bella all right? Has she been harmed?"

"She's not...I didn't expect…" Coherency was eluding me and I found myself stammering to find the right thing to say. "…it's just…"

"Edward, you're frightening me. I've never seen you unable to express yourself like this. Please," she implored. "Tell me what it is."

The last thing I wanted to do was to alarm her. It wasn't my intent and if I didn't speak with someone soon, I was going to have a mental episode.

Regardless of how uncomfortable it would be to divulge what I had learned, I proceeded. "I heard Bella's roommate's thoughts regarding her and Jacob."

"Yes…you knew they were dating. That shouldn't have surprised you." Esme's voice was soft and calming. She let me choose the pace of the conversation and I paused before continuing.

"Well, it would seem that their relationship has been taken to a different level." I gritted my teeth as I spoke. "Physically." I could see the comprehension appear on her face and her lips silently moved as if to say 'ohhh'.

"Edward, you can't blame her for that. It's a natural progression."

"It changes _everything_."

"Please tell me how this changes anything? You still love her, don't you?"

"Of course."

"Edward, you know how much I love Carlisle, right?"

I nodded.

"Carlisle wasn't the first man that I had been with either." Of course, I was aware of Esme's life prior to being changed, but I didn't think of it in comparison to my situation. "Even Jasper and Emmett had been with others prior to meeting Alice or Rosalie. This doesn't have to be the end of any hope of reconciliation with her…unless you choose for it to be."

"I don't know if I _can_ move past it. Before we were on a level playing field, so to speak. Now all I can think of is _him_ touching her." I cringed at the mere thought.

"You're going to drive yourself mad if you _don't_ move past it." She reached over and embraced me.

***

_**Bella Swan**_

When I arrived at class on Wednesday morning, I expected to see Edward waiting for me. His chair, however, was empty, just as it was on Monday. I shouldn't still have been feeling this disappointment over his absence. Would there ever be a day that he wouldn't be a part of my thoughts? Shuffling over to my seat, I got my book and folder out of my backpack.

Just as the professor was starting to close the door, I saw his face, the most perfect face in the world. He glided effortlessly through the door and made his way over to where I sat. I couldn't help but smile at him, but he didn't return the gesture. His eyes were black as coal instead of the normal warm golden color. It had been some time since I had seen his eyes this shade and I was taken aback.

His behavior through the class was odd and he even refused to look at me. Was there something that I had done to upset him? We hadn't spoken since the day before and everything seemed fine then. At the end of class, he was out the door before I could ask what was bothering him. Maybe I didn't want to know.

The behavior continued to puzzle me as I walked slowly back to my dorm room. It reminded me of how he treated me when I first came to Forks, distant and cold. It bothered me more than I liked.

I opened the door to the room and found Mandy already there. I exhaled deeply as I set my backpack down.

"Tough class today?" she asked, more than likely in response to my actions.

"Class was fine. But I swear Edward has multiple personality disorder," I grumbled.

"He was acting weird this morning when he stopped by too."

"Edward was here? When?"

"After you left. How late was he to class?" She asked, not bothering to glance up from her laptop.

"Did he say what he wanted?" It didn't make sense that he would've come by. He knew that I would've been gone already.

She finally looked up at me and reached for something from the top of her shelf. "He wanted me to give you this. Said you would know what it was." After I held out my hand, she placed a single bottle cap in my palm.

I raised an eyebrow at her. "I have no idea what this is. He didn't say anything else?"

"He just said that it was from the first time you had lunch together."

My mind immediately flashed back to the cafeteria at Forks High School. It seemed like another lifetime ago. I remembered how he had crooked his finger at me as a signal to join him, and how my heart flipped and fluttered as I sat down across the table from him.

Just as I was about to question her for more information, my mind summoned up the image of him taking the cap from my lemonade bottle. He had playfully taken it and had made it dance in circles on the table. Why did he still have this?

"That's _all_ he said?"

"Yeah, you should have seen the look on his face though. He didn't want to part with it, like it was some valuable treasure." She scoffed at the idea that something seemingly so trivial could have special meaning.

"And then what happened?"

"Nothing really. I mean, I thought he was going to pass out, but he snapped out of it. Next thing I knew, he took off like I said something to offend him, but I don't know what that would have been. I hardly spoke to him."

Shocked. Speechless. Stunned. Those were all appropriate ways to describe how I felt.

He'd been hanging onto this for all this time. That day must've held some special memories for him as well. I sighed loudly, flung myself on my bed and pulled the pillow over my head.

I groaned when I figured out what must've occurred. Mandy hadn't said anything aloud to him, but what had she been thinking about when Edward was here this morning? He had to have been listening to her thoughts. It was the only thing that made sense. It also explained why his mood changed so quickly. What could she have been thinking about that was so bad it would explain his behavior in class? I could think of only one thing—my recent activities with Jacob. Mandy knew lots of details, too many details for her not share. How was I ever going to be able to face him again?

"What exactly is going on between you two?"

"What, between me and Edward? Nothing." My mumble was barely audible from underneath the pillow.

"Are you sure that he knows that?"

"Why would you say that?" I peeked my head out from under the soothing comfort of the pillow.

"Why else would he bring you something like this? What could possibly prompt him to do that? He didn't just wake up one day and decide out of the blue to do that."

As much as I hated to admit it, she had a point. What was he trying to do? Hadn't he done enough damage to my life already? My mood began to change and different emotions were being brought to the surface.

Irked. Irritated. Incensed.

Thankfully, Mandy said nothing else about Edward the rest of the evening as we moved through our regular routine of studying and listening to music. Her short-lived flirting with Trey, from the frat party, had ended weeks ago and she hadn't been her usual chipper self. I'd been so wrapped up and distracted in my own soap opera of a life that we really hadn't spent anytime together, just the two of us. It might be what we both needed.

"Hey Mandy, are you planning on going home next week for Thanksgiving?" I asked, trying to decide when we could have our girl time.

"No, every year my parents go on a cruise for the week. I'm just going to hang here."

"By yourself?"

"I'm sure there are other people who will be here, Bella. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine." She tried to hide the obvious sadness that this caused her. I couldn't imagine being stuck here over the holiday. Then, the perfect solution came to me.

"You're coming with me to Forks," I said in a tone that told her not to argue.

"I couldn't, Bella. I don't want to be a bother."

"You won't be. We've got plenty of room at my dad's house. You can sleep in my room. Just don't steal all the covers." I grinned at her.

"Very funny. When are you planning on leaving and coming back?"

"Jacob's going to be here on Friday after class. Then we probably won't be back until the following weekend. Are you up for any hiking? Or maybe a bonfire on the beach?" Her eyes lit up at the last suggestion and I knew we had a winner.

"Sounds better than what I was planning on doing. I'll make sure that I pack some warm clothes too." She seemed to be excited. It would almost be like having a sister and I was looking forward to the time away from school.

***

That night I dreamt of Edward again. The images were the same as before. His voice called to me, but I was unable to find him as I searched frantically in every direction.

I blinked and then found myself in another part of the forest, a much darker part. Turning suddenly to find my way out, he appeared right there in front of me with an outreached hand and touched my face gently.

I felt something warm grasp my hand and I turned to see Jacob standing before me as he held my hand tenderly in his. My eyes moved from side to side, looking at each of them, when I awoke abruptly and sat up in bed. My breathing was rapid and my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest.

"Bella, are you okay?" Mandy asked.

"I'm so sorry, Mandy. Did I wake you up?"

"No, I couldn't sleep. You've been tossing and turning a lot though."

"Just dreaming again."

***

The next morning I couldn't find any enthusiasm to get ready for class. Embarrassed over what Edward might've heard from Mandy, I didn't want to face him and I was also mildly irritated with him for giving me this bottle cap that I now held in my hand. Confusion was clouding my consciousness and I was in no frame of mind to play his games. I left in plenty of time to ensure that I would arrive early enough to have a discussion before the professor would begin.

Unsure what would be waiting for me on the other side of the door, I took a deep breath and stepped into the classroom. Hesitating before I stole a glance at him, I looked up to find that he was already seated.

He spoke quietly with little emotion as I sat down, "Good morning."

Surprisingly, his eyes were golden once again and his face looked calmer than it had yesterday. At least it was a start. When I imagined what thoughts he might've been privy to, via Mandy, I dreaded having to face him, but I really wanted an explanation about the bottle cap.

"Morning," I said cautiously. After retrieving the bottle cap from a zippered pocket in my backpack, I carefully placed it down on the table directly in front of him.

"What are you trying to do?" I asked him with annoyance in my voice.

"I don't know what you mean," he answered swiftly.

"I can't keep up with your personalities, Edward. One day you're acting like my friend and the next, you completely ignore me. And then you do this?" I motioned towards the metal cap resting on top of the table.

"I'm sorry, Bella, for yesterday. I was…preoccupied." His nonchalant attempt to account for his behavior frustrated me. Why couldn't he just tell the truth?

"And that's supposed to explain away everything?" I said acerbically.

"No, but I'm not sure I could provide an explanation that would be adequate given your current mood."

That comment only caused my irritation with him to grow, but I wasn't going to give up so easily.

"Why would you be hanging onto this for so long?"

"It was just something that reminds me of you. The inquisitive side of you that was determined to know the truth was very intriguing."

The fact that he answered without any ambiguity dumbfounded me.

_Was_ very intriguing? What did he mean by that? Why did it always seem like he was hiding something behind those eyes? My time to question him further ran out as the professor closed the door, indicating he was ready to begin. I scowled at Edward and then reached over to scoop the cap back into my hand. His hand was faster, picking it up before I could and putting it in his pocket.

"You gave that to me, give it back," I said quietly with contempt and glared at him.

His head shook from side-to-side, the movement so slight that no one would've noticed but me. My frustration was reaching epic proportions and I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs at him. There was no reason why I wanted that cap back so badly other than because he wouldn't let me have it. The longer I sat in class, the more I fumed about it and I vowed to get it back after class.

***

_**Edward Cullen **_

Throughout the evening and into the morning hours, Mandy's thoughts played continually until the monster inside of me was ready to explode in fury. I directed the rage within at myself for leaving her on that September day. My actions had made the interaction between her and the wolf possible.

That dog treated Bella with little regard. He was far too concerned with his own immature hormonal needs. A man with any sense of respect should have placed her needs far above his own.

Was it inappropriate for me to feel amused that he wasn't able to give her pleasure? Admittedly, I was feeling a bit smug and jubilant at the notion. Even though I had no personal experience, I'd witnessed enough interactions between men and women throughout my existence that I knew the techniques and methods that needed to be employed. My heart sunk when I remembered that I couldn't offer her this ecstasy either. It was selfish that I didn't want her to have this with him.

Esme had made several valid points during our discussion yesterday and I was trying to stay focused on those. The others in my family all had prior experiences before becoming bound to each other, but it gave me little consolation. They had not been the one to drive the object of their love into another's arms and his bed. When I abandoned her, I had done that very thing.

How was this going to affect the plans that I had made? Was it worthwhile to continue trying to gain favor with her again? If I wasn't able to come to terms with what she had done, why would it matter?

I thought back to how I had learned this unsavory knowledge about Bella. It had been my first orchestrated attempt to show her that my love had never waivered. Had Mandy even given the bottle cap to her? More importantly, if she had given it to her, how had Bella reacted?

When she came into class, I was still contemplating what her response was. The expression on her face puzzled me. She appeared unsure of herself and possibly nervous as well as she began to walk down the aisle. Her human legs could only bring her to me so quickly and I tried to be patient.

"Good morning," I said, attempting to test the waters because I wasn't certain of her mental state or mood. My voice remained even, with little emotion, in preparation for whatever would come next.

A simple "Morning." was all that she said. Her face was not that of a happy person; clearly she was upset about something. She didn't allow me to wonder what was bothering her. Bella pulled the bottle cap from her backpack and set it down in front of me. So many things had changed since I knocked on the door to her dorm room yesterday morning. During our conversation yesterday, my responses had been aloof and I'd made an effort to remain guarded until I had the opportunity to deal with my emotions.

The professor indicated that he was ready to begin class, and I swiped the cap from the table in a flash. I'd made her angry. When she realized that I wasn't going to listen to her, she turned back toward the front of the room.

Without a doubt, she would make her opinions known again at the conclusion of this class. Internally, I was utterly conflicted and longed to be near her and hold her next to me. At the same time, though, I was repulsed at the idea of her physical relations with the dog.

Glancing toward her, I noticed that she had tucked her hair behind her ear allowing me to gaze upon her angelic face.

At that moment, I focused my thoughts on her and realized that none of it mattered. More than anything else in this world, I wanted her to be a part of my life. I'd already experienced what my existence was without her and I couldn't bear to return to that hopeless and despondent way of life. My resolve to make things right with her had been renewed and strengthened.

My hand slid into the pocket of my jeans and pulled the cap back out. Waiting until the professor's attention was directed elsewhere, I placed the cap on her notebook. She let out a soft gasp of surprise when she noticed. From my peripheral vision, I saw her glimpse at me from the corner of her eye. Her hand slowly reached over and then quickly snatched the cap. She gave me a fleeting look and I was certain there was the hint of a smile on her face.

* * *

**A/N: So…what do we think? Please take a moment and review.**


	13. Chapter 13 Agonizing Footsteps

**Chapter Notes: Okay. This is another chapter that will upset some of you, but it's necessary for this story. I believe, and others have commented as well, that this is a realistic portrayal of what could've happened if Edward's return was delayed. Bella, in my opinion, had already made the choice to 'be happy' with Jacob, until she saw the Mercedes in front of her house. **

**Also, some colleges have longer Thanksgiving breaks than others. For the purpose of this story, Mandy and Bella have the whole week off. So, roll with it my peeps. :)**

**Thanks to PTB, Steph, MLD and Annaxer for all the advice and support. **

**A special Thank You to those you faithfully review. It helps me keep motivated to know how you feel about the story. **

**I don't own Twilight or the characters, just get to treat them like my own personal Barbie Dolls.**

**

* * *

  
**

_**Bella Swan**_

The professor went through his normal routine while I racked my brain trying to find a way to get that bottle cap back. A pale hand came into view as Edward gently set the cap in front of me, triggering a sharp intake of air to flow into my lungs. I looked around the room and it seemed as though no one else had heard me.

I tried to sneak a look at him out of the corner of my eye, not wanting him to see me. Before he could confiscate it again, I decided I had better take it. After I wrapped my hand around the metal, I refused to set it down again for fear that he might have been toying with me in some way and given the first chance would've taken it once again. There was no way I could've prepared myself for the joy I felt when it was back in my possession.

For the first time, I allowed myself to take the time to look closely at the bottle cap. The writing was faded and almost completely gone in some spots. The edges showed considerable wear as well. This item hadn't sat on a shelf, forgotten, over the course of the past year.

When class was over, I shifted in my seat to face him. "Thank you," I said reticently. It was childish, really, to act that way over a bottle cap of all things. To be honest, I hadn't even realized that he took it that day. The cap itself wasn't significant, but knowing that he felt compelled to keep it all this time was worth noting. Combining that with the fact he had been the one to give it to me, made me unwilling to part with it. To me it represented a happier time in my life, a time when things seemed somehow…simpler.

"I shouldn't have taken it from you. It was a gift, a token of sorts, I suppose." Edward's voice was soft spoken but his eyes pierced mine with a level of intensity that caused my heart to accelerate. I found myself unable to look away.

"I really should be going," I muttered. My feet, however, had other plans and refused to move. As I stood completely still, my phone rang, breaking the hold that he seemed to have on me. The number that flashed on the display was Charlie's. "I need to get this," I said as I excused myself and started walking toward the door.

"Hi, Dad."

"Hey, Bells. I wanted to find out what the plans were for next week." We were lucky enough to be out of school for the whole week of Thanksgiving. Mandy had told me it was supposed to be some sort of a fall break for the students and I was looking forward to spending it with Jacob. We hadn't spent more than a day or two at a time together since I left for school in August.

"Jake's picking me up tomorrow after class. We're supposed to go over to Sam and Emily's for the night. Oh, and before I forget, Mandy is coming with me."

"Won't her parents be upset that she's not spending the holiday week with them?"

"Evidently they go on a cruise every year and I didn't want her to be by herself all week. I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all, you did the right thing by inviting her." It made me feel good to know that he was pleased with me.

"We'll probably be late tomorrow. I'm not sure what Sam and Emily have planned, if anything. I guess I'll plan on seeing you Saturday morning. We'll try to be quiet and not wake you."

"Okay, Bells. You know it would take a freight train to wake me up though. Love you," he said as he chuckled lightly.

"Love you, Dad. Bye."

The rest of the afternoon was spent catching up on homework, so that I wouldn't have to take any with me. Mandy had needed to run a few errands before we left and it was eerily quiet in the dorm without her.

My eyes glanced over at the bottle cap that was now sitting on the shelf on my desk and I smiled when I thought back to that day in the cafeteria. He had been such a flirt that day and the look on Jessica's face was priceless.

My phone rang again, but this time it was Jacob. I felt a flutter through my body in anticipation of talking to him.

"Hi there." I couldn't help but grin.

"Is it Friday yet?" he asked with a sigh in his voice.

"This has been a long week without you." Jacob had a way of expressing his caring nature through a simple embrace and I wanted nothing more than to feel his loving arms wrap around me.

"Tell me about it. I can't wait to get you alone again." Something told me that our plans weren't the same.

"Jake, before I forget to tell you, I invited Mandy to come back home with us. Her family is going to be out of town and I didn't want her to be stuck here all alone."

"Okay, I'll tell Emily," he answered calmly.

"You're not upset?"

"It sucks that I'll have to share you, but its fine. We'll just have to be more…creative," he said as I imagined a mischievous smile appearing on his face.

***

Friday flew by with very little fanfare. Things were still awkward with Edward, and Mandy couldn't stop talking about the trip to Forks. She even went as far asking about Jacob's friends. She wanted to know how old they were…were they good looking…were any of them single. It would be very interesting to see how she would handle meeting the La Push crowd. Was she going to notice the similarities between the pack brothers? How could she not?

Mandy's excitement was evident when Jacob arrived. She happily squeezed into the backseat of Jacob's car and chattered the whole trip to the reservation. For the duration of the drive, Jacob held my hand and we occasionally shared a fleeting look with one another as our passenger rambled on.

We pulled up to the small house surrounded by forest. There was a plume of smoke rising from the chimney indicating a fire was crackling inside. Dampness in the air made me anxious to for the warmth of the fireplace.

After we exited the car and made our way into the house, Emily greeted us at once and gave me a hug.

"It's so good to see you. How has school been?"

"Tough. There's a lot of reading and after awhile, it all blends together. I'm glad to get a break. By the way, Emily, this is my roommate Mandy."

Emily smiled. "Welcome to our home, Mandy. We're glad to have you." Using the now familiar cover, I had told Mandy about Emily's facial scars from a bear attack. The last thing I wanted was for her to be shocked when she saw Emily for the first time.

"Thanks for having me on such short notice. I don't want to be a bother to anyone."

"Nonsense. We always have plenty of food around here." Emily laughed. "Sam, come over here and meet Bella's roommate."

Sam appeared from the living room with a warm greeting for Mandy. "Come on in and make yourself at home." Sam motioned toward the living room.

Jacob took my hand and led us to a familiar place on the sofa. We sat down, he wrapped his arm around my shoulders, and I snuggled into his chest. Mandy opted for an oversized chair closer to the fire. It was after eight and the fire cast a glow all around the room that broke through the darkness. Emily joined us on the sofa, with Sam sitting at her feet.

"So, Mandy, what are you studying at school?" Emily asked.

"I haven't chosen my major yet. Right now, I'm leaning towards elementary education, maybe a kindergarten teacher."

"Wonderful. That would be an exciting age to teach." Emily smiled at Mandy who nodded her head in agreement. "What is the other area you are thinking of?"

"Psychology."

"Wow, those are pretty different fields," Sam commented.

"I know, that's why I am having a tough time deciding. I feel like I'd be able to have more of an impact with teaching because I could reach kids at a crucial time in their development." The expression on their faces showed that Sam and Emily were impressed with Mandy.

The casual conversation continued between the five of us for over an hour. The last time I had glanced at the clock it was after nine. Jacob had been trying his best to distract me. His hand started around my shoulder and gradually slid around to my side underneath where my arm rested. His fingers slowly began stroking the side of my ribcage and I looked over at him, trying to plead with him to stop. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy the affection. I was self-conscious because we weren't alone even though the room was dimly lit. More than likely no one would've been able to notice his movements. He simply winked at me.

He gradually moved from the side of my ribcage and softly brushed my breast. The tips of his fingers intermittently reached out to graze my nipples with the pressure increasing as time passed. _Was he _trying_ to drive me insane?_

He bent over and whispered in my ear, his warm breath tickling me, "Let's go." As he stood up, he pulled me up from the sofa by my hand. _Go where?_ He turned towards the others in the room. "We'll be back. We're going for a walk." _A walk? I really hope that's a cover story because a walk is the last think I want right now. _

"You'll be okay for a little bit?" I asked Mandy, feeling like I was abandoning her.

"Oh, Bella, we'll take good care of her. Go on, it's clear out tonight so you should have a good view of the stars." Emily reassured me.

My coat was hanging on a kitchen chair and after I threw it on, Jacob was pulling me out the door. I would've been lying if I didn't admit that sneaking out to be alone was exciting. We weren't more than a few steps from the door when he quickly backed me against the house and took my mouth in his. The warmth of his mouth was in direct contrast to the cold nighttime air.

A voice in the back of my head tried to reason that this was crazy and just as I was about to try to reason with Jacob, he pressed his body against mine fully. His arousal was evident. As our hands were grasping and exploring each other frantically, I moved my hips forward to push against him. Jacob had said we'd have to be creative, but I never imagined myself being this bold.

"Is Charlie home?" Jacob asked breathlessly as his mouth left a trail of kisses on my neck.

"Charlie?" The last person I wanted to think about right now was my dad. "Yeah, he's off duty tonight, why?"

He cursed under his breath. "There's gotta be somewhere we can go," he mumbled. My lips greedily found his again, teasing his tongue with mine. "Don't think I haven't considered ripping your clothes off right here." His words were coming out in a different, huskier tone.

"Isn't it a bit cold out here to do that?" I laughed in between kisses. He had to be kidding.

"You know I'll keep you warm."

His hands slid underneath my shirt and began to massage my breasts, causing me to moan softly in his mouth. Okay, maybe he wasn't kidding.

He broke the kiss and took my hand. "Come over here," he said in a quiet, sexy voice, leading me over to a wooden bench situated under a small grove of trees. Jacob sat down on the bench and lifted me onto his lap, straddling him.

"Not fair, you know my weaknesses," I managed to squeak out.

My thumb traced the softness of his lower lip. I moaned when he put his hand to the back of my head and pulled my mouth to his. His tongue stroked, his lips caressed and his taste tantalized as we spoke to one another without words.

It wasn't long before his hands were back under my shirt pushing my bra up, touching my bare breasts. My nipples hardened from the touch of his warm hands. His lips left mine and peppered my neck with open mouth kisses, leaving a trail of damp skin open to the cold nighttime air.

"Jake, we need to get back inside. They're going to come out here looking for us."

"It's okay, Bella." His lips were leading the offensive on my resolve, which was gradually slipping. I felt his teeth graze my ear lobe and I groaned. He wasn't playing fair.

"Do you understand how embarrassing it would be if they found us like this?"

"I'll be quick, Bella, I promise. You can't leave me like this."

"You can't be serious," I said as his teeth bit down on my lobe before pulling it into his mouth.

He scooted me back a bit and I felt him fumbling with something. It didn't take me long to realize that he had started to unbutton his pants. He lifted me for a brief moment to shuffle his pants down to his knees. What was he thinking?

After he situated me back on his lap, I made a half-hearted attempt to plead with him. "Please, I don't want to get caught like this."

"We won't get caught. I promise."

Jacob was already tugging the zipper of my jeans down, and although I knew we shouldn't, I did nothing to stop him, wanting this as badly as he did. Above all, I just didn't want anyone to see us. My lips captured his once more as his hand slid inside my jeans and under my panties.

My body was primed; I could feel the dampness between my legs where the deep throbbing had been building. When his fingers slid into my folds, he groaned, causing a vibration to tickle my lips. His hands worked their magic and I couldn't help myself but push my hips against his fingers, searching for the pressure I was craving.

His free hand was attempting to pull my jeans down, unsuccessfully, before I stopped him. Using the bench to steady myself, I moved to stand up in front of Jacob. I lowered my jeans and panties down to my knees in one motion, not bothering to separate them. Goosebumps popped up on my body when the cold air made contact with my skin. Jacob watched me intently before he reached down to the jeans still around his knees and searched his pockets, presumably for a condom. My eyes drifted downward. I was curious about _it._ Even though it was dark outside, a faint light from the house allowed me my first glance at a…penis.

I'd seen drawings from anatomy class, but nothing in real life. Hmmm…not exactly what I'd expected. I tilted my head to the side, still analyzing what I was observing. It looked like it was wearing a helmet. What in the world did it need a helmet for? Was it planning on going into battle?

Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to look at it. My distraction was short-lived though.

As I stood before Jacob, I felt him touch me again with his fingers. He attempted to lift me onto his lap, but the jeans around my legs made it impossible. My frustration increased, as did the heaviness between my legs. Jacob looked at our surroundings and then took his shirt off. He got up from the bench and made his way a short distance to the grass, spreading the fabric across the ground as far as possible.

I shouldn't have allowed this to continue; I was better than this, but I was too worked up to care. He pulled me over to him, assisting me along the way, since my jeans were hindering my attempts at walking, and lowered me to lie on his shirt. The cold ground caused me to shiver and Jacob covered me to keep me warm as he searched for my entrance, unsuccessfully, by rubbing his condom-covered tip between my legs in earnest. I lowered my hand between us without giving it a prior thought, wrapping it around him.

A deep sigh came from Jacob as I rubbed him against myself in a circular motion and moaned from the sensation. I wanted him. Right now. I pushed my pants down to my ankles and then positioned him in the right spot. He entered me impatiently, causing pain and discomfort as my body attempted to adjust.

"Ouch!" This wasn't what I had in mind.

"Sorry. I can't help it," he managed in a raspy voice. "Oh, Bella," he groaned as his hips began to thrust and drive into me faster.

"Jacob," I pleaded with him to go slower, hoping it wouldn't hurt as badly, so that I could enjoy this as well. "Please, you gotta slow down."

He managed to comply and my hands slid down, grabbing his ass to find a rhythm we both could take pleasure in. The heaviness I was feeling began to beg for more contact and I ground my hips against him harder. Jacob reacted with a few grunts and a long moan. Without warning, I felt him collapse on top of my chest.

"Oh, man," he mumbled.

It only took me a fraction of a second to put two and two together. My body, however, was in denial. I continued to move against him, but now the other participant was completely still. No, I refused to believe that it happened again. Jacob uttered a few unintelligible words as I tried to thrust against him. It was a lost cause as evidenced by the lack of reaction from the human paperweight resting on top of me.

What about me? Didn't he even care if I enjoyed it? Unbelievable.

He began to pull out of me, but I could feel his hands were touching me too. What was he doing now? I lifted my head up to investigate, but couldn't see anything. He was fumbling with something down there.

"What are you doing? Is something wrong?" I snapped at him.

He hesitated before answering. "Everything's fine," he said as I watched him toss what I assumed was the condom toward the woods. Ewww, I thought to myself. With my luck, it probably landed in Emily's flower garden for her to find in the spring. He shifted himself to a standing position, pulling his pants up along the way, and then turned to hold out a hand to me.

"Here," he said, as he pulled me upright. "Let's get you dressed so you aren't cold anymore."

Was he completely oblivious? Stunned, I pulled myself up onto my feet and pulled my pants back where they belonged. My bra was in disarray and as I adjusted it, I looked over at Jacob. He was sitting on the bench, clearly proud of himself.

I was in shock and really didn't know what to say to him.

Jacob stood up and kissed me quickly on the cheek as he took my hand. My hair was a tangled mess and I attempted to smooth it out along with my clothes, not wanting it to be obvious what we had been doing.

After we came back into the house, no one appeared to notice how long we had been gone. If they did, they didn't let on. We took the same seats on the sofa and began to join in the conversation again. Even though I was upset with Jacob's behavior, I wasn't going to let it ruin the rest of the evening for everyone else. As we waited for the others to come over, I forced myself to push my feelings to the back of my mind.

***

All heads turned when we heard a door open and watched as Jared came into the tiny house with a girl in tow.

"Who's that?" I whispered to Jake.

He rolled his eyes. "That's Kim. Another one who's had their will taken from them," he mumbled.

"Jared imprinted?" I spoke softly to Jacob, trying to make sense of his answer. Mandy watched us talking quietly and rolled her eyes, surely imagining some sort of lovey-dovey conversation was going on between us. If she only knew. Who was I kidding? I knew that I'd tell her later when we were by ourselves.

"Yeah. Some girl he sat next to everyday at school. One day he looked at her to ask a question about their homework and that was it."

"I'm surprised you didn't say something. How long ago did it happen?"

"It was a couple of weeks ago." He paused and I could tell that he was deliberating on what he should say next. "I guess I just forgot to say anything, what with the leeches out to kill you and all…"

Why hadn't he told me about it? What reason could he possibly have to hide it from me? How many had imprinted now?

Jacob introduced the newcomers to Mandy. Kim sat between Emily and me on the sofa and Jared sat at her feet, leaning his head on her knee. It was only another minute before we heard the door swing open again.

I looked up to see Embry walking into the kitchen. "What's here to eat?" he said as he started riffling through the fridge.

Emily appeared in the kitchen with a smile on her face. "Embry, would you like me to make you a sandwich?"

"You're the best, Emily. Two would be great." Emily truly enjoyed her role as den mother to the pack. She began taking items out of the fridge as Embry watched.

"Hey, Embry," Jacob greeted him from the adjoining living room.

Embry turned to look at Jacob. "Hey, guys."

Just as quickly as he looked at Jacob and me, he looked back anxiously at Emily. It was as if he was trying to decide what was more important—food or friends. He must've been famished. I didn't even want to think about how much Emily must spend at the grocery store.

"Embry, we have guest. Don't be rude," Emily admonished him. "This is Bella's roommate from school, Mandy." Emily motioned over to the living room to the chair where Mandy was sitting.

"Sorry," he said to Emily before heading into the living room, eyes down towards the floor, as if he'd just been scolded. When he stood in front of Mandy, he finally looked up at her as he spoke. "Hi, I'm…Embry." He stumbled on his own name?

"Hi, I'm Mandy. Nice to meet you."

"Embry, are you a little hungry?" I asked, teasing him about the amount of food that Emily was preparing, but he didn't answer. He was focused on something else and refused to turn away from Mandy. There was a long pause and the room remained silent.

"Embry, Bella was talking to you," Jacob reminded him, trying to figure out what was wrong.

"Um…yeah. I had an early dinner."

Embry's eyes were still locked on Mandy's. I looked over at Mandy and she had the same look on her face. Embry shifted to sit beside her on the floor, not once breaking the gaze with her, simply content to sit at stare in amazement at one another.

I glanced at Jacob, who had a look of horror on his face. It was then that I realized what just took place directly in front of me. "Are you serious?" I grumbled at Jacob.

"It sure looks like it. They all have these goofy expressions on their faces," he commented with obvious disgust in his voice.

I punched him in the arm. "This isn't what I brought her here for."

"You know he has no control over it." Jacob tried to defend Embry. "The only nice good thing is that'll make the next few days a lot easier on everyone. Not having to hide."

"What are you two talking about?" Mandy asked, her eyes briefly leaving Embry.

"Mandy, would you like to take a walk with me?" Embry asked as he stood up quickly, holding out his hand to her.

"I thought you were going to eat something?" Mandy asked, confused.

"Suddenly, not very hungry," he muttered quietly. She put her hand in his and they slowly started walking towards the door together.

Emily stopped him on the way out." Embry, I just made these for you. Where are you going?" She must've seen the expression on both of their faces because a look of comprehension appeared on her face.

"I'll eat later. Thanks, Emily." A look of pure happiness was on his face as he closed the door behind them.

Emily sauntered over to Sam and put her arms around him. "Reminds me of when I met you for the first time. I can only describe it as magical. This is wonderful!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah, it's just great," Jacob mumbled under his breath.

"Enough," Sam's words echoed strongly through the room as he glared at Jacob.

Emily's comments reminded me that Jacob and I had never felt that overwhelming pull towards each other. We hadn't shared this "magical," to use her description, experience. Bile started to well up in the back of my throat as if I was going to throw up, and I felt like I had been hit right between the eyes.

This would happen one day to Jacob. It wouldn't matter if I was sitting right next to him, as I am now, he would have no choice. I instantly felt myself following in Leah's agonizing footsteps. Almost everyone else in the pack had imprinted. Even though Jacob loved me very much, Sam had loved Leah and it hadn't stopped him from ripping her heart apart after Emily arrived. It was involuntary.

I felt myself shift slightly away from Jacob on the sofa, unsure of how I felt about the whole "imprinting thing." Prior to today, it hadn't been in the forefront of my mind. Now, as it happened to more of the pack, it was becoming more of a reality to me.

Jacob looked over at me when he felt me move away from him, but he made no attempt to ask me why. The arm that he still had draped across my shoulder suddenly felt like it weighed a thousand pounds.

***

It was getting late and I looked at my cell phone to see what time it was:11:32pm. Where was Mandy? While I was tired and ready to get some sleep, I was more anxious to hear about her new "friend," Embry. They had been gone for at least an hour.

Finally, after listening to the others small talk for some time, the back door opened. We all watched curiously as the pair walked into the living room.

"Welcome back, you two." Emily smiled as she spoke. Mandy and Embry nervously looked at each other and smiled. They were holding hands and orienting themselves to one another as if they had been together for much longer than a few hours.

"You guys better get Bella home before she falls asleep here." Sam laughed as he noticed me yawning again.

"Sorry, I can't stop." I smiled back at him.

"Okay, girls, let's go." Jacob said as he started to get up off the sofa. He turned to help me up.

We headed for the door, Embry following too. Jacob looked at him with a smirk on his face. "I didn't realize you were one of the girls."

"You're a riot, Jake." Embry sarcastically commented.

We walked over to Jacob's car and a vision of a clown car came to mind when I thought about Jacob and Embry both trying to squeeze into it. I stifled a laugh and even tried to talk Embry into sitting in the front seat so he wouldn't be as cramped. He insisted on sitting in the back with Mandy. Jacob just looked at me and rolled his eyes.

The ride was quiet to Charlie's. There was no talking from the back seat, only the occasional giggle and mumbled words. We pulled up in front of the house and Jacob turned the engine off. I opened my door and got out of the car, Jacob doing the same. The other two were still in the car carrying on.

Jacob banged on the roof of the car. "Hello!...We're waiting..."

I saw Embry emerge first and he turned to hold out a hand to Mandy, helping her out of the car. This was a different side of Embry than I'd seen before. In some ways, he seemed to have matured in the matter of a few hours.

Jacob took my hand and led me up the sidewalk to the front door. He pulled me closer to him and whispered in my ear. "Do you think that you would be able to sneak out tonight?" I could tell by the way that he was holding me tightly to him that there was only one thing on his teenage mind, but I had no desire to get all worked up again. The more time spent watching Embry and Mandy, the more uncertain I became of my relationship with Jacob.

"I'm really tired. Besides, Mandy is here."

"I'm sure that Embry wouldn't have any problems with her sneaking out too." He started nibbling on my neck trying to get me to change my mind.

"If they want to that's up to them, but I'm too tired." I broke away from him and looked over to find Mandy and Embry leaning up against Jacob's car kissing.

Jacob looked in the same direction I was. "Hey, you two, do I need to get the hose out?"

Without even breaking their kiss, Embry reached out one hand and extended a single middle finger to Jacob in response, causing Jacob to laugh loudly.

* * *

**_Author's Notes:_**

**Okay, let the reviews fly. I'm ready for 'em. **

**R & R**


	14. Chapter 14 Emotional Minefield

**Hello, all! This is a pivotal chapter in my story. I hope that you all enjoy the direction that it takes. **

* * *

While Mandy and Embry locked lips, I took the opportunity to slip into the house. The revelations that I'd made earlier this evening disturbed me and I hoped to have time to sort through how I was feeling. I'd expected Jacob to follow me in once he realized I was gone, but the only person who came through the door was Mandy. Grinning from ear to ear, she flopped down on the sofa next to me. Honestly, I was relieved she was alone.

"Wow. Who knew coming here was going to change so much?" she said with a loud sigh.

"I'm not sure, but I think you like Embry." I snickered at her, appreciating the distraction. There was really no question about the fact that they were both completely head over heels.

"Bella, I can't describe it." She had a wistful look on her face as she tried to think of the words. "It's like I've been waiting for him, just biding my time until tonight."

"Just like that?"

"Amazing isn't it?" I began to wonder how much Embry had told her. Was she even aware what had happened to cause these feelings?

"So, what did you two talk about on your walk?" I inquired, looking for any clues.

"We walked for a little bit and ended up sitting on a bench talking." Ah, the bench. I knew it all too well and thinking about it reminded me of the irritation I'd had with Jacob. "It's amazing to think that werewolves exist. Who would've ever thought?"

My mind stopped suddenly. "He told you about that?"

"Yeah, he said that he was allowed to tell me. It's kinda weird, the whole imprinting thing." She seemed to be taking this much better than I would've imagined.

"It is a lot to wrap your mind around, but you seem to be handing it well."

"Well, you know how it feels, it's like everything in my life has suddenly fallen into place. It all makes sense now."

I shook my head back and forth slowly. "I don't know how it feels."

"What do you mean? I thought that Jacob had imprinted on you." She appeared puzzled. I found that I wasn't able to manage any words and just shook my head again instead. "Oh…well, why do you think he hasn't? I mean, you guys have been together since spring."

I shrugged my shoulders. "I'm almost afraid of him imprinting now."

"Why? It's a wonderful feeling." She looked completely immersed in this moment and even appeared to have a glow about her.

"To be honest, if it hasn't happened to us yet…then I don't think it will."

"But Embry said that almost everyone else has already been through this." I knew that she didn't understand what I meant.

"Mandy, if he hasn't imprinted on me by now, the chances are he just hasn't met the right person yet." She looked at me still confused, so I tried to rephrase my words. "Some day he's going to meet someone, like you met Embry, and he's going to instantly feel the same way you do. I'm beginning to realize that I'm not meant to be that person for Jacob."

"I can't imagine Jacob doing that to you."

"He won't have a choice. Listen if you had been dating someone else and you met Embry, would you have been able to deny your feelings?" Finally, a look of comprehension came over her. I took a big breath and exhaled deeply. "In the back of my mind, I always knew it was a possibility. But several of the other guys hadn't imprinted yet and I guess I thought that maybe it wouldn't happen. I know how naïve that must sound."

"Bella, that must be an awful feeling to carry around. I don't envy you at all. You both care about each other. It's obvious. That would be a terrible thing to go through. You know that I like Jacob, but why would you want to put yourself in that position?"

She was simply reinforcing everything that I already knew. I wanted to change the subject to something less depressing. "So, Embry…" I smiled at her.

"He's amazing Bella. He claims that I'm the first girl he's kissed, but I find that hard to believe. Let's just say he's good with his mouth." She grinned mischievously as she proceeded to give me a play-by-play of their activities this evening.

"Okay, TMI!" I joked with her. "So this is probably a stupid question, but are you planning on seeing him tomorrow?" She nodded with a huge smile on her face and I was grateful for the lighter topic of conversation.

"So how was your walk with Jacob?" Guess I spoke to soon about the lighter topic.

"It was okay. I just don't know what I'm going to do with him." I sighed.

"You seem to know what to _do_ with him just fine." She laughed.

"Very funny! He just doesn't have any idea that I'm not enjoying _it_ as much as he is."

"Still?"

"Well, we've only done it twice. But tonight the same thing happened as it did before. He didn't even give me the chance to…you know. " She looked at me in disappointment over my choice of words, but I ignored her and continued. "I was all hot and bothered, holding out hope to have one, and as soon as he was done, it was over. He's so oblivious to it."

"You need to talk to him, Bella."

"But why should I have to? If you care about someone, wouldn't you _want_ to ensure that person was pleased too? Maybe because I'm inexperienced I have a different opinion of how things should be."

"I get what you're saying, but it's not going to get any better if you don't talk to him and trust me, it's worth it." She smiled and I made an attempt to smile back at her. "But that's not all that's bothering you, is it?" Why did Mandy have to be so perceptive?

"A little disappointed, I guess. I thought that sharing this experience with Jacob would make us closer somehow."

"I learned that the hard way with my first boyfriend. If something isn't right in the relationship, sex isn't going to fix it." She sounded so wise for her nineteen years and definitely had far more experience with relationships than I did.

If I continued to ignore the situation with Jacob, things would only deteriorate further as my resentment grew. Procrastination was my enemy.

***

I had fully expected to toss and turn all night, but surprisingly, sleep came as soon as my head hit the pillow.

When the morning light began to fill the room, I woke and found Mandy still sleeping soundly. Carefully getting out of bed so as not to wake her, I headed for the bathroom to shower. The warm water was soothing and I realized when the water started to get cold that I'd lost track of time. Hurriedly, I rinsed the shampoo out of my hair and turned the water off. I felt guilty that I used all the hot water and hoped that Mandy or Charlie weren't going to want a shower right away.

I towel dried my hair and got dressed in a pair of sweatpants and t-shirt. When I opened the door, I could smell coffee brewing and could hear voices. As I came down the last step, I found Charlie, Jacob and to my surprise, Embry, sitting at the kitchen table.

"Morning, Bells," Charlie said cheerfully.

"Good morning, dad. I didn't realize that you were both coming over this bright and early," I said, looking at both Jacob and Embry.

"Blame him." Jacob pointed at Embry, who started to turn red immediately before he leaned over and punched Jacob in the arm.

"Take it easy, Embry. I'm not usually over here this early. It's kind of a giveaway." Jacob teased him.

"What's going on?" Charlie asked.

"Embry has a thing for Mandy." Jacob gladly shared with Charlie, knowing that it embarrassed Embry even more.

"She is a cute girl. Good choice, Embry." Charlie told him, trying to make him feel better. "Speaking of Mandy, where is she?"

I pointed upwards. "Still sleeping. The smell from the coffee will probably get her moving shortly."

"I'll see you kids later. I'm on until late tonight. Call the station if you need anything. They'll know how to find me," Charlie said as he headed out the door.

We all said goodbye to him and proceeded to wait around for Mandy to make an appearance. I headed over to the living room and turned the television on. After I watched the news for awhile, Jacob joined me, leaning over the back of the sofa. He kissed me on the top of my head and started to rub my shoulders. If we got the chance to be alone today, I would try to talk to him. Mandy was right; nothing would change unless I said something to him. How was I supposed to start that conversation?

"We're going to have to wake her up. Embry's driving me nuts," he whispered in my ear.

"Why is he in such a hurry?"

"They're all like this. Can't stand to be apart from each other." I knew that he was talking about the other pack members who had imprinted already and his aggravation was obvious.

"Um, hello? Sitting right here!" Embry said sarcastically. We both ignored him and continued with our conversation, knowing it would drive him crazy.

"So what are the plans once she's awake?"

"Embry wants to head over to the beach for starters."

"You do realize that I can hear both of you?" Embry interjected.

Jacob raised his hand and displayed his middle finger in response, just as Embry had done last night. They both snickered like schoolboys.

"Can't we just go wake her up?" Embry whined. Jacob and I both broke out in laughter. "What's so funny?" he questioned.

"Go ahead. It's your funeral," Jacob quipped.

"Trust me, Embry. She doesn't like being woken up, but if you insist…be my guest," I warned him.

Wisely, he took our words under advisement.

***

After what seemed like hours, it was noon when the bathroom door closed upstairs. We all heard it and waited patiently, with the exception of Embry, for her to come downstairs. He almost wore a path into the floor as he paced around the room. Deciding that my sweatpants weren't acceptable beach attire, I went upstairs to change while Mandy was in the shower. _Alice would be so proud of me_, I said to myself with an internal giggle before a tinge of sadness came over me. _I miss her. I wonder if she misses me._

When I got back downstairs, Jacob had turned the channel to ESPN. I sat down and watched with him, even though I had no interest in whatever sporting event was on.

Finally, we heard footsteps on the stairs and Mandy walked into the kitchen. She looked over at me when she noticed we had been waiting for her. "You shouldn't have let me sleep so long, I feel bad." Her hair was perfectly coiffed and her makeup was impeccable.

"It's okay. You must've been really tired." Embry tried to make her feel better. Mandy's face turned red as she looked over at him.

We made some sandwiches for a quick lunch before we took off for the day. Mandy mostly picked at her food while Embry attempted to entertain her with witty words and silly stories about the pack.

"Are you up for a trip to the beach?" Embry asked as he brought her hand to his mouth and kissed it.

"That sounds like fun," Mandy answered.

"Would you two _please_ just get it over with?" Jacob moaned.

"Be nice, Jake." I scolded him before turning to Mandy. "Hey, the beach gets pretty cold this time of year, make sure you dress warm."

"I'll go get a sweatshirt to wear under my coat." She climbed the stairs and was back down again quickly.

"So are we ready to go?" Embry asked anxiously. He held out a hand, motioning for Mandy to come sit with him. I couldn't help but be a tad jealous of Mandy and the simplicity of her relationship with Embry.

"I think so. Do I need to bring any blankets or anything else?" I asked Jacob.

"I packed a couple this morning before we headed over here. Embry has been pretty insistent on having a bonfire." He looked over at Embry and Mandy, who were holding hands and waiting for us. Jacob shook his head in annoyance before starting out the door.

We piled into Jacob's car again and began the short drive to the beach. Embry and Mandy decided to go off on their own as soon as we arrived. Embry clearly was planning to give her the grand tour. Looking back over to Jacob, I watched him get a blanket out of the trunk.

"What do you want to do while we wait for the lovebirds to join us?" he asked with a sarcastic tone.

Keeping in mind the conversation I'd been planning, I opted to find a place to talk that would be somewhat private. I was still unsure exactly what I would say to him and felt embarrassed about the topic.

"Why don't we just go somewhere to sit and talk for a little while?" He nodded his head and held out his hand to help me navigate the terrain. We stopped at a somewhat secluded area behind some rock formations, and he bent down to lay the blanket on the sand.

"Is this okay?" he asked as he held out a hand to help me onto the blanket. He was being so gentlemanlike that I wasn't sure what to make of it. He wasn't this courteous last night. That was for sure.

"It's fine, Jake." He sat down next to me and put his arm around me. "So what did Embry have to say about Mandy after you guys left last night?" I looked down the beach toward the direction they had headed.

"He won't stop talking about her. It makes me happy that he found someone and that he's not alone anymore. Why, what did Mandy say?"

"She's head over heels for him. He even told her everything about the pack already." I still couldn't get over my surprise that he told her so quickly.

"Yeah, he said she took it pretty well. He was afraid it would freak her out."

"Why would he tell her right away? I mean he could've given her a little time…"

"She needed to know. Besides, when they imprint, there's no need for secrets anymore. They share everything." He frowned as he spoke.

_They share everything._ I replayed Jacob's words in my mind. They'd known each other less than twenty-four hours and already confided so much to one another. We'd been together for many months and I was having trouble bringing up a subject that was discussed regularly between couples. It was my turn to confide in Jacob. Even though I dreaded what I needed to say, I had to be honest with him. Otherwise, I'd end up resenting him.

"Can we talk?" I asked him timidly.

"I thought that's what we were doing." He grinned.

I managed a nervous giggle and a slight smile. When he saw my reaction, his grin slowly faded and I started to bite my lip. There was no easy way to begin and the longer I paused, the more anxious he appeared to become. "Well, I…uh…wanted to talk to you about what happened last night."

He looked confused and then continued. "About the imprinting thing with Mandy?" I wished it were about that. Things would've been much easier.

"No, not so much. I meant the…sex." My voice cracked and I was barely able to say the word.

His head dropped, avoiding my eyes. "I'm sorry. I tried. I couldn't stop myself," he groaned and pulled his arm from around my shoulder. "Sam tried to talk to me about it—"

"You talked to _Sam_ about us?" I interrupted, feeling completely mortified. How was I supposed to face Sam again?

"It was an accident. I had been really careful around the other guys all week, but I slipped Thursday night. Sam came out to take over on patrol at midnight and I wasn't paying attention to what time it was. Honest, Bella, I didn't mean for him to know anything, but I was out there all by myself and I couldn't help but think about being with you last weekend."

"What did you tell him?" I asked frantically.

His head dropped further into his hands. He hadn't looked at me once since I'd broached this subject. After several moments passed without him speaking, I attempted to raise his face so that I could look at him, but I met with resistance.

"Please, Bella, don't. I can't…I don't…" he mumbled through his hands in a muffled tone. "I'm so…sorry."

"Jacob, I just want you to look at me. You've got me a little freaked out."

"It's too embarrassing," he managed to say.

_Tell me about it_, I grumbled to myself. "Jacob, you can say anything to me."

"You're not going to let this go, are you?"

"No, we need to talk about this," I insisted and waited silently until he spoke again.

"I'm used to being good at things and I guess Sam made me realize that I'm not so good at being with you." I opened my mouth to protest, but he held up his hand to stop me. "He told me that I needed to slow down, enjoy the time together and we would both benefit." He paused briefly before continuing, "So that's what I tried to do last night. I've waited so long to share this with you, and I got so worked up…"

"But you acted like you didn't even care about me, only yourself."

"I know. I was embarrassed and didn't want to make it worse than it already was. I couldn't bear to talk about it. I'd already been feeling insecure about things before this, what with the leech still hanging around campus. And before you ask, I could smell him on you when I picked you up. I didn't want to cause a scene since Mandy was with us. Did you plan on telling me?" It wasn't an accusation, but desperation.

"I can't control what he does. Stop trying to make this about Edward. How did the subject get changed in this conversation anyway?" Annoyance was starting to bubble up inside me as I became more frustrated with his avoidance.

"I'm not changing the subject. I just wanted to explain that even though I've seen and heard lots of private thoughts and images from the pack. Things I wish I hadn't… but seeing these moments through another person's mind isn't the same as experiencing it first hand. This is my first time doing these things too."

This pseudo confession from Jacob about his aloof behavior brought relief to me, but at the same time sadness. The relief I was experiencing was because he hadn't been completely oblivious to my feelings. Our lack of communication saddened me. Were we that out of touch with our relationship? We're trying so hard at something that should come naturally.

Despite my uncertainties, it bothered me to see him so upset. He was waiting for my reaction, absolutely exposed and vulnerable, and I knew my response needed to be crafted carefully. I scooted close to him and wrapped my arms around him. "It's okay Jacob. We'll figure it out…" I hesitated at the words, not sure if I truly believed what I was saying.

Being at the beach brought back memories I'd shared with Jacob here. This was where I'd reconnected with him when I returned to Forks. The last time I was here, he had made a picnic lunch and gave me the beautiful woven bracelet that was on my wrist. I hadn't taken it off once since that day. My fingers ran over the bracelet. The meaning behind it supposedly was sort of like Jacob was promising himself to me. I thought back to Jared and Embry. This bracelet would be meaningless if Jacob imprinted. I was coming to terms with the fact that it wasn't an "if" Jacob imprinted. It was more of a "when" Jacob imprinted. I wasn't sure what to do. Even though I didn't want to break his heart, I wondered if he would have any problems breaking mine when it came down to it.

His warm lips on my neck broke my thoughts. He was softly placing many kisses along my neck and ear. "Let me show you later tonight that I can do this right. Third time's the charm?"

I was very aware of the physical reaction he was inciting in me, but he wasn't able to make me forget my earlier train of thoughts about the ramifications of him imprinting. _How would we navigate through that emotional minefield? Would it do any good to talk about it? _

The only thing I was sure of was that I needed a change of scenery, something to lighten the mood. "Why don't we take a walk in the woods? We could go to the tidal pools." When I turned to look at him, his face was still so close. I could feel his warm breath on my cheek.

Surprisingly, his eyes lit up. "Good idea." He stood up, offering me a hand up. "We can leave the blanket here. No one will bother it."

We walked hand in hand toward the path to the forest. So many things had changed in the past month. I had been so certain of my future with Jacob, but now I had so many doubts. As we got closer to the tidal pools, I saw a lone figure sitting on a rock.

"Maybe we should go to another spot." Jacob tried to pull me in another direction, but I was drawn to this figure. As I approached, I could see that it was a woman and she was holding her head in her hands. Jacob stopped in his tracks. "Come on, Bella, we should leave her alone." As soon as he said that, she looked up and I could see that it was Leah. She saw us and dropped her head back down.

"Jacob, she's upset. I'm not going to just leave her here." He stood where he was while I continued over to where she sat.

I moved to sit next to her and asked her quietly, "Are you all right, Leah?"

Without even looking up, she said in an agonizing voice, "Please…don't. I don't think I can handle yet another person telling me that everything will be okay, that I'll find someone else."

I knew immediately whom she was crying for, Sam. As I moved my hand to her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her, she immediately got up and ran away. "Just leave me alone. No one understands…"

My mind flashed into the future and I saw myself in this very spot, crying just as she was. I couldn't bear to go through this. I looked over at Jacob and I recognized what I needed to do.

I didn't move from the stone where I sat. Jacob finally walked over and sat down beside me when he realized I wasn't going to get up. I stared at the bracken-covered ground for several minutes before I spoke up.

"Jacob, I don't think I can do this anymore." The words came out of my mouth very slowly and quietly. I couldn't bring myself to look at him either.

"Do what, Bella? What are you talking about?" he asked, confused.

"This." I motioned toward the two of us, indicating I meant us as a couple.

"Bella, don't get caught up in her drama. That's what she wants." Jacob looked at me with irritation that I knew was directed towards Leah.

"Jacob, her heart has been broken. She didn't do anything wrong, she just loved him. Do you understand how unfair that is?"

"Yeah, I get it. But can't she just deal with it and move on?" He truly had no understanding of the pain that she must be in. I could completely sympathize with her because someday I might find myself in a similar situation.

His attitude toward her angered me and I looked at him in disgust and shook my head.

"What?" He truly had no idea.

When I looked down to my lap, the bracelet caught my eye. My fingers began to untie it as he watched. I pulled it off my wrist and held it out to him.

"What are you doing?" There was a crease in his brow as he tried to process what was happening.

"Jacob, I can't hang around and pretend that you aren't going to leave me someday."

"That's not true." He was becoming uneasy at my words.

"Jacob," I put my hand gently on his cheek as I spoke, "you won't have a choice." He began to shake his head as if he was going to disagree with me. I put one finger on his mouth so that I could finish. "You know what I am saying is true and you also know that it will happen someday. I don't want to be left behind like Leah." The expression on his face looked like he had been punched in the gut.

The hurt was going to be felt by both of us, but if a little pain now saved us from a more intense and more difficult pain later, wasn't it the right thing to do? My heart broke as I watched Jacob.

"You can't leave me, Bella. I can't survive without you. I've loved you for too long," he begged, his voice thick with desperation.

"Jacob, that's not fair. _You'll_ leave _me_." I tried to reason with him.

"Is this because of Cullen?" Anger flashed in his eyes.

"No, Jacob. He has nothing to do with this."

"Just give me a chance to prove it to you. I'll show you that I'll never leave you. I can make you happy." He grabbed me by the arms holding me tightly, his arms starting to twitch.

"Stop! You're hurting me!" I struggled to break free from him as he forcefully kissed me. His lips were crushed against mine. Managing to get one arm loose, I slapped him as hard as I could across his face. He stopped, realizing what he had done.

"Bella, I'm so sorry…I didn't mean to…" He tried to lean over and put his arms back around me. I wanted no part of it though. I sprung up and took several steps away from him. "Please, Bella, don't do this."

"Goodbye, Jacob." I started to run into the forest. A hand on my arm stopped me abruptly, and it felt like it was nearly dislocated by the force. "Ouch!" My body recoiled from the abrupt stop.

When I turned to look at him, it was evident that he was on the edge of really losing it. "Please let go! Why are you hurting me?" I yelled at him as tears filled my eyes.

"I can't lose you." He looked down at me, completely overcome with fury and rage.

"Too bad, Jacob. You already have. Leave me alone or I'm calling Charlie!" Survival mode kicked in and I knew that I had to do whatever it took to remove myself from the situation.

"You really think he's going to do anything? He loves me like a son." He smiled smugly. Who was this arrogant and vengeful person standing before me? This wasn't Jacob.

"Yes, he does, but all I have to do is tell him that you've hurt me." He processed my expression and realized I wasn't bluffing. He released the hold he had on my arm.

I backed away from him slowly. "Just let me go, Jacob!"

I turned and ran as fast as I could as I held the arm that he had pulled on close to my body to minimize the pain. I was afraid that he would follow me again, so I pushed myself to run farther away. The tears were flowing from my eyes, blinding me, as I tried to see where I was running. Unexpectedly, I felt one of my feet get caught on something. The pain in my foot was immediate and excruciating, and I saw myself falling in slow motion. Ugh, this was going to hurt. I felt myself rolling down a hill, my body hitting branches and rocks along the way. I waited until I stopped rolling and slowly tried to right myself.

I surveyed my immediate surroundings. My ankle was screaming at me. The injury was obvious when I leaned over to investigate. The swelling had already begun to form. At least I was still in one piece. _Small consolation_, I thought to myself. Pain radiated from my left shoulder as I moved it slowly to try to see how badly it was hurt. I was relieved that it didn't seem to be dislocated. If it were, I reasoned, I didn't think that I'd be able to move it.

I tried to stand up, but it was impossible to put any weight on my ankle. _Think Bella, think._ I scooted myself over to a tree and leaned against it. I needed to decide how I was going to deal with this. I remembered that I had my cell phone and I took it out of my pocket, dialing Charlie. The phone made a funny set of tones and I looked to see that I had no signal. _Great._

I leaned my head back on the trunk of the tree and listened to my own sobs. Doubt began to invade my mind. What if I hadn't done the right thing? Deep down, though, I knew that I had made the right choice, no matter how painful. The wounded look on Jacob's face flashed to mind. While I had hurt him terribly, I had to keep reminding myself that it was necessary. I leaned my head down and shed more tears. The sobbing continued until I had no more tears left in me. I felt defeated and overwhelmed.

* * *

**A/N: Please let me know your thoughts on this chapter! Thanks!!!!**


	15. Chapter 15 An Irreversible Action

**A/N: Several of you have wanted more from Edward's POV…hope you like this. Sorry for the delay. My quest for perfection gets in the way sometimes. I have a great deal of this story written. However, when I prepare to send it to be beta'd, I tend to make changes and try to "make the story better".**

**Anywho. Thanks to my fab beta, poo235, PTB, beautiful distraction, etc.**

**Once again, I have to remind myself that I don't own Twi or any of the characters.**

* * *

_**Edward Cullen **_

Saturday afternoon was proving to be uneventful. The home that I had purchased was beautiful, but empty. It was not devoid of furnishings. Esme and Alice had made certain of that. The dwelling was bare. I was alone, and strangely, the absence of the incessant thoughts of others was not as calming as it normally would be. I had come to rely on the distractive thoughts to avoid thinking of Bella. Without them, my mind was filled with curiosity, concern and conjecture. What was she doing now? Who was she with? Was she safe? Happy? Was I being honest with myself that I could live separate from my family again?

My phone rang, granting me a temporary reprieve. The number displayed and I pressed a button to answer the call. Before I could get a word out, the caller frantically began to speak.

"Edward, it's Bella."

"Alice, what is it?" Panic began to overtake any rational thoughts that I may have had. I should not have let her out of my sight. It was inevitable that she would find herself in danger.

"I'm not sure. The images are all jumbled up. She's in the forest. I can see her running from something."

"Or someone…" I growled through clenched teeth.

"I don't know that, Edward, and stop trying to put words into my mouth. The last image that I saw was of her lying on the ground. I'm afraid that she's hurt, Edward."

My legs began to shake before giving out on me and I collapsed on the floor. "How bad?"

"I can't tell. I'm sorry. And, Edward, I'm pretty sure that she's still on their land."

There was my dilemma. The treaty specifically forbade my crossing onto the reservation.

"Before you ask me, no, I don't know what it all means. I can only assume that her future has changed by choosing another path. That's why I think I can see her. It's only a theory, of course. What are you going to do? You can't cross the line."

"I can't leave her out there, Alice. The sun will be going down soon and the temperature will be dropping quickly." I was determined to find a way to her. "You should probably warn Carlisle. Hopefully he will understand that I have no other choice."

***

After leaving my home, I made the drive to Forks as quickly as the Volvo would allow. Without knowing Bella's exact location, my only option was to seek out and locate any trace of her scent. I navigated the roads which would allow me to park as close to the treaty line as possible. Time was of the essence, and I wanted to avoid any unwanted attention, if possible. Heading out on foot, I paused at the boundary. Stepping across the invisible perimeter was an irreversible action. There would be repercussions with the tribe. The respect and admiration I had for Carlisle made this much more difficult. I felt as though I was disappointing him. With one fell swoop, I was going to destroy what he had negotiated in the treaty so many years earlier.

***

Numerous acres of wooded, undulating terrain had been traversed before the first hint of her unforgettable scent captured my attention. The fragrant aroma guided me along the path she must have traveled, its intensity increasing as I proceeded deeper into the forest. I crested a small hill and upon my descent, I saw her leaning up against a tree. Her cheeks were tear-stained and her eyes were red. Leaves tangled in her curls and dirt was caked on her clothing and skin. I sprinted to her side before her eyes could detect my presence.

"Bella, are you alright?" I said, kneeling beside her. There was no response, not even a reaction to indicate that she heard me.

"Where are you injured?" She stared at me blankly, once again not acknowledging my question. "Bella." I touched her hand lightly in hopes of breaking through to her. "Can you tell me where the pain is?"

Her eyelids fluttered and she spoke with a shaky voice, "Ed…Edward?"

"Yes, Bella. I'm here."

"I must be hurt worse than I thought." She chuckled weakly.

"You're not hallucinating. I'm here to help you."

I knew that every moment I spent on the reservation increased the danger of a confrontation, but I wanted to ensure that moving her would not aggravate any injuries further.

"Bella, I need you to tell me where you are injured. Can you do that for me?" I pleaded.

She nodded at me with a look of bewilderment on her face. "My ankle."

"Anywhere else?"

"I don't know. I think, maybe, my shoulder." Her answers were quiet and she still appeared to be in a daze.

"Come here," I said softly as I lifted her up into my arms, carefully avoiding any of her injured areas. Surprisingly, she did not put up a fight. After I calculated the shortest path to my car, I began the journey. Bella's facial expression was one of defeat. The spark in her that I had always loved was gone. Now was not the time to press her for details, but I vowed to know the reason for her current state.

Once we were clear of the treaty line and I was sure that no one was following us, I set her down in the passenger seat of the car. I kneeled down to examine her ankle for any signs of a fracture. The swelling was significant and I could see the faint discoloration and bruising below her skin that would be more pronounced tomorrow.

"How long ago did this happen?" I asked as I looked up at her.

"I…I don't know." She flinched as I tried to evaluate how much damage had been done. While I felt fairly certain that there was not a major fracture, I would not be completely convinced until Carlisle confirmed it.

"I'm sorry. I know that's tender. How did this occur?"

"I tripped on a branch and slid down the hill." I watched her face as she spoke, looking for any sign that she was being less than truthful. There did not appear to be any deception on her part.

"Do you recall hitting your head?" She shook her head as I continued to look for signs of any head trauma. "Any blurred vision, dizziness or nausea?" She shook her head once again while I slowly removed her jacket and then turned my attention to her shoulder. She winced as I briefly checked for any signs of dislocation and I was relieved when I saw none. Watching her in pain was unbearable and I wished I could take it away.

My main concern remained her ankle at this point. "We should keep this elevated, if possible." I gently raised her injured ankle and propped it up on the dashboard. "Sorry, I know it's not the most comfortable, but it will keep the swelling from getting worse."

After she was settled, I walked around to the driver side and started the car, turning the heater on high. Preparing myself, I waited for her questions to begin, but to my surprise, she was silent.

"Does Charlie know where you are?"

She slowly shook her head without making a sound. I began to realize that this was going to be a one-sided discussion, and my instincts told me not to push her. After darkness had begun to fall, she leaned her head back on the seat and closed her eyes. I went over the possibilities in my mind for why she was out in the forest. There had to be a reason. Had the dog said or done something to upset her? Why was she left out there all alone? It was well within his ability to follow her scent to find her, just as I did. Thinking about it only brought up more questions and the inevitable anger. In order to focus on taking care of her, I needed to avoid speculating what had happened for my own sanity.

We were close to the house and I looked over at her sleeping form. Her face had relaxed and I couldn't help but reach over and touch her cheek. Her eyes opened and looked at me, but she did not raise her head from the seat. My heart was breaking at how sad she appeared to be.

As we pulled into the driveway, she lifted her head and asked quietly, "Where are we?"

"My home." She looked over at me in surprise, but said nothing else. A familiar black Mercedes was parked in the driveway and I pulled the Volvo forward into the garage. Once I turned the car off, I opened my door and saw Carlisle waiting. He did not have thoughts of anger or displeasure with me, which eased my mind a bit.

After I opened her door, her eyes immediately went to Carlisle.

"It's good to see you again, Bella. Though, I wish it was under better circumstances."

She managed a simple "You, too." I put my arms underneath her again and lifted her out of the car, careful not to bump her ankle or put too much pressure against her shoulder. Carlisle moved ahead of me, opening the door to the house for us.

_Did she tell you what happened?_ Carlisle inquired. I shook my head in response.

Once we walked through the door from the garage, we passed through the mudroom and the kitchen before ending up in the living room. Carefully, I placed her on the sofa and supported her foot with a throw pillow. Several other pillows were gathered and I placed them behind her back.

As Carlisle began to evaluate her ankle, I went to get her a glass of water. I had no idea how long she had been out there and I was concerned about keeping her hydrated. Not knowing what she had gone through was agonizing for me. I wanted so badly to ask her the many questions that had been raised in my mind.

Carlisle's thoughts filled the room as he methodically assessed her injuries. I walked back into the living room and saw Carlisle was pressing on her injured foot causing her to flinch at the pain.

"Bella, can you press your toes forward like your pressing on a gas pedal?"

The severity of her sprain came to light when she wasn't able to complete the task and cried out in pain from trying. Within a fraction of a second, I knelt beside her and wished there was something I could do to ease the pain. He then asked her to rotate her ankle outward. She was able to comply, somewhat, but not without difficulty.

_Thankfully, it's not a high ankle sprain and her Achilles wasn't ruptured. Otherwise, her recovery time would've been much longer, _Carlisle offered.

He then focused on feeling the muscles surrounding her shoulder for any tenderness or tension. He agreed that there was no serious damage to it.

_Her range of motion is satisfactory and her shoulders appear to be symmetrical. The injury is most likely muscular, which is good. _

"Bella, have you been experiencing any nausea, vomiting, blurred vision, or difficulty breathing?" he asked, running down a list of symptoms similar to what I had already asked. I was relieved when she answered with the same response as she had earlier.

"Well your ankle does not appear to be fractured, but it is a moderately serious sprain." Carlisle gently explained to Bella. "You will, however, need to wear a brace and no weight can be put on it for at least a week."

She surprised me once again when there was no objection to Carlisle's recommendation. She merely nodded. Bella normally would have protested being given such restrictive instructions.

"Your shoulder will be sore, but after several days you should feel an improvement."

Carlisle rifled around in his bag and pulled out a small plastic bottle.

"I'm going to leave you with some painkillers. Take them only as needed." He reached over and handed the bottle to me before pulling an ice pack out of his bag. I held out my hand for it and squeezed the plastic bag lightly to trigger the chemical reaction. Carefully, I placed it on her skin.

She flinched. "Too cold?" I asked.

"Just a little." I removed the ice pack while I went into the kitchen to grab a hand towel. After the towel had been wrapped around the ice pack, I gently positioned it back on her swollen ankle.

"Is that any better?"

"Yes, thank you," she answered as she looked around the room like she was searching for something. "Where is everyone?"

"What do you mean?" Whom else was she expecting? Maybe Carlisle missed something when he checked her for a head injury.

"The rest of your family. Are they coming home soon?"

Her comments made sense to me now. My family had lived for many years under the same roof. She assumed that this was no different. I started to speak up, but Carlisle answered quicker than I could.

"Bella, the rest of the family is at home in Vancouver. This is Edward's home," he answered with a great deal of pride.

She looked around the room again before her eyes rested on mine. "Oh. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have assumed." She made a face that told me she was in discomfort.

"It's alright, Bella. Are you in much pain?" I reached for the bottle of pills that Carlisle had given her.

"Not too bad." Her mannerisms gave her away. I knew her well enough to know she was not being truthful. Why was she always so stubborn? I handed her two of the pills and the glass of water I had carried into the room earlier.

She looked at me in disbelief and then at the pills in the palm of her hand. "Take them, please. There is no reason for you to be in pain." The tone of my voice remained calm, but firm, indicating that it would be pointless to argue.

She hesitated for a moment before releasing a sigh of defeat as she put the pills in her mouth and washed them down with water. She handed the glass back to me and leaned back against the pillows.

"Edward, I'm going to leave the brace here with you. After about a half hour, you can remove the ice and put this on her ankle." _Does anyone know that she is here?_ Carlisle asked silently. I shook my head. _You need to, at a minimum, contact her father so that he doesn't worry. _I nodded.

Carlisle sat on the edge of the sofa next to her and put his hand on her knee. "Bella, I'm going to be leaving. Edward will get you anything you need. I'll call to check in on you tomorrow. Please get some rest and keep ice on your ankle, alternating with twenty minutes on and thirty minutes off."

"Thank you, Carlisle."

_Make sure she doesn't put any weight on it. _I nodded again and followed him out past the kitchen and into the garage. He hesitated a moment. _The wolves will know that one of us was on their land. We'll need to be prepared for anything that may result from today. _

"I truly am sorry, Carlisle, but I could not leave her there."

_I don't blame you, Edward. You made the right decision and I just pray the wolves understand that your intent was not meant to provoke. If necessary, I may need to go speak with Sam Uley. _

His compassion was never-ending and I felt relieved. He patted my shoulder and walked towards the Mercedes. I opened the door to the Volvo, looking for Bella's jacket to bring it in the house to launder before the mud and debris set into the fibers. I found it quickly and began bringing it back into the house when I felt something weighing it down. After checking the pockets, I found her cell phone, which beeped intermittently. The display showed nine missed calls, all from Mandy and I wondered if she knew anything about Bella's little adventure today. I hesitated for only a fraction of a second before dialing the number. Hopefully, she would be able to shed some light on what had occurred. She answered after only one ring.

"Bella, oh thank goodness! Where are you?"

"Mandy, this isn't Bella. It's Edward Cullen." There was a long pause on the other line.

"Why am I not surprised that you're behind this?"

"Mandy, I'm not behind anything. She was lost in the woods and had injured herself. I was hoping that you could tell _me _what happened. She hasn't said much." It was frustrating not to be able to glean the information myself from her mind. I felt compelled to know what had transpired that would leave her in such a fragile mental state.

"Is she alright?" she asked, her voice filled with concern.

"Yes. Would you please let her father know that she is safe?" Charlie would take the news better coming from Mandy than from me.

"Of course. You said she was hurt."

"She injured her ankle pretty seriously and her shoulder, although not as badly. She will recover with time."

"I'll tell her dad and then we can come get her."

"No. It's not necessary. She can stay with me until she has healed. Besides, my father is a physician and she is under his care." I said the words with such confidence that I hoped she would not dare argue with me. Until I got to the bottom of what had occurred, I was not willing to let her go so easily. "Just, please make sure that Charlie doesn't worry about her and I will have her call you when she has gotten some rest. Thank you, Mandy." I hung up the phone before she could voice any objection.

As I put the phone in my pocket, it began to ring. My suspicions were confirmed when I looked at the display and saw Mandy's number appear. Knowing that she would more than likely continue to call until I answered, I turned the phone off and returned it to my pocket.

I headed back into the house, not wanting to leave Bella alone longer than necessary. When I entered the living room, her head turned to watch me. The pain medication was starting to take effect and her eyes were struggling to stay open.

"Bella, would you like something to eat?"

"No, I'm not really hungry." It was after nine o'clock in the evening and I was certain she had not eaten in some time, but I couldn't force her to eat.

"Will you let me know when you do feel up to eating? I can prepare something."

It was all that she could do to nod her head. I sat in the chair next to the sofa. "Are you comfortable?" Her eyes were closed, but she managed to nod her head again. It was only a matter of minutes before I could hear a change in her breathing and knew that she had lost the battle.

I took the woven silk throw from the back of the sofa and draped it over her for warmth. Wanting to stay by her side, I sat on the floor next to the sofa and watched her. The steady rise and fall of her chest as she breathed was soothing to me. I sat listening to the most beautiful sound in the world, the sound of her heart beating.

Wanting to be prepared, I went through a list of possible things she might need. She would need clothing and toiletries while she was here. When I bought the house, I stocked the pantry as we had always done as part of our cover story, but I did not have the perishable items such as milk or eggs that I knew I would need. Once again, Alice was more than happy to help. I hoped that she would be here before Bella woke up because I wanted everything to be perfect.

Forcing myself to leave her sleeping form, I took the opportunity to prepare a guest room for her to use. After I turned down the bed, I made sure that the temperature in the room was comfortable. When I was finished in the bedroom, I checked to see that the bathrooms all had fresh towels and washcloths.

When I envisioned her being at my home, it was not under these circumstances. I was determined to adapt and make the best of it. This might be the only chance that I would have to demonstrate the depth of my love and devotion to her.

Once I was certain that everything was in place, I resumed sitting on the floor next to her. Even though I was aware that I would be torturing myself, I inhaled deeply taking in her delicious scent. Since my return, I had slowly been building up a tolerance to this scent again. I sat very still, simply content to be so close to her.

After a period of time, I could hear Alice's thoughts as she was pulling up in the driveway. She was quite excited about her impromptu shopping spree and rather proud of the purchases she had made. I made my way back to the kitchen, opening the door for her.

_The rest is in the trunk._ Taking that cue, I walked out to her car, looked into the trunk and found myself speechless. She had easily already taken a dozen bags into the house, and there must have been another two dozen still in the car. Bella was going to be unhappy with any fuss made on her account. I shook my head as I lifted the remaining bags into my arms. The grocery bags were placed on the counter in the kitchen while I continued farther into the house to find Alice. She was in the spare bedroom, hanging up the newly purchased clothing and organizing the closet space.

"Why am I not surprised by the amount of items you purchased?" I asked her while I set the bags down on the floor next to her.

_Edward, she doesn't have anything here. Besides, I'm sure that these will be much nicer than anything she currently owns. How long has she been asleep?_

"Almost four hours. I need to put the ankle brace on that Carlisle left. I'm just afraid to disturb her."

_Has she told you anything? _

"No. Alice, it's hard to describe. I can only sense that she's not ready to face whatever happened."

_Do you want me to try?_

I shook my head slowly. "I don't want to push her. She will tell me when she is ready. I'm confident in that."

_Please, Edward. I want to talk to her so badly. You know how much I miss her._

"Yes, I do. Would you like to stop over tomorrow?"

She ran over and embraced me. _Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!!!_

"Have you been able to see anything else?" I asked cautiously, not completely sure I wanted to hear the answer.

_It's clear that her future doesn't involve the wolf. Still, she hasn't made any decisions that would make a path visible yet. _

I must have frowned because Alice quickly thought, _Sorry, Edward_.

_I'm going to go back home. I'll see you tomorrow. _

"Thank you, Alice, for everything."

I went back downstairs and decided that I could not delay any longer in putting the ankle brace on her. Hoping that I would not disturb her, I slowly lifted the blanket to expose only the injured leg. As I looked over her ankle, I noticed that the swelling was more pronounced as I had expected. I gently lifted her leg enough to slide the brace onto her foot slowly. Glancing over at her face as I fastened it, I watched as her eyes began to open.

"I'm so sorry to have woken you," I apologized as I laid her foot back down on the pillow.

"It's okay, Edward." She was still groggy and I covered her leg back up with the throw before reclaiming my seat on the floor next to her. I hoped that Bella would be more willing to talk soon, but even if she wasn't, I had no plans of going anywhere. Ever.

* * *

**End Notes:**

**Okay, so the Team Jacob people who feel that he would never act in such a manner as demonstrated in the previous chapter: I believe very strongly that once he was with Bella, he would do anything in his power not to lose her. I am not a Jacob hater, at all. It doesn't make him a bad person, just desperately trying to hold onto something he loves.**

**My story will have a positive outcome for the three main characters. This doesn't mean that there won't be difficult times, etc. Please keep that in mind as future chapters are posted.**

**Also, I made an attempt to do research on ankle injuries, etc. I'm not an expert by any means. If I've gotten something blatantly wrong, my apologies.**

**Thanks for continuing to read and hope that you enjoy.**


	16. Chapter 16 Stuttered Syllables

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed. I don't always have time to respond to all of them, but I do make sure to read them. You guys make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. (or it may be the wine- not really sure. lol)**

**Will the usual suspects take a bow? Poo235, PTB, rex, mld and beautiful distraction. Couldn't do this without each of you.**

**I don't own Twilight and it sucks to be brought back to reality about it too.**

* * *

_**Bella Swan**_

My eyes fluttered in an attempt to focus on the dimly lit room while random images flashed through my mind. Mandy. Embry. First Beach. Jacob. The forest. Dazed and feeling somewhat numb inside, I tried to decide if everything was just a dream or a nightmare, depending on how you looked at it. It was almost as if my body wasn't my own, like I was on the outside looking in. Surreal. The throbbing pain that radiated through my ankle served as proof to me that the day's events were in fact a reality.

When my eyes opened fully, Edward's face greeted me and I could feel his cool hands on my ankle.

"I'm sorry to have woken you."

"It's okay, Edward." The words left my mouth slowly because sleep hadn't yet released its hold on me completely. How long had I been here? What time was it?

When I began to sit up, he was there helping me without saying a word. His eyes held mine for a moment until my stomach interrupted us and the corners of his mouth curved upward into a smile.

"You're hungry," he said with a chuckle. "I'll make you something to eat." He was gone from the room before I could protest.

The sounds of pots and pans being moved about and cabinet doors being closed came from the kitchen. The soft sound of music flowed into the room and I was unable to find the source. _The whole house is probably wired_, I thought to myself. This particular piece of music playing was from one of my favorite German composers. I hadn't allowed myself to listen to classical music after Edward left. The memories of time spent together discussing various musicians and artists had been too painful to revisit.

He really didn't have to cook me anything. I was so hungry that I would have eaten a stale crust of bread at this point. It wasn't right that he was going to so much trouble. He didn't have to be concerned with food normally and I didn't want to be a burden to anyone. Before he got too far in the process, I needed to stop him because I could throw something together myself. I wasn't helpless. Without thinking, I shifted my legs to the floor and started to get up from the sofa. As soon as I put weight on my ankle, I regretted it. A loud scream came from my mouth and within moments, I felt relief followed by the sensation of my body being lifted up and subsequently being set back down on the sofa.

"Bella, you are not to be putting any weight on your ankle." His arm was still wrapped around my waist while he scolded me. "Do you not remember Carlisle telling you that?"

"I guess I forgot," I replied, embarrassed that I, once again, needed his help.

"Where were you trying to go?" He scanned my face disapprovingly.

"I don't want to be a bother. You don't have to go to any trouble by cooking for me."

He rubbed my back softly and the expression on his face relaxed. "You are _not_ an inconvenience to me. Will you please stay here until I can get some dinner ready for you? I can take you around the house a little later, if you would like."

I nodded my head and then looked around the room for a clock, not finding one. "What time is it?"

"Almost midnight. You must be starved." He got up from the sofa and went back into the kitchen.

Being alone allowed me the opportunity to glance around the room and take in my surroundings at my own pace. Carlisle had caught me off guard when he said this was Edward's house. He'd never before showed any desire to live apart from his family. How long had he been living here?

The furnishings were beautiful, a perfect blend of contemporary and more traditional pieces. Clearly, Esme, and more than likely Alice, had put their mark on the house. The room was spacious, while retaining an intimate, comfortable atmosphere. On one side of the room, a staircase led to an upper level and I was curious to know what the upstairs area held. My visual exploration of the house was cut short by the wonderful smell emanating from the kitchen, making my stomach growl again.

"Edward that smells _really_ good, what are you making?"

"Grilled chicken, steamed green beans and wild rice, I hope you like it." He reappeared as he answered me and took note of me looking around the room. "Esme did a brilliant job with the interior."

I was pleased with myself for recognizing her taste and design that defined the space. "It's beautiful."

"Are you ready to eat?" My stomach answered for me with another growl, louder this time, which made him laugh. "I will take that as a yes."

He came over to where I was sitting and lifted me up. As we made our way into the kitchen, I could see a single plate on the table. He sat me in one of the chairs at the table and propped my foot up on the one next to me. The food looked as good as it smelled.

"Where did you learn to cook like this?"

"Food Network," he said with a grin as he brought me a glass of water and a napkin. I watched as he pulled out one of the other chairs at the table and focused on me as he sat.

This was a surreal experience. Edward, this house, the food…it was all too good to be true, the picture of domesticity. I felt a little uneasy with all of this attention directed towards me.

Nervously, I picked up a fork and took a bite of the chicken. It was the best I'd ever tasted. _Was there anything he couldn't do?_ As I chewed, I noticed that he was still watching me. He appeared to be waiting for my reaction.

I swallowed and then complimented him, "It's delicious." My words seemed to bring him some measure of happiness or satisfaction. Edward continued to watch me eat, causing me to grow more self-conscious with each bite as I recalled the events that brought me here. _What exactly did he think was going to happen? Was he expecting something in return for his kindness?_ While I had forgiven him, I had not forgotten what he had done. I wasn't about to allow myself to get caught up in him again, only for him to check out when things got tough.

My voice broke through the silence. "How long have you lived here?"

"Only a few weeks. Esme and Alice insisted on helping with the furnishings and the interior colors. We ended up painting the entire interior."

He was obviously very proud of the house and the work that had been done to personalize it. This was a different side of Edward than I witnessed before. The Cullen family had always felt like a package deal. It wasn't that I didn't love all of them, I did. However, seeing this independent man was an unexpected surprise.

"The parts that I have seen are incredible."

"I can show you the rest of the house in the morning when it's light out, if you would like."

I nodded.

We sat quietly while I finished eating. I savored every bite. It had been awhile since I had a home cooked meal. When I set my fork down, Edward got up from the chair and cleared the dishes from the table. Scanning the rest of the kitchen, I saw no signs that the room had been used. Every surface was spotless.

He was leaning against the island with his arms folded across his chest, staring at me. Why? It unnerved me as I ran my hands through my hair and then I realized what had caught his attention. My hair was a tangled, knotted mess and I was pretty sure I could feel remnants of the forest intertwined within the strands. My eyes traveled down to the mud-stained clothes I still wore.

"Ugh. I must look awful," I said as embarrassment over my appearance caused a familiar feeling of self-consciousness to pervade my thoughts.

"That simply is not possible."

The perfection of this house was tarnished by my disheveled appearance, seemingly a reflection on how our relationship must have come across to others. Edward's flawless beauty was diminished by my mediocre presence beside him.

I ignored his comment, simply wanting to hide myself from his view. "Can you show me where the bathroom is?"

"Possibly." I could see a slight smile forming, but I wasn't in the mood to be tormented for the sole purpose of his enjoyment.

"Edward, please. I need to shower." Impatience, irritation and insecurity intermingled in my voice.

He shook his head slowly, teasing me. "You aren't supposed to be putting any weight on your ankle. Did we learn nothing from earlier?" He smirked at me, which in the past I had usually found irresistible. At that moment, it only served to incite anger within me. I just wanted to clean up; why did he feel the need to make this so difficult? His words precluded any response to his mocking question.

"I'll go upstairs and draw you a bath."

He disappeared up the stairs, leaving me alone in the kitchen. _The kitchen_, I snickered to myself. Calling this room a kitchen didn't seem appropriate. Most women were only able to dream of having a space such as this. The sheer number of various sized cabinets that formed the shape of the room was complimented to perfection by the granite countertops. The stainless steel appliances, which had probably never been used prior to today, appeared to be top of the line. The large natural stone tiles on the floor were set at a perfect diagonal to the cabinets and the expansive island in the center of the room with several tall wrought iron chairs bordering one side.

There was a door a few feet away that I imagined led out to a deck or patio. I wasn't able to see clearly because of the darkness outside. At the other end of the kitchen was the doorway we had gone through earlier this evening when Edward had carried me from the car.

"Your bath is ready." I jumped when his voice broke the silence. "I'm sorry I startled you," he apologized, his earlier teasing attitude replaced with sincerity.

"It's okay. I just didn't hear you."

"Are you ready?" He asked as he walked over to where I was sitting.

"Yes, I can't wait." I wanted to rid myself of the layers of grime that were covering me. Knowing there was only one way I would be going anywhere, I prepared myself for his touch once again. He lifted my uninjured arm and put it around his neck. It was effortless when he slid his hands under my legs and lifted me into his arms. Unconsciously, I raised my other arm to his chest. When I realized what I had done, I awkwardly let my hand drop back into my lap before allowing myself to look up at him. There was a flash of emotion on his face, and then as quickly as it appeared, it was gone. I attempted to analyze what his expression meant. It didn't come across as anger or sadness, more like disappointment.

When we reached the top of the stairs, he walked down a dimly lit hallway to the last door. Judging simply by the room's size, we had walked into the master bedroom, _his_ bedroom. I couldn't help but look around the room as we passed through. My eyes immediately were drawn to the large bed in the middle of the room, covered with pillows of all sizes. I was still so tired and it looked heavenly. However, I reminded myself, the one thing I wanted more than sleep right now was to feel clean again.

We walked through another door off the bedroom and my jaw dropped. It was the most beautiful bathroom I had ever seen. The room was decorated in varying opulent shades of cream and brown. The main focal point of the room was the large rectangle bathtub. It wasn't against the wall, like every other bathtub I had ever seen. It was in the center of the room with a fireplace next to it, which was already lit. The tub had been built into the same cabinets that were throughout the bathroom.

The water was filled to the very top and there was a separate opening all around the tub for the water to spill over into. The fireplace and several candles provided the only light in the room.

My astonishment must have been obvious because I could see a smile forming on his mouth. "This is what sold me on the home. I wrote the offer before I saw the remainder of the house."

"It's amazing, Edward. I've never seen a bathtub like this before."

"They call it an overflow bathtub, simply spectacular. I'm glad that it pleases you." He let loose a full-blown smile. He was, without a doubt, proud of his purchase. There was a single ivory upholstered chair sitting close to the bathtub. He walked over and sat me down in the chair. He kneeled down and gently began to take the brace off my foot. He was particularly careful with me, like I was a china doll. I wasn't _that_ breakable, but of course, I didn't object either.

Once the brace was off, he stood up next to me. "Your shampoo and body wash are on the side of the tub. There should be plenty of linens as well."

This phenomenal space rendered me speechless. While I marveled at the breathtaking bathtub from the chair I was sitting in, I tried to decide how best to get myself in the tub. The deliberations didn't last long as Edward's voice pierced the silence.

"Let me know when you are…" He paused, swallowing nervously before finishing his sentence. "…undressed."

"I don't think…"

He interrupted me before I could fully articulate my objection, as if he _could_ read my mind. "Bella, I won't see a thing. I promise." His eyes skipped shyly around the room before settling on me briefly, the timidity replaced with concern. "Allow me to assist you. I simply do not want you to fall."

Contemplating his words, I attempted to find an alternative, one that would preferably leave me clothed in his presence. Glancing at the bathtub, I came to understand that this wasn't only about my modesty. There was an unwillingness to forfeit what little remained of my independence. Knowing that there wasn't another option but to believe him, I nodded my head in acceptance of his offer to help.

He acknowledged my decision with a slight nod before gliding out of the room, closing the door behind him. I stared in disbelief at this bathroom that was large enough to fit my entire dorm room into it.

Unable to postpone the situation any longer, I unzipped my mud-stained jeans and carefully shifted from hip to hip as I scooted them down my thighs, trying not to move my ankle. The pants were laid on the floor next to me while I pulled my cotton shirt over my head, wincing as I was forced to raise my shoulder slightly. I sat still as a statue with only my bra and panties on for a few minutes before slowly stripping them off. Carefully, I positioned the undergarments in between my shirt and pants so that they weren't visible.

Glancing down at my naked body, I inhaled sharply when I saw several bruises had appeared on my upper arm. The fall had happened quickly, but I didn't remember hitting my arm. It was possible though. As I attempted to calm the butterflies that were doing aerial acrobatics in my stomach, I heard a light knock on the door.

"Bella, your water is going to get cold. Are you ready for me to help you?" I inhaled a lungful of air, not knowing if I would ever be ready. How did he plan on helping me _and_ keeping his promise that he wouldn't be able to see anything at the same time? With Edward, though, anything was possible.

"Bella, is everything okay?" This time his voice clearly was showing signs of alarm.

Before he decided to break the door down, I figured that I had better answer him.

"You can come in," I mumbled while anxiously watching the door open slowly. Edward came into view and I could see that his eyes were completely closed. I stayed very still, mesmerized by this display. He began walking over to where I was sitting. "Edward, how are you doing that?" I asked, astounded.

"I'm just utilizing my memory. I can see an image of this room perfectly in my mind. I can hear your heart beating, the air moving in and out of your lungs as you breathe, and the most powerful thing that draws me to you is, your scent. It's all leading me directly to you."

The closer he got to me, my heart started to race, which I was sure that he was able to hear. As if to confirm what I was thinking, his lips turned up into that perfect crooked smile. He enjoyed amazing me with the many things that he could do, but tonight, just as in the past, he had never showed any arrogance about his talents.

He stopped right beside me and knelt down to pick me up. _A little skepticism was healthy_, I reminded myself as I watched his face to make sure that he couldn't see anything. Even through the fabric of his shirt, the cool temperature of his skin transferred to my bare skin. He stepped over to the center of the room where the tub was situated and set me carefully on the bottom of the tub, the warm water drenching his shirtsleeves in the process.

The water was heavenly and the warmth coming from the fireplace was fantastic. My head turned toward Edward and I saw him pulling his soaked shirt over his head, eyes remaining closed. It had been a long time since I had seen his perfectly toned chest and rippled stomach, and the sight confirmed for me that my memories could never do him justice.

"Sorry about your shirt."

"Don't worry about it, it's only water. Do you have everything that you need?" he inquired, still with closed eyes. I looked around the edge of the bathtub and was surprised to see shampoo, my favorite strawberry brand, and my favorite body wash waiting for me. A woven basket sitting next to them was filled with a variety of sponges, loofahs, and washcloths. When had he gotten them? He hadn't left me alone once.

"I think so. Thanks."

"While you were asleep, Alice brought over some things that you may need. I'll be close by if you need anything. When you're finished, let me know." It was strange to watch him speak and not be able to watch his eyes. He slowly turned and walked out the door, closing it quietly behind him. Alice had been here? Why didn't she stay to see me?

I leaned back against the end of the tub, exhaling deeply as I tried to relax. After awhile, I picked up a large sea sponge and squeezed some body wash onto it, kneading it slowly until I'd created a rich lather. While I moved the sponge over my body, I reveled in the feeling of being clean again. When I turned to wash the arm that had the bruises on it, I stopped. Continuing to look at the bruises, I noticed that they were shaped and spaced like a large hand. The veil of shock and numbness began to lift, leaving behind the memories I'd been burying deep inside. The pieces slowly came together into a cohesive picture. My thoughts immediately flashed to the forest when Jacob wouldn't let me leave. After the fall, I'd automatically assumed that was when my shoulder had been hurt. I gasped. It was injured when Jacob grabbed my arm forcibly.

I froze and the sponge slipped from my hand and floated away from me on the surface of the warm water, the bubbles making a slight fizzy sound as they dissipated in the water. Once again, I returned to the forest in my mind. Jacob's eyes were staring back at me, filled with a level of pain and anguish that I knew all too well. The hurt in his eyes from the grief I'd caused him was agonizing to see.

I was conflicted.

On one hand, the suffering I'd witnessed on Jacob's face made me feel guilty. Nevertheless, I also felt anger toward him because of the physical harm that he caused. I never believed that he would ever hurt me. Not only had I shared my thoughts and dreams with him, I had also shared an intimate part of myself with him. How could I have been so wrong about someone?

Unable to continue suppressing these emotions any longer, I pulled my knees up to my chest tightly. Every bit of pain, sorrow, and regret poured out of me as tears flowed from my eyes and I sobbed loudly.

When I heard the knock on the door, I was on the verge of hysterics.

"Bella, is everything all right?" I was able to hear the alarm in his voice, but I had nothing left to give. I was an empty shell. "Bella, please."

I couldn't answer him and allowed myself to be lost in my tears. Was I meant to be alone in this life? Was I ever going to be allowed to experience happiness or joy? _No, you don't deserve it, _I chastised myself.

My body began shaking and my heart pounded so hard that my chest began to ache. Even though I was inhaling, I couldn't take a deep enough breath. It was as if someone was standing over me with a pillow, suffocating me.

As if tossing a drowning person a life preserver, a familiar voice in my ear navigated the abyss.

***

_**Edward Cullen **_

Wanting to allow Bella her privacy, I went down the hallway to the room that I had prepared for her. She would need clean clothes when she was finished with her bath. She had seemed impressed with the house so far and I hoped that it would be a step in the right direction. Earning her trust back would not be an easy task and buying the house had been a way to illustrate to her that I had no intention of leaving. Entering the closet, I pulled out something comfortable for her to wear. Rosalie and Alice always wore these cotton pant and camisole sets around the house. Nothing else resembled pajamas in the closet; these would have to do for now.

Hesitantly, I looked at the drawers that were lined up toward the entrance to the closet, knowing what was in the drawers. This is where I had seen Alice placing the array of undergarments she had purchased for Bella. It felt like an invasion of Bella's privacy to open these drawers, but I knew that I had to. Reluctantly sliding the first drawer open, I revealed an assortment of socks. _Socks, I could handle socks_. A simple pair of white cotton crew socks drew my attention and I pulled them out and dreaded moving onto the next drawer.

Why was I terrified to handle her clothes? After living with three other women for many years, I had already seen my fair share of bras and panties. The difference was that these were _her _delicate undergarments.

When I had been in the bathroom with her a short time ago, the sensation of touching her bare skin nearly made me come undone. Knowing that she was completely exposed in my arms had been almost intolerable. I could have opened my eyes at anytime to catch a glimpse of her, but I knew she would never forgive me. It undoubtedly would not help my attempt to convince her of my trustworthiness. Freeing myself from those thoughts, I made an effort to focus on the task before me.

Time was of the essence if I wanted to have everything laid out before she was done with her bath. Forcing myself to continue without agonizing any farther, I opened the other drawers and shook my head. Remarkable. Alice had organized the items into pairs and also by color. Every color of the rainbow was represented in the garments at my fingertips. Immediately drawn to one set, I pulled it out of the drawer, overcoming my shyness. The deep navy blue ensemble I held in my hand brought a vision to mind. A fantasy of sorts. I imagined what she would look like wearing it.

As I slowly rubbed the satin between my fingers, I envisioned her lying down across my bed waiting for me to join her. The contrast between the dark blue and her porcelain skin was staggering. Ugh. The tightness forming in my pants was not helpful and was becoming pronounced. For my own sanity, I knew that I had to stop thinking about Bella in her lingerie. The dark blue bra and panties were returned to the drawer and I opted for a more neutral cream set. Something safe. Alice had a tendency to purchase things that were suited for herself, not necessarily items that would make Bella comfortable. Chuckling softly to myself, I was confident that I knew what Bella's reaction would be to this drawer.

After I placed the clothing on the bed for her, I went back into the closet and pulled a bathrobe out for her as well. After closing the closet door behind me, I heard crying coming from the bathroom. Crying, actually, was not an accurate description. The sounds were of tremendous suffering and misery. The robe dropped from my hands, forgotten. In an instant, I was standing at the bathroom door and the source of the pain was on the other side. I wanted to open it so badly, but I was fearful of violating her trust. I knew she would be uncomfortable with me being inside the room with her. What if she merely wanted to be left alone to deal with her emotions in private?

I knocked on the door. "Bella, is everything all right?" I waited, but heard no definitive answer, only the continued wailing coming from the other side of the door. "Bella, please." I had slid down to my knees leaning on the door with my hands. The sound of her pain was absolute torture for me and I lowered my head until it was leaning on the door as well. After not getting a response for the second time, I decided that it did not matter how unhappy she would be with me. I refused to stand by idly while she was experiencing such intense pain.

Scrambling to my feet, I opened the door and crossed the threshold. My eyes carefully avoided looking anywhere other than where her face should have been, only to find her head resting on the top of her knees as her body shook. Before another second passed, I found myself kneeling at the side of the bathtub.

"Bella." I placed my hand on her shoulder and watched for any reaction from her. When she didn't acknowledge my presence, I became more insistent. "Please, I can't bear to see you like this." Her angelic face was still hidden from my view, but I looked for any subtle signs that she could hear me. There were none. I laid my head down on the ledge surrounding the bath and listened as she continued to cry uncontrollably.

When I could take no more, I pulled her hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear. "You have to tell me what's wrong." Again, there was no response. I closed my eyes, not able to stand seeing her like this. In all my years on this earth, I had never before been in a situation like this and found that I was not entirely confident that I was equipped to deal with it. She was in the middle of a full-blown panic attack. Medically, I had studied this phenomenon, but it was different to watch the woman you loved go through it before your eyes than to read about it in a textbook.

Being in the dark was not a comfortable place for a mind reader to be. It was unfamiliar and enormously frustrating not to know what had happened earlier in the day to Bella. Somehow, I sensed that she was not emotionally prepared for that discussion, nor was I. I had been resisting any train of thought that would allow my imagination to run wild or consider the possibilities, but my carefully controlled restraint was crumbling.

What could have taken place to affect her in this manner? Had she witnessed something traumatic? _Had someone hurt her?_ I gasped at the thought and a combination of emotions erupted within me. Anger. Sadness. Fear. Love. How much longer was I able to tolerate this before breaking down and asking her outright? Her curls had fallen along the side of her face. I wrapped one of her curls around my finger, listening as she continued to fall to pieces before my eyes, until I could take no more.

I lifted my head from the bathtub and softly placed my hands on either side of her face, forcing her to raise her head to look at me. "Bella, I need you to talk to me." Her eyes were vacant, hollow, and showed no recognition that she was aware of my presence before closing once again. "I'm right here with you and I'm not going anywhere until you talk to me."

Never before had I experienced a feeling of powerlessness to this magnitude. Tearless sobs began to erupt from me and I felt pathetic about my inability to a shed a tear for her. Stroking her cheeks with my thumbs, I waited for her to pull herself out of this. Each second that passed felt like an eternity until her voice finally broke through the desperate cries

"Ed…Edward?" She opened her eyes and looked at me, confused, as if she had just woken from a nightmare.

"I'm here." I brushed her hair back behind her ear again with one hand and then placed it on her shoulder. My other hand remained holding her face. She didn't say another word, merely looked at me as tears flowed down her cheeks from bloodshot and swollen eyes. I picked up a clean washcloth from the pile of linens on the side of the bathtub. Without looking away from her face, I dipped the washcloth in the warm water, wrung the water out and gently began to wash her face. As I did this, I could tell a subtle difference in her cries. They were slowing.

Out of my peripheral vision, I could see that her legs were still retracted to her chest and her arms were wrapped around them tightly. When I set the washcloth down on the side of the bathtub, my eyes were drawn immediately to several purplish contusions on her upper arm. I couldn't help but take notice of the shape they appeared to be.

A low growl erupted from my chest. "He hurt you. Is that why you were in the forest?" She laid her head back down on top of her knees, but did not answer the question. "I _will _end him," I growled when her silence effectively responded for her.

"It's m-my fault. I'm t-the one wh—ho hu-hurt hi-him." I was surprised to hear the sound of her voice as the words spilled out of her mouth in stuttered syllables.

"Bella, it is not possible that you could have done anything to warrant this." I was struggling to keep my voice calm because the last thing I wanted was for her to become upset again and start crying once more.

"Em-Embry and Jared both imp—imprinted." She was not making any sense. Her voice was still so quiet and shaky.

"I'm sorry, Bella, but I don't understand."

"J-Jacob." It was difficult to watch her try to speak. I knew I had to be patient, but it was a challenge. All I could understand was a name here or there. "Lea—Leah."

"Jacob imprinted?" I had heard about the phenomenon from Carlisle and always found it fascinating, until now. Had he cast her aside after he had found this Leah? I was trying to put the pieces together to make some sense out of her words.

She shook her head. I was about to go mad; I had been waiting so long to find out what had happened to her and I did not understand what she was trying to tell me. I lifted her head from her knees tenderly. She looked directly into my eyes as she spoke.

"I lef-left him. Be-before he c—could leave m-me. I didn't want t-to just wai—wait for it t-to ha—happen. "

Realization set in with me, just as it must have for her. She had become aware that he would imprint one day, and that it would not be with her. He would have no choice in the matter. Surely, he understood this. He ought to be aware of the possibility and be able to recognize what he would put her through. I could identify with the heartache of being without Bella, but it was inexcusable for him to harm her.

"And he was not pleased with your decision, was he?" She shook her head. No matter how selfish it was, I was somewhat disappointed that her choice to leave him had nothing to do with me. "He will never lay a hand on you again," I said in a reassuring voice meant to comfort her.

"It wa—wasn't like th-that, Edward."

It was unbelievable that she was defending him.

"Bella, there is no justification for someone to harm you, especially one who claims to love you." Her eyes broke the gaze that we had been sharing. It was an incredibly intimate moment that we were experiencing, and I could have conceivably sat beside her for the rest of eternity.

After allowing a few moments of silence to pass, I felt somewhat relieved that I finally knew what had come to pass earlier that day. The flames in the fireplace caught my attention and even though they were still strong, I knew that her water must have been getting cool.

"Are you finished? Your water probably isn't very warm anymore."

She looked down at the water and moved around slightly. "I d—didn't get to wash my hair y-yet."

"I can warm the water up a bit, only if you would like me too, of course." She nodded, and I turned the hot water on. She held her legs tightly up against her chest. "Does it make you uncomfortable for me to be in here?"

Her head moved up and down hesitantly. Not wanting to cause her any further distress, I turned to leave, but her voice stopped me.

"I don't want you to go."

Unsure of how to react, I froze, keeping my back to her. After several moments passed, she spoke again. "I don't want to be alone."

"You're giving me mixed signals and honestly, I'm at a loss about what to believe. The last thing I want to do is upset you."

She took a deep breath. "I w-want you to stay, but...I don't want you t-to see…"

I broke in and reassured her. "Bella, I have been very careful and have made sure to be a gentleman. If it makes you feel better, I won't turn around. When you are finished, I will help you get out of the tub in the same fashion that I helped you get in earlier."

I could hear the water moving around and as tempted as I was, I did not turn around as I had promised. I heard the sound of the shampoo bottle opening and the sweet scent of strawberries wafted towards me. A squishy sound followed as she worked the lather into her hair and I wanted nothing more than for it to be my hands in her hair now. The sound of water splashing as she rinsed the bubbles out of her hair interrupted my thoughts. The water went still and I heard nothing but the gentle fluttering of her heartbeat, her breathing and the occasional sniffle. As I began to open my mouth to ask her if she was finished, she spoke. She had relaxed enough that her speech was even once more.

"I'm done." I could sense her hesitation. I knew that this made her nervous and I tried to make her as comfortable as I could.

As I kept my eyes closed, I turned toward her, picked up a large thick towel from beside the bathtub, and draped it across the chair. "Keep still for just a moment." Slowly, I reached into the water and slid one arm underneath her knees. The other arm found the small of her back. After lifting her gently out of the water, I turned to set her on the chair and wrapped the large towel around her quickly to avoid her being chilled. The scent of her was irresistible. The warmth of the water made the aroma more powerful and more difficult to resist.

"I have a bathrobe for you in the other room. I will be right back."

The robe was lying on the floor of her bedroom where I had dropped it when I heard her crying. Once I had retrieved the robe, I returned to the bathroom, stopping just short of opening the door.

"Bella, would you prefer that I continue to close my eyes?" I asked her through the door. The towel covered her completely, but I wanted it to be her choice.

"No?"

I chuckled as I responded. "That sounded more like a question than an answer."

"Sorry, this is _so_ strange. You can keep you eyes open."

"Yes, it is an unconventional situation at best."

After I entered, I lifted her up, towel and all, draping the robe over her back and wrapped it carefully around her. After I ensured that she was completely covered, I reached back inside the robe and carefully pulled the towel away and out of the bottom of the robe.

"Do you feel better now?" I asked her as I set her back down on the chair.

"Yes. I feel much better." She had stopped the sniffling from crying and her voice was even now. "Thank you."

I used the towel to absorb as much water from her hair as I could before handing her a comb. Leaning against the counter, I watched her pull the comb through her hair. When she appeared to be almost finished with her hair, I thought about how I was going to get her to take more pain medication. She could be so obstinate and I knew it would be problematic. I also needed to get her brace back on her ankle.

She laid the comb down in her lap and I took that as my cue. I walked back over to her and kneeled down. Without saying a word, she wrapped her arms around my neck as I lifted her into my arms. The smell of her wet hair was almost too much for me to endure. Biologically, I was still a seventeen-year-old boy regardless of how many years I had walked the earth and it was becoming more and more difficult to resist the physical urges that I had been feeling. I had existed for many years without experiencing these desires personally and Bella had been the one to awaken this long dormant part of me.

I walked from my bedroom across the hall to her bedroom with her in my arms and set her on the edge of the bed.

"I laid out some clothing for you." My hand motioned toward the neatly folded clothing next to her on the bed. Her forehead wrinkled in confusion and I answered the forming question with one word before she was able to ask. "Alice."

She smiled slightly. "Thanks, will you tell Alice thank you too?"

Not wanting to tell her that Alice would be stopping over, I nodded my head. I wanted it to be a surprise.

"I will be right back. I'm going to bring you some more pain medicine."

"Do I have to take it?" I smiled when I heard the question. I had been waiting for this struggle and she did not disappoint me. For me it was a sign of how well I knew her.

I simply raised an eyebrow at her as I said, "There is no reason why you should be in pain _and_ it will help keep the swelling down." The look on her face told me that I had won. I spun around slowly and walked out the door, closing it behind me, victorious.

* * *

**A/N:**

**K, let me know what you think…**

**Multiple pics are posted a my new live journal blog. BATHTUB, need I say more? Seriously, you need to check it out. **

.


	17. Chapter 17 Sanctuary

**Thank you for all of you who have taken the time to review. It helps keep me motivated.**

**I started my first blog called "My So Called twiLife" where I will be posting teasers in between updates. The name comes from one of my fave shows when I was younger—"My So Called Life." I'll post on twitter when each teaser is up. I'll post the pictures that were on livejournal over there too. I encourage anyone who didn't look at the pics of Edward's house to do so.**

**.com**

**Thanks to poo235, PTB and beautiful distraction for all your help and support.**

**I don't own Twilight, but I do own 2 copies of each of the books and all four audio books. My author name isn't ocd-ang for nothing.**

**

* * *

  
**

_**Bella Swan**_

I began to contemplate how to avoid ingesting another one of those coma-inducing pills Carlisle had left. Several ideas entered my mind, but deep down, I knew that it was no use to argue with him.

Being alone allowed me the chance to take in my surroundings. The walls were a gorgeous, muted blue-gray and the bedroom furniture was a dark chocolate brown. I sat on a large sleigh bed, which was positioned at an angle in the room. The bedding was beautiful and, no doubt, very expensive. On the other side of the room, I noticed a door that I hadn't seen last night. From where I was sitting, the only thing I could see was a tiled floor and I surmised that it must have been a bathroom. Odd, there was a bathroom here in this bedroom and yet he took me into the master bath last night.

My eyes drifted to the clothes that were lying on the bed. There was a cami and pajama pant set that looked very comfortable. Underneath the pajamas was a cream-colored bra and matching pair of panties. I looked at the lace and satin-covered set and shook my head. _Leave it to Alice_. I slipped the panties on first and decided on being comfortable, forgoing putting the bra on. It was late and after I took the drugs that would be arriving any moment now, I'd be out anyway. Grumbling to myself, I finished dressing and waited for the impending unconsciousness that was being hand-delivered to me.

There was a light knock on the door before I heard him speak. "Bella?"

"It's okay, Edward, you can come in." He opened the door, carrying a glass of water and sat it on the side table along with two pills. The ankle brace I'd worn earlier was still in his hand.

I shook my head, expressing my irritation over the drugs. He smirked at my reaction, knowing that I didn't want to take anything. He kneeled down at my feet and carefully put the ankle brace on again.

"You should have your ankle propped up. The swelling will get worse if you let it hang down like this." He said as he swung my legs around and put a pillow underneath my ankle. His next movement was towards the side table and the pills that he placed there. He held out his hand and I groaned as I took the pills from his cool palm. Looking him in the eyes, I made sure that he knew that I was unhappy about this. I washed the pills down with the glass of water, not breaking my glare at him as he grinned.

"I'm glad you're taking such joy in this." I remarked.

The smile on his face disappeared. "On the contrary, I find no joy in you being injured. I merely find it amusing that you are so resistant to what is in your best interest."

He pulled back the covers on the bed and helped me get under them. The bed felt heavenly. The pillows were soft and the sheets felt incredibly silky against my skin. As I settled in, the lights were turned off, leaving only the soft glow of moonlight through the window.

I found myself afraid that he was going to leave and I didn't want to be alone again. Just as I was about to say something, he sat down in the chaise that was angled in the corner of the room and crossed his arms across his chest. Ordinarily, I would question his motive for staying in the room, but not tonight.

His smooth voice called across the room to me. "Is there anything else you need?"

"No, I'm fine." The room was too quiet and I unconsciously filled the silence, "I think this is the most comfortable bed I've ever been in. I'm not going to want to go back to the flimsy mattress in my dorm room."

As the drowsiness increased, I began to wonder why Edward was doing all of this for me. He could've just taken me to Charlie's and not have me here interrupting his life. I had to admit, though, having this kind of attention was nice.

Without even thinking about it, my mind went to Jacob. I wondered what he was doing now. Even though I was angry with him for making things turn out so badly, I couldn't help but be filled with concern that I had hurt him. It had been my choice to leave, but I still cared for Jacob. The image of his face twisted in pain and anguish as I told him why I had to leave was one that I wouldn't soon forget. I had to remind myself that one day, he would find his other half and all this pain would go away. I, on the other hand, would always carry the pain with me.

My last thoughts, before I drifted off were of the relief I'd felt in the forest when I had looked up to see Edward standing over me. When I had seen his face, it was as if I instantly knew that everything was going to be all right. Without fail, Edward had always told me how dangerous being a part of his life was for me. In spite of that, I continually felt the exact opposite. Physically, I'd never felt as safe as when I was with Edward. There was no denying that, but there was a difference between physical safety and emotional safety.

***

The light of day filled the room as I opened my eyes. How long was I asleep? My ankle was aching and I cringed a bit when I attempted to sit up.

"Ouch," I mumbled to myself, trying not to let the pain show. The last thing I wanted was for someone to be by my side shoving pills at me already. Since I had just woken up, I didn't want to be forced back to sleep. I looked quickly at the corner of the room to see if I had fooled him, but the chaise was empty. Instead of being relieved, I felt disappointment at his absence. Since I wasn't able to go anywhere on my own, I had no choice but to wait for him to return.

The light allowed me to see the room in its entirety. The color blue on the walls was even more gorgeous in the daylight. The wide crown molding and trim was white, which brought out the deep rich beauty of the furniture in the room. There were fresh flowers arranged on the dresser. It looked like a picture out of a magazine. A light knock at the door interrupted my visual tour of the room.

"It's okay, Edward. I'm awake."

"I knew you were waking up so I went down and started breakfast. Are you hungry?"

"What time is it?"

"Almost eleven."

"Why did you let me sleep so long?"

"I didn't realize that you had a pressing engagement today," he said as his lips curled up into a slight grin.

I tilted my head to the side in annoyance.

"What?" He feigned innocence. "You needed your rest." He continued to smile at me as I rolled my eyes.

Edward carried me down the stairs and sat me at the same table and chairs as last night, or technically very early this morning. While I sat in front of him, I began to regret not putting on the bra from last night and I felt exposed. To compensate, I attempted to hunch my shoulders over a little bit to hide myself.

Waiting for me on the table was a large omelet on a plate with fresh fruit on the side. A tall glass of orange juice caught my eye and I took a long drink while I watched Edward lean against the island. He watched me closely as I began to eat. His eagerness to please me was sweet.

"Edward, everything is very good." I assured him, hoping that he would lighten up. It was unnerving having an audience while I ate. I had forgotten what it was like.

He smiled timidly. "It _is_ my first omelet. I wanted to make sure that I had made it correctly." I wasn't sure why he was worried. He was good at everything he tried his hand at.

"Relax. I'm just happy to have a home cooked meal after being at school." His face clearly displayed how thrilled he was to know that he had done well.

As I continued to eat, I recalled what I was thinking about last night before falling asleep. I'd felt so relieved when I saw Edward in the forest, but why was he risking upsetting the tribe for me? Edward didn't do anything without having a reason. This might be the best chance I would have to get some answers before the medication would get the best of me. I could see the bottle sitting on the island, just waiting to be opened.

"If I ask you something, will you be honest with me?" I looked over to him as I posed the question, watching for a reaction from him. He didn't disappoint.

Tensing his jaw slightly, he answered apprehensively, "I will do my best."

"I understand why you came to find me in the forest. Alice had called you." He nodded his head slowly, as if waiting to see where I was going with this. "But what are you doing with me? Why am I here?"

He opened his mouth as if to speak, but I could see the uncertainty on his face. He turned around and I could hear him opening the bottle of pills that had been on the counter. What did he plan to do? Drug me so I couldn't ask any questions? Or, on the other hand, was it so he didn't have to answer any?

As he set two pills down on the table, I spoke. "Please don't think that I'm not grateful. I am extremely thankful for your help. I just don't understand what you are still doing with me. You could've taken me to Charlie's."

He hesitated for a moment, clearly analyzing what he would say. "I suppose I'm still looking for atonement." His eyes burned deeply into mine as he spoke, clearly looking for something from me. He motioned with his eyes down at the pills, clearly wanting me to take them. I rolled my eyes at him, irritated, and took the pills.

"Edward, I forgive you. I understand that you were doing what you thought was best."

His eyes were still trained on mine. "Your mind has pardoned me, but your heart has not."

He never broke the gaze between us, waiting for my reaction. I started to object, my mind and my heart were both part of me. It was impossible to separate one part of yourself from another part. He wasn't making sense. When I thought back to the night we spent in my room before the fight with Victoria and Irina, I had already told him that I had forgiven him. Where was this coming from? I had been under the impression that we had moved on from this, but I was obviously mistaken.

He could see the protest coming and stopped me before I could speak a word. "Bella, be honest with yourself. You say that you have forgiven me, but you do not trust me with your heart."

The words were unexpected. His insight floored me and it felt like he knew me far better than I gave him credit for. How could he be in touch with my feelings more than I was? My heart wasn't ready to trust him again, regardless of what my mind was telling me. I knew deep down that I was struggling with this. He broke it down so simply and that brought my inability to trust Edward to the forefront of my thoughts. I was unable to continue looking into his eyes because I knew he was right.

He broke the silence and saved me from the awkwardness of the moment. "I am planning on changing that. You asked me why I have you here and that is the simple, honest truth." He slowly walked over to where I sat and put his cool hand gently on my heart. "I want to be in here again."

The intensity of this conversation was making me nervous and he still had his hand on my chest. My heart started to beat more rapidly, which I was certain that he could hear and feel. Before I was able to respond to him, I heard the doorbell ring. The corners of his mouth turned up a bit. "Come in, Alice," he said without raising his voice. "Are you ready for this? She's quite excited to see you." He chuckled and the tension I was feeling began to slip away in exchange for excitement. My friend was here to visit.

I heard the front door open and she was at my side before I heard it close. "Bella!" She hugged me tightly. "I'm so glad you're okay. When I had the vision, I was so scared. But I knew that Edward would know what to do." Her high-pitched voice rambled so quickly I could barely make all the words out.

"I'm glad to see you too, Alice." When I glanced over at Edward, I saw him shake his head slightly and knew that they were having a conversation I was unable to hear.

"I was getting to it, Alice. It was dark last night and she hasn't been awake that long."

She shifted impatiently on her feet.

"Why are you so excited? It's not even your home!" He laughed at her. She was like a kid at Christmas. It was nice to see Edward's playful side emerge.

What I could gather from their conversation was that she wanted to take me on a tour of the house. Admittedly, I was curious to see the rest, but I really wanted to be fully clothed. I was sure that Edward got an eyeful this morning of me in my cami with no bra on when he carried me downstairs.

"Can I get dressed first?" I interjected into their discussion.

I saw Edward nod his head at Alice. Before I knew it, she had picked me up and we were headed for the stairs. I looked back and saw Edward laughing while he was clearing the table.

"Thank you for the things you bought, Alice. You even got the right shampoo and everything," I told her as she walked up the stairs.

"Well, Edward was very specific in his instructions. I did have a blast shopping for the wardrobe." She was still so keyed up it was comical.

"Wardrobe?"

She sighed. "He didn't show you?"

"Show me what?" I was afraid to ask.

"Your closet. I organized everything perfectly for you, too." Now I was frightened because I knew the potential that she possessed. Since when was it _my_ closet anyway?

We headed into the bedroom I had slept in and she walked straight toward the closet. I wasn't prepared for what I saw when the door opened. The large walk-in closet was completely full with all types of clothing, for seemingly every possible occasion.

Alice was grinning from ear to ear. "So what do you think?"

"Um, how long are you planning on me being here?" As soon as I said it, I could tell that it hurt her feelings. "What I meant was that you didn't have to go to so much trouble."

"It was no trouble at all. You know I enjoy any reason to shop. Besides, a girl never knows what she might need," she said as she opened a drawer revealing silk, satin and lace in every color of the rainbow. Another drawer held more exotic items—things I'd only seen in magazines.

My mouth hung open as I saw the number of what I deemed unnecessary undergarments in the drawers as she rifled through them. "Alice, what exactly are you planning on occurring while I'm here?" I said as I fought the blush rising on my face.

She ignored my question while she looked at an empty space in the drawer, shaking her head. "I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when I saw that he picked the tamest set in here." She said as she pulled out a light blue satin bra and matching pair of panties.

_That's because he knew that I would be uncomfortable in anything else_, I thought to myself. I watched as she pulled a track set off its hangers and headed out of the closet towards the bed. She set me down carefully and put the clothes down next to me on the bed. The medication's effects were starting to make their presence known, but I was determined to fight the drowsiness this time.

After I humored Alice and dressed in the clothes she picked out for me, she began to show me around the second floor. There were five bedrooms total, including the master bedroom. I hadn't really had a chance to look at Edward's room yet. We'd only walked through it briefly last night.

The first thing I noticed when we entered his room was the fireplace in the corner. I glanced around the room, taking in every detail. The bedroom furniture was a beautiful antique black finish. The bed was so tall that someone would almost need a stepladder to climb up onto it. Alice was standing at a pair of French doors that opened up onto a large deck. There was also a view of a lower level deck and I guessed it was the one I saw outside the kitchen earlier this morning. Alice was standing, holding me carefully, so that my ankle wasn't hanging down too far as we looked out the doors at the trees and foliage surrounding the back of the property. The property was secluded and private; exactly what Edward's life required.

"It is exquisite, isn't it?" I jumped slightly when I heard him speak, not realizing that he had come into the room. "Sorry." He grinned as he apologized for startling me.

"How many acres do you own?"

"A little over 40 acres, most of it wooded naturally."

We all turned toward the master bathroom, which I'd already seen part of. Last night I hadn't noticed the large tiled shower, which by my count had six different showerheads placed throughout. There was a custom-built seat toward the back of it also. I'd never seen anything like it before.

"I'm so jealous of your shower, Edward," Alice said with a pout on her face. "Bella, did you see the fireplace by the bathtub? Edward thought it would keep you warm." I watched as Edward shot a look at her and she immediately made a face like she said something she wasn't supposed to.

"Yes, it's gorgeous." I managed to say. Ordinarily, I wouldn't have given the comment a second thought, but when I saw the exchange between the two of them, it made me feel self-conscious. He had made his intentions clear earlier today and now Alice was commenting that he thought about me when he was buying the house.

Alice smirked at Edward as she turned and carried me out of the room and down the stairs, sharing with me each room's design inspiration. The house was impeccably furnished without having a stuffy, uptight feeling. The atmosphere was casual, but none of the rooms seemed to reflect Edward personally. There was a media room with a huge flat panel TV mounted on the wall and a large sectional sofa. The last room we entered had a different feeling. It was distinctively Edward. From the piano that was perfectly placed by the window to the walls lined with shelves of books and music. I could see him in each item throughout the room. When I looked over at him, the pride was evident on his face. This was his sanctuary.

We paused briefly by the large deck by the kitchen. Through the glass, I saw that the expansive, well-manicured lawn stretched out to the tree line. Edward opened the door for Alice as she stepped outside briefly with me. Once outside, I could see what appeared to be a hot tub toward one end of a patio below. The surrounding dense forest and brush provided a place of isolation and protection. Glancing back at the house, I noticed the siding was a dark charcoal grey with white trim and the back of the house had too many windows to count. We went back inside to escape the cold drizzle that seemed to personify the area. Actually, I was surprised that there weren't any schools with a rain cloud as a mascot.

Alice brought me into the living room and sat me down on the sofa. Edward reached his hand out and offered my phone to me. "You should call Mandy. I promised her that I would have you call today," he explained while appearing to wait for my reaction.

"You talked to Mandy?"

"Yes. She had called quite a few times looking for you. I let her know that you were safe."

Great. They all knew where I was and Jacob would incorrectly assume that I intended to leave him for Edward all along. He had been immersed in self-doubt since the night Edward had come back into my life. How much did Mandy know about what had taken place the day before? My stomach was doing flip-flops while I deliberated on whether or not I should call her. I looked over to where Edward and Alice had been, only to see that they were gone.

***

_**Edward Cullen **_

Alice and I tried to give Bella some measure of privacy for her to call her friend. We stepped outside and down to the patio to talk.

"Alice, you could have taken a slightly more understated approach in the bathroom." I was not displeased with her. She was, in her own way, trying to help.

_Edward, subtlety has never been my strongest suit. You of all people know that, _she chimed in as she flitted across the patio toward hot tub.

She leaned over and flicked the water with her finger while I deliberated over asking her one additional favor. The task itself was not worrisome, but Alice being…well, Alice, I was apprehensive.

"Do you mind staying here with Bella while I go hunt?" While my thirst was still bearable, I wanted to take advantage of Alice's presence here.

_Of course not. It's probably best not to let yourself go too long in between._

I raised one eyebrow at her.

_What? I just meant that you've been spending a lot of time alone with her. You said yourself that you had built up a tolerance before and you'll have to do the same thing again. _

"I'm fine, Alice. It's different this time anyway." She looked at me quizzically. "I will always struggle with the thirst. It is, of course, the nature of what I am. Nevertheless, being without her for so long changed me somehow; it gave me a different perspective. The burn will always be present when I take in her fragrance, but memories of living without her are stronger. I don't think that I could ever allow myself to physically harm her." My other concern was Alice meddling once more with Bella. "One more thing. Will you promise me that you will be careful what you say to her?"

She looked at me in disbelief. _Go, Edward. She'll be fine while you're gone._

"And you promise…"

_Yes, Edward. And you say that I'm annoying? Now, take your time and get something good. Don't just settle on the first live thing you find._

"Very funny." I smirked at her as I took off toward the woods. _My_ woods. It would take some time to get used to that. I had never envisioned living anywhere but with my family. However, I knew if I wanted to mend things with Bella, the separation from them would be necessary for us to work through our issues.

There would continue to be a period of adjustment to living apart from my family, but it was not an entirely unwelcome change. The separation allowed me to relax more fully and my mind was not inundated with commotion. The silence was idyllic, much like how I felt when I was with Bella. Even though it was extremely frustrating being unable to hear her thoughts the quiet was always peaceful and it was the way she preferred it.

***

_**Bella Swan**_

The phone in my hand felt as though it weighed a hundred pounds. I was so tired and wanted to close my eyes, but I knew that this had to be done. I took a deep breath and dialed Mandy's number.

She answered on the third ring. "Bella, is this really you this time?"

"Yeah," I answered her hesitantly.

"I'm glad that you're okay."

"Well, I guess it was lucky that Edward was able to find me. It was so cold and I don't know what I would have done as the night went on."

"Yeah, about that, Bella. Embry has told me some things that I wanted to talk to you about." _Here it comes. _I sighed in anticipation for what was coming.

"And what exactly has Embry told you?" I didn't like this unfamiliar awkwardness between us. I had always been able to talk to her about almost anything. I _should_ be able to talk to her about this.

"I know what he is." Accusation was woven throughout her words.

"I'm sure they've told you all kinds of things about Edward and his family."

"Bella, I'm just concerned about you. I don't want you to get hurt."

The bruises on my arm came to mind and I felt compelled to defend Edward. "He would never harm a hair on my head. I can't say the same thing of Jacob."

"What do you mean? Edward said that you tripped and hurt your ankle. Did something else happen out there?"

Before I answered her question, I paused and tried to decide what I should tell her. It was obvious that Jacob hadn't told her the whole story. Wouldn't Embry already know what happened though? He would, unless Jacob hadn't phased yet. Embry wouldn't have a reason to keep anything from Mandy since the imprint. He would share what he knew with her.

"Let's just say that Jacob wasn't thrilled with me breaking up with him."

"Why would you break up with him? I thought that you and Jacob were getting along okay."

I hoped that I could talk about this without falling apart like I did earlier with Edward. Sighing deeply, I knew that I needed to make her understand why I made the decision.

"Mandy, you know how strong and instantaneous the pull toward Embry was, right?"

"Yeah."

"Don't you think that if Jacob was meant to imprint on me, it would've already happened?"

The line was silent for a few moments before she responded. "Well, I guess I hadn't thought about it. Makes sense. But Jacob hasn't imprinted on anyone else...or has he? Is that what's wrong?"

"No, he hasn't. Mandy, put yourself in my shoes though. One day, he's going to look into someone else's eyes and feel that pull." I could feel the tears starting to well up in my eyes and my voice was starting to break. "I can't sit back and wonder when it's going to happen. I just can't, Mandy. His heart is meant for someone other than me. I can't simply wait around and wonder if this is the day that it's going to happen."

"I'm so sorry, Bella. But you can't throw yourself back into _his_ arms. He's not human!"

Tears were flowing down my cheeks when I felt a hand softly touch my shoulder. I looked up and saw Alice. She sat down next to me and put her arms around me. Convincing Mandy to have any other opinion than the one she currently possessed was going to be a challenge. I hadn't kept in contact with any of my friends from high school. Mandy was really the only friend I had and I didn't want to lose that relationship.

"Just know that I'm safe, Mandy. Okay?" I managed to choke out the words before I hung up the phone.

Alice sat silently beside me as I pulled myself back together. I couldn't help but feel like my relationship with Mandy was at a turning point and I wasn't sure which direction we were headed. Clearly, they had filled her mind with the same hatred and disgust they felt for the Cullen family. I only hoped that once we were back at school together, things would go back to…normal. Well, as normal as possible for my life. Before this weekend, I had a pretty good idea of what direction my life was headed. Now I simply felt lost.

"Alice, can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"Have you had any visions about me?"

"I've only been getting flashes. You have yet to make any decisions that would make your path clear to me."

I exhaled deeply, hoping that she would have been able to help me. How was I supposed to get past everything that had happened in the past few days?

"I'm sorry, Bella. I know that you were hoping for some answers from me, but I just don't have them. Have faith, Bella. You'll figure everything out. I know you will."

While I was grateful that Alice was here with me, I couldn't help but wonder where her brother was. "Where did Edward go?"

"He's out hunting. I told him that I would stay here with you."

As much as I didn't want to admit it, I would be waiting anxiously for him to return. Even though Alice was here with me, I felt vulnerable in some way without him. I let out a big yawn as I continued the increasingly difficult fight against the drug-induced drowsiness.

"Bella, you really should call Charlie too. I'm sure that he must be concerned about you."

As much as I dreaded the conversation with Charlie, I knew that Alice was right. I picked the phone back up and dialed. He picked up the phone on the second ring.

"Hi, Dad."

"Bella! I have been worried sick about you." There was a pause before his tone changed. "What are you doing with _him_ again?" His voice had gone from concerned to angry in no time flat.

"It's not what you think, Dad."

"What the hell am I supposed to think? You don't come home with the others yesterday and no one will tell me why. Jacob has been acting weird. Billy said he hasn't been home and he hasn't even called. Sam told Billy not to worry, but something's not right, Bella."

He was going to find out about the breakup soon enough, I decided that I might as well break the news to him. "Dad, we broke up. Jacob and I broke up."

"What?!? Why?!?!"

"Please, Dad, it's a long story. I came to some decisions and…"

He interrupted me, "_You_ were the one who ended it?" It was an accusation, not a question.

I looked over at Alice and took a deep breath. "Yes."

"I just don't understand, Bella. You were perfect for each other."

"Maybe by your standards," I muttered acidly. "I know that you think Jacob is perfect, but he's far from it."

"He would never have hurt you the way that Cullen boy did."

Charlie had no idea how ridiculous that statement sounded to me and I could tell that this exchange wasn't going to end anywhere good.

"Dad, I've got to go. I just wanted to let you know that I'm all right."

I hung up the phone before I could say anything that I would regret. Charlie wanted nothing more than to be able to call Jacob his son and I'd ruined the future plans he had in his mind. I couldn't tell Charlie that the word "wolf" described more than Jacob's eating habits. It made me angry that he didn't know the truth about what had happened in the forest, but I was the one to blame. I couldn't bring myself to tell Charlie and I had no idea why. Maybe it was from guilt? If I hadn't broken up Jacob, he wouldn't have gotten so upset and he wouldn't have hurt me.

I looked over at Alice. She put her hand on my arm. "Bella, you're doing the right thing. I know it may not seem like it right now."

"Why is everyone making me feel so rotten about it then?" I asked her quietly.

"I don't know. Maybe they just don't understand why you made the choice. You know that Charlie doesn't know why. He also doesn't know about Jacob hurting you or about his other life. As far as Mandy, I can't see her future anymore now that she's involved with the other wolf."

"What do you mean? I don't understand."

"We've discovered that I can't see the wolves and anyone who intertwines his or her fate with them is blocked from me as well. It's probably why I couldn't see you for so long. But when you made the choice to leave him, I could see you again."

"Huh. Interesting. I'm just glad that you were able to see me in the woods. I don't want to think about what could've happened."

We talked for hours about what Alice and the rest of the family had been doing the past year or so. Besides helping Edward with his house, Esme and Alice had renovated a large estate that they now called home in Vancouver. Alice went into detail about the changes they had made and, of course, the obstacles they ran into along the way.

All of the siblings were enrolled in the same university that Edward had been attending before he transferred. Alice told me about the latest fashion trends, which I would've considered torture before. This time I was hanging on her every word. I had missed her so much it wouldn't have mattered if she had been reciting the dictionary to me.

"Alice, I've got to ask. Why are you so obsessed with clothes?"

"You mean fashion?"

"Yes," I said while laughing at her correcting me.

"There are so many reasons, Bella. I wouldn't know where to begin." She paused and contemplated. "Well, I like how when someone puts different pieces of clothing on, it can change a person's mood, even their life. A person dressed in a sweat suit will act and carry herself differently when outfitted with a gorgeous mini dress and stilettos. Her insecurity can be replaced with confidence and self-assurance. Others will perceive her entirely different also."

"I guess I never thought about it that way."

"To me fashion isn't as superficial as it is to most people."

The rest of the afternoon slipped by unnoticed and I was so wrapped up in my conversation with Alice that I didn't notice that Edward had walked into the room until I heard him speak.

"Alice, are you quite finished tormenting Bella?" I looked up and saw him smirking at his sister.

"We've been having a nice time, haven't we?" Alice looked over at me as if she was hoping I was going to back up her claim.

"I've missed her and we had a lot of catching up to do." The telltale flush on his skin told me that his hunting trip had been a success.

"Thank you, Alice, for staying here while I was out." He turned toward me. "I'm going to start dinner, Bella. Would you feel more comfortable with Alice helping you bathe this evening while she is here?"

I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but it really would make things much easier. I nodded and looked over at Alice, who was wearing a huge grin on her face.

"When you are done, I want to look at your ankle to see how it's healing."

"Okay. It feels fine though." He completely ignored my comment and headed off into the kitchen to start dinner. Alice took that as her cue. She stood up and picked me up off the sofa, heading for the stairs.

Alice carried me into Edward's room and sat me on his bed while she started filling the bathtub. The duvet cover was made from a rich slate gray colored brocade fabric and I slid my hand slowly across the material. He never had a bed in his room in Forks and I found it strange that he would have one now. The room seemed like it was the size of Charlie's whole house. I imagined that the room would feel pretty empty if he didn't have a bed in here. Maybe it came with the house and he decided to leave it here? Alice came out from the bathroom and sat down next to me. "It shouldn't take too long to fill and I lit the fireplace too."

"You didn't have to go to that much trouble, Alice."

"It's really not any trouble. It's a gas fireplace. All you have to do is flip a switch. I'm just glad that someone can get some use out of the bathtub. Edward only uses the shower."

"And you're not jealous at all of his shower." I teased her.

"Bella, do you have any idea how much fun someone could have in there?" She smiled slyly.

"Please, Alice. I don't want to think about you and Jasper like that." I faked a look of horror.

After several minutes of small talk, Alice went back into the bathroom. She came back out and helped me get undressed, which wasn't nearly as awkward as I'd expected.

Alice placed me in the tub and left me to enjoy the hot water. I reclined back and closed my eyes. Alice asked me to tell her when I was ready to get dried off and dressed. She was going to see if Edward needed any help with dinner. I could feel the tension and stress that I had been holding in leave my body. After washing my hair and body, I decided to shave my legs since I knew that Edward was going to be touching my leg when he looked at my ankle and I didn't want to be all gross and stubbly.

I wasn't planning to take a long bath, but I really had nothing else to do. How wrinkly could a person's fingers get? How many hours would it take? I didn't get the chance to explore that much further as I heard Alice informing me that dinner was almost ready from the other room. I sighed and told her that I was ready to get out of the bathtub. She came into the bathroom in a flash and helped me dry off. I shivered as she wrapped the bathrobe around me.

We headed down the hallway to my room where Alice proceeded to pull some clothes out of the closet for me. I groaned when I saw another frilly bra and panty set in her hand.

"Get over it, Bella. Women should have nice lingerie to wear. It makes you feel sexy."

"In case you hadn't noticed, I just broke up with my boyfriend and don't have a need to feel sexy."

"There's _always_ a need to feel sexy." She grinned at me.

* * *

Okay, so don't forget to check on my new blog for teasers in a few days and I'll "tweet" when each one is up. Please review!!!

.com/


	18. Chapter 18 The Invitation

**A/N: Hey there! Sorry for the delay. Hoildays Happen.**

**Thanks to poo235 and PTB for their greatness.**

**Yada Yada Yada. I don't own anything.**

**

* * *

  
**

_**Bella Swan**_

Edward called out to Alice as she was approaching the last few steps on the staircase. "Alice, can you set Bella down on the sofa so that I can look at her ankle and shoulder quickly before her dinner is ready?"

There was a wonderful aroma coming from the kitchen and I found myself looking forward to eating whatever he was preparing. Edward proved to be more than capable in the kitchen. It was going to be hard to go back to eating dorm food after being spoiled like this.

Alice waited patiently in the chair across the room, watching me run the comb through my damp tresses. The sounds of pots and pans moving in the kitchen stopped and before long Edward walked into the room, kneeling beside the end of the sofa. He pressed carefully with his cool fingers at different points around my ankle and foot. I attempted to mask any reaction, although I wasn't sure how well I was succeeding. Edward was usually very perceptive. He picked my foot up and slowly moved my ankle slightly in different directions. I couldn't help but wince at the discomfort his poking and prodding was causing. With his hand still on my leg, he picked up the ankle brace off the floor where Alice had set it earlier and I watched as he secured it on my ankle.

"Is your shoulder feeling any better?" he asked in a compassionate tone that was reminiscent of Carlisle.

"It barely hurts."

He turned to look at me. "I'm glad to hear that," he said as he slowly examined my shoulder. "Your range of motion seems improved. You need to make sure that you don't favor it and keep it stretched." I nodded my head in understanding. "Are you hungry?"

"Yes, I am. Whatever it is that you've been fixing out there has been making my stomach growl."

With a smile on his face, he leaned down to lift me up into his arms and carried me to the kitchen.

I ate my dinner as Edward and Alice talked about plans for Thanksgiving Day. They were reliving some of the more colorful memories of past holidays. Evidently, it was a big day for their family every year. I was shocked by the fact that they celebrated and they noticed the look of surprise on my face.

I smiled sheepishly at both of them and shrugged my shoulders. "I didn't think that it would be a big deal to…you know…well…to people who don't eat."

"Just because we don't eat, doesn't mean we can't enjoy the holiday," Alice explained with a hint of defensiveness.

"Emmett and Jasper look forward to the football games and the girls look forward to the sales," Edward added while he looked over toward Alice. Judging by the expressions on their faces, I guessed that they were having another one of their silent conversations.

Alice's eyes moved from Edward's to mine. "Esme would be very disappointed if you didn't join us." The look on Edward's face made me think he was less than thrilled with her for asking. I guess watching over an invalid wouldn't have been my first choice to celebrate the holiday either.

"It's okay. I don't want to impose," I hastily answered as Edward continued to glare at her.

"It's no imposition. She is correct. Esme would be pleased to have you there." His eyes seemed to have softened a bit as he spoke and whatever discussion they had been having wordlessly must have ended. For whatever reason, it appeared as though Edward didn't want me to go with him.

"Yeah!" Alice shouted excitedly, clapping her hands together rapidly. Her position was clearly the complete opposite of Edward's. "I can't wait to tell Esme."

Normally, I spent the holidays with Charlie, but I was in no mood to deal with him. I wasn't even going to broach the subject. Besides, I would really like to see the rest of Edward's family, with the exception of Rosalie. It had been over a year since I had seen them, now had something to look forward to on Thursday.

***

Alice decided that she wanted to watch a movie, so we headed down to the media room in the basement. Edward set me down on the sofa and I tried to decide if I had ever seen a flat panel television this large before. It took up most of the space on the wall it was mounted on. After watching a movie on this screen, it would be a struggle to watch anything on my laptop again. This was _the_ way to watch a movie.

Apparently, Alice had already chosen a movie because I heard Edward groan and before he spoke. "Alice, you have watched _The Devil Wears Prada'_more times than I care to count."

I couldn't help but laugh aloud. "He's right. I've watched it with you at least three times." He gave a wide smile to Alice as if in announcement of some victory. "But, I really like it too. I'm with Alice." Edward's smile dropped from his face as he looked at me in disbelief.

"Sorry, Edward, you're overruled," Alice gleefully told him as she pushed play and sat down to watch. Edward stood there for a few moments as if he was contemplating whether to stay and watch with us. Finally, he gave in and sat on the other side of me.

***

My eyes opened to bright light. Confused, I sat up and realized that I was in my bed. What time was it? Groaning, I flopped back down on my pillow and vowed not to take any more pills. I was sleeping my life away.

Unexpectedly, I heard faint laughter coming from the corner of the room. "You didn't even make it through the first few scenes."

"It would help if someone wasn't always shoving pills at me," I grumbled.

My comment only made him laugh harder and I pulled the pillow I was resting my head on over my face. I lay there for a moment before I felt something tugging on my pillow. I realized what, or should I say whom, it was. I tried unsuccessfully to keep hold of it. The pillow lifted and his smiling face sparkled from the sunlight streaming through the window.

"Are you hungry?" he asked as he set the pillow down on the bed beside me.

"That depends."

"On what?"

"Whether or not breakfast will be served with a side of coma-inducing drugs."

"Will you tell me if your ankle starts bothering you?" he asked me with suspicion.

I contemplated the question for a moment. I had a pretty high tolerance for pain and "bothering" was a subjective word. One person's agony was sometimes simply an annoyance to another person. I moved my head up and down, indicating that I would comply with his request. It seemed like an acceptable tradeoff—discomfort in exchange for lucidity.

***

While I chewed each forkful of food, I thought back to Edward's behavior when Alice invited me to his family's house for Thanksgiving. Why did he react that way? Would it have been that unpleasant for him? The more I thought about it, the more perplexed I became. I looked over to where he was standing with his back to me as he looked out onto the patio.

"Edward?" He turned around when he heard my voice. "Why don't you want me to go with you on Thursday?"

A strange expression appeared on his face, a blend of confusion and irritation. "I would like nothing more than for you to spend the holiday with my family. I told you that Esme will be ecstatic to have you join us."

"I'm not blind, Edward. I saw the interaction between you and Alice earlier. You were having one of your… discussions." He shook his head slowly. "I saw the look on your face. You were upset that she asked me."

"It's not what you think."

I refused to move my eyes from his because I wasn't going to let this drop. Being unwanted was an uncomfortable feeling. Silently, I waited for his rationalization.

"It's petty really," he stammered, obviously uncomfortable, as one corner of his mouth turned up into a half smile as if to charm me.

I tilted my head to the side and raised one eyebrow. Time was on my side and I could wait him out.

Finally, he let out a long sigh and I knew that I had won. It was so rare for me to have such success against him that I felt like declaring it to the world. Not having the upper hand was a new experience for Edward and I could tell he didn't like it one bit. I prepared myself for the argument that I was sure would follow whatever reason or explanation he was going to give me. I was aggravated but also feeling inadequate at the same time.

"I wanted to invite you myself." He spoke with uneasiness in his voice as he looked away from me. Was he actually embarrassed? I immediately began to feel guilty that I had pursued an answer so persistently.

"Edward, I'm sorry. I thought that…I don't know what I thought." We sat awkwardly, neither one of us speaking. He had yet to look back over at me. Finally, I was the first to break the silence. "I'm sorry I made such a big deal out of it. I was upset because I didn't think that you wanted me to go."

After a few more moments, his turned his head slowly and looked at me. "I attempted to explain to you that it was absurd." The amusement shone in his eyes as he wore my favorite crooked smile on his face.

***

The next few days were remarkably uneventful. My time was spent mostly either reading books from Edward's vast library or watching movies. We conversed, but it was mostly small talk and what I considered to be "safe" topics. Edward continued to cook each meal for me and seemed to be relishing in his new endeavor. He had checked my ankle each day, trying to monitor the healing process. In an attempt to gain some independence back, I tried to persuade Edward to let me use a pair of crutches. We both decided it probably wasn't the best idea, seeing as how I could barely walk on a flat surface most days without tripping.

By the time Wednesday rolled around, I was positively stir-crazy and tired of having to rely on someone else for everything. Edward had made lunch for me and then left the kitchen to call Esme about tomorrow. While I finished eating, I looked out the patio doors at the expansive back yard longingly. I would have given anything to have fresh air moving through my lungs.

What was here to stop me from going out there? Nothing. I was by myself.

Glancing back through the windows, I decided to make a break for it. I wasn't as helpless as Edward made me out to be. I swear I heard the theme from Mission Impossible play in my head as I scooted off the chair, balancing my weight onto one foot. It was only a few feet to travel until I could reach the patio door handle. _I can do this_. I hopped slowly over to the door and once there used the handle to steady myself. _That wasn't too bad at all_, I thought to myself before turning the handle to open the door. I felt my confidence grow as the cool air hit my face and it felt wonderful. I inhaled deeply as I shifted my weight and eyed my target—one of the chairs on the patio. It was a good fifteen feet from the door, but I was determined to make it there. I took a deep breath and began hopping as I did earlier out onto the patio. _I'll show him. _

I got about halfway towards the chair when I was interrupted suddenly. "What exactly are you doing?"

***

_**Edward Cullen**_

"Esme, you know that she is going to be upset if you go to so much trouble," I said as I attempted to reason with my mother. The last thing I wanted was for Bella to feel uncomfortable tomorrow. I had been pacing about upstairs, not wanting Bella to overhear my conversation with Esme.

"But, Edward, this will be her only Thanksgiving dinner. It's a tradition."

"It's not a tradition for us. She knows that and isn't expecting to be fussed over."

"At least let me roast a turkey." Before I could answer her, she continued, "and if I have turkey, I have to make some mashed potatoes." I opened my mouth, but she started in again. I smiled to myself as I listened to her prattle on about different foods. "What about pumpkin pie?"

I waited until I knew she was finished. "Just keep it simple…_please_." I pleaded with her as I looked out the window in my bedroom that overlooked the backyard patio. Esme began speaking again, but I was completely distracted by what I was witnessing.

"What could she possibly be thinking?" I groaned into the phone as I rubbed my temple with my free hand.

"Who?" Esme asked, confused.

I chuckled as I explained what I was seeing to her. "It seems as though Bella is attempting to go…somewhere." I couldn't help but laugh at the sight of her hopping on one foot as she began to move across the patio. Actually, I was astounded that she had maintained her balance.

"She's not supposed to be walking yet, is she?" Esme asked with alarm in her voice.

"No, and hopping doesn't qualify as walking. She has to be the most stubborn person I have ever known. She is being _much_ more creative than I would have ever expected."

"Edward! Don't let her injure herself!"

"She will be fine. I'll talk to you later. It would appear as though I need to foil someone's escape plan. Remember not to over do it tomorrow, please?"

After ending the call, I was at the patio door. I couldn't help but pause in the open door and watch her, knowing that I would be able to reach her if she began to slip. Her determination had always been remarkable. I let her get almost half of the way across the patio before I spoke up, not wanting to push my luck that she had not fallen yet.

"What exactly are you doing?" I asked her, trying not to laugh as I spoke.

***

_**Bella Swan**_

His voice was smooth and without any hint of anger. I hopped in place as I started to turn slowly toward him. I wobbled a bit while I tried to keep my balance. He walked over to me and put a hand under my arm to steady me. I felt like a teenager who had been caught sneaking out of her room at night.

"I, uh, just needed to get some fresh air." I looked up at him, not expecting what I saw in his eyes. He was amused by this.

"All you had to do was ask. I would have brought you out here," he said, picking me up and setting me down on the very lounge chair I had my sights set on.

"I'm tired of having to ask for everything and I could've made it over here by myself," I said, not caring that I sounded like a spoiled child. My response seemed to entertain him even more, judging by the smile that grew larger on his face. What was so funny about this?

"I am truly sorry that being cared for is such a chore for you." He continued to grin at me. Yes, I knew that most people weren't as lucky as I was. They didn't have anyone to look after them. I honestly did appreciate all that Edward and his family had done for me and I sounded ungrateful.

"I don't want to feel like a helpless invalid anymore," I said, trying to explain the reason behind my flawed escape plan to him.

"If you would like, we could go for a walk. Would that help your frame of mind?" I hadn't expected him to be so reasonable about this.

"Sure," I answered quickly, still not certain what he had in store for me.

"Let me go get something warmer for you to wear and then we can go." He went back into the house and came back out just as quickly with a jacket draped over his forearm.

After he helped me put the jacket on, he knelt down beside me as his lips curved into a wide smile. "Hop on."

The moment was reminiscent of the first time that he asked me to climb onto his back after he showed me the meadow. Edward was exuding the same combination of playfulness and sexiness that he had that day. After hesitating for a moment, I scooted towards the edge of the lounge chair and wrapped my legs around his waist. My arms wound around his neck as he rose to a standing position. His hands covered mine as he began walking towards the edge of the patio.

I was going to ask where we were going, but I decided that I really didn't care. The air was exhilarating as Edward walked farther out towards the woods at the back of the property. No words were exchanged and the only sound I could hear was the wind moving through the trees.

The deep green of the trees and plants reminded me of Forks and the people I had left behind there. I hadn't spoken to either Charlie or Mandy since Sunday. I was dreading going back to school on Monday and having to face Mandy. Without thinking, I laid my head down on Edward's shoulder. I didn't want to give him the wrong idea, but I didn't move either. Things just seemed easier when I was with Edward. I felt _safe_. _How would I ever be able to explain this to Mandy or Charlie? _

Being carried this way reminded of how things used to be between us. It seemed like a lifetime ago and so many things had changed since he left Forks. As I spent more time with him though, I slowly was beginning to realize that some things had gone unchanged as well.

We came upon a stream running through the woods. Edward slowed to a stop and set me down in a small clearing next to the water. The gentle flow of the water as it trickled against the many stones in its path was a beautiful sound to my ears. The scene that played out before me was surreal. Edward sat opposite me with his face framed stunningly by a combination of ferns and moss covered trees. I was mesmerized by this vision of perfection before me.

"How are you feeling?" He finally broke the silence as he noticed that I was staring at him.

"Better. Thank you for bringing me out here," I said as I let my thoughts wander, taking in the beauty all around me.

I was looking forward to tomorrow, but also nervous. It had been over a year since I'd seen most of the family. How would they react to me, especially one in particular? Rosalie had never been a fan of mine. She made that clear every chance she got. Then my thoughts shifted to Charlie. I knew he wasn't spending the holiday alone; he was going to La Push as we had planned. Nevertheless, guilt started to invade my thoughts.

I looked over at Edward. Had I betrayed my family and friends by being here with him? Had I really opted to spend time with a man who had emotionally crippled me for so many months, over my dad, over my friends? The answer came to me very quickly. No, I hadn't. They had betrayed me by choosing to comfort Jacob instead of me. The revelation stunned me.

"Bella, is everything all right? Is your ankle hurting?" he asked with concern on his face, clearly sensing I was struggling with something.

"No, it's fine."

"Is it your shoulder then?"

I shook my head. My shoulder hadn't been bothering me anymore. His expression became confused and almost frustrated.

"Then, what is causing you to be so unhappy? Do you want to go back inside?"

I was going to have to tell him something. He was going to be persistent, without a doubt. "I'm worried about tomorrow a little bit." It was the truth, partially. I didn't have to tell him everything.

"There is no reason to be. We told you that everyone is looking forward to seeing you."

"Everyone?"

"She has been forewarned and she will be on her best behavior." His eyes continued to hold mine. "That's not the only thing that is upsetting you."

He was so hard to fool. I looked down at the ground and tried to change the subject. "Are we still on your property? It seems like we've walked a long way from the house."

"We haven't left the property." He began to scoot closer to where I was sitting as he continued to talk. "And you have yet to answer my question."

I refused to look up at him because I knew that if I did, the tears would start to fall down my cheeks. My own father didn't even support me, choosing to believe someone else over his daughter. The confidence in my decision, which I displayed earlier in the week with Alice, was slowly diminishing. I could feel my body starting to tremble as I attempted to cram these feelings deeper inside me where they couldn't escape. If I didn't have my family and my friends, what kind of life would that be?

A cool hand touched the skin under my chin and gently lifted my face. My body was trembling even more now and I turned my head to the side, avoiding his eyes. In what seemed like an instant, he was on the other side of me and I had no choice but to look at him. The dam that had been holding back my tears suddenly broke and streams of tears began to flow.

Edward moved his hand, cradling the side of my face. "Bella?" he asked uncertainly as he realized I was crying. "Come here." He wrapped me in his marble arms and pressed my head softly on his chest. His hand stroked my hair as he tried to comfort me. "Have I done something to upset you?"

_Of course, he would think that_. Edward always believed the worst of himself. I shook my head, not sure if I would be able to get out a coherent sentence.

"_Please_ tell me what has you troubled. I want to help, but I can't if I don't know how."

"I've made such a mess of everything. They're all mad at me," I mumbled against his chest.

"They have not been told the truth. Why are you still protecting him?"

"It's not Jacob's fault. If I hadn't—"

He interrupted me, his voice still gentle as he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "Bella, there is never any excuse for someone to harm you physically."

I lifted my head and looked into his eyes. "What if Charlie doesn't forgive me for this? What if he never understands?"

"I don't have the answer to those questions. You do need to be honest with him, though. Charlie would be furious if he knew Jacob had laid a hand on you, and I think you would agree." He brushed the tears from my face lightly, his hand lingering on my cheek. I couldn't move my eyes from his as his hand slowly caressed my face and I began to sense an overwhelming desire rising within me. I put my hand on top of his. He appeared unsure and I stroked the back of his hand softly with my thumb. This connection or closeness that I felt with him would definitely never be able to explain to anyone else.

It seemed like an eternity that we remained that way, neither one of us wanting to look away from the other. I let out a small gasp as I saw him slowly leaning in toward me. His cool lips touched mine and I felt a stir of butterflies in my stomach. In that moment, it felt as though we had never been apart. His mouth moved from my lips and slowly began leaving a trail of soft kisses just under my jaw line, moving toward the sensitive area below my ear. I shivered and he was forced to break the kiss, laughing quietly as his nose brushed up against my neck. "Cold?" he whispered in my ear.

I answered him without words, merely shaking my head. _Definitely not cold_, I thought to myself.

I wasn't sure how to process what just occurred. More importantly, I didn't know how I felt about it. When Edward pulled away from me and looked into my eyes, my heart fluttered again. I couldn't hide my reaction from him, but he was still waiting for me to respond. The smile had left his face, replaced by a cautious gaze, and I sat there stunned and unsure of what to say. Part of me wanted nothing more than to fall into his arms. It would be so easy to let myself fall for him again, too easy. The stubborn, rational side of me was skeptical of any reconciliation with him.

***

_**Edward Cullen **_

As Bella and I looked at one another, I could see that she was working through something in her mind. That was all I was able to ascertain and it was exasperating not to be able to hear her thoughts. My concern was that I was the reason for the distressed look on her face, that I had done something to upset her. Her attempts at changing the subject were not going to be successful. I could read her facial expressions well enough to know that she was not being truthful and I was relentless. As I looked into her beautiful brown eyes, I could see that they were holding a considerable amount of pain. If I could do nothing else for her, I wanted to be able to take the hurt away. I refused to back down and continued to press her for some honest answers. Almost as if she could sense my determination, she looked down at the ground in an attempt at avoidance.

I found that I was not able to help myself as I moved to sit next to her. After a few moments without any change, I leaned over and lifted her face so that I could fix my eyes upon hers. I needed to be able to see her eyes. I could feel her begin to tremble as she turned her head to the other side. I shifted to the other side before she could blink, forcing her to look at me.

She was on the verge of crying and I brought my hand back up to touch her face. When I made contact with the warmth of her skin, the tears began to fall from her eyes. I drew her into my arms and laid her head on my chest.

The searing pain in my throat caught me off guard. Physically, I had been close to her over the past few days and thought that I had become desensitized to her scent. The burn in my throat that began to intensify contradicted that theory. I had not anticipated the sheer intimacy of this moment that we were sharing. This innate response was causing me discomfort, but it was manageable. In the past, I had been forced to contend with much stronger reactions, such as the first day that I met Bella.

As I moved my hand slowly over the length of her hair, I apprehensively asked if I had upset her in some way. An eternity seemed to have passed before I saw her head move from side to side, telling me no. I so desperately wanted to make all the hurt go away, but had no idea how to do that. I needed her to tell me what was bothering her so that I could help. What if she was having second thoughts about her relationship with the wolf? What if she was thinking about going back to him? As soon as those notions occurred to me, the urge to know what was going on was even more overwhelming.

"_Please_ tell me what has you troubled. I want to help, but I am unable to if I don't know how," I pleaded with her.

She remained quiet and just as I was about to make another appeal to her, she spoke. "I've made such a mess of everything. They're all mad at me."

I didn't have to ask whom she was referring to—I knew. Her family and friends. For whatever reason, she had not told Charlie or Mandy specifically how she was injured. She allowed them to assume that she was not hurt until the moment she tripped and fell.

"They have not been told the truth. Why are you still protecting him?"

"It's not Jacob's fault. If I hadn't—" I could feel my anger starting to rise as I listened to her begin to defend him and I interrupted her.

I needed to see her face more clearly and I didn't want anything in between us. I brushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "Bella, there is never any excuse for someone to harm you physically."

She continued to share her concern about Charlie not forgiving her. I was brutally honest with her. Charlie would feel much differently if he had been given the full picture. At some point, she would have to explain to him.

I felt as if this was the first truly honest conversation that we had shared since I had returned, with the exception of the night in her room several weeks ago. That night was the first time Bella had spoken to me about my sudden departure from Forks. In this moment, as I sat holding her, I could see a glimpse of light through the walls that she had built up. I felt a reconnection of sorts with her. It was almost as if the bond that had been severed was being knit back together.

Her tears had slowed and I used my hand to wipe them away from her cheek. Her skin was amazingly soft and warm and I never wanted to forget this feeling of intimacy. Mindlessly, my hand swept across her cheek as I fixed my eyes on hers. I was taken completely by surprise when I felt her hand touch mine. My hand was now surrounded by her warmth. _How was I ever able to leave this angelic creature?_ I wanted to return to that September day and make a different choice, one that would never let me leave her side. That was an impossibility though. I was not in possession of the ability to turn back time.

Astonishment. That was the only way to express how the sensation of her thumb slowly stroking my hand felt. Our eyes did not move from one another as we shared this moment. I felt myself move towards her and the only thoughts going through my mind were how I wanted to feel her lips on mine again. The taste, warmth, and softness I had been without for so long were drawing me in closer. I heard her inhale sharply as she must have realized what was happening between us. I was not so much a fool that I assumed it was in anticipation. There was always the possibility that these feelings were not going to be reciprocated, but I was undeterred.

My mouth pressed against hers and the feeling was indescribable. Although the relentless burning in my throat threatened to take away from the elation, I refused to let the monster inside of me tarnish this experience I had been yearning for. I swallowed the venom that was pooling in my mouth as I brought this darker side of myself under control.

I could hear the change in her heartbeat as its rhythm became erratic. It pleased me to know that I could still affect her this way. Gradually, I moved my lips from hers and focused on the delicate skin under her jaw line. Bit by bit, I left kisses on her skin until I reached the area under her ear. I felt her shiver and I was not able to stop myself from chuckling quietly.

"Cold?" I murmured in her ear as I brushed my nose against her, taking in the enticing scent that was Bella.

I moved back from her as I waited to hear the answer to my question and the jubilation that I had been experiencing began to dissipate rapidly. No words left her mouth. She had a bewildered look on her face as she shook her head back and forth indicating that she indeed was not cold. I could hear her heart begin to beat irregularly again. The expression on her face could only be described as looking like a deer in headlights. Kissing her had been so impulsive, which was entirely out of character for me. I normally made a choice or decided to take action only after completely analyzing every detail. I began to fear that I had made a mistake. _Damn myself for acting before I thought things through!_ I chastised myself. All of the planning and orchestrating...had I thrown everything away by being reckless?

* * *

**A/N:**

**Let me know if you had a fave part, line, etc. I posted the pics of Edward's house on my blog if you didn't check them out before, you should. **

**Check out twitter or my blog for teasers.**

**/ocdang**

**.com**


	19. Chapter 19 Self Preservation

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I know the progress seems slow, but it's been less than a week since Edward rescued Bella. Realistically she isn't going to hop back into a relationship with him. Imo**

**Thanks to poo235 and beautiful distraction for the help and support.**

**Don't forget to follow me on Twitter or my blog for teasers.**

**twitter(dot)com/ocd-ang**

**ocdang(dot)blogspot(dot)com**

_**

* * *

**_

_**Bella Swan **_

"I think we should go back now. I'm getting a little tired," I stumbled when I found the ability to speak again. I looked over at the stream and waited for Edward's response, avoiding looking into his eyes. Time was what I needed in order to digest these emotions and thoughts that were flowing through me.

Movement caught my eye and I glanced over to see that he was already on his feet. I wasn't ready to talk about what happened between us. I allowed myself to look for any reaction to what I had said or more importantly, what I hadn't said. His eyes were different somehow, more distant than just a few minutes ago.

Edward leaned down and lifted me onto his back without uttering a word. There was a strange feeling to the air now and the awkwardness between us was back_. What should I do with my hands?_ I wondered anxiously. Earlier today, I had wrapped them around his neck to hang on, but after what just had happened between us, I wasn't sure if I should do that again. It probably wasn't good idea. He made the choice very simple. He found my hands and placed them around his neck. Instead of touching my hands this time, his arms remained at his sides. I tried not to read too much into his response. I hated this unease that was now enveloping us. Why did he have to kiss me? Things had been going so well until then.

Silently, Edward traveled back the house. Unable to think of anything to say, I remained quiet as well. I used the opportunity to take in the beauty of the surroundings and consider the implications of the afternoon. The feelings and emotions I once had for Edward were behind me, or so I thought. Apparently, he still held some unexplainable power over me and I would never pretend to understand this draw to him. My response to the kiss caught me completely caught off guard and it was all too clear that he regretted it.

From the position of the sun in the sky, I could tell that it was getting close to dinnertime. My stomach echoed this observation as it growled impatiently. I waited for Edward to react in some way like he normally did with a laugh or chuckle, but there was nothing, not even an acknowledgement that he heard it. Exhaling deeply, I realized that this was going to be a long night.

***

While he made dinner, I sat in the living room, continuing to read one of the books that I had picked out of his library earlier this week. Listening to the sounds of him in the kitchen, I wondered if he was getting tired of cooking for me. He was very talented in the kitchen as with everything else, but the novelty had to be wearing off.

He silently appeared in the entrance to the living room. I studied him and noticed that his disposition hadn't changed. He was distant and vacant. This was getting to be too much to bear. Something had to be done to break this mood.

"It smells wonderful. Another recipe from Emeril?"

"This one I picked up from Rachel Ray." he answered me while his eyes seemed to be analyzing me. "Are you ready to eat?"

"Yes." I held up the book as he crossed the room. "I'm almost finished with this. You were right. The storyline is great and I can't wait to see how everything winds up."

He picked me up and once again sat me at the table. The food on the plate had been arranged and presented perfectly. It would be something you would expect to see at one of those ritzy restaurants in Seattle or Portland. Edward excused himself and I ate in silence. I was curious to know what he was doing or where he went. The only other time that he hadn't stayed with me while I ate was when he had been talking to Esme earlier today.

The food was fantastic of course. He came back into the kitchen after what seemed like a long time and leaned against the island. Usually, he watched me eat, as if he took pleasure in the fact that I enjoyed his cooking. This time, however, he only stared out the windows to the back yard, his face expressionless. I couldn't take this any longer.

"Edward, why don't you sit down here with me?" I patted the tabletop softly as I spoke. He didn't look at me and I wondered if he had even heard me. Of course, he heard me, I thought to myself. But was he _listening_ to me? He seemed to be in another world and I waited for as long as I could stand it. "Edward?" I asked him again as I tried to get a response.

He looked over at me and to where I was indicating with my hand for him to join me at the table. He stood up and closed the distance between the island and the table slowly, pulling the chair out beside me to sit down. I wasn't entirely sure if I was prepared to hear what he might say, but deep down I knew that this conversation needed to happen.

We both sat in silence. I wasn't sure how to begin and I started to bite my lip as I contemplated the right words. A look of hollowness lingered on his face and I realized that I couldn't prolong this.

"Edward, please talk to me."

He furrowed his brow in response and I could see that this was going to be more difficult than I first thought. It irritated me that he expected me to share my problems with him, but he didn't reciprocate. _Two can play at that game._

"_Please,_ tell me what has you troubled. I want to help, but I can't if I don't know how," I said, echoing his words from earlier this afternoon at the stream. The added sarcasm was just a bonus to get my point across to him.

He remained silent and I wasn't sure how to interpret the expression on his face. I could see pain and sadness, but also amusement. It was the strangest combination of emotions.

"Bella, I don't know what I should say," he said softly.

I couldn't recall ever having seen Edward rendered speechless. He was probably wishing he could undo what had taken place, knowing that the last thing he needed was to get involved with a human again. I stopped myself, irritated that he would be making such a big assumption. _Who says that I would even allow myself to be put in that situation again? Does he think he's so irresistible that I would forget the pain that he had caused me? _

I decided to let him off the hook about the kiss so that the uncomfortable feeling between us would vanish. The closeness that we had shared in the past few days had been amazing and I didn't want a misunderstanding to ruin that. I was also thrilled that I had been able to spend time with Alice. I had missed her so much along with the rest of the Cullen family.

Determined to find some middle ground, I tried to find a way to keep him from feeling like he owed me anything. I felt a sickening in my stomach as I realized that I couldn't bear to see him leave again. If the kiss had not happened, he wouldn't have a reason to leave, right? Problem solved.

"Edward, if this strange behavior is about you kissing me, don't worry. I know you didn't mean it. Let's just forget it happened, okay?"

He shot me a look of disbelief as he spoke softly, "I don't want to pretend it didn't happen." His eyes stared directly into mine reluctantly as if waiting for my reaction.

That was the last thing I expected him to say. Now, I was the one who was speechless. His eyes were still trained on me as I tried to comprehend the words he had just spoken. I wasn't so foolish as to refuse to admit that there was still a connection between us. That fact was undeniable after the kiss we had shared. But that enduring link didn't hold the power to erase the past.

I sat there, completely stunned, as Edward's hand slid across the table and rested on top on mine. "Bella," he said, his voice begging.

"I can't do this, Edward." I pulled my hand out from under his slowly as I spoke, trying to maintain my resolve.

"Do what?"

"Open myself up only to be hurt again. Then at some point you'll decide that I don't belong in your world, just like last time."

The words stung him and the damage was visible on his face.

"Bella, it would _not_ be that way. Please, you must believe me."

"No, Edward. I _don't_ have to believe you. You're saying these things now, but what happens when some sort of danger comes threatening us?" The words left my mouth laced with acid.

He shook his head emphatically and with desperation in his voice he countered, "No. I give you my word."

I didn't want to have this discussion with him because it wasn't going to make the situation any better between us. "I'm really tired. I want to go upstairs and sleep."

This day had taken so much out of me and I felt completely drained. It had been the first time I'd actually done any activity besides lying down or sitting in several days. I simply didn't have the energy to argue with him. Honestly, I didn't think that he would ever be able to do or say anything to convince me that I was wrong anyway.

I could see the defeated look wash over his face as he pushed himself up from the table. His eyes refused to look into mine as he picked me up and took me to the bedroom. It was a bit early to be going to bed for the night, but I knew that the rest would be good for me.

Edward didn't utter another word. He sat me down on the edge of the bed and turned to the closet. He came back out with yet another new pair of sleep pants and a cami to wear, setting them on the bed next to me. He walked toward the door and closed it on the way out, leaving me alone.

After I undressed, I put the clothes that Edward had given me on. _Would he still take me to see his family tomorrow?_ Yes, I had been harsh with him, but he had to understand how I'd been affected by his decisions. It wasn't possible to simply purge those memories from my mind.

Scooting myself backwards on the bed, I reached behind me to grab the bedding and I felt something out of place. I turned and found a small, elaborately carved wooden box resting on my pillow. I picked it up and sat it on my lap, wondering what could possibly be inside. I opened the hinged top and was taken aback at what the box held.

When I reached inside, I pulled out pictures that I had believed were long gone. The pictures had been taken with the camera I had received as a birthday gift just before Edward left Forks. Underneath the pictures was the CD that Edward had made for me. How many times since he left had I wished to play the beautiful music again? Looking farther into the box, I saw the letter to Renee that he was supposed to have mailed to Renee for me. It still contained copies of the pictures I had taken. Edward had removed all traces of our time together and I could still hear the words he had said to me on that day: 'It will be as if I never existed.'

Studying the pictures, my fingers lightly brushed over Edward's face in one of the photos and I conceded to myself that he would always have a piece of my heart. As I continued to focus on the picture of Edward, regret and guilt began to gnaw at me. Spiteful, cruel words and emotions had poured out of me earlier this evening and I had directed those toward him. Yes, he had hurt me deeply when he abandoned me. Nevertheless, I couldn't continue to chastise him for mistakes that he had made. He had shown genuine remorse for his actions, and honestly believed that he had been doing the right thing at the time. Even though I had forgiven him, the mistrust I still held within caused me to lash out at him unfairly.

My stomach began to twist in a knot as I carefully placed everything back into the box. He must've put this in here while I was eating. It was a sweet gesture that was tainted by my behavior.

"Edward?" I called out to him, knowing that he could hear me.

I didn't have to wait long before the doorknob started to turn. He opened the door slightly, but didn't look at me.

"Yes," he answered. His normally velvet voice sounded defeated and his body language echoed this. He stood just inside the door and kept his eyes on the floor.

Whatever his motivation was behind giving me the box of my things back, I needed to make sure that I showed my gratitude to him for returning them to me.

"You've been hanging onto these since that day?" I asked cautiously and waited for his response.

"No, not really. I wanted to leave a part of me with you." His voice was low and I had to concentrate to hear him. "I hid them under one of the floorboards in your bedroom." His face gradually rose to look at me as he spoke, waiting to see what my reaction would be no doubt.

"My room in Forks? They were there all along?"

He nodded, still trying to gauge my response.

"But how did..." I stopped myself midsentence as I found the answer on my own. "You took them from my room when we were in Forks dealing with Victoria, didn't you?"

"Yes."

"Thank you for giving them back to me."

His mouth opened but no sound came out. He looked away from me and then returned with a look of confusion across his face. "You aren't upset that I took them?"

"Edward, I'm just glad to have them back," I sighed. "Besides, I need to talk to you."

My last words caused a look of apprehension to appear on his face. He said nothing and seemed to be waiting for me to say what was on my mind.

"I'm sorry for the things that I said downstairs. I know that it's not right for me to continue to punish you."

A new expression appeared on his face as I continued: hope. My intent was not to encourage him further, however, that seemed to be the result. I needed to be firm, but sensitive, so that I didn't offer him any false hopes. Expectations for our relationship needed to be set so there would be no misunderstanding.

"I'm just having problems letting all my doubts go. I know that I have trust issues with you. I'm sorry, Edward, but I can't let them go, not yet. I'm just not ready."

It felt so strange to have him so far across the room as we had this conversation. Conflict swirled around in my mind. One moment I was angry with Edward; the next I wanted to be close to him. Deep down, I thought there would always be something special between us. He was my first love and I his. That was something that couldn't ever change. We would just have to find the right balance in our relationship.

"Thank you, Bella. Good night," he said as he walked out of the room.

Somehow, I imagined that conversation ending differently. I hadn't expected him to give in so quickly and as strange as it may be, I was slightly disappointed.

***

The next morning, we prepared to leave for Vancouver. By this time, we had a routine of sorts worked out, making the process much quicker. I had finished with a bath and was drying my hair when I saw Edward come into the bathroom with a small duffel bag in his hand. He walked over to the side of the tub and began putting my shampoo and body wash into the bag. The warm air continued blowing through my curls as I watched him move about the bathroom.

I considered the fact that maybe I had worn out my welcome and he was packing my bags. What if he was taking me home after we left his parents' home later today? An overwhelming sense of panic washed over me as thoughts of returning to a normal routine entered my mind. Surely, Edward wouldn't allow me to go back until I was able to take care of myself completely. Besides, I still wasn't able to put any weight on my foot and no one would be at the dorm. How was I supposed to manage four flights of stairs? They were a challenge for me when I wasn't injured. I wasn't going to broach the subject of crutches up to him either. He knew as well as I did that they weren't a viable option due to my frequent bouts of klutziness.

In addition, I couldn't deny any longer that being in Edward's presence provided a certain level of comfort and security to me. My simple acknowledgement of this fact ignited guilt ridden doubts in my mind. Was I taking advantage of his attempts at atonement and the remorse he felt by giving him false hope of a reconciliation? _Could I be that manipulative?_

I looked over to see that every bottle that had been sitting on the bathtub was gone. He came over to the vanity area where I was sitting and was now putting everything from those cabinets in the bag as well. I turned the dryer off and set it on the granite countertop in front of me.

He stopped when he realized I had taken note of his activities and I raised an eyebrow at him, trying to figure out what he was doing.

"I thought you would be more comfortable with your own things. If you want to borrow toiletries from Alice or Esme, I'm sure that neither of them would mind. It's really your choice."

"We aren't coming back here later tonight?" I asked, still fearful that my time with him was ending soon.

"I see no reason to. Besides, Alice is beside herself waiting to see you again. Esme told me that she has been driving everyone absolutely crazy," he said as he laughed.

"So we're coming back on Friday?" I asked cautiously.

"I thought we might stay in Vancouver at least through Sunday morning, if that's acceptable to you. While I do enjoy the privacy that owning my own home has afforded me, it has been an adjustment for me to be apart from my family. I was looking forward to spending time with them." He watched me carefully again as I processed his words. "But we don't have to stay there, if you would be uncomfortable."

"No, it's fine, Edward. I was just surprised, that's all." Mentally, I scolded myself for allowing insecurity and panic to permeate me. I reminded myself that once I had healed, enough to manage on my own at least, things would go back to the way they were before this temporary arrangement. It wasn't fair of me to take advantage of him this way.

After I fashioned my hair into a loose knot, he carried me into the bedroom to get dressed. There was a small suitcase on the floor next to the bed, which Edward immediately noticed my eyes focusing on.

"I took the opportunity to pack some clothing for you. Hopefully, that is acceptable," he explained with some hesitation in his voice. As usual, he was attentive and caring towards whatever I needed.

"It's fine," I said as he placed me on the bed. There was a long-sleeved, fine gauge knit sweater laid carefully across the duvet cover with a pair of expensive looking dark wash jeans. Carefully folded next to the other clothing was yet another matching bra and panty set, compliments of Alice, the lingerie fairy. Wearing them had been nice; however, I would never admit that to Alice. She didn't need to be encouraged by any means.

***

By ten o'clock, the long trip to Vancouver had gotten underway. Edward was somewhat distant this morning, more than likely caused by our talk last night. Even though it wasn't my intent, my words had hurt him. I was certain of it. His demeanor was formal and the gradual re-emergence of closeness we had been experiencing seemed to have disappeared.

After we had passed the city limits of Seattle, my cell phone began to ring. I glanced at the display and saw that it was Charlie. I inhaled deeply as I answered the phone, not prepared to speak with him after our last call.

"Hello?"

"Bella, I just wondered what time you would be here later today." His voice was calm as he spoke, but I was still wary of the news I was about to deliver to him.

"Dad, I'm not coming to Forks today," I said quietly and cautiously, unsure of the reaction I would get.

"It's Thanksgiving Bella—family time."

"It wouldn't be the best idea right now."

Silence.

"You're really not coming today?" he asked with a sarcastic, angry voice.

"Dad, I just don't want to be anywhere that Jacob may be today."

"Just because of your little disagreement? It's been almost a week, Bella." Charlie still didn't get it. I thought back to my conversation with Alice about Charlie not knowing the whole story. I was tired of being on the defensive. While I couldn't tell him everything, there were details that he I was able to share.

I took another deep breath and exhaled, "Dad, he hurt me."

"I thought you were the one who broke up with him."

"Yes, I did."

His irritation grew as he interrupted me before I could continue. "That doesn't make any sense, Isabella. You need to stop toying with that boy's emotions. It's not fair to him."

As I began to contemplate abandoning this pathetic attempt at communication with Charlie, a cool hand wrapped around mine and gave a gentle squeeze. I looked over at the warm, golden eyes that were watching me, his hand still on mine. Somehow, Edward's presence helped me find the strength to continue and I knew that I would never be able to explain the emotions I felt to myself or to anyone else. How was I supposed to express something that I didn't even comprehend myself?

"Dad, will you please stop and listen to what I am telling you!" I shouted into the phone, and put a stop to his ranting.

Silence, once again.

"I didn't want to have to tell you this, but you aren't leaving me much of a choice. You need to know what happened."

"Does this involve the Cullen boy?"

"Dad, leave Edward out of this. When I told Jacob that I was breaking up with him…he hurt me."

"Yes, Bella, you said that before," he said impatiently.

"Well, I don't think you understand. I tried to run away from him and he grabbed my arm." The tears were starting to build as the words began to leave my mouth. My voice began to shake as I continued speaking, "I thought he was going to pull my arm out of the socket."

"I don't believe it. Jake would never harm a hair on your head."

"Dad, please. I had bruises on my arm to prove it. Why do you think I ran deeper into the woods? I was trying to get away from him."

"He was trying to keep you from running _into_ the forest, Bella. It was an accident."

I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the back of the seat. It would seem that Jacob had been busy the past few days. I felt a single tear leave my eye and roll down my cheek. I looked over at Edward and he pulled the hand he was still holding to his lips and kissed the back of my hand tenderly.

"I'll talk to you later, Dad." I ended the call before he could object. I turned the phone off so I wouldn't have to deal with him calling back and threw it on the floor with such force the battery fell out.

"I can't believe that Jacob lied." Not only was I furious with Jacob, but I was angry with Charlie as well for swallowing the load of crap that Jacob had fed him. I pulled my hand from Edward's grasp and ran my fingers through my hair in frustration.

"I can. It's called self preservation, Bella."

I looked over at Edward and glared angrily at him.

"Bella, I didn't say that I agreed with what had done. I merely explained the motivation behind it," Edward said defensively.

Edward drove the long trip down I-5 toward Vancouver, stopping briefly to cross the border into Canada, while I sat in silence. Watching him navigate through the process made it clear that he had made this trip several times before. He had every document the border personnel needed, not only for him, but for me as well. He would never cease to amaze me.

As we accelerated across the border, he spoke for the first time in the better part of an hour. "It's not too far from here. We should arrive in about twenty minutes."

The scenery passed by the window while I watched and I thought about what next week would hold for me. Classes would be in session again and I dreaded going back to school. While I wanted everything to be normal between Mandy and me, the likelihood of that happening easily was slim to none. Jacob's fabrication of last Saturday's events came to mind again causing me to be even angrier with him. How was I going to mend my relationship with Charlie? How was I going to make him to believe me?

My mind felt like it was on overload when I thought about the past twenty-four hours. My hand brushed across my lips absentmindedly as I remembered Edward's kiss by the stream yesterday. Recalling the sweet smell of his breath caused an involuntary acceleration of my heartbeat that would no doubt betray me. I quickly pushed those thoughts from my mind in an attempt to calm myself down because I would rather crawl under this seat than have to explain to him why my pulse quickened so rapidly.

What did all these conflicting feelings mean? After our time in the clearing yesterday, I had been forced to admit to myself that there was still a connection between us. I'd also basically told Edward that I wasn't able to forget his actions. Why couldn't things be more black and white? I had no idea what to make of the whole situation. These weren't the sort of topics with a section devoted to them at Borders—_How to Deal With Your Vampire Ex-Boyfriend_ wasn't a title I would be lucky enough to be able to buy.

Each time he touched my skin, long buried feelings were being awakened and they continued to bubble to the surface. When I recalled Edward's ability to manipulate people with a simple breath or a look from his smoldering eyes, I was hesitant to put any faith in these emotions and that made it difficult to trust my own feelings.

As I contemplated all things Edward, I noticed that we had turned off the main road onto a narrow lane and I shifted in my seat in an attempt to see more of our surroundings. Trees and undergrowth bordered the remote lane. Vancouver was beautiful and I should have been enjoying the picturesque scenery that was passing by the window. Instead, my thoughts had been filled with an internal struggle about my relationship with Edward. _What would be next for us? After my ankle healed, could we merely be friends? _

***

The muscles in my back and legs began to protest the length of time I'd been riding in the car. I groaned as I tried to lean forward and stretch my back, but it was no use. I needed to get out and stretch. It felt like we had been driving all day, but as I glanced at the clock I noted that it was only a little after noon. Edward's lead foot, without a doubt, had shortened the length of the trip. I had no idea how long the drive would normally take. Judging by the sheer number of other vehicles we had passed though, we were making good time.

"I'm sorry the drive is so long. How are you feeling?" Edward asked.

"Just ready to stretch," I said as I tried to contort myself so that I could massage my shoulder.

"We'll be there shortly. I'm driving as fast as I can." He looked over at me with a slight smile, as if attempting to cheer me up after the fiasco with Charlie.

"Do you drive any other way?" I laughed quietly.

His smile widened. "You know me well."

***

We followed the narrow lane as it twisted and turned for what seemed like a mile. A clearing begin to emerge up ahead, and it rendered me speechless. Before me was a large home—no, that wasn't right—it was a mansion. The impeccably manicured landscaping framed the structure perfectly. I looked over at Edward in disbelief.

"This is, by far, the largest house I have ever seen."

"Incredible, isn't it?"

He pulled forward slowly until we were at what appeared to be the front entrance. He turned the car off and was at my door in a fraction of a second. He lifted me into his arms and carried me toward the door.

"Are you ready for this?" he asked with amusement in his voice.

Before I could ask what he meant, the door opened and Alice skipped out with a huge smile on her face.

"I'm so glad you're here, Bella!" Alice exclaimed as she lifted me from Edward's arms. I looked back at him as she carried me into the house and he simply shrugged his shoulders and smiled. She definitely was a force to be reckoned with.

Once inside, I was awestruck at everything – the sheer size of the house, the furnishings, the color scheme—_everything_. The style of the home was classical, but with a contemporary twist.

The most wonderful aroma was wafting through the house. I inhaled deeply, taking in the scent, as Esme came into the room. The unmistakable smell of pumpkin pie and turkey filled the air.

"Oh, Bella, I am so glad that you decided to join us today. How have you been, dear?" she asked with a warm smile on her face as she managed to give me a hug while Alice still held me in her arms.

"I've been very well, Esme, and you?"

"Wonderful. Thank you for asking. Are you hungry?"

She had cooked for me, even though they didn't eat. I looked over at Edward, standing with my bags in his hands, a sheepish look on his face. He obviously had known about this and hadn't told me.

"You really shouldn't have gone to any trouble for me, Esme."

"Nonsense, it's my pleasure," she said as she headed back into the kitchen.

I looked back over at Edward with irritation clearly on my face. There wasn't any reason why Esme needed to interrupt her holiday for me.

"Bella, don't be upset with _me_. I tried to reason with her and it proved to be an impossible task," he defended himself while chuckling lightly.

"The others will be home shortly and I'm sure that everyone will want to visit. Bella, you should relax for a bit before the rest of the family joins us," Esme suggested.

"That sounds good. My muscles are in knots after the drive and it would feel good to stretch."

Alice started to walk over to a sofa, when Edward interrupted her. "I'll take her upstairs to her room. I have to put her things up there anyway." He moved toward Alice and she transferred me to his waiting arms effortlessly.

The lack of independence was annoying. At least when my leg was broken in the fight with James I was allowed to wear a walking cast afterward. This was ridiculous. It had only been six days since I had fallen, but I was anxious to be able to move of my own free will again. I was sure that Edward and his family had more important things to do than taking care of me.

"Edward, when can I start putting weight on my ankle again?" I asked as we ascended the wide staircase.

"Carlisle wants to look at your ankle after you finish eating. We'll see what he thinks."

I sighed deeply.

"Is it really so bothersome to be carried around and have your every wish attended to?" he inquired sarcastically.

"I don't want to be an inconvenience to everyone."

"You will never be an inconvenience. Please don't ever think that way."

At the top of the stairs, we began walking down a hallway and passed several bedrooms along the way. Edward paused briefly to turn the doorknob on the last room on the right. As we entered the room, the first thing that drew my attention was the familiar black leather sofa pushed up against the wall.

"This is your room." It wasn't a question, merely an observation.

"Yes, but I don't really have a need for it now. I already moved most of my belongings to my house."

"But you didn't take your sofa with you."

His lips curved up into a slight smile as he spoke, "Alice informed me that it was not cohesive with the design of the house."

I smiled back at him as he sat me on the large contemporary style bed that sat on the opposite wall of the sofa. "Well, we wouldn't want that, would we?"

He laughed at my teasing and I was relieved that some of the uneasiness from earlier had melted away. I watched as he set the bags on the floor next to the bed and I tried to loosen up my muscles by stretching. I groaned when I found them still tensed up no matter how I moved.

Edward moved over to the bed and sat down next to me. "Here, lie down and I'll see what I can do."

I hesitated for a moment before sliding back farther onto the bed, my eyes still watching him. Leaning back slowly, I rolled onto my stomach. The bed shifted before I felt his hands on my shoulders, kneading the knots in my back tenderly. His touch glided over me, calming each muscle. Relaxation and contentment replaced the tension in my body as we shared this silent, intimate moment.

"Feeling better?" he spoke softly, close to my ear. The hair on the back of my neck rose and I shivered at the sensation of his cool breath on my skin. Combining that with the fantastic massage, my body felt like a limp, wet noodle. I couldn't move, even if I wanted to. _Would he always have this effect on me? _

Without waiting for a response from me, he slid off the bed. "I am going to go downstairs to see how much longer Esme thinks she will be. You can stay up here and rest if you would like."

I managed to nod my head slightly, keeping my eyes closed and purely enjoying this brief respite from my drama-filled life.

* * *

**End Notes:**

**Next chapter: Edward in swimwear….need I say more?**

**Please read and review. Thanks!**


	20. Chapter 20 Aloha, indeed

**Sorry for the delay in posting. I've been moving. For some reason the kids think being able to find all their toys and clothes is more important than writing. Boy do they have their priorities mixed up. lol**

**Next chapter will be a bit delayed as well as we get settled in. Sorry! I'll do my best to get it posted as soon as I can.**

**Thanks as always to my beta poo235, PTB and beautiful distraction. **

**Twilight- that's Stephenie's gig not mine. I own nothing. I just get to make the characters do whatever I want. **

_**

* * *

**_

_**Bella Swan**_

Edward returned a short time later to take me on a tour of the house. The number of rooms the house contained bordered on excess. Never before had I seen the Cullen family flaunt their wealth and I wondered what the reason was to have a structure of this size.

"Edward, why does your family need such a large house?"

"For privacy, mostly."

"That doesn't make any sense. It's so far back from the road. No one would find it."

He chucked before answering. "Not privacy from humans. I was referring to privacy from each other. Living in a house with three happy immortal couples can be…uncomfortable at times."

When I understood what he was implying, I felt my face turn crimson.

We stopped at the end of a very long hallway. "I'm going to show you Emmett's favorite part of the house," Edward said as he opened a door.

Warm, moist air and the scent of chlorine floated around me. My jaw dropped when I realized that were we standing next to a beautiful indoor pool and an adjacent hot tub. The pool was lined with dark blue tiles that cast a created the illusion of a rich, deep blue lagoon. Natural sandstone and terracotta formed the rocky landscape that surrounded the pool. The height of the stonework on the far side was impressive considering it was an interior pool. At its highest point, water spilled down into the pool from this apex creating a large waterfall.

"Do you like it?"

"It's amazing," I said, my voice filled with astonishment.

"This is where we will start your therapy."

"Therapy?"

"Of course, you'll need to strengthen your ankle to ensure a complete recovery. Once Carlisle gives me the green light, we can begin."

A pit began to form in my stomach as I thought of Edward seeing me in a swimsuit.

"Wow, it's too bad that I don't have a suit. The water looks really warm," I said with feigned disappointment as I tried to avoid the situation all together.

"You didn't really think you would get out this so easily, did you?" He smirked at me mischievously.

"Alice," I cursed her name under my breath, causing him to laugh.

***

After the sightseeing expedition of the Cullen's home, Edward brought me to the dining room. I was surprised to see every member of the family sitting around the large table that held more food than I could've imagined. As Edward pulled out a chair for me, I noticed that my seat was the only one with a place setting.

"You didn't have to do this just for me," I said timidly toward Esme.

"I was glad to do it, dear."

"It's a nice change, Bella. We usually convene in the backwoods and snack on the forest's finest delicacies for Thanksgiving dinner. The critters should be thanking _you _today." Emmett bellowed from across the table, causing the rest of the family to start laughing at him.

I picked up a fork and brought a bite of turkey to my lips. My first mistake was looking up. When I did, I saw seven pairs of golden eyes staring back at me. My fork had frozen in mid air and my mouth was hanging wide open in reaction to having an audience. This was quite possibly the oddest Thanksgiving dinner that any human had ever been a guest at.

Esme saved me from the awkward moment by making small talk with the others. The attention turned toward tomorrow's plans. The boys debated which football games would be the best, while the girls were deciding which stores they would visit first.

I made a point to try each dish that Esme had fixed for me. I didn't want to be rude or hurt her feelings. After some time passed and I was afraid that my stomach might explode, I threw in the proverbial towel.

"Ugh. I can't eat another bite."

"Did I prepare everything to your liking?" Esme asked while she stood to clear the dishes from the table.

"It was very good. Thank you. I still wish you hadn't gone to so much trouble—."

"Gibberish," she said before I could finish and then turned her attention towards the rest of the family. "Okay, you all know what time it is."

Several loud groans erupted around the table, but Esme ignored them. "Everyone out in the family room," she instructed with a huge smile on her face.

I looked over at Edward, confused, but he didn't shed any light on what was happening. He picked me up and carried me into the other room. If the truth were known, Edward was probably getting some sort of twisted pleasure out of my dependence on him. He was carrying me around like I was a delicate piece of china, so breakable and fragile that I needed him to watch over my every move. I was tougher than he gave me credit for.

I couldn't wait until Carlisle could look at my ankle because I really, really, really missed my independence. Surely, an ankle exam wasn't the evening's entertainment they were all going out to the other room for. If so, this family needed to get out more.

Esme walked over to the sofa where I was sitting with Edward. "Bella, we have a tradition where we tell each other what we are most thankful for."

Before I could even answer, Edward leaned over and whispered in my ear. "You don't have to participate if you don't want to."

"Why not? She's here. She wants to be one of us so badly," Rosalie bitterly added.

"Enough, Rosalie," Carlisle reprimanded her quickly without so much as raising his voice. "Bella is a guest in this home."

I could feel everyone's eyes on me as I looked back at Esme. "Um…who starts?" I asked. She broke into a wide smile. It was obvious this was something that she enjoyed each year and I was pleased that she wanted me to be a part of it.

"I'll start," Emmett offered with a twinkle in his eye. "I'm thankful for the awesome Dr. Kegel and his exercises," he answered proudly.

"Emmett McCarty Cullen!" Esme chastised him.

"What?!" Emmett responded playfully before turning to the unparalleled beauty who sat beside him. "Rosie, what are you thankful for?"

"Let me think. Hmmm. I'm thankful for KY His and Hers."

"You got that right, baby," Emmett added as he leaned over and kissed her. "Someone should get one of those peace prize things for inventing that."

Laughter from Edward could be heard above Emmett, and Esme glared at him in disbelief. "Don't you start too," she wagged her finger at Edward.

"I'm simply amazed that after seventy-four years you are still somehow surprised by this behavior." He continued laughing and I noticed Carlisle was attempting to stifle his amusement. _What would the pilgrims would think if they were able to witness this bizarre gathering?_

Hearing Esme scold both Emmett and Edward in such a motherly fashion was comical. She obviously took this tradition much more seriously than the rest of the family.

"Alice?" Esme said, indicating that she was ready to move things along. I looked over at Edward as he rolled his eyes and I guessed the movement was more than likely over what Alice was about to share.

"Well," Alice trilled. "I'm thankful for Jazz, of course. Oooh, and the new spring line from Michael Kors. And the new season of Project Runway."

Everyone turned to Jasper, waiting for his contribution. He gracefully grasped Alice's hand, bringing it to his lips and kissed it softly. "I'm thankful for this delightful creature and the joy that she has brought me. Bella…" He caught me off guard when he said my name. "I am also grateful to you for making Edward's presence tolerable for me once again."

Jasper's comment caught me off guard and right on cue my face blushed. When I tried to look at Edward, his head was turned as if he were avoiding me. The other faces in the room softened with kindness and, if I was interpreting correctly, happiness. What impression did they have about my relationship with Edward? And why had Jasper not wanted to be around Edward? Had there been a disagreement between the two of them? _If so, what did that have to do with me?_

Carlisle spoke and broke up the awkward moment. I made a mental note to thank him later for his impeccable timing. "I have been blessed with the ability to help so many others in this existence and I want to thank all of you for supporting me in my endeavors."

He glanced over at Esme lovingly as she readied to share with us. "Family. I love you each one of you and I'm thankful that our family is back together again." Carlisle slid his arm around her shoulder affectionately as she looked at each person in the room.

There was a pause and it didn't take me long to notice that everyone was focused on me, waiting. I had been completely wrapped up in each response that I hadn't given any thought to what I would say. Suddenly as all eyes were focused on me, I spit out the first thing that came to mind. "I'm thankful that Edward and Alice were able to find me." As I spoke, another revelation came to me that I shared aloud, "I don't think anyone else was coming to look for me." My voice became quieter as I was taken aback by the words coming from my mouth and the whole room fell silent.

I felt a hand on mine as my eyes shifted to Edward. My voice began to crack as I continued speaking. "I'm right, aren't I? No one was coming. Were they?" My eyes frantically searched his for confirmation. It had never even occurred to me prior to this moment. I'd assumed that Edward had simply found me first.

He slowly shook his head back and forth and I could feel the flow of tears starting to form in my eyes. Edward moved his free arm around my shoulder and pulled me against his side. I could feel the tears spilling and running down my cheeks.

"Bella, Jacob wouldn't let Mandy or the other wolf look for you. They had no idea what had occurred between the two of you," Edward offered.

Although I heard what he said, it still didn't change anything. If my friend had basically disappeared, I would've fought tooth and nail against anyone who tried to stop me from helping her. Some part of me had been clinging to the idea that if Edward hadn't come to me, eventually someone else would have. I was astonished that this hadn't occurred to me before now. Edward brushed the tears from my face gently with his hand. His eyes held mine with such compassion and it felt like we were the only two people in the room.

Edward broke the gaze between us and looked at Rosalie with disdain. "Yes, Rosalie, I am aware that it is my turn next."

"Then tell us what you are thankful for and let's get this over with," she answered impatiently. Carlisle threw a warning glance at Rosalie again and her facial expression quickly changed.

Edward turned his attention to me, his eyes intently focused on mine, as he uttered one word. "Forgiveness."

***

The boys headed outside to play football and I stayed inside on the sofa in the living room. I was sleepy after eating so much. It took some convincing Edward to leave me inside so that he could have fun with his brothers.

My eyes began to get heavy and I must have drifted off. When I heard soft voices, I tried to decide if I really was awake or if I was dreaming. After a moment, I realized that the voices belonged to Esme and Carlisle. I started to speak up, not wanting them to think I was eavesdropping, but as soon as I heard what they were talking about, I couldn't help but stop and listen.

"He's finally coming out of the darkness, isn't he?" The first voice I heard belonged to Esme.

"Yes. He's been so happy again the past few weeks. If this doesn't work out, I don't know if he'll be able to survive. " Carlisle spoke with a great deal of concern.

"He loves her so much. He always has." She sighed deeply.

"Yes, but we're not the one he has to convince."

Hearing their exchange reminded me there were no secrets in this family. I shouldn't have been surprised that the whole family knew what was going on.

What did Esme mean about the darkness? In my mind, Edward had gone about living his life without any human to complicate things for him after he left Forks. I tried to think back to determine what had led me that conclusion. Besides the comments that he had made that day in the forest, I had no information that would support either story. What if I had been wrong and Edward had been in as much pain as I was when we were apart?

Before I could mull those questions over any further, Alice came and sat down next to me. I hoped that she didn't know that I had been awake, and if she did know, I hoped that she would keep that knowledge to herself.

"Hey, sleepy head, can I get you anything?"

I sat up, watching her face for any signs that she was going to say anything. When I glanced toward the other side of the room, Esme and Carlisle were gone.

"No thanks, Alice. When do you expect the boys to come back inside?"

She closed her eyes briefly, "Another twenty-three minutes. Why?"

"Can I talk to you about something?"

"Yes," she answered hesitantly.

"When he left Forks..." I paused and I saw her eyes drift toward the floor. "…what happened?"

She remained still for what seemed like an eternity. "Alice, please..."

She looked back up at me and then spoke reluctantly. "He went looking for Victoria. He tried to track her, but she proved more elusive than we thought," she answered cautiously as if she was afraid of what other questions I would have.

I sighed nervously. "I guess what I meant was, what was he like? Esme and Carlisle were talking earlier and I really didn't mean to eavesdrop..." The words came out very quietly.

"It's very difficult for me to talk about, Bella. I though that we had lost him. Sometimes, we didn't hear from him for months at a time."

I made no attempt to speak, only watched her tormented face, waiting for her to continue.

"He was drowning in desperation and remorse for what he had done. Esme was the one who finally was able to get through to him and get him to return home. I don't ever want to see him like that again, Bella. He was a shell of his former self."

"I don't think I'll ever understand completely why he left…why he felt that was the only way."

"There is no middle ground for Edward. He sees everything entirely in black and white. He loves you so much and to him the best way to protect you was to remove the danger—us."

I started to object, but she continued. "I'm not saying that I agree with what he did. Once he made the decision, there was no turning back. Bella, he has no frame of reference to work from where you are concerned." She sighed deeply before continuing. "I wish you could have known Edward before you came to Forks. Life for him was so…unpleasant and he was simply going through the motions, day in and day out. There was no reason for his existence. No joy or happiness. No spark of life. We each had our other half, the one who completed us. Edward never had that connection with anyone before you. He doesn't quite know how to handle these feelings he's been experiencing since he met you. In many ways, he's still just a seventeen-year-old boy from 1918."

The irritation and insecurity flowed from me as I reacted to what Alice had said.

"What's to keep him from doing it again? I mean, if he decides tomorrow that I'm better off without him in my life, who's to stop him? Evidently, it didn't matter that he had a connection with me."

"Me. You're like a sister to me, Bella. I'm not going anywhere again and I told him I'd kick his ass if he even thought about it." She had a huge smile on her face and I smiled back at her. "Besides, he keeps torturing himself. He's harder on himself than anyone else could ever be. I think he'll always be trying to make things right again."

So many thoughts were running through my head. I had spent month after month thinking that I was the only one who had felt a sense of hopelessness and misery. Now, I felt utterly self absorbed and somewhat ashamed. Alice put her hand on my knee, patting in gently as she stood.

"Bella, everyone should have the right to be wrong once."

Her profound statement left me speechless. I watched as a slight smile formed across her mouth as she got up from the sofa and I wondered what she knew that I didn't.

"Edward's coming in. Carlisle wants to look at your ankle."

***

_**Edward Cullen **_

When I first began to hear Alice and Bella speaking, my first instinct had been to attempt to stop to the discussion because I was afraid of where it was leading. Before I took one step, I reasoned with myself that Alice meant no harm, nor did Bella. There were many things that I had not relayed to Bella in totality, things that I desperately wanted her to know, but I was unsure how to introduce the subject without it sounding like a pity party for myself. It was quite possible that there could be a positive outcome from their talk. In a very short time period, Alice had succeeded in conveying things to Bella that I had been unable to.

I returned to the house and I was unsure what reaction I would receive from Bella after hearing the earlier exchange. It was strangely quiet between us as we waited for Carlisle to examine her ankle.

With my extensive medicinal training, the natural expectation should have been to see significant healing and improvement. How selfish of me to silently wish no progress had been made. It was inexcusable, yet I was incapable of keeping the thoughts from entering my mind. I leaned against the wall behind the sofa, listening to the kind thoughts of my father as he approached.

_Esme and I have been enjoying having her here with us, Edward. You were right to bring her with you. _

Carlisle entered the room, looking at me as I acknowledged his words with a subtle nod and slight smile. He knelt next to her, compassion filling his eyes, and patted her on the knee. "So, I understand that you are anxious for a taste of freedom?"

"You have no idea," she grumbled sarcastically.

"Well, let's see what I can do to accommodate you," he laughed quietly as he removed the brace from her leg with deliberate but gentle movements.

_Same stubborn Bella. _

I tried to suppress my amusement at his observation of her temperament while he completed his assessment. The outcome of these tests reinforced what I was dreading.

"Bella, you're healing quite nicely. We should be able to start some therapy. Today even, if you feel up to it."

"So does that mean that I can finally walk on it?" she asked Carlisle, her face lit up at the possibility.

It had been six days since my father completed his initial evaluation of her condition. So many words, actions and emotions had flowed between us in that time. The carefully constructed walls that that were a result of my miscalculated actions over a year ago were beginning to crumble. I would give anything and everything to have more time with her.

My biggest fear? Watching Bella brick those walls right back up around her after she returned to her normal routine, and having each bit of time spent together, every touch we shared, be for naught. The notion of losing this redeveloped closeness with her overwhelmed me.

Carlisle's audible voice broke through the myriad of insecure, apprehensive thoughts that raced through my mind. "Let's take it slow, but you should be able to put some weight on it. Take my hand and try to stand."

"Maybe it's too soon. We don't want her to cause any further damage," I blurted out as I moved toward them. As improbable as it seemed, physically I began to feel nauseous when I thought of being separated from her.

"She'll be fine," Carlisle attempted to soothe any doubts or uncertainties I was feeling. He nodded to Bella in encouragement.

She reached out and placed her hand in Carlisle's and shifted forward on the sofa, making an effort to stand.

I opened my mouth to utter another objection, but Carlisle's unspoken words stopped me.

_Edward, I know what you're trying to do. You can't prevent this from occurring. _

I refused to look at him and instead focused on Bella.

_Son, as difficult as it may be, you need to accept that she will be going home to Seattle and returning to her life. You can't make her love you or make things revert to the way they were before we left. _

I watched as the woman I loved rose to her feet, leaning on Carlisle for support.

"Good, Bella. I can tell that you're putting most of your weight on your good leg though. I really need you to try." She gripped his arm tighter and looked over at me with uncertainty. I began to move toward her in response to her trepidation.

_She's fine, Edward, relax. She's scared. It's a normal reaction after an injury. _

She was looking to me for support, and I realized then that my own fear was getting in the way. She still needed me and I was letting her down again. I moved over to take Carlisle's place, holding my hand out to her.

"Here, you'll be fine." She reluctantly took my hand. "It's all right, you are progressing splendidly." She did not make a move. "Bella, I will not allow you to fall. Please trust me." My eyes pleaded with her. The request was laced with an unintentional double meaning.

She nodded her head slightly, her eyes holding mine while she began to shift more weight to her other leg. She winced slightly, but continued to move through the pain. When she had placed equal pressure on both ankles, Carlisle knelt down beside her.

_As expected you've taken excellent care of her, Edward, _Carlisle thought as he felt her ankle once more. Then he spoke to her. "What number would you rate your pain at, Bella? Ten being the highest."

"I don't know, maybe a four or a five," she answered as I helped her sit back down on the sofa.

"We'll try taking a few steps after we've loosened your ankle up. The muscles get tight when you don't use them after an injury," Carlisle explained and then excused himself.

I watched him leave and when my eyes came back to Bella, she was staring at me in confusion.

"I'm almost afraid to ask, but what does he mean about loosening my ankle up?"

"There is no need to be alarmed." Edward chuckled softly as he spoke. "We are going to start doing some therapy in the pool. I mentioned that possibility when we were touring the house earlier today."

***

_**Bella Swan**_

I glared at the tiny pieces of cloth arranged on the bed, shaking my head. I'd never worn a two-piece swimsuit before.

"I don't want to think about how much weight I've put on in the past week," I groaned aloud. I hadn't done anything but lie around and eat, and eating well at that. Edward had insisted on cooking each meal for me and he would have given Emeril a run for his money.

"I have yet to comprehend why this generation of women allows a number to define who they are," Edward replied.

"It's what we've been conditioned to do. We're bombarded every day with images of anorexic women on television and movies. After awhile, you just believe that's what you're supposed to look like."

"You are beautiful," he said, as he placed his hand under my chin gently. "Never doubt that."

"You're biased." I raised an eyebrow and smiled up at him.

"Regardless, put the swimsuit on Bella," he said as he chuckled. "I'll be back. I have to change my clothes as well."

Edward walked out of the room and thoughts of him in swim trunks filled my head. I wondered what style he would wear and then decided it really didn't matter. He would look amazing, as always.

I stared at the offending garment on the bed. It was taunting me—daring me to wear it. I was convinced that swimsuits were the Devil's devices. _Wait until I talk to Alice_. What in the world was she thinking when she chose this suit? And where did she shop for this, in the toddler section of the store? The suit didn't even contain enough fabric to hide anything and I wondered where its "mommy" was. I sat on the bed, debating whether I was going to put the suit on, when I heard a light knock on the door.

"Bella, are you ready?"

I didn't answer him and after a few moments, I could hear him laughing through the door. "I can hear your heart beating. I know you're in there."

"Do any of the other women have different swimsuits than this? Can I borrow one?" I said, grasping at straws now.

"If you think the one Alice selected is inappropriate, you really wouldn't want to see anyone else's suits, especially not Rosalie's." Right, because when you're body was perfect, you didn't need to be ashamed of it. You flaunted it.

I groaned as I threw myself backward on the bed.

"I thought that you wanted to get stronger so that you didn't need to rely on someone else to get around?"

_Damn, he's good._ I sighed as I reached across the bedspread and grabbed the sorry excuse for a swimsuit. He knew exactly what buttons to push in order to motivate me. I undressed, folding my clothes neatly, and tried to stall as long as I could. I pulled the bottoms on one leg at a time and I cursed Alice under my breath as I fastened the halter-top around my torso and neck.

I stood up carefully and hopped on my good leg over to the floor length mirror in the corner of the room. I had to admit the suit was adorable, striped in chocolate, coral, aqua, light blue and white. I just wished there was more of it. The halter-top plunged low in between my breasts, revealing more than I was comfortable with and the low-cut bottoms tied on each side.

I took one final look in the mirror, took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Edward, I know you're still out there, you can come in."

I heard the doorknob start to turn and I wrapped my arms around my body in response, attempting to camouflage as much as possible. I didn't have a perfectly toned and formed body like what I was sure Rosalie or Alice had. I turned to look at the door and watched him walk through it. Jesus, Mary and Joseph. He was perfection. He sauntered over to me wearing low-riding, Hawaiian themed board shorts. A…lo…ha, indeed. The definition of the muscles on his chest and stomach, especially the pronounced "v" that disappeared under his waistband, distracted me from my insecurities. My arms relaxed and fell to my sides. I tried, unsuccessfully, not to focus on the bare, perfectly sculpted chest on display for me. The stirrings in my body I began to feel weren't entirely unpleasant and even I could recognize what I was feeling for Edward…lust. I wanted so badly to let my fingers drift across his chest and down toward the waistband of those shorts and…_snap out of it, Bella!_

I looked up at his face and realized he'd caught me ogling him. Like clockwork, I felt the warmth fill my face, knowing that I was turning bright red from embarrassment.

He tried to hide a smile from me as he stepped closer. His breath drifted toward me as he spoke, stunning me. "Now, tell me again why you resisted putting this particular set of swimwear on so badly?"

His eyes held mine with a piercing gaze and I found myself unable to break free from the spell that he seemed to have cast. Without looking away, I self-consciously wrapped my arms around my body again, causing him to close the remaining distance between us. I was suddenly aware of his cool skin on my hands, lifting each of my arms from around me.

"You never need to hide from me. You are perfect."

I stood, frozen in place as he lifted me off the floor, and reflexively wrapped my arms around his neck. The small shock of electricity that I felt when our hands touched for the first time in biology class seemed so miniscule compared to the jolt that had just run through me. I shivered as he walked out the door and down the hallway.

"I'm sorry. I should have thought to wrap you in something to keep you warm."

How was I supposed to tell him that the air temperature wasn't what was making me shiver? "I'll be fine."

"The pool is heated, so the water should warm you up. Normally there isn't a need for it, but Carlisle turned the heater on after he found out you would be joining us today. He thought it would be the best way to begin working on your rehabilitation."

***

I could hear the voices of others talking in the house as we made our way through the various rooms. "Who else is going swimming with us?" I didn't even want to entertain the thought of anyone else seeing me in a swimsuit.

"No one. Just us," he replied as he pushed the door open to the pool area. I felt relief when the warm air surrounded me. "Trust me. You really don't want to be in here at the same time as Jasper and Emmett."

I was once again amazed at this beautiful environment that essentially brought nature indoors. Edward walked over to the edge of pool, the water smooth as glass, and carefully set me on the edge of the pool. I was pleasantly surprised by the water's initial touch to my feet. It was warm, very warm. Edward wasted no time and dove into the water, surfacing on the other side of the pool next to the waterfall. He swam back over to where I was sitting and held his arms out to me. I scooted off the side of the pool and into his waiting arms. I sighed as the warm water enveloped me.

"Tell me again why you were resisting this so vehemently?" His voice echoed slightly in the expanse of the room. Seriously? I thought I'd made my aversion to swimwear clear during our earlier talk. I looked up at him with an eyebrow raised in disbelief with a little bit of irritation added for good measure. Perceptibly, he took the hint and changed the subject.

"Okay," he said, moving one arm out from underneath my legs, and allowed my legs to sink downward. As I shifted to face him, each of his hands settled on a side of my waist for support. I latched onto his forearms irrationally with an iron grip. I knew that he would never let go of me but I wasn't able to stop myself.

"Are you experiencing any pain?" he asked, his forehead creased in concern.

"No, the water feels wonderful." The lines across his brow relaxed when he heard my answer.

"I want to start slow and purely focus on small movements, nothing strenuous." He turned me so that I was facing away from him, forcing me to release my hold from around his neck. His hands remained on my waist while he continued to support me in the water. "Bella, start by allowing yourself to float on your back and begin to kick, as if you were swimming, but _gently_."

His hands released me and I attempted to do what he asked. However, prior to today I hadn't spent a lot of time in the water and it showed. As I floundered about in the pool, I wondered if Edward was getting a good laugh out of my substandard swimming skills.

There was no reaction other than to help me right myself again. "Let's try a different way." He turned me so that I was facing away from him. "Lean back against me and let your legs relax." I exhaled and reluctantly followed his directions until my back made contact with his chest. I looked back at him in surprise. "You're skin—it's not cold."

"It's the water temperature," his smooth voice answered as I relaxed against him. It was a peculiar sensation to feel warmth where I had expected a familiar coolness to be.

I let my legs float closer to the surface, but I was apprehensive about using my ankle. It had been almost a week since I had put any weight on it, with the exception of standing earlier, and I was afraid that it would hurt to move.

Edward remained patient and didn't push me. I psyched myself up and then put my legs in motion, slowly, exactly as he asked. As I made the first several kicks, I cringed while I waited to feel pain. While the movement, after so many days of having my ankle stationary, did feel strange, there was no pain. As I took a deep breath, I felt my body relax.

"Everything all right?"

I nodded against his chest. "It just feels funny."

"That will pass. The lack of motion causes the muscles to weaken, which is precisely why we are here today."

We drifted around the pool as I leaned on him, continuing to swish my legs through the water. Every so often, I would take a break from kicking and simply be content to float around. It was comforting to me to be this close to him physically. I felt safe. Protected.

At one point, I remembered him mentioning something earlier about Jasper and Emmett. I had to admit that my curiosity was piqued. "What were you saying before about your brothers?"

"Are you referring to my comment about being here the same time that they are?"

"Yes."

"Well," he said with a laugh, as he pointed to the elevated rock formations on the other side of the pool. "See that ledge up there where the water falls from?"

I pulled myself upright in the water and I could feel his hands assist me as I looked where he was motioning. "Yes," I said as I turned back to face him.

"That's where they like to do cannonballs from. Esme gets after them because they get water absolutely everywhere."

"Uh-huh. And _you_ don't ever do that?" I asked him skeptically.

"Well, I have been known to participate once in awhile." He smiled widely with a mischievous gleam in his eye.

"That's what I thought. I would be willing to bet that you are as much of a troublemaker as they are. You're trying to act innocent, but you can't fool me," I teased.

It was nice to be lighthearted around him and have fun. I had admitted to myself that I had lingering emotions for Edward, and he made it clear that the same was true for him. But what did that mean for us? Where did we go from here? Was I ready to be vulnerable again and open myself up to the possibilities?

"Edward, I really did mean what I said earlier about being thankful that you found me."

"You don't need to thank me."

"Yes, I do. My friends abandoned me. The guy that supposedly loves me tried to rip my arm off. What kind of friends are they? I'll never forgive Mandy," I snapped.

"You shouldn't be so hard on her."

"You're defending Mandy?"

"I don't think that she meant to do anything malicious," he said hesitantly.

I looked at his expression and it was obvious he was holding something back. "What are you hiding from me?"

"Nothing, I—"

"Why can't you be honest with me? Why are you always keeping things from me?" His close proximity that I had found comforting earlier now felt as though I was being suffocated. I attempted, unsuccessfully, to push away from him.

"Bella, please."

"No! Tell me why you're being so secretive. You want me to trust you again, but you're still not being straight with me."

He mumbled something quietly that I wasn't able to decipher. We were in the middle of the pool and I knew there wasn't anywhere for him to run and hide. He was going to answer my questions. As hard as it was to remain silent, I did so to yield a response from him.

"He led everyone to believe that it was your choice and that since I've come back you've changed."

"And now everyone thinks that I left him for you?"

"Yes."

"How do you know that?" He paused and I was running out of patience with the secrets and deception. "Edward, tell me," I said forcefully.

"Carlisle spoke to Sam Uley."

"When? Oh no, did I ruin everything with the treaty?"

"Carlisle and I went to La Push a few days ago when Alice came to visit. The treaty remains intact. Sam was very understanding of the circumstances."

"What circumstances?"

"Jacob wasn't precisely forthcoming to anyone about what had happened. He hid it from the pack…and from Mandy. He kept himself from phasing for over twenty-four hours. No one knew the truth."

"That's very mature of him. He is unbelievable. How long have you known this? Why haven't you told me?"

"Just a few days. I didn't want to keep it from you."

"But you did, Edward. Why? I could have explained to Mandy that she hadn't been told the truth."

"I didn't want to upset you and honestly I was hoping that the situation would rectify itself."

"How was it going to rectify itself?" I asked in disbelief.

"I was hoping Jacob would come to his senses and be honest with everyone."

"Oh, so you're protecting Jacob now?"

"No, not at all."

"Then what? What is it? There's no love lost between you two."

"Bella, I know what it's like to lose you. And before you say anything, yes I know that was my doing." I took a deep breath as I started to interrupt him, but he lifted one finger up indicating for me to let him finish. "Jacob struggled from the first moment he was aware of my return. His deepest fear was that you would leave him."

"Why does that make it okay for him to spread lies?"

"It doesn't excuse his behavior, but there is a part of me that is sympathetic to his current situation."

His reasoning, although flawed, made it difficult to remain angry with him. He thought I was going to be hurt if I found out about Jacob's dishonesty, but it wasn't possible for him to continue sheltering me from life. His head dropped, causing me to wonder what was going through his undeniably complicated mind.

I tried to move my head so that it would be in his line of vision. However, each time I got close he would move in another way to avoid me. A strange, unexpected need to look after and take care of this man began to resurface.

Although he would never believe it himself, I knew that Edward was an innocent soul. The soul of a seventeen-year-old boy who had this life of immortality and all of its complications thrust upon him without his consent.

I took my hand and raised his chin so that he was forced to look at me. I needed him not only hear what I had to say but to listen as well.

"Edward, I know you're trying to protect me, but I'm not a child you need to shield from everything."

"But, I—"

"You should've told me what Jacob was saying. I have a right to know."

"A person's internal thoughts aren't my personal playground. I can't play God and treat people as my own personal marionette puppets. Where am I to draw the line between allowing someone their privacy and telling someone something that I deem that they need to know? This is a struggle I have had since my ability to read minds first surfaced. Verbal conversations are one thing, but internal thoughts are altogether different."

"So…what? The info about Jacob wasn't spoken? You picked it up from Sam?"

"Yes. Bella, I am sorry that I kept this from you. It's a slippery slope if I begin to analyze and try to make judgments based on what I feel is necessary to share. Once you start to get into that mindset, anything can be rationalized if you think about it long enough. I could destroy the relationships around me with a few words and with very little effort on my part. It is a very heavy burden to bear. I'm sorry I didn't make the correct decision. In the future I will strive to make better choices."

I was irritated and even though I didn't want to admit it, he had brought up several very valid points. I had never before thought about the moral dilemma he must face countless times each day.

"But that doesn't explain why Mandy hasn't tried to call me. If Embry knows the truth, I'm certain that he would share that with her. And what am I going to do about Charlie? How can he believe Jacob over his own daughter?" My voice began to crack as multiple questions came out in rapid succession.

"I don't know, Bella. I'm sorry. We'll figure out the answers together, okay?"

I nodded my head in response and I felt a measure of comfort knowing I wasn't in this alone. Edward was here to help me.

* * *

**A/N: So…thoughts, opinions, concerns….**

**Fics that I'm currently obsessed with:**

**The Cannabean Betrothal by ItzMegan73 on FF**

**With Teeth by TalulaBlue over on Twilighted**

**Stealing Second by Pears13 on FF**

**Among others…I'll mention more next update. **

**Question. How many of you would like to see updates in PDF or Word format for Kindle? Review and let me know if it would make your life easier. **


	21. Chapter 21 Irrefutable

**Chapter Notes:**

**Hello to all my extremely patient readers. Sorry for the delay. I had a good deal of this story either outlined or written when I started posting. Funny thing is that when I began going through the beta process, I found that I wanted to edit and improve chapters as I submitted them to my beta. I found myself not being able to expand upon the outline of the story as quickly as I needed to.**

**The quality of my writing and the changes that were made as I went through the older chapters were for the better in my opinion. I owe a great deal to my beta, poo235, for fixing my grammatical "issues" and to Project Team Beta for helping me bring this story to fruition.**

**I'm going to post the last part of the previous chapter here in italics to remind you of where we left off. Bella and Edward were sharing an important conversation in the pool.**

****

_"Edward, I really did mean what I said earlier about being thankful that you found me."_

_"You don't need to thank me."_

_"Yes, I do. My friends abandoned me. The guy that supposedly loves me tried to rip my arm off. What kind of friends are they? I'll never forgive Mandy," I snapped._

_"You shouldn't be so hard on her."_

_"You're defending Mandy?"_

_"I don't think that she meant to do anything malicious," he said hesitantly._

_I looked at his expression and it was obvious he was holding something back. "What are you hiding from me?"_

_"Nothing, I—"_

_"Why can't you be honest with me? Why are you always keeping things from me?" His close proximity that I had found comforting earlier now felt as though I was being suffocated. I attempted, unsuccessfully, to push away from him._

_"Bella, please."_

_"No! Tell me why you're being so secretive. You want me to trust you again, but you're still not being straight with me."_

_He mumbled something quietly that I wasn't able to decipher. We were in the middle of the pool and I knew there wasn't anywhere for him to run and hide. He was going to answer my questions. As hard as it was to remain silent, I did so to yield a response from him._

_"He led everyone to believe that it was your choice and that since I've come back you've changed."_

_"And now everyone thinks that I left him for you?"_

_"Yes."_

_"How do you know that?" He paused and I was running out of patience with the secrets and deception. "Edward, tell me," I said forcefully._

_"Carlisle spoke to Sam Uley."_

_"When? Oh no, did I ruin everything with the treaty?"_

_"Carlisle and I went to La Push a few days ago when Alice came to visit. The treaty remains intact. Sam was very understanding of the circumstances."_

_"What circumstances?"_

_"Jacob wasn't precisely forthcoming to anyone about what had happened. He hid it from the pack…and from Mandy. He kept himself from phasing for over twenty-four hours. No one knew the truth."_

_"That's very mature of him. He is unbelievable. How long have you known this? Why haven't you told me?"_

_"Just a few days. I didn't want to keep it from you."_

_"But you did, Edward. Why? I could have explained to Mandy that she hadn't been told the truth."_

_"I didn't want to upset you and honestly I was hoping that the situation would rectify itself."_

_"How was it going to rectify itself?" I asked in disbelief._

_"I was hoping Jacob would come to his senses and be honest with everyone."_

_"Oh, so you're protecting Jacob now?"_

_"No, not at all."_

_"Then what? What is it? There's no love lost between you two."_

_"Bella, I know what it's like to lose you. And before you say anything, yes I know that was my doing." I took a deep breath as I started to interrupt him, but he lifted one finger up indicating for me to let him finish. "Jacob struggled from the first moment he was aware of my return. His deepest fear was that you would leave him."_

_"Why does that make it okay for him to spread lies?"_

_"It doesn't excuse his behavior, but there is a part of me that is sympathetic to his current situation."_

_His reasoning, although flawed, made it difficult to remain angry with him. He thought I was going to be hurt if I found out about Jacob's dishonesty, but it wasn't possible for him to continue sheltering me from life. His head dropped, causing me to wonder what was going through his undeniably complicated mind._

_I tried to move my head so that it would be in his line of vision. However, each time I got close he would move in another way to avoid me. A strange, unexpected need to look after and take care of this man began to resurface._

_Although he would never believe it himself, I knew that Edward was an innocent soul. The soul of a seventeen-year-old boy who had this life of immortality and all of its complications thrust upon him without his consent._

_I took my hand and raised his chin so that he was forced to look at me. I needed him not only hear what I had to say but to listen as well._

_"Edward, I know you're trying to protect me, but I'm not a child you need to shield from everything."_

_"But, I—"_

_"You should've told me what Jacob was saying. I have a right to know."_

_"A person's internal thoughts aren't my personal playground. I can't play God and treat people as my own personal marionette puppets. Where am I to draw the line between allowing someone their privacy and telling someone something that I deem that they need to know? This is a struggle I have had since my ability to read minds first surfaced. Verbal conversations are one thing, but internal thoughts are altogether different."_

_"So…what? The info about Jacob wasn't spoken? You picked it up from Sam?"_

_"Yes. Bella, I am sorry that I kept this from you. It's a slippery slope if I begin to analyze and try to make judgments based on what I feel is necessary to share. Once you start to get into that mindset, anything can be rationalized if you think about it long enough. I could destroy the relationships around me with a few words and with very little effort on my part. It is a very heavy burden to bear. I'm sorry I didn't make the correct decision. In the future I will strive to make better choices."_

_I was irritated and even though I didn't want to admit it, he had brought up several very valid points. I had never before thought about the moral dilemma he must face countless times each day._

_"But that doesn't explain why Mandy hasn't tried to call me. If Embry knows the truth, I'm certain that he would share that with her. And what am I going to do about Charlie? How can he believe Jacob over his own daughter?" My voice began to crack as multiple questions came out in rapid succession._

_"I don't know, Bella. I'm sorry. We'll figure out the answers together, okay?"_

_I nodded my head in response and I felt a measure of comfort knowing I wasn't in this alone. Edward was here to help me._

*****

Chapter 21

Our remaining time was spent floating in the pool, talking about nothing of consequence. After my fingers began to resemble prunes, Edward helped me out of the pool. Wrapped in a plush towel, I lingered on the sofa in his room, wondering what he had in store for me tomorrow. Was he going to be watching football all day with his brothers? I most definitely did not want to be dragged along shopping with the girls. Ankle injury or not, I never would have been able to make it through one of Alice's marathon retail therapy sessions, as she fondly referred to them. Not being a huge football fan either, I hoped that I could watch a movie in another room or read a book. Anything was better than a shopping mall on the day after Thanksgiving in my opinion.

The evening was relatively uneventful as I spent most of the time visiting with different members of Edward's family. Prior to today, I hadn't realized how much I had missed them. Edward managed to stay within a close radius of me but was unobtrusive. Being with his family felt right, like I belonged with them. My resolve to keep Edward at arms' length was weakening as I spent more time with him. Several times I caught myself imagining what would happen if I let him back into my life wholly. I had always been a firm believer in everything happening for a reason. Maybe all the pain served a purpose, preparing us for things to come, things that would test our bond to one another. Did we need to be stripped bare to truly value what we shared in order to survive more difficult challenges that might lay ahead for us? I didn't know the answer.

***

The next day when I woke up, the girls had already left the house for their day of shopping. Edward got breakfast ready for me, and while I ate, we discussed our plans for the day. After much convincing on my part, Edward agreed that he should spend time with his brothers. I wanted him to enjoy himself and have fun. My plans were simple. I had decided to have a movie marathon in one of the other rooms since there was no shortage of televisions in this home. Edward loaded the first movie, and after watching him pace for a bit, I was able to persuade him to go join the others. Loud cheers erupted occasionally as the boys celebrated the outcome of a play. More frequently, I heard the sound of them taunting each other, which really amused me. It had been a very long time since I had seen the family interact with each other when maintaining a human façade wasn't required.

At the end of each movie, as if on cue, Edward would come back when the credits began to roll to check on me. By mid-afternoon, I had watched two movies and had started to eat lunch when I saw Edward pull his phone from his pocket and place it to his ear.

"Hi, Alice," he greeted casually. I watched as a worried expression appeared on his face before he spoke tentatively. "Yes, she's right here with me."

The first thought that popped into my head was that she had seen something, something that obviously involved me. I kept an eye on Edward, anxiously waiting for any hint of what was happening. The lines that had creased his forehead diminished as he relaxed and a grin slowly began to appear on his face.

"She's fine." He paused before speaking once more. "No, I'm fairly certain that Bella hasn't changed her mind about joining you today."

I nodded fervently in agreement with his assessment, causing a full-blown smile to form. Edward smiling was a remarkable sight as his gleaming white teeth and sparkling eyes lit up the room. This joyous side of Edward wasn't seen as often as the other anxious and fretful side was, and that was a shame.

"Thanks for getting me all worked up for no reason," he grumbled in a teasing manner before ending the call.

We both shared a laugh at the notion that I would have changed my mind about joining them. I wasn't up to watching another movie and instead decided that I would rather read. Edward helped me get situated back on the sofa and even brought my book to me from upstairs. After convincing Edward once again to go back to the media room with his brothers, I focused on the latest book in a long string of titles I had read in the last week. After fluffing the pillows to my satisfaction, I leaned back and picked up where I had left off. Several hours had passed and the written words on the pages began to make me feel sleepy. Although I attempted to fight, I succumbed to the darkness.

I opened my eyes and I was startled to see Edward kneeling on the floor next to the sofa I was lying on, his face inches from mine. There were no words uttered and neither one of us broke the intense gaze we were now sharing. From my peripheral vision, I saw his hand move to touch my cheek, and his face closed in on mine. My body responded with a quickening of my heartbeat when I felt his lips on mine. There was no hesitation from me. I wanted this too. The kiss was soft and tender and I felt his hand begin to caress my cheek delicately.

Without warning, Edward was being pulled from me by an unseen force. "No, Edward! Don't leave me!" I yelled frantically.

A pair of hands gripped my shoulders and I heard his voice call out to me. "Bella, wake up! Bella, I'm right here! I haven't gone anywhere!"

My eyes attempted to focus on the source of this voice. Relief coursed through me when I realized Edward was sitting with me. His hand reached out to me and stroked my hair. "Shhh…you were dreaming."

My heart sank when I figured out that I'd dreamt the encounter. I wanted it to be real. I wanted his lips to be touching mine. Confusion engulfed me as I looked back up at him. I didn't understand why these feelings were coming to the surface. My reservations about Edward weren't completely gone, and I still felt leery of letting my guard down entirely. However, while the doubts were swirling through my mind, I couldn't deny the emotions that were reawakened within.

****

The alteration of my opinion and regard for Edward had made for an uncomfortable afternoon. I felt like an enamored high school girl who overanalyzed each touch, every word spoken and glance shared. I had spent the past several weeks resisting any advances from Edward, and now I longed to feel him touch me, regardless of how innocent the contact might be. Whether it was my hand brushing his while I shifted on the sofa or relaxing my knee enough to graze his leg, I craved the momentary encounter. Edward seemed oblivious to my pathetic attempts at flirting.

Flirting? Was that what I was doing? It didn't appear as though I was doing a very good job of it. What was it that I wanted to happen?

****

"Bella, you can do this. Take my hand," Edward said as I sat on the sofa in his room. "I have complete confidence in you."

I was glad that someone had confidence in me. I surely didn't have any. The anticipation of experiencing pain was holding me back. Reluctantly, I took his hand, reveling in the opportunity to touch him once more. When I knew that I couldn't stall any longer, I inhaled deeply and willed the muscles in my legs to lift me from the sofa to stand.

Edward positioned himself next to me and continued to allow me to clutch onto his hand tightly. My ankle felt swollen, thick almost, and although the time spent the previous day in the pool had loosened the muscles, it had only been temporary. When I had woken this morning, the rigidity had returned. I looked up at Edward with apprehension when I moved to take the first step and once again attempted to put weight on my foot. His eyes never left mine, and I found myself focusing on wanting to be close to him again and not thinking about my ankle. A smile appeared on his face, and reflexively I smiled back at him. We were standing in his room grinning at each other before I noticed how far away I was from the sofa.

"I walked this far?" I asked skeptically.

He nodded his head in response. "You were so worried about walking and look how well you did. You never cease to amaze me, Bella."

The fact that my mind had been completely distracted thinking about touching him no doubt had something to do with this achievement. It was a fact that I wasn't about to share with him either.

"The exercises in the pool really helped, didn't they?" I said in an attempt to provide a reason for the progress.

"Apparently so. We'll revisit the pool after you've had dinner, as long as you are up to it, of course."

The opportunity to see Edward in swim trunks again was fine by me. My stomach felt like it was doing somersaults in reaction. He was watching me, waiting for me to respond to him.

"I probably should. I need to build the strength up for school." School. I groaned internally at the thought. I didn't know if I was ready to face reality. Being with Edward and his family this week was like living in a bubble, removed from the rest of the world and all of its problems and drama. After everything that had happened over the holiday break, I was dreading the thought of seeing Mandy again. _What would I say to her?_

***

Echoes of female voices drifted into the kitchen where I had been eating dinner. The shopping excursion appeared to be over, and the men were being summoned to assist in transporting the newly acquired purchases into the house. Judging by the number of bags and packages, I guessed that the girls appeared to have bought enough clothes to outfit a small country. If I weren't already aware that the family donated a large amount of clothing to worthwhile causes each year, the extravagant display, when so many families were struggling financially, would have sickened me. When I glanced at Edward in disbelief, he rolled his eyes and smirked.

"Are you ready to get back into the pool? I think it might be our only chance to escape before the girls attempt to have an impromptu fashion show."

Fashion show or pool time with Edward? There really was no contest.

***

The warm water rippled around me as I once again went through a series of exercises meant to strengthen and repair the damage done to my ankle. Edward had stayed close by me in case I began to flounder and flop around once again. Every so often, almost as if he couldn't help himself, he made several small circular laps around me. He loved swimming and it was quite clear that it brought out a childlike playfulness in him.

After several sets of movements designed to provide resistance for my weakened limb, he grasped my hand and pulled me gently toward him. "You've earned a break. Let's allow your ankle to rest for a few moments before we start the last group of exercises," he explained.

My heart quickened at his close proximity to me. Since my earlier epiphany regarding my enduring affection for Edward, my mind refused to stop creating different scenes that would play through my mind. The daydreams varied from the most innocent, such as holding his hand, to the not so innocent which involved entwined limbs and very little clothing.

His hair had fallen forward around his face and was still dripping wet from his last deep-sea dive. A single drop of water caught my attention as it traveled down a strand of hair, and I watched it land on his nose. My focus on the final resting point for the rogue droplet of water put me in a perfect sightline of his eyes, which were fixed upon me intensely. I found myself overpowered by his gaze and closed my eyes to escape the limitless depth his eyes shone upon me.

A sensation of the most delicate and light variety touched my forehead. Before I opened my eyes, I felt another brush on my left cheek and then on my right. His whisper light kisses were discernable without the benefit of my sight and I knew that I could no longer deny him.

My eyes slowly opened and immediately met his eyes that overflowed with love and devotion. I reached out to touch his face and his hand enveloped mine, pressing it to his cheek. The immense intimacy of the moment was irrefutable.

We leaned toward one another until we were joined in a kiss of epic proportions. Restrained touches of lips became more enthusiastic and expressive than we had shared ever before. The distance between our bodies grew smaller until there was nothing between us. His skin, which had been warmed by the water, was pressed closely against mine.

This reunion of sorts reminded me of some of the happiest times in my life, but also the saddest times. I remembered the feelings of abandonment and isolation that had been my only proof that he had been real, that it wasn't a dream or a nightmare. For so many months, I wished for him to magically appear and make things go back to the way there were before he left. Was I dreaming? Was this really happening? I shuddered at the thought of waking up only to discover none of this was real, and I fought back the tears that were threatening to fall. What would I do if I had to go through the pain of losing him again?

Edward pulled slowly away, but I didn't look at him. His hands were still around my waist, supporting me in the water, while my hands had come to rest on his chest.

"Bella?" he asked cautiously. I didn't answer him. I couldn't.

I felt a slight disturbance in the water as his hand left my side and broke the surface. Softly, his fingers brushed against the sensitive skin beneath my chin and urged me to look at him. The tears I had been keeping at bay were now imminent, and as our eyes met, they began to spill over my lids, streaming down each side of my face.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…" He trailed off while I shook my head in disagreement. He tried to wipe the tears from my face, but his hand was already wet. The gesture was purely symbolic. He was comforting me as he always had and hopefully always would.

I was cognizant of the significance of this exchange. It was essential that I find my voice even though I had no idea what I wanted or needed to say. "I'm not upset or angry, Edward," I managed to mumble while my tears persisted. "I'm scared."

"I don't understand. Have I done something wrong?" he asked frantically. "Please, just tell me what you want me to do…and I'll do it." The words merely echoed the panic-stricken expression on his face. For my sanity as well as his, I needed to pull myself together.

"I won't survive if something happens," I whispered.

His forehead wrinkled in confusion. "Survive what? Why are you so frightened?" he implored as I looked down to avoid his eyes once more.

"You. Me…us."

He sighed deeply, and the pause that followed seemed to last for a millennium. Silently, he pulled us to the shallow end of the pool and sat me on one of the steps while he remained in the water. The warm air of the expansive room kept me from getting chilled while I waited anxiously for him to speak. I rang my hands together in my lap under the water as I watched him. It was clear to see that he was contemplating something quite seriously.

The water rippled in reaction to his movements as he drew closer. His hands found mine on my lap, still clenched together tightly. He made no attempt to loosen their grip on each other, merely rested his on top of mine. He fixed his eyes upon mine as I gazed back into his.

"I can't change the past. I can learn from it though." He paused, but I maintained my silence. There were things that he needed to say and that I needed to hear. "On one of the few occasions I spoke to Carlisle while I was away from my family, he shared something with me that at the time I didn't fully understand or appreciate. He said, 'Edward, you can't erase mistakes. You can't wish they didn't happen—they did. You have to accept that you made them and deal with the consequences of making them.' That is precisely what I am prepared to do. Bella, you have no reason to trust me with your heart and I vow to spend the rest of my existence attempting to make it right with you. I can't be apart from you, nor will I allow us to be separated ever again."

I relaxed my hands as he spoke, allowing him to grasp each of my hands in his. Our eyes were still locked upon each other, as we both understood the gravity of the situation.

"Let me be the man that you deserve—the man that I know I can be," he appealed.

I wanted to believe him so badly. "What if you decide that the cost of being with a human is too much? If we don't see eye to eye on everything and things aren't easy, can you understand that not everything is going to be perfect all the time?"

He brought my hands up to his lips and kissed them. "Bella, I love you. It doesn't mean there aren't going to be struggles or difficult times. I know that we may feel confused or we may quarrel with one another. Even though I cringe at the very thought, I realize that there quite possibly may be perilous moments. Whatever it is—we'll face it together."

He remained in front of me, completely still in the water and stared at me intensely as if trying to compel me to respond. "Bella, please, your silence is torturing me," he begged.

I mirrored his actions a few moments ago, bringing his hands to my lips for a kiss. "I love you too, Edward."

He let out a combination of a laugh and heavy sigh at the same time before wrapping his arms around me.

****

**A/N: I'm already working on the next chapter. Please let me know your thoughts on the chapter. Thanks for reading!**


	22. Chapter 22 Rekindling

**Okay, so it's been quite a bit of time since I last posted. I've switched jobs and find that I am now able to indulge in writing once again.**

**Hopefully there are still people out there who will stick with the story. I still have quite a bit of my outline left to explore.**

**I lost my beta in the process, so bear with any typos or idiocy on my part. (Any volunteers?)**

**Hope you enjoy the chapter. The next one won't take near as long.**

**Thank you for reading!**

* * *

Edward and I had spent the better part of the evening together in the family room. It was obvious that the rest of his family was trying to keep their distance. We only saw them briefly a few times, and on each occasion, Alice and Edward seemed to have some sort of mental exchange with one another. It made me curious, but I didn't want to pry into something that wasn't my business. Edward's behavior didn't indicate that there was anything amiss either. Once again, I was thankful and relieved that my mind was closed to his gift.

The time alone allowed us to talk about the rekindling of our relationship. I needed to make clear to Edward that, although I did love him, he would have to earn my complete trust again. He acknowledged without question that he understood. I didn't spend a great deal of time on that subject because we had visited the topic several times before. Instead, we discussed what each of us was expecting, wanting, and most importantly needing from one another. In the past, communication had not been our strongest suit. This new future was going to be different, I was determined to make certain of that.

Recent events in my life had allowed indecision to pervade my thoughts. I had no idea what direction these changes would lead me and it was unsettling. But when I felt this renewed connection with Edward, the burdens that were weighing heavily on me seemed to evaporate with his embrace.

Several yawns had escaped from me as the hour grew late, but I didn't want to close my eyes. The idea that this was all a dream had crossed my mind at least once through the evening. If I opened my eyes in the morning and discovered that this was merely a fantasy…to be honest, I didn't know what I would do, but the thought of jumping off a cliff had promise.

Edward was the first one to speak after a long period of silence. "Bella, you're exhausted and it's late. Let me take you upstairs."

Begrudgingly, I nodded my head in agreement and then watched as he turned off the remaining lights around us. Once we were in his room, Edward made sure that I had everything I would need before turning toward the door. He paused briefly before walking to the door at a slower pace than usual. We had formed somewhat of a routine the past week. He would make sure I was settled and then he would say goodnight. He hadn't stayed with me while I slept since the day we shared the kiss at the stream. Well, that I was aware of. It was completely plausible for Edward to sneak back in the room and watch me sleep

I remembered when I first found out about his penchant for breaking and entering. My reaction was markedly different than anyone else's would have been. It probably should've bothered me or made me angry, but I accepted the behavior as a part of who he was. One thing I knew for sure. If this vampire thing didn't work out for him, he had a bright future as a stalker.

The evenings had usually been the time I let guard down a bit and allowed myself to ponder the complexity of the situation I found myself in. This night felt different, almost as though we were at a crossroads. I didn't want to be alone, or more precisely, I didn't want to be apart from him. It was presumptuous to think that he would have nothing better to do with his time but I couldn't stop myself from asking.

"Edward?"

He stopped moving forward, but didn't turn around. "Yes?"

"Do you care…I mean, would you mind…" I stopped and let out a long sigh before blurting out what I was attempting to say. "I don't want you to go. Stay...please." After the words rushed out of my mouth, I realized that I hadn't prepared myself. _He could turn me down_. Before I could fabricate any other apocalyptic outcomes, he turned slowly around to face me with a boyish grin on his face.

"I was hoping that you were going to ask. I'll be back after a few moments to give you the opportunity to change."

I returned his smile with one of my own and nodded as I watched him close the door. While I began to undress, my mind flashed through multiple variations of exactly where he would be during the night hours. The only thing I was certain of was that I wanted him close to me. I plopped down on the end of the bed and ran my hand through my hair. A question popped into my mind—a question that brought with it uncertainty and fear. What was _he_ expecting to happen when he came back through the door?

After I changed into my pajamas, I crawled under the covers to stay warm and waited for what seemed to be hours in nervous anticipation. In reality, probably only a few minutes passed before I heard him knock lightly on the door.

"Come in," I responded.

The knob turned and Edward walked back into the room before pausing at the sole lamp illuminating the room. I nodded indicating that it was all right for him to turn the light off. Darkness came in an instant and I anxiously awaited any movements that would alert me when he got on the bed. Stillness. _Where was he?_ My eyes adjusted as I scanned the room looking for him. The striking contrast between rich, black leather and his pale skin gave his location away. He was sitting on the sofa, but that wasn't where I wanted or needed him to be. How was I supposed to tell him that I wanted to share this bed with him? Maybe he didn't want to. There was only one way to know for sure.

"Edward? Can you come over here?" I asked nervously and then waited for his reply, hoping that he wasn't going to reject me.

Instantaneously, he was beside me, kneeling next to the bed. As I sat up, I noticed that the nighttime sky cast enough light into the room for me to see a familiar expression on his face indicating he was uneasy about something. His eyes held mine as I attempted to smooth the creases in his brow gently with my fingers.

"I don't like to see these lines in your forehead."

"I'm sorry," he answered in a repentant tone.

"Don't be sorry. Be relaxed."

He gave me a half-smile and nodded. Even though we had shared so much during the afternoon and evening today, it seemed like Edward was experiencing some apprehension too. Were we supposed to go through the normal progression of a relationship, both physically and emotionally, or pick up where things left off? It seemed like we were both unsure and a sense of awkwardness still lingered in the air between us, neither of us wanting to do anything to disrupt the progress we'd made.

Without a doubt, there was one thing I knew with certainty. I didn't want to go back to a version of myself where I didn't make my feelings known. Simply nodding my head and being content to accept decisions made by others on my behalf wasn't acceptable to me any longer. I'd come too far. More than anything else, I knew that I didn't want Edward across the room. I wanted him next to me and I was going to have to be the one to ask. In the past, Edward always seemed to have had the upper hand in our relationship. But when I considered the man kneeling beside me, it dawned on me that the dynamics had changed. His regretful demeanor had seemingly given me an edge. The question was how far would this newly bestowed advantage over him take me? What could I get him to agree to? My mind wandered at the possibilities and I filed this knowledge away for a later date.

He was still waiting for me, patiently, to tell him why I asked him to come over to the bed. _What if he tells me no? What if…remember you have the upper hand,_ I interrupted my own thoughts in an attempt to provide encouragement. Before I was able to talk myself out of it, I clarified the request I'd made of him.

"When I told you that I wanted you to stay, I didn't mean on the sofa," I said sheepishly. Alarm appeared on his face and then I realized how my words could have been interpreted. My mouth began to spew words nervously. "What I'm trying to say is that if you felt like it, I wouldn't mind if you would lie next to me. You know like you used to?"

I paused to take a breath and noticed he was smiling. I had made him happy.

"I would like nothing more. You don't have to explain," he said as he rose to his feet. He walked around to the other side of the bed, crawled on top of the duvet and sat facing me. I watched as he reached out and grasped a lock of my hair, wrapping it into a tight curl around his finger. He passed the lock-covered finger past his nose and inhaled deeply, before letting the hair slip from his hand. "You should get some rest. I won't leave."

I pulled back the covers and slid under them, my back facing Edward. After my head hit the pillow, I felt the mattress shift slightly behind me causing my pulse to quicken. Although we had spent the day in close proximity, the current setting was a darkened room that included a large comfortable bed. The rapid thumping of my heart was so loud that there wasn't any doubt that he could hear it, which, of course, only made it beat faster. I felt his breath on the back of my neck and I shivered in response, which earned a subtle laugh from Edward.

"Sorry," he apologized as he stifled his amusement.

The light-hearted exchange was exactly what I needed to settle down and lessen my anxiety. His hands began tucking the covers around me in an effort to insulate my body from the cool temperature of his own. As I felt him settle behind me, a feeling of déjà vu hit me. We'd shared many, many nights together in my room in Forks with Edward's arms encircling me. Secrets were told and promises were made during those quiet, secluded hours. Acclimating to an empty bed had been one of the most challenging hurdles I had faced. Night after night, the memories haunted me as I coped with the aching aftermath of his absence. Frequently as the screams of agony ripped from me, Charlie appeared, haggard and frightened, as any father would have been, and attempted to soothe my pain.

Charlie.

Dad.

It pained me to think about the current state of our relationship. I never envisioned anything could drive a wedge between us, but something had succeeded in doing so. Imagine my surprise when that some_thing_ turned out to be a some_one_—a person with whom I had shared so much of myself with. Was that all the stronger our father-daughter relationship was? Would it really only take a few well-placed lies to break that bond?

Unwilling to let anything interfere with this moment, I was determined to stop dwelling on my issues and focus on what was happening at the present time.

I was completely content to stay in his arms forever, never leaving for any reason. It wasn't a possibility, though. I knew that. The outside world had to be dealt with eventually. Right now, however, I chose to center my attention entirely on the sensation created by his arm draping over my waist.

Perfection.

As my eyes flickered open I was surprised to see daylight. It felt as though only seconds had passed since I closed my eyes to go to sleep.

"Good morning, or should I say afternoon?" Edward whispered in my ear as his arm tightened around me briefly in greeting. I took note of the fact that he was still wearing the same shirt from last night and smiled knowing that Edward kept his word. He hadn't left my side. Somehow, I knew that if he had left, I would've felt the loss of his presence next to me.

"Morning," I said carefully to avoid talking directly toward him until I spent some quality time with my toothbrush. The bathroom door didn't appear to be more than ten feet or so from the bed. It would be a good test of my ankle without seven pairs of watchful eyes on me. I knew, however, that preemptive measures needed to be in place.

"I'm going to try to walk to the bathroom myself and I really want you to let me do it on my own," I pleaded with him. My back was still turned so I wasn't able to see his reaction.

"Of course," he answered. I wasn't expecting such a reasonable response from him. His tendency toward being over-protective was well documented.

Stretching my ankle had become a regular routine when I first woke the past few mornings and this day was no exception. The swelling had steadily decreased each day that passed, making the movements easier. Edward lay on the bed and watched me closely while I briefly went through the exercises that he had taught me earlier this week. If he was bothered by my assertion of independence, he disguised it well.

While I scooted to the edge of the bed, I looked over at Edward, waiting for some break in his demeanor. There was none. I placed my feet on the floor and pulled myself to a standing position. Even though some tightness remained in my ankle, as soon as I started to take my first tentative steps I noticed that the level of discomfort had decreased. This fact made me even more grateful to Edward and Carlisle for the care that both had given me since my doomed solo expedition into the woods. When I glanced back toward my rescuer I could tell that he was struggling with letting me do this on my own. His carefully crafted expression failed to conceal his anxiety. His disposition lightened immediately.

"I'm trying," he answered apologetically with a crooked smile. "What can I say? I'm a work in progress."

Resisting his boyish charm was impossible when he turned it on in full-force.

"Okay, Mister. You stay there," I said as I pointed in his direction. "I don't need your help. I'm doing fine."

Edward held up a hand to his forehead and managed a mock salute for my benefit. "Yes, sir."

His absurd attempt at seriousness made it difficult to contain my amusement. The laughter erupted from me loudly and even though he tried to resist, he couldn't stop himself from joining in. The playful banter between us allowed him to relax while I finished walking the rest of the way to the bathroom to begin the very mundane human ritual of morning hygiene.

"I'm done," I said as I pushed the plate away from me. The majority of my breakfast remained on my plate, a fact that didn't go unnoticed by the chef. "And no, there wasn't anything wrong with it," I said quickly in anticipation of his question.

My appetite had been diminishing as I spent more time dwelling on the calendar. It was Saturday morning and tomorrow I would head back to campus. Apprehension was beginning to get the better of me as the end of the holiday week drew to an end. Was I still welcome in my dorm room? What sort of reception was I going to get? Had Mandy tried to call?

My phone.

I hadn't seen my phone since we had arrived in Vancouver.

Edward was in the process of clearing the dishes from the table when I spoke. "Hey, have you seen my phone?"

He paused at the sink with his back toward me. Even without the benefit of seeing his face, I could hear the somber tone in his voice and I immediately was filled with a sense of dread. "Yeah, about that, Bella..."

Something _was_ wrong. What had happened? Think, Bella. _When was the last time you saw it? _I frantically attempted to replay the last few days in my head as Edward came to stand by the chair where I remained seated.

Edward's car. The drive to Vancouver. Charlie's phone call. I seemed to recall that the phone had borne the brunt of my anger and it landed in several pieces on the floor of the car. Edward turned so that I was now able to see the solemn expression on his face. My heart sank and worst-case scenarios began to flash through my mind. What if something really did happen and no one could reach me?

"Bella, I've got some bad news. You should probably prepare yourself." _Prepare myself? What is it? What's wrong? _"Every attempt was made, but the internal damage was simply too severe."

Charlie? Renee? I started panicking while Edward continued. "The Nokia didn't make it."

_What?_ Confusion filled my mind. I looked back toward Edward and noticed his lips were twitching as he fought the smile attempting to break through. He was having fun at my expense.

"Not funny!" I yelled at him as I launched myself from the chair, ignoring the protest of my ankle. He laughed as I made contact and playfully fell to the ground allowing me the illusion that I possessed the physical strength needed to tackle him. My anger gave way to amusement as we tumbled and tussled on the kitchen floor good-humoredly.

"You are awful!" I exclaimed as my hands attempted to tickle his unyielding skin.

"Gotcha," Edward replied mischievously while he responded to my feeble tickle-related endeavor with one of his own. His attack was swift and precise which only served to emphasize that I was no match for him. It wasn't long before I ended up underneath him and my delusion of being a worthy opponent crumbled. Laughter burst out uncontrollably from me in response to the rapid succession of his tweaking and squeezing at various parts of my body.

"I can't believe you bought that hook, line and sinker!" he teased as he continued his assault. My sides began to ache from laughing so hard and it was getting hard to breathe.

Emmett's voice booming voice echoed in the room. "Look at 'em go!" The familiar sound of several of his siblings was intermingled with his voice as well. When I realized we had drawn a crowd, my aversion to being in the spotlight put a damper on things. I tensed beneath Edward in reaction, causing him to stop his assail on me.

"Don't stop on our account. It was just getting good," Emmett protested.

Edward looked down at me with a smile and helped me up to a standing position next to him. The rest of the Cullen family, sans Carlisle and Esme, were gathered in the kitchen and I wondered how long they had been there.

Jasper used the break in conversation as an opportunity to speak. "We were planning on indulging in some aquatic activities later and wondered if you two wanted to join in on the fun."

"What do you think?" Edward asked me with a gleam in his eye. "Are you up for more frivolity?"

The self-conscious, shy girl within was screaming at me to decline, but the persuasive power of his gaze prompted my mouth to blurt out an affirmative reply. "Of course."

Admittedly, I was looking forward to seeing the mischief and mayhem created by the Cullen brothers firsthand. I'd seen the interactions between these boys before. Yes, I referred to them as boys. Recreational activities had a tendency to reduce the maturity level of this particular trio to that of twelve-year olds. My main goal was to remain an observer and not to become a participant in said activities, no matter how unlikely that was.

Determined to walk on my own power to the pool, I made the journey to the balmy environment wrapped in a generously sized beach towel at a ridiculously slow pace. Snails travelled faster than I did. Edward showed nothing but patience, even when I needed to rest before continuing. After several stops we finally made it to our destination.

From the sounds that echoed from the atrium, the others weren't sitting by waiting for our arrival. When we walked through the door, I noticed that Emmett and Jasper were engaged in some sort of wrestling match in the middle of the pool. Alice and Rosalie were perched on the submerged shelf that lined the far edge of the pool, laughing at the splashing duo. Alice looked over and waved her hand for us to join them, insisting that I sit next to her. The ledge that they sat on provided a convenient place to sit and relax in the water. Edward's brothers were still carrying on in the water and every so often I watched him out of the corner of my eye. It was obvious that he wanted to join them.

"Get out here, little brother!" Emmett hollered. Edward glanced at me and then back at Emmett. "She'll be fine! She doesn't need her Daddy!" Then Emmett turned toward me with his signature twinkle in his eye, "Well, unless that's something you're into…"

"Gross, Emmett," I responded as I wrinkled my nose and laughed. There was no doubt that he was trying to get a reaction from me and I had no plans of giving him the satisfaction. Turning to Edward, I tried to coax him. "You should go out there with them. I'll be fine."

Without giving Edward a chance to respond, Alice spoke up, "She's right, you know."

I had no more than nodded my head in agreement and he was gone. A trail of churning water was all that was left. Even though I wasn't able to see him directly, there was no question that he was part of the large disturbance in the middle of the pool. Streams and sprays of water were intermixed with limbs and laughter. Alice rolled her eyes.

"So, you and Edward seem to be getting along quite well," she commented with a smile on her face.

I shouldn't have been caught off guard by her bluntness. Even though I knew her well enough, I still found myself stuttering and stammering around for a response, knowing that Edward would be able to hear anything I would say.

"Um. Yeah, we've been…uh…talking and stuff."

She looked at me like she was trying to solve an impossible physics problem and I wondered what she could possibly be thinking about with such intensity. "So, no second thoughts about being here instead of with the mutt?"

Before I could answer her, my attention was drawn to the rock ledge where three troublemakers now stood.

"Good thing Esme isn't here," Rosalie snickered before Emmett launched himself into the water. Jasper followed immediately afterward. Both bodies appeared to hit the water simultaneously and a huge explosion of water rose from the surface of the pool. Every surface of the room was showered with the pool water that was displaced. The three of us were drenched which seemed to make the boys proud of their athletic accomplishment.

The earlier comments about Esme being less than pleased with their antics made perfect sense now. Edward still hadn't leapt from the elevated outcropping. He was a testament to true beauty as he stood watching me. He was dripping wet with his board shorts resting dangerously low, revealing once more the defined musculature of his abdomen. _Why hadn't I ever noticed those "V" shaped muscles before?_ I forced my eyes to travel back up to his face. He smiled impishly before winking at me and I felt all lit up inside.

"Quit making goo-goo eyes and get in here!" I heard Jasper shout.

In a blur, Edward launched himself into the water. I managed to briefly see dark shadows appear periodically under the surface but no sign of him emerging from the water. The girls continued on with a conversation that I attempted to pay attention to. He had been under for a longer period than what most humans could endure. Another dark shadow had formed in the water in the center of the pool and I noticed that it was moving toward the surface. The dark bronze hair gave away the identity of the head slowly rising out the water only far enough to see his eyes. They twinkled with mischief for a moment before he submerged once more.

His silhouette came in and out of my view, always appearing in a different location. He peeked above the water once more, and I realized that Edward was playing a game with me. The thrill of the chase rippled through me and made my stomach flip. A sound that could only be described as half laugh and half scream erupted from me as I attempted to swim away from the stalking shadow, but it was a lost cause. My limbs flailed around as I giggled in anticipation of him catching me. My laughter grew bigger when I felt a pair of hands coming to rest on my sides and began tickling me.

Jasper and Emmett took the opportunity to pounce on Alice and Rosalie, earning screams and promises of retribution from the girls. The six of us continued to occupy ourselves and time passed by quickly. Several times I caught Alice and Edward sharing one of their trademark visual exchanges, which both puzzled and alarmed me at the same time.

Edward had once again managed to capture me in his arms after another round of cat and mouse. His eyes were sparkling with joy and our laughter echoed through the expansive room. There was no way to accurately describe how his presence had lifted my spirits. Happiness had been a stranger to me for so long. Jacob had managed to ease some of the pain that came with Edward's absence, but truthfully, there was only one remedy. Edward. If he had never returned, a part of me would have always remained numb, lost to the world.

The tenor between us changed as the substance of my thoughts became more serious in nature. His arms circled me around my waist and he pulled me closer. A lone droplet of water mesmerized me as it traveled down a lock of his hair and fell onto his nose. The slightest shift in my vision allowed my eyes to meet his. Once that connection was made we both paused, unwilling to sever the tie.

Edward leaned in slowly giving me ample time to turn my head if I wanted, before I felt the barest brush of his lips against mine. I was torn between wanting this feeling but also not wanting the uncomfortable awkwardness between us after the last kiss to return. We had been getting along so well.

The kiss began with a delicate apprehension, which was quickly replaced by an increasing eagerness. The taste of his lips was beginning to wreak havoc on my lucidity. A powerful craving to eliminate any space remaining between us began to emerge and threatened to undermine my self-control. As if right on cue, he pulled back and broke the kiss.

The close proximity of our bodies remained as we look intently upon each other. In that moment, the answer I had been struggling to find was revealed. While I still held what I considered to be healthy doubts about Edward, it was impossible not to believe one thing—he was my future.

My attention was drawn momentarily to the silence in the room. I was surprised at the stillness around us as I discovered that we were the only occupants of the room. _Where had the others gone?_ More importantly, I was concerned about _when_ they had gone. The thought of them witnessing our previous intimate exchange mortified me. The moment had swept me up entirely and I couldn't believe that I had forgotten we weren't alone.

My confusion about their absence must have been written all over my face because the next thing I heard was Edward laughing quietly. Before I could take offense over his amusement at my expense, he explained.

"I didn't notice their departure either."

Unsure if I should believe him, I raised an eyebrow in response.

He laughed again. "What? I'm completely serious, Bella. Paying attention to what was going through their minds was the last thing I was interested in. My thoughts were focused entirely on only one thing—us." The sound of him saying that two-letter word caused my heart to sing. Us.

* * *

**A/N: My apologies again for the delay. Please drop me a note and let me know you're still out there!**


	23. Chapter 23 Reality Bites

Thank you once again for your patience and continuing to read.

As always, I own nothing.

* * *

**Chapter 23 Reality Bites**

My fingers glided over the well-worn pages of the book that had captured my attention. I was passing time in the library since Edward had decided, after much coaxing, to hunt. Alice had been the deciding factor. She offered to stay behind with me. I wasn't aware of any danger, but it seemed to ease Edward's mind to know that I wasn't alone.

Thinking back over the past few days, I realized that I had never seen Edward this happy before. His demeanor was lighthearted and approaching jubilant. Last night when we spent time with his brothers and sisters in the pool, he seemed to not have a care in the world. It was almost as if a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. I smiled as I replayed the images in my mind. Edward being happy made me happy. Very happy. We were both reveling in this new lease on life, or whatever you wanted to call it, which had been given to us.

Then something popped into my brain to ruin the moment.

Reality.

Today was Sunday and I had classes tomorrow. Edward was taking me back to the campus later today.

Alice had made herself scarce for the better part of the morning, but this afternoon she paced around the room. It was making me crazy.

"Alice, is there something that you want to tell me?"

She looked me before sitting down in the chair beside mine. "I'm only bringing this up because I care about you both."

Curiosity, consider yourself piqued.

"Edward has been on cloud nine, Bella." I nodded my head in agreement, but I was unsure about where she was going with this. "All I'm asking is that you be honest with me."

"Now you're starting to freak me out, Alice."

"Are you having any doubts about Edward?" She asked timidly.

"What are you talking about?"

"It's just that he's been a different person lately, especially the past couple of days." The words tumbled from her in rapid succession. "You can see it when you look at him. He's all lit up inside."

I didn't know how to respond.

She walked over and looked out the window, her back facing me as she spoke. "Just tell me that you haven't had any second thoughts about Jacob."

My lips parted as if to form words, but no words came—only silence. _Had I done something wrong?_ _Why would she be saying these things? _

She turned back toward me with a pained look on her face.

"Please understand that while I love each member of my family, I've always felt the closest to Edward. I don't want to see him crushed."

I willed myself to find the words that would make this strange conversation a distant memory.

"Alice, I'm sorry if I said or did anything that would make you think I doubt any decisions I've made about Jacob." My voice cracked a bit when I uttered his name and I was reminded that there were still several unresolved situations waiting for me upon my return. "I don't know what to say. I would never want Edward to be hurt or in pain."

Alice looked at me in deep concentration before sighing in defeat.

Something was wrong.

"Alice, what's going on? First you and Edward have been acting weird and now you're asking me strange questions."

I watched as she tried to compose herself. "Nothing's wrong."

"Come on, Alice. I've watched you and Edward share these cryptic glances at one another. Tell me what you know. What is it?"

If she wouldn't divulge anything, I planned on asking Edward later. _Would he tell me?_ Yes, he would, especially if I reminded him of our agreement not to hide anything from each other. The only problem with that scenario was that Edward would edit and selectively choose his words. No, the best chance of finding out the complete story was Alice. Edward's absence would also make it easier to convince her to tell me.

"It's not that big of a deal, Bella."

"Then you won't mind telling me. Spill it."

I could see her resolve slipping. She knew she'd been cornered.

"My visions of you aren't as clear as they were even a few days ago. And it's not like anything I've ever seen. You didn't simply disappear. It's…it's like you're blurry. And a blurry Bella is not a good Bella!" She erupted like a verbal volcano, words spewing everywhere while her arms flailed around frantically. I wouldn't have been surprised if she took off in flight.

Blurry. That's one I haven't been before.

I began focusing on getting her to calm down, which was easier said than done. Every attempt I made to ease her mind about this so-called blurriness only seemed to make things worse. I wasn't sure what else to try. Movement out of the corner of my eye caught my attention. Edward came toward us and I felt relieved at his presence.

"Jasper's almost here Alice. He was right behind me," he said as he took her into his arms in an effort to soothe her. "You're getting yourself all worked up before we even know what it means."

Moments later, Jasper entered the room with concern evident on his face and traded places with Edward.

"Hey there, Sweetheart. Shhh. It's okay. I'm here."

Edward and I took the opportunity to give them some privacy. As we left the room, I could hear Alice attempting to convey her concerns to Jasper. I could only understand bits and pieces. Sadness came over me knowing that somehow I had caused her to be this upset.

Once we were several rooms away, Edward turned to me and placed a hand on each of my arms in concern. "Are you alright?"

Cue inappropriate laughter.

"I'm doing fantastic! Haven't you heard the news? I'm blurry!" I blurted out acerbically.

"Bella, we aren't yet aware of the ramifications, if any. There's no reason to panic." His hands rubbed up and down my arms gently in an attempt to pacify me.

"Tell that to Alice. If there's no reason to panic, why is she so worried? Am I going to fade away into nothing?"

"First of all, you will never, ever fade away into nothing as long as I have a say in it," he said with warmth and affection. "She's upset because she thinks that her ability isn't working properly and that she's failing us somehow."

"She was afraid that I had changed my mind and was going to go back to Jacob." I watched as his face dropped a bit at the mention of the name. "But, like I already told her, I haven't," I offered quickly, earning a small smile from Edward.

"The only plausible theory I've been able to arrive at is the possibility that the time you spent with the wolves has left a lasting effect on you in some manner, which is causing the interference with her visions." His smile from earlier vanished and was replaced by a frown, as it normally did when the subject of Jacob came up.

"So I'm…what…some sort of damaged goods?" I longed for any connections with Jacob to be severed.

_Would I ever be completely free from his grasp?_

_Did the wolves have some sort of influence or hold over me now?_

My mind raced with the possibilities and not one of them was good. What if they were waiting until I got back to school to try to kidnap me or something?

"Bella, I don't ever want to hear you refer to yourself as damaged goods." The soft tone of his voice wasn't enough to conceal his anger.

"Edward, please don't take me back to campus tonight," I pleaded with him. I had already been dreading the return, but now with this new wrinkle revealed I was more apprehensive than ever. Just the possibility of seeing Jacob made my stomach turn in knots.

He let out a long sigh as he pulled me close, encircling me with his arms and I rested my head on his chest for comfort.

"As much as I would enjoy keeping you all to myself, you have to face reality. You can't run away and avoid your life. Believe me; I've tried before."

It was another unnecessary purchase. Yes, I had destroyed my phone when I lost my temper, but Edward didn't need to buy me a replacement. I was perfectly capable of doing that myself. I attempted to explain to him that one of my friends could drive me to the store since he was taking back to campus, but he wouldn't hear of it. While he discussed the options for phones with the salesperson, I sulked in the chair nearby.

"Bella, do you like this one?" Edward asked.

I shrugged my shoulders. "It doesn't matter. Whatever you decide is fine," I responded. At this point, I didn't really care. He was treating me like a child.

"Yes, it does," he responded before turning to the salesperson. "Would you mind giving us a few minutes to make the choice?"

"Of course not. Please take your time."

The salesperson walked back toward the front of the store as Edward took the seat next to me. He paused briefly before speaking.

"Bella, why are you angry? Have I done something—"

"I'm not helpless, Edward."

He looked at me in confusion. "Of course you aren't."

"Then why wouldn't you let me do this myself?" I asked petulantly.

He turned in his chair so that he was facing me and rested his hand on my knee. "Bella, the thought of you being on campus without any way to communicate makes me anxious to put it mildly. My motivations are entirely selfish, I suppose. Besides, if someone needed to reach you it would be significantly more difficult without a cell phone."

How could one argue with his reasoning? I had no way of knowing if Charlie or Mandy had been trying to call either. His method, however, needed some improvement.

"It's not that I don't appreciate all that you've done for me, but sometimes you come across so domineering."

He looked at me with surprise. "That has never been my intent," he replied defensively.

"I know," I said as I covered his hand with mine and squeezed gently. "Just, try to let me make my own decisions."

He sighed. "Okay, so here's a decision that needs to be made….which phone?" He grinned cheekily.

I rolled my eyes at him and let him explain the different options on each model. After making the choice, he flagged the salesperson back over.

"All set?" he asked Edward.

"You'll have to ask her which one she wants." Edward motioned toward me as he spoke.

"I guess we're going with an iPhone. Someone seems to think that it's the best thing since sliced bread."

"It is!" Edward chimed in. "There are apps for almost anything you could want or need."

Seeing his excitement made me smile. When I saw glimpses of Edward acting like any other young man, it was fascinating. I felt as though I was seeing into the past and I was able to imagine what he must have been like before his change. When he let his guard down, we were able to relax and interact as two college-aged people normally would.

"I'll let you know when I find an app that will do the laundry or cook dinner. Then I will be as enthusiastic about it as you seem to be." My smart-alecky tone made him laugh.

"Very funny. You'll see. After a while you won't be able to live without it." Technology, it would seem, had gained a new rabid fanboy. I could already envision Edward counting down the days until each new gadget's release date.

The salesperson laughed with us as he processed the transaction. "Okay, Ms. Swan, would you like to purchase the optional insurance on the phone?"

Edward and I both answered affirmatively at the same time, which caused us to laugh again.

"Well, the coverage is an extra $4.99 per month," he added as if he was waiting for us to object.

"This one here…" Edward spoke in a loud whisper to the salesperson while pointing toward me, "…has got a little bit of a temper. Cost isn't a factor. You should see the last phone she had. It wasn't pretty. I had to administer last rites to it."

I looked over at Edward who was grinning puckishly at me and shook my head, unable to stop myself from being amused by his comments. "You think you are so funny."

The salesperson attempted to suppress a chuckle. "You just need to set up your voice mail once again and you're all set. It's been a pleasure, Ms. Swan. Take it easy on the phone."

We walked from the phone store and Edward helped me into his car. After Edward shut his own door, I waited for the familiar sound of the engine starting, but I heard nothing. When I glanced over to find the reason for the delay, I noticed that Edward was watching me.

"Is everything alright?" he asked quietly.

I didn't know. Was everything alright? I sighed deeply and then looked down at the sleek black phone in my hand, knowing what needed to be done. It was time to see if there were any voice mail messages for me. If any were left since Thursday, I was dreading whom they were from and what they might contain. One the other hand, if there weren't any messages, how was that going to make me feel? Was it going to prove that my well-being wasn't a concern to anyone?

"Everything will work out, Bella," he attempted to reassure me.

Inhaling a deep breath, I touched the screen of the phone and accessed my voice mail. A foreign, mechanical voice announced that I had nineteen unplayed messages. Nineteen? The artificial voice noted the date and time before each message played.

I braced myself as the first message began to play.

Thursday 10:43 a.m. _"Bella, I never taught you such manners! You have no right to hang up on your father. You can call me back when you've had a chance to settle down." _I sat stunned at his anger. While Charlie and I had never had a typical father daughter relationship, we rarely had this level of conflict. I glanced over toward Edward, knowing that he could hear every word that was being said, and took note of his jaw tensing as he looked out his window.

Thursday 12:19 p.m. Charlie's gruff voice scolded me. _"This is ridiculous. I can't believe you're really going to miss Thanksgiving dinner with your family to be with _him_. I am beyond disappointed in your choices."_ I looked out my window and leaned against the headrest, unsure of how much more I could handle listening to.

Thursday 2:39 p.m. Click.

Thursday 6:27 p.m_. "Bella, it's Mandy. I...uh…" _she hesitated and then exhaled noisily into the phone._ "Can you call me?" _

Friday 10:12 a.m. Click.

Friday 7:59 p.m. Click. Another hang-up. Who keeps trying to talk to me but won't leave a message? I had no way to see the number that had originated the call since it wasn't received on this phone.

Friday 9:32 p.m. The roughness of Charlie's voice had softened. _"Bella, Jacob was here. Please call me."_ Great. What other trouble was Jacob stirring up between my dad and me? A cool sensation on my skin prompted me to look down to see Edward's hand wrapped around mine. I looked up at him at the same time he gave my hand a gentle squeeze. The next message began to play.

Saturday 1:53 a.m. _"Bella, please…just…" _Charlie's voice trailed off and was replaced by a long, beleaguered exhalation._ "Call me, okay?"_

Saturday 9:04 a.m. A long pause followed by a sigh and a familiar click. I was pretty sure I recognized the sigh, causing a mixture of anger and confusion within me. Why was he calling? What was he planning on saying to me?

Saturday 10:21 a.m. Click. I looked at Edward to see if he had noticed the hang-ups. If he did, he was masking any reaction.

Saturday 10:49 a.m. _"It's Mandy again. Please, can you call me back? I should've listened to you and I'm sorry. Please…just call me so that we can talk. I think you're Dad's looking for you, too. He was asking me if I had heard from you."_

Saturday 3:18 p.m. _"Bella, it's Mandy….again. You have every right to be pissed at me. I need to explain things though. Call me. I'm starting to get worried."_ Oh, now she gets worried, I scoffed.

Saturday 4:29 p.m._ "It's Mandy. I didn't want to talk leave this on a voice mail, but you're not leaving me much choice, are you? Listen, we didn't know what really had happened in the forest until Jacob phased. I'm sorry that I didn't believe you. I…I should've tried to call you as soon as I found out but I was embarrassed."_ She paused. "_I mean, how do you tell one of your closest friends that you've been a complete ass?" Another pause. "Just call. Okay? Let me know that he hasn't had you for dinner or something. Please."_

Saturday 4:30 p.m._ "Sorry about the dinner comment. I couldn't help myself. Anyway, I forgot to talk to you about school. Bella, you've got to come back. I don't want to live alone and for all I know the RA will make someone move in with me. With my luck, it would be Lauren. Please…Bella."_

Saturday 11:41 p.m. Click

_Sunday 3:34 a.m. "Bella, I'm groveling. Where are you? Let your old man know that you're safe." _Charlie sounded so desperate that I almost felt sorry for him, until I remembered how badly it hurt when he chose not to believe me.

Sunday 11:12a.m. _"Bella, you won't return my calls. I don't know what to do with all your stuff you brought to Charlie's. I'm taking it back to school with me. If you want your stuff, I guess you'll either have to call me or come looking for it."_

Sunday 2:17 p.m. _"If you aren't here before 8pm tonight, I'm calling your Dad."_

The computerized voice returned once again to announce that I had reached the end of my messages. I ended the call without saying a word and looked out my window, avoiding Edward.

Listening to the messages left me feeling drained. The first few recordings made me angry, but as I heard several more, the tone of the caller changed and with it the emotions that were brought out in me. Anger, sadness, fear and most of all I felt confused.

What would Charlie say to me? Would he still be angry with me for leaving Jacob? Again I wondered what Jacob had said to Charlie when he stopped to see him. Knowing that I couldn't avoid my dad forever, I dreaded the conversation that was imminent between us.

Would I be able to stay friends with Mandy? Would the fact that she was bound to Embry keep us from being friends?

I tried to think of any other explanation about the messages where the only sound was the line being disconnected, but I kept coming back to the conclusion that Jacob had been calling me. It disturbed me that he had tried, not once, but several times. What could he conceivably have to say to me? Did he expect to gloss over what had happened in the forest? I couldn't imagine anything he could say to me at this point could change the situation or how I felt. I wondered if he would keep trying to contact me. If I didn't pick up the phone when he called, would he eventually give up or would he try to talk to me in person? The thought of seeing him again made me anxious. A flash of seeing Jacob show up unannounced on campus ran through my mind and I started to go to pieces. I didn't feel like there was enough air in my lungs and my breathing became erratic. The temperature in the car felt as though it went from comfortable to suffocating in a matter of seconds.

"I need some air," I gasped. My hands began shaking as I fumbled to find the control for the window.

Edward's reflexes were quicker than mine, powering the window down more than halfway before I could put a finger on the switch. Immediately, the cool, crisp Seattle air filled the car, washing away any restricting or smothering feelings from my mind.

"I'm sorry," His soft voice broke the silence in the car.

I looked at him in confusion. His shoulders were turned inward slightly and his head bowed in a defeated manner toward his lap. What could he possibly think he needed to apologize for?

"Edward," I began, waiting to continue until he looked at me. His eyes met mine and the depth of regret and sorrow held within took me aback. "This isn't your fault." He shook his head in disagreement as I shifted in my seat to face him more directly. As I continued to speak, I moved my hand to rest on top of his. "Listen, I know that you have this desire to believe that you're the root cause of every bad thing that occurs, but you're didn't have anything to do with what happened that day. You don't have to play the role of martyr all of the time."

"But if I hadn't…"

"Hadn't what? Come back?" I interrupted. Upon careful examination, it was obvious that I had hit my mark as he made an unsuccessful attempt to conceal his reaction. "Edward, I have a feeling that things wouldn't have been much different. I'm pretty sure I would've arrived at the same conclusion and the outcome would be identical. Jacob wasn't meant for me. He was meant for someone else."

Edward cringed when I mentioned Jacob's name and I brushed my fingers across the back of his hand to comfort him in some small way. It was clear as I studied the expression on his face that he was in the midst of some serious contemplation.

"If I hadn't resurfaced…" He hesitated briefly before continuing on. "He wouldn't have hurt you. His anger was more than likely inflamed by my presence in your life once more, as if I had something to do with your decision. He told everyone as much in the days after I found you in the forest." His façade demonstrated the level of guilt and culpability he still was still clinging to.

"You can't take responsibility for his actions. He made the choices and he's the only one to blame."

"Perhaps. But you wouldn't have to be isolated from your friends and family as you are forced to do now if I wasn't involved."

"You don't know that," I countered, as I shook my head back and forth.

"Regardless, it's the very thing taking place right now. You've had no other option but to be secluded from them for the past week or so simply because of my presence."

He would continue to hold himself to a higher standard of accountability and it was fruitless to try to convince him otherwise. Out of any arguments to support my case, I turned my head and looked at nothing in particular out my window. The gentle rumbling of the car's motor reminded me of what was yet to come. The time I had been dreading all weekend was finally upon me. I had no idea what, or more importantly, who awaited my arrival on campus. Mandy had every right to be in the dorm, but I was mostly nervous about whether or not Jacob would attempt to see me. The more thought I gave to the recordings where no messages were left, my level of certainty increased that Jacob had placed those calls.

I hadn't seen Jacob since our argument over a week ago. Anxiety began to build as the thought of facing him again. Whether or not he intentionally harmed me, the exchange had left its mark on my psyche. His current mental state was a mystery and the notion of any interaction with him alarmed me. Would he accept the reality of what had happened and come to terms with the fact that our relationship was over?

My first instinct was to turn to Edward for reassurance and comfort, but under the circumstances it might not be the smartest choice. The mere mention of Jacob's name would more than likely set Edward off. On the other hand, if I kept my worries to myself and something happened, he would be furious with me.

_Hypocrite. _

I'd taken Edward to task about not being honest with me and made him promise to hold nothing back. There really wasn't any other option but to tell him everything and I was more than a little hesitant about his reaction. Or should I say overreaction?

He was visibly concerned when I turned back toward him. Even though technically he couldn't read my mind, he was very perceptive. He'd gotten very good at interpreting my mannerisms and movements, and sensed my trepidation.

"What is it?" he asked.

"There's something I need to tell you." His demeanor shifted as I paused, almost as if he was mentally preparing himself for whatever words would be leaving my lips. I'd scolded him before about always thinking the worst, but it was unlikely he would ever change. "It's probably not anything—"

"Bella, please," he pleaded.

"I think Jacob tried to call me," I whispered. Edward made an effort to mask any response, but his eyes spoke volumes.

"Please explain." His voice maintained an even level, but not without effort.

"Well, when I listened to my voice mail, there were these hang-ups. Several of them."

"Bella, it could have been anyone," he attempted to reason, clearly a bit relieved at my explanation.

"Six of them?" I countered, a little miffed that he was downplaying my concerns. "I heard him in one of the messages, Edward. I know it was him. It's the only logical explanation. Mandy and Charlie both left several messages."

Any attempt to disguise his anger was unsuccessful by this point. He turned and focused his attention out the front windshield, staring into the parking lot.

"Why do you think he was calling?" he asked in a cold, monotone voice.

"If I knew that, I probably wouldn't be so worried. I don't know if he's going to show up here since I wouldn't answer his calls or if he's going to try—" I inhaled sharply before turning to look at Edward. "What if this is why Alice can't see me clearly?"

My heart felt as though it was going to beat out of my chest. Edward leaned toward me with his arms open and I found refuge in his embrace. His hand slowly smoothed my hair as my head rested on his shoulder in an attempt to console me.

"We still don't have enough information to make any assumptions."

My concern about Jacob hadn't subsided yet.

"Charlie said in one of his messages that Jacob came to see him. What if they're going to gang up on me and…" I mumbled against the front of his shirt.

"Bella, you are safe. I won't let anything happen to you." His hands slid up and down my back affectionately. "We have no idea why Jacob would be calling you. As much as I find it insufferable to say this, for all we know he could've been trying to apologize."

"You're sticking up for him?" I asked him in disbelief.

"No, simply trying to keep everything in perspective and attempting to think rationally. I don't want you to worry."

"But, what if he finds me on campus?"

"Relax, you won't be alone. If I can't be with you, I'm confident that Alice would agree to spending additional time with you."

"This isn't going to be easy, is it?"

"Nothing worth doing ever is."

* * *

A/N: Leave me a review to let me know your thoughts, fave part, etc. It helps keep me motivated to continue writing. Thanks!

:)


	24. Chapter 24 Flesh and Blood

**Yes it's me. Yes it's been forever. Yes, I'm sorry. :)**

**This chapter was an important one to the storyline. Bella's back at school, talks to Charlie and Mandy. I'm sure that I put too much pressure on myself, but I can't help my own perfectionism. (Not saying in any way, shape or form that I think this little story is perfect. Simply that I have in my mind the emotions and words I want to convey and sometimes I get caught up in trying to capture that.) I find myself trying to conform to my phrases and scenes that I had jotted down when I outlined originally instead of where the story organically wants to go. Once I convinced myself that I didn't have to stick with them, I had a much easier time finishing this chapter. **

**Next up is EPOV, we haven't heard from him for a while. **

**Anxious to hear any feedback on this chapter and where the story is going in general. Still have quite a bit of story left to tell. **

**Thank you for continuing to join me on this little journey. **

**Once again, I own nothing…well with the exception of a quirky and sarcastic sense of humor.**

**Fir****st off in italics is a reminder of where we left off. Bella is preparing for her return to campus on the Sunday after Thanksgiving.**

_He was visibly concerned when I turned back toward him. Even though technically he couldn't read my mind, he was very perceptive. He'd gotten very good at interpreting my mannerisms and movements, and sensed my trepidation. _

"_What is it?" he asked. _

"_There's something I need to tell you." His demeanor shifted as I paused, almost as if he was mentally preparing himself for whatever words would be leaving my lips. I'd scolded him before about always thinking the worst, but it was unlikely he would ever change. "It's probably not anything—" _

"_Bella, please," he pleaded. _

"_I think Jacob tried to call me," I whispered. Edward made an effort to mask any response, but his eyes spoke volumes. _

"_Please explain." His voice maintained an even level, but not without effort. _

"_Well, when I listened to my voice mail, there were these hang-ups. Several of them."_

"_Bella, it could have been anyone," he attempted to reason, clearly a bit relieved at my explanation. _

"_Six of them?" I countered, a little miffed that he was downplaying my concerns. "I heard him in one of the messages, Edward. I know it was him. It's the only logical explanation. Mandy and Charlie both left several messages." _

_Any attempt to disguise his anger was unsuccessful by this point. He turned and focused his attention out the front windshield, staring into the parking lot. _

"_Why do you think he was calling?" he asked in a cold, monotone voice. _

"_If I knew that, I probably wouldn't be so worried. I don't know if he's going to show up here since I wouldn't answer his calls or if he's going to try—" I inhaled sharply before turning to look at Edward. "What if this is why Alice can't see me clearly?"_

_My heart felt as though it was going to beat out of my chest. Edward leaned toward me with his arms open and I found refuge in his embrace. His hand slowly smoothed my hair as my head rested on his shoulder in an attempt to console me. _

"_We still don't have enough information to make any assumptions."_

_My concern about Jacob hadn't subsided yet. _

"_Charlie said in one of his messages that Jacob came to see him. What if they're going to gang up on me and…" I mumbled against the front of his shirt. _

"_Bella, you are safe. I won't let anything happen to you." His hands slid up and down my back affectionately. "We have no idea why Jacob would be calling you. As much as I find it insufferable to say this, for all we know he could've been trying to apologize." _

"_You're sticking up for him?" I asked him in disbelief._

"_No, simply trying to keep everything in perspective and attempting to think rationally. I don't want you to worry." _

"_But, what if he finds me on campus?"_

"_Relax, you won't be alone. If I can't be with you, I'm confident that Alice would agree to spending additional time with you." _

"_This isn't going to be easy, is it?"_

"_Nothing worth doing ever is."_

Now onto Chapter 24: Flesh and Blood….

The drive from the phone store to the campus hadn't been nearly long enough to suit me. Edward continued to insist that I couldn't avoid what was inevitable, even when I begged him to keep driving and not make the turn onto the familiar street that would lead me to the very building that I was presently standing in.

Not even an overtly suggestive (and more than likely inappropriate by Edward's standards) display of physical affection in the parking lot had weakened his determination to make me go back to school. My plan of last resort had begun with several respectably innocuous kisses placed on his lips while we stood beside his car. I was surprised when he returned my affection wholeheartedly with several slow, soft brushes of his lips against mine. _How could his lips be so rigid and unyielding, but yet touch mine with such gentleness? How did he do that?_

Edward's return of my advances provided me with the confidence I was lacking. Before I lost the nerve, I traced the strong outline of his jaw tentatively with several open mouthed kisses, waiting for him to stop me. This time however, he made no effort to break away, quite the contrary in fact. I could hear intermittent low growls and groans emanating from his chest as I grew closer to the area behind his ear. Knowing that I was the source of his pleasure was gratifying. The close proximity to Edward combined with the sensually charged atmosphere around us enhanced my reaction to his allure. The scent that was categorically Edward seemed to intensify and I knew in that moment that I would comply with any request he made of me. It was a powerful weapon that vampires possessed and I easily fell under his spell. Then, as quickly as it was cast, the spell was broken.

"As much as I appreciate your enthusiasm," he chuckled lightly, "the circumstances remain unchanged."

My hands dropped to my sides and I let out a huff in exasperation as I pulled my lips away from his skin. I wasn't entirely sure what I was hoping would happen. Maybe I thought that he wouldn't want to let me go if I tempted him enough. Whatever my motivation was in the beginning, the thrill of the physical interaction we just shared was priceless.

Even though I was upset that I hadn't gotten what I wanted, I was still basking in the knowledge that my feminine wiles had affected him. That information would be filed away for later. One thing I for certain, Bella Swan, Seductress Extraordinaire, would definitely be making a return appearance in the future.

Edward didn't appear to be having as difficult a time as I was with my return to school. The thought that he might not want me around as much or that I was a burden to him plagued my mind. Even though he had told me several times that I wasn't a bother, my own insecurity raised doubts.

The landing at the top of the stairs provided a place to rest for a moment. I had been determined to make the trek without assistance from Edward, but after scaling half of the stairs I was very receptive to his offer to help. The additional support of his hand under my elbow and forearm bolstered me just enough to ascend the remainder of the steps and I hoped to avoid drawing any attention to the situation.

Of course the long-drawn-out climb to the landing hadn't escaped the other residents notice. I was torn between avoiding my room and at the same time wanting nothing more than to run toward it and barricade myself inside. My whole life I had been the klutz, the uncoordinated buffoon or the laughingstock of my peers. I had heard all of the jokes about not being able to walk on a flat surface or how I couldn't walk and chew gum at the same time. While I was confident enough with myself to find humor at my own expense, I was tired of the attention that came with the stumbles, trips and any resulting injuries. Was it really too much to ask to be graceful or dignified?

"Would you like me to carry you the rest of the way?" Edward offered.

"Yes, because that would make things soooo much better," I said disdainfully. "Everyone is already staring at me." The angry, resentful words flew out my mouth before I could stop them.

"No one is staring at you," he attempted to reason with me, my spiteful words having no impact on his mood.

There was no reason to lash out in anger at him over the situation. It was unfair and I knew an apology was in order. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be taking this out on you," I sighed in regret, sliding my arms around him.

"You're scared," he said as if that made it okay to talk to him that way.

"It doesn't give me the right to take it out on you, especially when you're only trying to help. But please, let me have a modicum of dignity?"

"Certainly. As long as you agree to tell me if you need any assistance." His eyes were trained on mine, waiting for my response. Figuring it was the best offer I was going to get, I nodded my head in agreement.

Edward extended a hand out to me and I knew that I couldn't stall any longer. I slipped my hand into his and we walked the remaining distance down the hallway together. Fatigue continued to take its toll and my pace diminished with each step.

My hand rested on the doorknob and I hesitated. My other hand was still linked with Edward's, the texture and temperature of his skin providing comfort to me. He lifted our joined hands to his mouth and kissed the back of my hand. My eyes lifted to see his lips pressed to my skin, lingering as he delicately placed a kiss on each of my knuckles. My eyes shifted to glance at his as we shared this unspoken exchange of affection and appreciation.

His eyes motioned toward the door and squeezed my hand gently. I took a deep breath and exhaled as I turned the doorknob. Before the door was opened fully, I heard Mandy's voice filling the room.

"Thank God! I didn't want to—" she stopped mid-sentence, presumably when she noticed I wasn't alone, and the slight smile on her face vanished. "—have to call your dad."

"Hi," I mumbled anxiously.

She returned my single syllable greeting and turned her attention toward Edward. The hostility in her eyes was unmistakable. .

"Decided to set her free?" Her voice was laced with sarcasm and acrimony.

The need to protect Edward stirred within me. He had done nothing wrong. "Mandy, don't start." I made no attempt to hide the aggravation in my voice.

The hateful glare disappeared from her face as she turned her attention toward her desk and began to shuffle aimlessly through piles of papers. It seemed that she was employing any means to avoid interacting with me. The atmosphere was uncomfortable and downright painful. I wanted nothing more than to run away and never return, but I knew it wasn't an option.

Undoubtedly, Mandy was giving Edward a flurry of information, either intentionally or unintentionally. His facial expressions divulged nothing and I was anxious to find out what he had learned. Even though I was pretty sure she had been told about Edward's extrasensory talent by the pack by now; it would be extremely difficult for her to block his ability. Alice did so successfully at times, but I wasn't sure if a human would be able to maintain the same level of concentration as she could. Of course instead of trying to keep him out of her mind, Mandy could have been screaming at him with her mind. I knew I'd have to wait until Edward was able to tell me.

Edward began to unpack the bags that he had carried. Whether he was doing so merely to save me the trouble or simply trying to prolong his exit, the reason didn't matter to me. Either way the action was appreciated. With storage space at a premium in the dorm, I brought only a small amount of things back with me. There was no chance that the excessive number of items Alice had bought for me would ever fit in this room. Edward removed multiple pieces of clothing from the bags and I noticed that he was carefully avoiding the bras and panties, which made me smile. His shyness was endearing, but it was also a bit flattering that _my_ undergarments were what brought about his reaction.

After shamelessly enjoying his embarrassment, I finally let him off the hook and lifted the delicate pieces of silk and satin from the bag. When I turned to put them away in my drawer, I noticed that Mandy was sitting at her desk with her back to us. She had given up the pretense of trying to locate something in the chaotic pile of paper that had been a constant fixture on her desk.

This was not going to be a fun night.

"Well, I'm going to leave you two for the evening," Edward announced as looked toward the door. My mind went into overdrive and the first hints of panic began to bubble to the surface. Edward's hand reached out and brushed along the length of my upper arm. I couldn't allow myself to look up at him because I already felt the tears threatening to form. "Walk me out?" he asked softly.

The time that I had been dreading was here. Edward was going to leave me here and once again I felt like it was too easy for him to do so. Shouldn't he be fighting this separation too? He had a whole house to himself. Why couldn't I just stay there? We had the same class schedule. It wouldn't any problem at all. Well, except there was one pesky, little detail—he never asked me to stay with him.

Reluctantly, I nodded my head in response to his question as his hand sli d down the length of my arm and wrapped around my hand.

He led the way back out into the hallway while I trudged behind him. The hall was filled with commotion as Edward appeared to look for someplace that had some measure of privacy. We ended up in the lounge at the end of the hallway, which was uncharacteristically deserted. He turned to face me, his eyes meeting mine as an air of sadness and fear began to envelop me. His departure was imminent.

"Come here." His arms slid around my waist, pulling me toward him. "You have nothing to be afraid of. I won't be far."

But he _was_ going to be far away. Any distance that separated us was too great in my opinion. Edward was going to continue sharing classes with me; of this I was fairly certain. He'd escort me to and from each lecture or lab as well, but what about the rest of the days or evenings? He wouldn't constantly be beside me if my two left feet decided there hadn't been enough excitement in my life recently. If I wanted to ask him a question or simply talk about nothing in particular, my words wouldn't be able to reach him. At that moment I knew without a doubt that the time spent over the past week with him had left a lasting mark on me. There was no way that I could've prepared myself for the intensity of these feelings. His extended absence from my life had undoubtedly impacted my ability to cope with this upcoming separation. I was going to miss him terribly and it wasn't because I wasn't confident enough in my own skin to spend time alone—I simply didn't want to.

My arms latched onto him as if he was the lone lifeboat afloat after a shipwreck, desperately wanting to stay with him. My lucidity wavered and I began to feel myself going to pieces.

"She knows she was wrong." Every muscle in my body stilled in response to his words. My curiosity about Mandy's thoughts distracted me long enough to allow the panic I'd been experiencing to retreat. "She wants to make it up to you, but doesn't know where to begin."

"I don't know how to move past this." My words came out muffled as I pressed my head against his chest. "Am I supposed to act like nothing happened? Does she expect me to forgive her? I don't know if I can."

"You have a large capacity for forgiveness. I should know," he spoke quietly.

My head lifted from his chest and our eyes met in silence. He lowered his head slowly until he was painfully close. His eyes never broke their connection with mine—until I felt the faintest brush against my top lip. Unconsciously, my eyes closed as my mind attempted to process the sensations I was experiencing. The blissful scent of his breath wafted around me as he turned his attention to my lower lip. Marble lips felt like polished perfection as their icy, smoothness caressed mine. Fingers traced a delicate path down the length of my throat and my worries and concerns momentarily evaporated.

Desire permeated my senses and my hands clutched the fabric of the back of his shirt tightly. My heart pounded out of control and my stomach tingled as he continued to shower me with tender kisses.

My skin was ablaze. His arctic breath flowed across my cheek. The contrast between the two temperatures produced a series of shivers that traveled through my body. The outside world disappeared around us. Nothing else mattered—no one else existed.

I felt Edward relax and pull back slightly. When I looked up at him, I immediately noticed the color of his eyes—black, coal black. Regardless of what my instinctual response should have been, I wasn't frightened, quite the opposite really. This was a glimpse into a part of Edward that he attempted to mask on a continual basis and it was intriguing.

My legs were wobbly, still reeling from the effects of our kiss, as he led me back down the hallway. When we reached the door to my room, he turned to face me. We gazed at each other intently. No words needed to be spoken. We'd already said everything with our kisses and embraces. It was time. He leaned down one last time to kiss the top of my head and then walked away.

When my thoughts cleared, I scolded myself for letting him go so easily. I hadn't even tried to get him to stay, which left me wondering if he had employed any of his vampiric abilities to dazzle me into submission. I planned on asking him about that later.

The closed door, and the conversation that was sure to occur once I walked over the threshold, loomed before me. The knob turned slowly in my hand as I shuffled into the room. Mandy was on her phone and appeared flustered when she noticed I had walked back into the room. She ended the call abruptly leaving little doubt that my return was the topic of conversation.

_What other reason would she have to hang up so quickly?_

The identity of person on the other end of the phone wasn't too difficult to guess either—Embry.

_Why would he care where I was? _

My subversive inner voice made a very good point. I attempted to come up with several perfectly logical reasons for his interest, but my mind was obsessing on one in particular. An image of glossy, jet black hair and reddish-brown skin infiltrated my mind. My stomach suddenly felt heavy, like I swallowed a bowling ball…or quite possibly a four door sedan.

Jacob.

The questions whirled around in my head until it began to ache. Were Mandy and Embry helping Jacob? Was he just waiting around until I got back? What if he was on his way here right now? Would she tell me the truth if it I confronted her about it?

The silence was unsettling, but I was determined to be strong. Until more details were known about what had taken place in my absence, I tried to disguise any outward reaction to my frantic thoughts. My initial fear began to recede and left in its wake was anger and insult.

"Now you're spying on me for the pack?" My hands rested on my hips as I snapped at her. No attempt was made to mask my irritation and to be honest I was miffed a bit at the idea of my every move being reported back to La Push.

"He's worried. They _all_ are actually." Her emphasis on the word 'all' didn't escape my notice.

My only response was an exaggerated huff in disbelief over what I was hearing.

"Besides, he made me promise to call when I talked to you."

"Why? So Jacob can come running back here?" I found myself silently praying that Edward was listening somehow and would intervene if it were really true, no matter how much of a helpless coward it made me.

"What? No! I wouldn't do that." Her head shook fiercely from side to side.

"I don't know what's going on, but let me make this clear." My feet took controlled, purposeful steps, stopping a few feet in front of her and my voice articulated clearly with confidence and conviction. "If I wanted to talk to him…I would."

Her hands rose up in defense and waved back and forth. "Bella, no one is trying to force you into to talking to Jacob. Sam wanted to make sure that you were okay. I told Embry so that he could pass the information on to him. Charlie's been beside himself, too."

Mandy's answers sounded plausible enough and her reactions did seem genuine, but I still reserved my doubts. She leaned against her desk as her eyes studied me, waiting and watching, while she fiddled with her phone. It felt as though a lifetime had passed since I last saw her. The reality however was that it had only been a short window of time during which a host of things had transpired.

Who was this person looking back at me? Friend…or foe?

Her comments reminded me of another unpleasant task that I faced. Stepping over to my bed, I picked up the newly purchased phone with shaking hands. The room remained silent making each tone emitted sound deafening as I dialed the familiar number. I was acutely aware of Mandy's presence in the room. Lack of privacy hadn't bothered me before, but now it was an uncomfortable fact of my college life. I exhaled deeply while I waited for my call to be answered.

"Swan residence." The familiar voice was somber.

"It's me," I said, my voice barely audible.

"Bella." He breathed my name in relief. "Where are you?"

"My dorm room."

His long sigh spoke volumes. I looked down at the quilt covering my bed and picked at a loose thread.

"Do you have any idea what you've put me through?" He spoke calmly, which both surprised and relieved me, but I could tell that he was holding something back. As I looked up briefly, Mandy shifted her gaze elsewhere in record time. I pulled myself up onto my mattress and sat with my back facing the room's other occupant while I listened to Charlie exhale into the phone. "Now, I'm not going to bother to rehash the details. I'm just relieved that you're back at school and safe. Do you need anything? You said you were hurt when I talked to you on the phone."

Tiny fissures in the carefully controlled tone of his voice attested to his current state. I'd always been able to pick up on the slight vocal changes when something was bothering him. My theory was that since we had talked primarily on the phone instead of in person while I was growing up, I learned to differentiate the changes in his vocal inflection just as most kids would learn their parent's different facial expressions.

Charlie had never been an overly affectionate or emotional father, and yet I had never doubted his love for me. With the exception of a few weeks spent together during holidays, we lived many years separated by miles of plains, mountains and forests which hadn't been conducive to forming that sort of nurturing relationship.

Mainly, I felt relieved upon hearing his words. Fighting with him again was the last thing I wanted. I needed to know where I stood with him though. What did he think happened that afternoon at La Push? Why had Jacob been over at the house last week?

I cleared my throat briefly before mustering up the courage to speak. My mouth felt like a desert. On one hand, I really wanted to know…but there was a nagging feeling that I might wish I hadn't pushed the issue. "No, I don't need anything. My ankle is getting better. It was pretty messed up, though."

"Good. Glad to hear that." The awkwardness between us was palpable. Neither of us was skilled in idle chit chat, especially when there was an elephant the size of a small third world country lurking in the room.

"Um, you're message said that Jacob came to see you." I paused and waited for him to divulge what the visit had been about.

"Yeah, about that. He's really in a bad spot, Bella." I couldn't believe that I was hearing this. "Now before you get all up in a tizzy, he admitted to me that he had hurt you. I already laid into him and gave him a piece of my mind."

I was outraged and couldn't contain myself any longer. "So, why exactly does he deserve any of your sympathy? Remember, me…your _daughter_? I'm the one he hurt; shouldn't you be taking my side?"

"I'm not taking anyone's side. Bella, I've known that boy since he was born." He let out another sigh before going on. "I've always thought of him as a son. This isn't easy for me either. I feel like I'm being forced to choose between my two kids."

The Black family and the Swan family had always shared a close relationship. Both found themselves without a mother figure and even though the reasons for that were very different, a bond was formed between the fathers and the kids in time. Both Billy and Charlie took on what I could only describe as a father figure role with all of us kids. As single fathers, they needed the support from one another. I hadn't really given much thought to how the situation that I found myself in currently affected anyone else other than me.

Selfish?

Maybe.

But when you got right down to the nitty-gritty, I was just a daughter who wanted her father's love and protection.

When mistakes are made by a child, I do understand that a parent can't just walk away. Their role is to help the child learn from the mistakes and be a better person. Was that what Charlie was doing with Jacob? Why didn't this make me feel any better? Even though he yelled at him and may even be trying to help guide him, it didn't ease my mind a great deal. Nor did it make up for his disbelief when I first told him what had happened. I still didn't think that Charlie had any appreciation for how precarious my situation had been. How could I make him understand without revealing anything about what Edward and Jacob truly were?

"Dad, I don't want to hear about him being in a _bad spot._ I get that you feel a fatherly connection to him, but I'm your own flesh and blood." I tried to contain my emotions, but the tears were already forming. There was no easy answer, no wave of a wand that would make everything revert back to the way it was before.

"Of course you are, Bells. I'm not trying to undermine your feelings. It's going to take time to get through this, but we will…together. There's something else...uh…I don't even know how to ask, but I have to."

"Just ask and I'll do my best to answer." Who knew what was going to come out of his mouth at this point. There was no way to prepare.

"Okay, here goes. Um, has Jacob ever hurt you before?"

"No."

"I mean, you'd tell me if he had, right? You're not covering up for him or anything are you?"

"No, Charlie. He's never reacted that way before."

"You have no idea how relieved I am to hear that. I was… well… I was afraid that I had missed the signs or something."

"Nope. You can have a clear conscience now."

"Okay, and don't take this the wrong way. I'm not making excuses for him." _This ought to be good._ "But when Edward came back it was really tough for Jake." I couldn't believe I was hearing this. "Seeing his girl choose another guy over him—"

I disrupted his wacked out line of reasoning before he could finish. "Now I see where this is going."

"What exactly is that supposed to mean?"

"Edward had nothing to do with my decision to break up with Jacob. If that's what he told you—he lied."

"It only makes sense. You and Jacob were fine before he came back into the picture."

"It's not like that." I knew that I wouldn't be able to share the real reason for the break up with him. I was struggling with how to explain to him without divulging the existence of supernatural creatures.

"Then how exactly is it, because I'm obviously missing something? It just doesn't add up. No sooner than you break up with Jacob, Edward _conveniently_ appears in the forest…and at the same time and in the same place? Sounds like it was planned. Did he put you up to it? To all of this?"

"I get that you're still pissed at Edward, Dad. I really do."

"You're damn right."

"But it's like that anger is blinding you from trusting me, from seeing the truth. You're so willing to give Jacob a chance to redeem himself without giving the same consideration for Edward? When does he get to stop by the house to chat like Jacob did? Preferably a chat wouldn't involve you brandishing a shotgun."

"Bella, you don't understand. As a father—"

"You're right. I don't understand. But you know what I do know?" I paused. "Dad, if he hadn't come along…I don't know what I would've done. I'm lucky he found me."

An odd silence followed my words and for a moment I wondered if we had gotten disconnected.

"Listen, Bella, about Jacob." I couldn't hold back my groan, which Charlie promptly ignored. "He knows that he did an awful thing and he wants to make it up to you."

"So, what…you think I'm going to get back together with him or something?"

"Well, that's your decision to make."

"My decision to make? Have you lost your mind? Since when would you ever give your blessing to a woman who had been hurt by her boyfriend or husband? You always said that a leopard can't change their spots. They do it once, they'll do it again."

"You can't categorize Jacob as an abuser, Bella. It was an accident. He didn't realize how tight of a grip he had on you. I mean, look at the size of him. He probably doesn't even know his own strength."

"Edward is every bit as strong as Jacob and would never hurt me." The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. I dropped my head into my hand as I realized the opening that I had given Charlie.

"Okay, speaking of leopards changing their spots and since you brought it up again…Let's discuss the Cullen boy. Why would you go back to him?"

"Dad, I'm tired and I don't want to get into this tonight. It's too long of a discussion and I don't have the energy."

"Don't think that we won't revisit this topic later."

"Of that I have no doubts," I mumbled sarcastically.

"Get some rest and we'll talk later. I'm glad you're okay, Bella."

The line disconnected leaving me more conflicted than before his call. The display on my phone indicated that the call had lasted markedly shorter than how long I perceived it to be. Each minute that had passed during the exchange with Charlie had seemed to pass so very slowly.

Even though my back remained turned away from Mandy, I could still sense that I was being watched. I shifted on the bed so my back was now pressed up against the wall and let my head fall back against the wall with a dull thud. My eyes focused on the swirled texture of the ceiling but had yet to look directly at my roommate. My only hope was that time would make things easier with Charlie and Mandy.

As I exhaled a deep breath to release the tension that had built up inside me during the call, I took the opportunity to glance across the room. My eyes were met by a peculiar expression on Mandy's face. She almost appeared…sympathetic. Before I could know with certainty, she buried her nose back into her textbook.

With tentative motions, I slipped off the bed and picked up one of the many books that Carlisle had been kind enough to let me borrow from his library. Once I had returned to my previous perch on my bed, I opened the well-worn cover and let the coarse grained pages slip through my fingers, releasing a familiar musty aroma.

Reading had always been an escape of sorts for me. Growing up, most of the kids my age were clamoring about the latest movie released and I was content to bury myself in a book. I had always been captivated at how a handful of pages bound together and printed with plain black text could explode with vibrant colors, sounds and emotions. The written words, when combined with the power of our human imagination could open minds to adventures and new worlds that we may never have the opportunity to experience on our own. The reader would scrutinize each passage, ultimately interpreting the meaning of the words and coming to a conclusion about the story's protagonist. Would he or she earn the favor of his or her audience?

For a moment, I wondered how my story would play out across these pages. Would the reader scream out at the pages in frustration over the decisions I've made or shed tears in disappointment? Would they agree with my choice of Edward over Jacob? Even though my friends and family cried out against it? Would they cheer for our reconciliation? Would they root for any repair to my strained relationship with my roommate?

Then it hit me. Someone else's opinions really didn't matter. The sequence of events would be determined by my actions. I was captain of this ship, and as such was the only one who could steer it in the direction I wanted it to go. No one else. Just me.

My first official act as captain of said ship was to try to get rid of the awkwardness in the room. I couldn't live like this. Whether or not we could ever return to the close friendship we shared before was unknown, but I was ready to make the first attempt.

My restless fingers zeroed in on tiny pieces of lint on my comforter, letting each one drop from my hands to the floor below as I steeled myself to speak. The words spilled from my mouth, but sounded more like a jumbled mess than a coherent string of words.

"So…um…yeah…" She stopped riffling through the papers on her desk and slowly turned to look at me. Undeterred by her attention on me, I pushed myself to go on. "I uh…got your messages."

She seemed to be analyzing the situation and I could see the conflict clearly on her face. When she finally spoke it was in a quiet reserved voice. "I meant what I said."

"What? That you don't want to have to live with Lauren?" It was an attempt to lighten the mood between us, but the words left my mouth with a sarcastic snap before I thought about how she would react. Maybe it was too soon to be joking about the situation and I had more than likely just made things worse. My fidgeting grew to epic proportions as I waited anxiously for her response.

Her lips parted briefly, as if she was taken aback by my flippant effort, but no sound followed. The break in conversation felt as if it spanned a lifetime and I was fairly certain I had been holding my breath during it, she finally broke the silence. "That really would be hell on earth, wouldn't it?"

Her flat tone didn't reveal whether or not she was joking. After several unsuccessful moments of trying to get her to look at me directly in hopes to find any sort of clue as to her mood, I noticed that she seemed to be struggling to keep a straight face. A sudden rush of sound erupted from Mandy and the only description I could manage was a strange combination of giggling and snorting. Her enthusiastic outburst was undeniably contagious. Finding a reprieve from the ever increasing tension in my body was liberating, even if it was only temporary. We both allowed ourselves to enjoy the short respite before Mandy's face fell serious once more.

"Look, I don't know what else to say. What I am sure of is that you are…were…one of my best friends. After everything that has happened…are we okay?"

We still had a ways to go in fixing what had been broken in our relationship. I wasn't going to promise her that all was forgiven and forgotten. Because I couldn't do that, not right now. But I knew that we both still wanted that weakened bonds to be repaired and keeping that in mind I gave her the best answer I could with a hopeful smile.

"We're a work in progress."

Darkness had infiltrated the room hours ago. Sleep had come to Mandy with ease, evidenced by her consistent exhalations. For me however, sleep was proving to be elusive. My head rested on the pillow and the covers were tucked all around me as I stared straight up at the ceiling, my eyes refusing to close as if propped open by some invisible force.

It had taken months for me to adjust to Edward's absence from my bedroom in Forks after he had made the choice that would haunt both of us for so long. My nights had been filled with heart wrenching apparitions and imaginings that would result in Charlie attempting to console me in the beginning. After numerous months had passed, the images my subconscious had been torturing me with had faded away and left frequent bouts of insomnia in their wake.

I shifted onto my side, my head flopping on the pillow in frustration. I had slept the past several nights without any restlessness and it had been wonderful. The only difference was the person who had been at the heart of the recent drama—Edward.

_Had he gone home?_

_Or was he outside waiting and watching over me? _

His kisses had left my mind so scrambled that I hadn't thought to ask him anything about where he was going to be. My stomach began to ache when I thought of the possibility of him being so close and at the same time being so far from me.

The draw to him was undeniable. It always had been, but somehow it felt as if the intensity had magnified significantly. Being apart from him was disturbing on many different levels as if we were connected by an invisible thread, stitching us together. The idea of severing this strand was appalling to even consider. He was a part of me. It wasn't that I lacked the self-confidence to be alone or wasn't emotionally strong enough on my own. I didn't need him because of some self-perceived deficiency of mine. I didn't need him to define who I was. Our strength came from each other.

**K, so let me know what your thoughts are. I know authors always say that it helps keep them motivated...it's true. It really does. :)**

**As I said earlier, next chapter will have us hearing from Edward once again since it's been a while. Already have a good start on it. Thank you once again for taking time from your busy lives to read my rambling words.**


End file.
